Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) (3 page)

Lydia faced her mother while leaning against the sink.
Mamm’s
face was twisted into a frown as she worked. Her hand continued to swipe the cloth over the table in a methodical motion, hitting the same clean spot several times.

“I was thinking that I should take them a cake or something,” Lydia said, hoping to get her mother to stop and look up. “I’d like to welcome them to the community.”

“Uh-huh,”
Mamm
said again. Her tone was flat, uninterested. She seemed to be in her own world. Was she thinking of Ruthie? Maybe praying for her?

“
Mamm
?” Lydia asked. “Are you listening to me?”

“
Ach!
”
Mamm
looked up at Lydia, startled. Her expression transformed back into a frown as she lowered herself into a chair. “I’m sorry,
mei liewe
. I have a lot on my mind. Sit with me, please.”

Tossing the washcloth into the sudsy sink, Lydia joined her mother at the table and sat across from her. “
Was iss letz?
”

Her mother blew out a deep sigh and her blue eyes filled with tears. “The doctor called today.”

Dread filled Lydia. “What did he say?”

“He wants to meet with your
dat
and me tomorrow morning.” She paused to wipe a tear that had trickled down her cheek. “He has news to tell us, and he wants to share it in person. I fear that it’s not
gut
news.”

“Oh no.” Lydia cleared her throat, hoping to stop the lump forming there from getting any bigger. “Do you want me to stay home from the bakery and take care of Ruthie for you?”

Mamm
shook her head and reached for Lydia’s hands. “No, but
danki
. The doctor wants us to bring Ruthie with us. He said he needs to do another exam and possibly talk about some procedures. He has some brochures geared to children
that we can read to her, and we may have an opportunity to share them with her in the office. I appreciate your offer though, Lydia.”

“But do you need me to go with you?” Lydia pressed on while holding her mother’s hands. “Ruthie may be fussy if she’s tired. We all know how she gets when she’s tired. If she’s having a bad day, she’ll want to be home. I could help you keep her quiet and even take her outside to walk so you can talk to the doctor without interruption.”

The tears in her mother’s eyes glistened. “I haven’t been working for weeks now, and your father is pulling extra hours installing kitchen floors. I don’t need to tell you that money is tight, and we don’t know what God has in store for us with Ruthie’s illness.”

“So, you need me to work,” Lydia whispered as the gravity of the situation gripped her.

Her mother nodded. “The driver is going to pick us up early since the appointment is in Hershey.”

“Oh.” Lydia cleared her throat again. Changing the subject for just a moment, she asked, “Would it be all right if I brought home some pastries tomorrow for the Anderson family?”

Her mother looked confused. “The Anderson family?”

“The family I was telling you about,” Lydia said. “You know—the little
maedel
with the puppy and the
bu
who’s my age.”

“Oh. Right,”
Mamm
said. “
Ya
, you can take them some desserts tomorrow night. Maybe Titus and Irma can walk up with you before supper. That would be
wunderbaar gut
.”

Lydia studied the dark circles under her mother’s eyes and wondered when she had last slept. “Why don’t you go to bed early tonight, and I’ll make sure Ruthie is okay.”

Mamm
smiled and squeezed Lydia’s hand. “You’re sweet, but no. I’m certain I’ll be awake all night anyway, praying and worrying. I can handle Ruthie. You worry about getting your sleep for work. You look tired today.”

“I’m fine,” Lydia said. The headache that had haunted her all day paled in comparison to her mother’s exhaustion. Renewed guilt about her misbehavior at the gathering nipped at her.

A wail sounded from the family room, and
Mamm
jumped up from the table. “I better go check on her. She had a bad day. I noticed more bruising on her
beh
, she’s still running a low-grade fever, and she looks so pale. I know we have to trust in the Lord, but I can’t stop worrying.”

Before Lydia could respond, her mother was gone, leaving Lydia to the task of finishing the dishes. As a yawn stole her breath, she wondered how much the meeting with the doctor would impact her family, and what it would mean for her own life.

H
ow was Sunday night?” Amanda leaned closer to Lydia while they plopped chocolate chip cookie dough onto a large cookie sheet early the following morning. “Did you have fun?”

To buy some time before answering, Lydia looked around the large, open Kauffman Amish Bakery kitchen, which was owned by their grandmother, Elizabeth Kauffman. The sweet aroma of freshly baked bread filled her senses. Lydia’s aunts and cousins bustled around them, chatting in Pennsylvania Dutch and preparing treats to be sold to tourists during the day. Lydia could see the propane-powered lamps, and the ovens, aligned in a row, which were run by gas.

