Reckless Mind (16 page)

“So tell me something about the elusive Kahlen Jourdan.” I took in a deep breath, and thought I'd just spit out the whole story to him too, why not, it seemed like everyone else was finding out bits of it anyway, but he continued. “Like, maybe tell me how you got that wicked scar running down your arm. You do that to yourself?” He motioned down at my arm, and then lightly trailed his fingertip over the scar. Yanking my arm back, I rubbed over the scar with the palm of my hand. Hard. Hoping, wishing it would actually make it go away.

“No,” my voice was barely there, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “No. I didn't do this to myself, even though there were plenty of times I wanted to and thought it would be a better alternative.” Shaking my head I couldn't believe the conversation was already headed this way. “It was my foster parents, they did that to me.”

I never thought I would be able to make Cole Westwood's jaw drop to the bottom of the boat, but I successfully did. “You were a foster kid? And your case worker never noticed your guardians were doing shit like that to you?” I liked how he used the word guardian, not parent. I didn't know why I'd never thought to use that term until now, but going forward I'd never refer to them as parents again.

I shook my head. “They couldn't know about something I hid, Cole. And I hid a lot.” With a sad half frown on my face I shrugged my shoulders. “I was more worried about staying alive, honestly.” He didn't push me for more information or detail, and I was thankful. This is what friends did, they listened, were there for each other. True our friendship line walked really close to the edge, but it was a friendship.

He made a comment about heading back in because of the storm rolling in. We sat in comfortable silence, me watching his arms as he rowed the canoe back to the dock, him smiling at me watching him. “Thanks for bringing me out here today, Cole, it was really,” and then a huge rain drop splattered on my nose. “Was that?” Then three times as many rain drops hit me. “Cole!” The heavens opened up and released what they'd been holding in.

I bobbed around frantically trying to figure out how we would get back to the dock faster, when I turned back to him he was barely rowing he was laughing so hard at my reaction. “It's just water, pretty girl,” he smiled, and started rowing hard again. “And if you don't stop rocking the canoe we are going to end up full on submerged in the river.”

It took what felt like forever to get back to the building, and when we docked the canoe and he tied it off on the dock, he took my hand and we ran back up to the building and through the back door. Aunt Maggie was standing by the counter with two towels and handed each of us one. “Sorry, kids, didn't think you'd be out there that long or I would've mentioned the storm coming in,” but I clearly saw her turn to Cole and wink, he laughed low under his breath and shook his head a little. Then he shook his head a lot, whipping all the water out of it effectively without using the towel.

He pointed to his head, “And that's how you get just fucked hair,” he laughed as I hit him on the shoulder and his aunt yelled at him for his language. “Let's go get your car, you have to head into work soon.” We thanked his aunt, and then ran out to his car. The drive back into Columbia was filled with light, easy conversation about my classes so far, what he was doing at the shop, and how I loved working at the record store because I was alone most of the time and could study.

I hadn't realized my cell had gone out of coverage until I checked it when Cole was pulling into the parking spot next to my car. A few missed calls from Jax and Emma, and some texts. I made a mental note to listen to the messages and read the texts the second I got into work, but right now I had to get my ass home and get ready or I'd be late.

Chapter 13

Jax wanted me to tell Brandon to get ahold of him when I talked to him, and Emma wanted all the dirty details about me and her brother. I tried telling her that nothing happened, but she said she saw him at their parents' house late that morning and he actually looked happy, and they hadn't seen him like that for over two years. When I asked what the hell she was talking about, she just brushed it off and said it didn't matter now.

Work was slow, so I finished stocking and cleaned everything up, then sat at the counter going over some Chemistry chapters I needed to review. When only a half hour of my shift was left I sent Brandon a text asking him if he wanted to come over, remembering Jax said he had Monday and Tuesday off every week. By the time I got off I hadn't heard back from him, so I headed home, ate one of those microwaveable pasta bowl things, then headed to bed.

