Reckless Mind (11 page)

It was a scary thing thinking about putting myself out there to be rejected because of the person I had been before moving here. So while I danced I decided I would continue to keep trying to be friends with Brandon. What I wouldn't do was forego being friends with other guys just because it seemed to get him all bent out of shape.

An hour and a half later, dripping sweat and feeling good about my time thinking while I was dancing, I grabbed my cd and slipped my flip flops back on and headed out to my car. Brandon was leaning against the driver side door eyeing me as I walked closer. My throat instantly went dry. It was one thing to come to conclusions while I danced, but having those honey eyes focused on me it seemed harder to remember
friends.

Stopping a couple feet away from him I took a deep breath and smiled. “Hey, Brandon, what are you doing here?” It was a little strange he would be waiting for me outside. Had he seen me dancing? Shit, I really hope not, not that I wasn't good, it was just a more private thing for me when I was in that space and frame of mind.

“Saw your car.” I wasn't letting him off the hook though, I wasn't going to say a word until he talked to me more. Letting out an over-exaggerated sigh and rolling my eyes, clearly I let him know I could stand around all day waiting for him. “Thought maybe you'd want to,” he ran his hand through his hair as if in frustration. “Never mind, it was a dumb idea,” he finished, turning to walk away.

“Hey,” I started softly, and he turned, a look of sadness creeping over his face. “Don't do that okay? Don't assume things for me, just be honest with me. As honest as you feel you can each moment we spend together. But don't make me feel like you want to spend time with me one minute, then the next you keep walking away and leaving me. I don't want you to,” I almost said leave me, but I stopped myself before I got that out.

“I'm trying, Kahlen, really I am. I just,” he thought for a minute about what exactly he wanted to say to me, or how much. “I need time, and when I'm with you, like last night, it's really hard for me to take things slow. I feel like when I look in your eyes I'm,” but he didn't finish, he just shook the thoughts from his head and gave me a crooked grin. “Just don't, don't run to him because I'm, well, being me.”

I knew he was talking about Cole, but I frowned and shook my head a little in confusion. “I'm not running to anyone, not you and not him. He walked me home last night, Brandon, that's it. Cole knows I'm friends with Emma, so I'm sure he assumed I was friends with you and Jax too, which I think is why he invited me to your practices and shows. But I'm not,” he turned and looked away from me acting like he was unwilling to listen to me. I moved around to stand in front of him, placing my hand on the side of his face so he would look at me. “I'm not running to any man. Not even you.”

He nodded at me and gently took my wrist in his hand and placed a small kiss on the palm of my hand. Instantly butterflies began swarming in my stomach, and then I remembered how gross I probably looked and smelled, shit I could still feel sweat dripping down my chest a little since standing out under the hot sun with him. I pulled my hand away from his repeating friend zone over and over in my head so he wouldn't be able to suck me right back into that rush I felt when he was near.

Brandon moved to trail his finger from just under the top of my sports bra between my breasts, but I pulled away, shooting daggers at him with my eyes. My mouth dropped open at his audacity, but he laughed at me. “Come on, I'll take you home so you can change, unless you want me to help you workout some more?” His eyes playful as he questioned me. “I can think of several things I could do to you that would make you sweat.” He winked at me as he opened the passenger door to his car, but I stood unmoving.

It was like once he received confirmation from me that I didn't have anyone on my radar as far as dating, he was able to take a deep breath again. His mood lightened, and his normal brooding nature subsided a little. I felt like I was getting a glimpse of the Brandon that used to be...I don't know what happened to him, but it had to be something horrible enough to shut down his emotions and lock everyone out. I'd bet it had something to do with a girl, but I would wait it out, wait for him to open up to me because he wasn't the only one with secrets to tell.

He moved behind me pushing me gently so I moved toward his car, he held my hand as I sat down, and then closed the door for me. I couldn't help but smile. The inside of his car smelled amazing, probably because it smelled just like him, and instantly I was thrown back to last night and the way he felt against me. My face flushed just as he was getting in the car, and I turned to look out the window, but not before he noticed.