Due to the May warmth, Lydia, her aunts, and her cousins did the bulk of the baking in the early morning to keep the heat to a minimum. But despite five fans that ran through the power inverters and gave a gentle breeze, Lydia often felt the heat radiating on her cheeks throughout the day.

Still trying to buy some time, she studied the familiar tools, plain pans, and ordinary knives and cutlery on the long counter in front of her while she silently debated what to
share with her cousin. While she wanted to tell Amanda the truth about what happened Sunday night, she didn’t want to disappoint or upset her. Due to being born six months apart and the oldest children in their families, they’d been best friends almost since birth.

“Lydia?” Amanda asked, moving closer and whispering in her ear. “Are you all right?”

“
Ya
.” Lydia forced a smile and looked up at her favorite cousin.

While Lydia had her father’s light brown hair and matching deep brown eyes, Amanda was blonde and blue-eyed like her mother, Kathryn. When Lydia was younger, she envied her cousin’s beautiful golden hair and sky-blue eyes, which mirrored Lydia’s mother, Beth Anne, and the rest of the Kauffman daughters. Lydia used to wish she’d wake up one morning and find herself blessed with the same eyes and hair.

She gave up that silly dream, however, when her father told her she was just as pretty as the rest of her cousins and she should concentrate on being a good person on the inside instead of worrying about how she looked on the outside. He also reminded her that vanity is a sin. If only her father knew about her indiscretion on Sunday. Then he’d know that she wasn’t such a good person on the inside.

“Well?” Amanda asked, her angelic face displaying annoyance. “Are you going to tell me about Sunday night?” A smile turned up her lips. “Did something really exciting happen between you and Josh?” she whispered.

Lydia sighed. “If only it was as simple as that.”

“What does that mean?”

“Josh wasn’t even there.” Lydia dropped the last bit of dough onto the cookie sheet.
But if he had been, maybe
I
wouldn’t have been so stupid
.

“Oh.” Amanda seemed to study her. “So, how was it?”

“Awful,” Lydia said. “You weren’t there, and Josh wasn’t there. There was no one to talk with.”

Amanda gestured toward Nancy, who was icing a cake on a counter on the other side of the kitchen. “What about Nancy?”

“She was with her boyfriend,” Lydia said in a low voice. “I always feel like I’m intruding if I bug her when they’re together, you know?” She hoped Nancy had been so occupied with her sweetheart that she hadn’t seen her take off with Mahlon and his friends and had missed the whole embarrassing scene.

“
Ya
,” Amanda said. “I know what you mean. Who did you wind up socializing with?”

Lydia shrugged and wiped her hands on a rag. “Oh, you know. Just the usual crowd.”

“Including …?” Amanda raised an eyebrow. “Why aren’t you telling me?”

“Because there isn’t much to tell.” Lydia lifted the cookie sheet and started toward the oven.

“Come on, Lydia.” Amanda’s voice transformed into a whine. “You know I hated missing it. I begged my
mamm
to let me go.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” Lydia opened the oven door, slipped the cookies in, and set the small timer sitting on the counter.

Their grandmother approached them, wiping her hands on her apron. “What are you two discussing?”

Amanda folded her arms while scowling. “I’ve been asking Lydia to fill me in on Sunday night’s youth gathering, but she won’t tell me anything. I missed it because my
mamm
was certain I was still sick.”

“You were sick, Amanda,” Kathryn called from the other side of the kitchen without turning around from cutting out sugar cookies. “I didn’t need you infecting all the members in your youth group. Their mothers would give me a piece of their minds for certain. That was a nasty virus.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “
Ya
,
Mamm
.”

Lydia stifled a chuckle at her cousin’s expression as their grandmother moved over to the sink and began washing a pile of dirty bowls and utensils.

Nancy sidled up to Amanda and touched her arm. “You didn’t miss much. The usual groups socialized together.” Leaning forward, she lowered her voice. “I even saw Mahlon take a group out behind the barn.”

Lydia froze, and she felt the color drain from her face.

“I’m certain they were drinking,” Nancy whispered.

“
Ach
,” Amanda said with a gasp. “That’s so wrong and it’s also sinful. If their parents only knew …”

While the color came back to her face and her cheeks started to burn with embarrassment, Lydia held her breath and studied Nancy, who was oblivious to Lydia’s reaction while she conversed with Amanda.

“Oh yes,” Nancy said, nodding for emphasis. “They’re out of control. If Mahlon’s
dat
knew what he was doing, he’d —”

“What was that about Mahlon?”
Mammi
asked, facing them again and wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

Lydia felt sick.
Surely Nancy hadn’t seen me Sunday night. If she had, she’d have said something by now
.