Laying there I couldn't believe how fast the time had passed since I'd met Emma. What if I had said something years ago? Would I have had to endure everything I did?

The self-loathing started, and I had a hard time falling asleep. My mind thought of all the things I might have been able to avoid if I'd only opened my mouth to the case worker. It was my fault, everything I went through was because I wasn't smart enough to just open my mouth. I was sure it would've just been that simple. My stomach pitched, and I ran to the bathroom officially losing my dinner, and feeling better for it.

Every time I closed my eyes all night long I was bombarded with images of my past, to the point where I literally had my hands fisted in my hair, screaming into my pillow just trying to get it to stop. I needed something to take my mind off of all of it, so I tried to get a hold of Brandon again, but he didn't pick up. Throwing my shoes on I headed over to his place. I remembered Emma saying how stupid she thought they were because they always left their door unlocked, so I hoped that was the case tonight.

Turing the knob, the front door opened without pause, and I peeked my head around the door. I sent Jax a text, in case he was still up so he didn't think someone was trying to break in and shoot me or something, but he didn't respond and was sleeping. Walking down the hallway I paused, nervous for some reason. Honestly though, I knew the reason. Brandon always ran. Every time in the past when things got intense or mildly intimate with us in any way he freaked out and ran.

Taking a deep breath, I walked into his room. It was empty, Brandon wasn't there. Maybe he got called into work, or was playing an acoustic show at some bar by himself. I wanted to see him, but knew I needed to try and force myself to sleep at this point since he wasn't going to be able to help me.

The rest of the night was much the same; I didn't think I'd slept more than thirty minutes at a time throughout the whole night. I was dragging some serious ass when I heard a knock on the door, and went to unlock it. Emma walked in bright and cheery, but faltered when she saw me.

“Rough night
, chica?” I nodded, but even the movement had my migraine pounding that much harder. I pulled a cup down and filled it with coffee, downing it quickly. “And I know you don't want to give me the sexy naked details of you and my brother, but what's the deal with that note he left for Jax?” I shrugged not knowing what she referred to specifically. “Is your car broken or something, because you know Cole,” but I started talking because I needed this conversation to be over, my head felt like someone was taking a baseball bat to it.

“Yeah, he works on cars at the shop, I know. No, my car is fine. Maybe he's just busy the next couple days and doesn't want me having to go to school alone. I don't know, guys are weird about safety and shit. I'm sorry, Emma, my head just hurts so fucking bad I can't even stand the sound of my own voice.” I pouted at her, and she pulled some Tylenol out of her purse handing them over to me.

“My parents wanted me to remind you about family dinner this weekend, it's Sunday.” I nodded agreeing to be there. She told me to just go back to bed, and I honestly didn't really think I had a choice. As Emma left she said she'd text Brandon to let him know I didn't feel well in case he was going to be there to pick me up this afternoon, Cole to let him know he didn't need to get me after class, and that she'd check on me later.

I tried calling Brandon several times, but each time it rang through until I got his voicemail. Not wanting to be one of
those
girls, I didn't leave a message, and instead just texted him to call me. My mood dropped as quickly as the pain in my head got worse. I guess next time I should think twice about pulling my hair so hard I almost ripped it out, screaming, and staying up all night long. The feeling I'd had in the pit of my stomach since I'd talked to Brandon about my past was back full force. The only time it had subsided was when I was with Cole.

I had been l
ying on the couch for a few hours, it was probably around one now, when there was knocking on my door. Calling for the person to come in, for all I knew it was someone coming to rob me, but not getting up because I didn't feel good.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Cole smiled down at me. “Looks like I got you sick yesterday.” Shaking his head he really looked pissed off at himself. I hadn't even thought of the possibility that I was actually sick with the flu or something, but that would explain why my stomach had been hurting. Maybe being stuck out in the rain pushed the virus over the edge.