We kept our hands to ourselves on the drive to our complex, and didn't speak either, not until he pulled into the parking spot and shut the car off. “You're going to let him take you around campus aren't you?” His tone had shifted again, and the look on his face almost broke my
friends
resolve. I tried to keep my tone light and nonchalant when I responded that I was because I had already told him I would, and he was a friend of their group of friends, so I didn't see what the harm was.

Brandon nodded for a moment before telling me what I'd already assumed about Cole, that he liked to date around, though Brandon worded it as, “fuck himself through eighty percent of the women on campus”. I knew he was exaggerating, but probably not by much. I wanted to make friends and be able to all hang around in a group together without it being weird for me, and the only way I knew how to do that would be to put myself in situations forcing me out of my comfort zone and into pushing through my issues.

Since we were all one big group I didn't see why we all couldn't hang out together. With a huge smile on my face, catching Brandon a little off guard, I asked, “Why can't we all just hang out? I mean I know Emma got as little out of orientation as I did, so she needs to walk around campus too. I'm sure Jax would come along, so why don't the five of us head to campus this afternoon? You three can be our tour guides.”

“Really?” He searched my eyes looking for the joke, trying to be sure I was serious. I nodded, and turned to open the door, I was getting hot again in such a small space with those warm eyes of his pulling me in, making me feel like I was drowning in him. Opening his door quickly, he ran around the car frowning at me when he saw I opened the door myself, but still helped me out of the car. Taking my hand in his, he walked me to my apartment. “So, a few hours then?” I bit my bottom lip as I nodded, then quickly turned to go into my place as he called to my retreating form to just head over to the apartment when we were ready.

Closing the door, closing my eyes, my back sliding down the door until I sat on the floor leaning against it. “Shit, you didn't fucking pass out did you?” Emma's groggy voice came from the living room, her head looking over the back of the couch at my slumped form on the floor. I shook my head, but didn't move. “It's my brother isn't it? He find you this morning?” Eyes still closed, I nodded in silence. “Damn, girl,” she said laughing hard making me open my eyes finally. “Did you let him fu...”

“Emma!” I screamed effectively cutting off her train of thought. “No I did not let your brother do, ugh, just no okay. No. And I don't have it bad for him, I want to be his friend. Half the time I don't know why I even want to be that.”

I pointed my finger at her, narrowing my eyes, and mouthed no again at her. She giggled, and told me to go get in the shower. Glad to be off the hook I did exactly that, and it felt wonderful to let the hot water pelt into my tired muscles. Throwing on a sundress, with a small pair of workout shorts on under, and braiding my hair off to the side, I went back out to the living room.

“So Jax just called, said him, my brother, and Cole were taking us around campus this afternoon? Kahlen, in case you forgot we've been in school for two weeks now. I pretty much have walking to my classes down. Wanna tell me what's going on?” She glared at me and I was sure she might even be a little mad. I explained what happened with Brandon outside of the community center, looking a little sheepish because I did sort of drag her into my situation, but secretly I thought it would be good for her and Jax too. Eventually they wouldn't be able to fight it anymore, all I was doing was giving them a push in the right direction.

Sighing heavily she agreed to go along as long as I fed her, so I got in the kitchen and warmed up some of the crazy amount of leftover pizza I had in my fridge. She asked if my brother had brought me pizza last night because the kind I had was from his favorite little pizza shop on campus. My face turned pink as I nodded.

“Oh gross, nevermind. I can tell he was here, let's just leave it at that and forget I ever asked,” she mocked shivers like she was disgusted by the way the conversation had gone. As we ate we talked about classes and how it seemed everything was getting busier, and the guys' upcoming show at BrewHouse this coming weekend. Realizing I had no idea what the name of their band was I asked Emma, to which she rolled her eyes and said, “Vine.” When I started to ask why, she just shook her head telling me no one knew.