“We were just talking about a few of our friends,” Nancy said quickly. “Some of them left the singing to do their own thing.”

“Oh.”
Mammi
gave them a little smile. “
Maed
, you know gossiping is a sin,
ya
?”

“
Ya
,
Mammi
,” Amanda and Nancy said in unison before moving back to the work counter.

Lydia fiddled with the ribbons hanging from her prayer covering while crossing the kitchen. She hoped to disappear into the bathroom to allow her cheeks to cool down without having to explain why she was blushing.

“Lydia.”
Mammi’s
voice sounded above the conversations swirling and the fans humming. “Lydia, please slow down.”

Lydia swallowed hard and faced her grandmother. “Was
iss letz?
” Her voice cracked a little, but she hoped she sounded normal.

“Let’s go for a walk,
mei liewe
.”
Mammi
looped her arm around Lydia’s shoulders and steered her out the back door to the parking lot.

While they walked, Lydia surveyed the familiar property she’d known since birth. Out behind the bakery was a fenced-in play area where a few of her young cousins ran around, playing tag and climbing on a huge wooden swing set that had been built by her uncles. Her cousin Jane, Nancy’s younger sister, looked up from the bench where she sat watching the children and waved as Lydia and her grandmother started across the parking lot. A few cars were parked in the lines, and Lydia knew the lot would be full before noontime. The tourist season was settling in on Lancaster County, and the bakery was a favorite spot for visitors to purchase goodies and souvenirs.

Beyond the playground was a fenced pasture with three large farmhouses. And four barns were set back beyond it. All of the property was owned by Lydia’s grandparents, Elizabeth and Eli Kauffman. The dirt road leading to the homes was roped off with a sign declaring “Private Property — No Trespassing.” One home was occupied by her uncle Timothy, aunt
Miriam, and their daughter, while her aunt Sarah Rose, uncle Luke, and their children lived in the second house. The last and biggest home was where Lydia’s mother and her five siblings grew up and where her grandparents still resided. Lydia and her family lived a few miles away in the house in which her father and his older brother had grown up.

Lydia and
Mammi
crossed the vast parking lot and sat on a bench together, facing the white clapboard farmhouse that served as the bakery.

“
Wie geht’s?
”
Mammi
asked with her arm still resting on Lydia’s shoulders.

“Fine,” Lydia said with a shrug. “How are you,
Mammi?
”

“I’m well, but you seem to have something weighing on your mind. I want to be sure you are okay.”
Mammi
rubbed Lydia’s shoulder while she spoke. “I know Ruthie’s illness is taking a toll on the family. I spoke with your
mamm
yesterday afternoon, and she sounded very worried. If you need to talk, you know you can always open up to me,
ya
?”

“
Danki
, but I’m gut,” Lydia said, her voice sounding thick. She absently studied the tall sign with “Kauffman Amish Bakery” in old-fashioned letters that hung above the front door.

“One of my favorite Bible verses comes from Psalms,”
Mammi
said. “I ran across it last night during our devotional time.”

“Oh?” Lydia looked up at her.

“It’s from Psalm fifty-nine,” she said, folding her hands over her black apron. “‘But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.’” She gave Lydia a little smile. “Does that give you any comfort?”

“
Ya
, it does,” Lydia said. “It makes sense. We need to lean on the Lord during the rough times.”

“That’s exactly right,”
Mammi
said, squeezing Lydia’s hands in hers. “I know it may seem like God has forgotten you, your parents, and your sister. But he hasn’t.”

Lydia forced a smile. “I know.”

Mammi
looked at her with concern. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about while we’re out here alone?”

Lydia shook her head. “No. Everything else is okay.” She knew lying is a sin, but how could she admit that she had behaved inappropriately Sunday night? Besides, Nancy didn’t spot her, so she’d gotten away with the drinking. She didn’t need to worry about it anymore.

A few more cars pulled into the parking lot and steered into spaces.

Still holding Lydia’s hands, her grandmother stood and pulled Lydia up. “Let’s head back inside. It’s going to get busy soon.” Looping her arm around Lydia’s shoulders once again,
Mammi
steered her toward the back door. “If you ever need someone to listen, you know you can always talk to me,
ya
?”

“
Ya
,” Lydia said. “
Danki
,
Mammi
.”

“
Gern gschehne
,”
Mammi
said. “Don’t you forget that,” she assured Lydia again. “I’m always available to listen if you need an ear, and our conversations will remain private if you would like them to, as long as I’m not breaking any rules with your parents.”

Lydia gazed up at the clear blue sky, hoping her parents were receiving good news so their lives would become normal again.