My body lay lengthwise down the couch, and Cole came and sat in the space available in front of my stomach. “I'm just on lunch at work, but I got Emma's text and then found out what was going on. I brought soup,” he held up the container, a weak smile on his face. “You have one of those tray things around here so I can get it for you so you don't have to get up?” He made his way to the kitchen, opening cupboards.

“The only one I have is in the bathroom, and I'm actually headed that way, so I can grab it.” I sat up slowly, my head spun a little still, and I knew if I didn't get there fast I was going to puke all over my nice rug. “Shit,” I said as I ran to the bathroom, throwing the toilet seat up. I hadn't eaten or drank anything so all I was doing was dry heaving. Cole came up behind me and rubbed my back. Between heaving I told him to get the fuck out of my bathroom, that he didn't need to see me like this, but he just laughed it off telling me if I thought this was the worst he'd ever seen I was delusional.

Once the nausea subsided, he had a cool wash cloth he handed to me, and I wiped my face and brushed my teeth. I was weak and light headed, so I held the counter to keep me upright. Putting my toothbrush away, I went to walk back out to the living room, but Cole caught my waist, scooping me up in his arms he carried me back out there.

“Have you eaten anything, Kahlen? I know having the flu sucks, but you have to at least be drinking something,” he cut off short, worrying his lips ring between his teeth, he ran his hand through his hair. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to lecture you right now, but this is important. When you have the flu you have to at least drink, pretty girl, or you'll dehydrate and end up in the hospital. It's good to try some broth, or a something like that every now and then to see if you are keeping liquid or food down, then go from there.”

Cole moved some of my hair back behind my ear, something I noticed he liked to do when he wanted to touch me but couldn't think of any other way to do it, holding the side of my face for a minute before going back to the bathroom and getting the tray. He put the soup and some crackers out on it, as well as some water and one of those electrolyte sports drinks which he swore would help me more than anything else.

I got a teary thinking about how Cole had checked up on me, came over, brought me food, and was trying, really trying to help me and be there for me. Where was Brandon? I couldn't figure out why, after everything I'd told him, he hadn't called or texted me back. “You okay?” He asked as he took in the semi sad look on my face. I nodded and told him I appreciated him being there and helping me.

Cole went back to work, but not before making me promise not to leave my door unlocked for convenience sake, and telling me he'd check on me later when he got out of work. I thanked him again, and texted Emma that she didn't have to come over, I didn't want to get her sick too, and since I'd already been around Cole I figured he already picked up my germs so there really wasn't any reason to tell him to stay away. I bet Brandon was sick too, probably just at his parents' house trying to get better. I'd have to ask Emma the next time I saw her.

As the day went on I started feeling cold, my whole body shook, and I never touched the soup or drinks which made me a horrible person, but literally every single inch of skin on my body felt like someone was stabbing it with needles every time I moved.

I was in and out of sleep, and a couple times thought I heard knocking on the door, but couldn't and wouldn't move to check. Trying to reach for the drink Cole had left me, I succeeded in grabbing it, but I also tipped the entire rest of the contents of the tray all over my rug, and that made me want to cry. My head pounded like crazy, and I was still ridiculously nauseous, but I thought there was nothing in my body to expel, so instead I lay down and tried not to move.

The sound of my door slamming open startled me somewhere deep in my brain, but my body just couldn't react. “Fucking hell,” I heard a voice far off, almost as if I was at one end of a tunnel and someone yelled at me from the other end, it was so faint by the time it got to my ears I barely heard it. Arms grabbed me up off the couch, but I was too weak to hold my head up or wrap my arms around the person's neck. “Hold on, pretty girl, I got you,” Cole whispered in my ear. I knew it was him because only he called me something so sweet as pretty girl.

He moved fast and every single step he took hurt me everywhere. I heard him make a growling noise deep in his chest after he set me in my seat and felt my head. The seat belt came over my chest, and he was in the driver's seat and moving faster than I thought possible, or maybe it was my mind going so slow I couldn't keep up with real time.