“I texted Cole earlier, and he is going to be at the guys' place when we get over there.” It was a little odd to be going somewhere with Brandon and Cole, because it did seem like Cole was interested last night. He also did look like a walking advertisement for a reason to buy condoms because he put out that much sex appeal without even trying, girls basically dropped their pants if he so much as looked at them. “Once you're done, we'll head over.” She nodded shoving the last bites of pizza in her mouth, holding her finger up like she wanted to say something.

“What the fuck, Kahlen? Brandon and Cole plus you equals a headache for Emma. Have you not noticed that you and other guys kind of drive Brandon crazy?” We made our way out the door heading over to the guys apartment.

“I don't care. He isn't my boyfriend, and yes I know he gets weird because of me which is why I am trying, and I keep reminding him as well, to be his friend. Something about him drew me in that first day, Emma. I don't know why, if it's because I see some of myself in him, pure sexual attraction, or if it's simply because when I am around him he shuts my mind off from my past. I don't know, but every time he walks away from me he comes right back, which makes me think he does want me as a friend he just doesn't really know how to go about it.” Emma looked at me like I was stupid, and she couldn't believe I actually bought the shit I was feeding myself.

Emma didn't bother knocking on her brother's apartment door, and when we walked in, I thought I was going to die. Sitting on the pool table topless, was the same girl whose lips were attached to Brandon the night of his party, only now, her legs were wrapped around his waist, her hands at his belt undoing it. They hadn't even noticed we'd walked in on them, but then Jax and Cole busted into the place really loud causing Brandon's head to snap our direction. His eyes locked with mine but there was no emotion there.

“Oh, fuck,” Jax said low in his throat one second, the next he grabbed me and Emma around the waist and successfully carried us outside like we were little footballs tucked away under each arm or something. He knew it was worse than us just walking in on someone about to have sex, I could see on his face Brandon must have confided in him somewhat about what had been going on between the two of us. He also knew better than to make a big deal out of it and bring unnecessary attention to the subject of Brandon and I. “Sorry girls,” he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable.

Fuck, the pictures were coming, Brandon just blind sided me with that shit. He knew we were coming, he did it on purpose. Chuck used to stage things the same way, like even though I got home from school the same time every day at least once a week he magically forgot that's when I got there, but since I'd shown up how about I show his client a good time. Yeah.

Emma looked from me to Jax in shock I think. I was having trouble breathing, no matter how slow and deep I tried to drag the air into my lungs, it seemed I got less and less each time. I threaded my fingers through my hair, as I closed my eyes, willing myself to just breathe. To shut off my emotions, stop the images, and breathe. It wasn't working. Grabbing Emma's arm, because I felt like I was going to pass out, she made a move to wrap her arm around me, but my legs were giving out.

Strong arms wrapped around me, Cole was there to cat
ch me before I fell, and he cradled me to his chest. “You okay, pretty girl?” He smiled down at me. “This heat takes a little getting used to, you probably just need some water. Y'all want to go to the Slushy Spot over there off campus?” He asked everyone, but his eyes never left mine. I nodded in approval, and he began walking, still holding me in his arms.

After a few minutes I told him I could walk, but he didn't agree. He told me he would compromise...he would give me a piggyback ride instead of carrying me how he was, or I could just stay put. I conceded, and he set me down for just a second so he could adjust himself to stand in front of me and squat down. Climbing up on his back, he locked his arms under my upper thighs, and I draped my arms over his shoulders and laid my head down.

I was taking deep breaths trying catch my breath again, and I found my chest rising and falling in the same rhythm as Cole's. Not picking my head up or moving, I just closed my eyes and focused on his heartbeat, it was like a lullaby to my own. A soothing peace came over me as it seemed like my body reset to his. He smelled clean, like cool mint mixed with the aqua smell of his colonge, and I inhaled deeply.