Rebel With A Cause (20 page)

She burst into tears, and Carter, feeling helpless
, just cradled her to his chest. He felt guilty for not protecting her, and he probably always would.

“Can you forgive me, Katie?” Carter
asked,
his voice full of sorrow.

She dashed away her tears and looked him in the eye. “What the hell do you need to be sorry for, Carter? I’m the one who got
myself
into this mess.”

He gently pushed her hair behind her ear. “
I wasn’t there to prot
ect you. I hurt you, and because of that, you got hurt. For that, I’m sorry.”

Kaitlyn stopped crying and frowned. “Why do you try to take all the blame?” she asked him. “Not everything is your fault.
This
is not your fault.”

Carter sighed. “I don’t know
why
I do it, but I have my suspicions.”

She scooted away so she could look at him properly. “So, why do you think?”

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, before pushing himself up from the bed. He took a turn around the room before
facing her again.

“Now’s not the time,” he said shortly. He was obviously agitated.

“Why not?”
Kaitlyn normally didn’t press him for answers, but she needed a break. Everything they did reminded her of De.

The only reason they moved in to Carter’s house was because of De.

The only reason they were even on speaking terms, was because of De.

The only reason Carter had stopped being a jerk, was because of De.

She was sick to death of it.

Carter frowned. “It’s nothing you need to worry about, Katie.”

She wanted to scream. She wanted to fight. She wanted to stick up for herself, like she didn’t that night. She wanted, no she
needed
to talk about it.

She settled for flopping down on the bed and screaming into a pillow instead.

She felt like her heart was ripping out of her chest. Carter didn’t want to talk to her, or tell her anything about himself, and yet he expected her to
trust him.

Trust was something she was finding hard to give right now.

“Katie? Katie!” Carter yelled. He was panicking; he didn’t know what to do.

Kaitlyn couldn’t hear him. She was trapped, trapped in a
confusing mindset of fear, resentment and a twisted kind of hope
. Her lack of sleep made her feel like
she’d been hit by a train.

She needed a hug.

She needed to feel loved.

She curled up on her side on the bed, the pillow clutched tightly over her face as she sobbed into it.
She turned away from Carter, indicating she wanted to be alone.

However, that was far from what she wanted.

Carter crawled onto the bed and wrapped an arm around her waist. He moulded himself around her, pressing his chest close to her back. He squeezed her gently and felt helpless as he waited for her sobbing to subside.

“I’m so sorry, Katie,”
he whispered.

She gave a sniff and released the pillow from her face. Her eyes were red and inflamed, and rivulets of tears had dried on her cheeks.

“I wish you would stop saying that,” she whispered hoarsely. She sounded as if she
was losing her voice, which was a plausible possibility.

“Why?”

She sighed. “
Don’t you remember how you felt when your parents died?”

He thought about it for a moment. Yeah, he was beginning to understand. When he found out his mum and dad had gone, he’d felt as if part of him had died as well. And when people
kept
apologising to him, he’d wanted to scream. He just didn’t want to hear it.

He supposed that was how Kaitlyn was feeling. Ok, she hadn’t lost her parents, but she’d lost the ability to trust, and her innocence. She no longer saw the world as a happy place.

He totally understood.

“I think I get it,” he replied softly. “I should stop apologising now, huh?”

Kaitlyn gave an odd strangling sound, a cross between a laugh and a sob.

“Yeah,” she agreed, allowing him a half-smile. “You should.”

He hugged her and kissed her shoulder. “I love you,” he said. “You know that, right? You mean the world to me.”

She gave him a big, watery smile.
“Really?”

He half-leaned over her, at the same time twisting her neck so he could look into her eyes.

“You are my life,” he promised. “I know we may be young, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me happy, you make me more myself. I used to be an arrogant jerk, but you have brought me back to how I should be.”

It was too much for Kaitlyn. It was exactly what she wanted to hear, and it seemed too good to be true.

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you lying to me?”

This time, he kissed her nose. “Now why would I do that?”

She looked away. “I’m lonely, Carter. I just…I can’t. I can’t be myself anymore. I can’t trust myself. How am I supposed to live normally?”

Carter hugged her close to his chest. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “But don’t wor
ry, we’ll figure something out. You
will
get better.”

She couldn’t trust him. She felt so damaged; it was hard to believe him. She
wanted
to believe him, but De had crushed the part of her that would allow her to.

She closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep in Carter’s warm embrace. It went against everything she believed, but for a
moment, she felt safe.

When she woke in the morning, Carter’s arm had moved from ar
ound her waist. Instead,
he was tenderly stroking her hair. It was nice.

She yawned.

“You’re awake.” Carter’s voice was low, husky with sleep. He’d obviously just woken up, or had woken up ages ago but hadn’t moved.

“How did you sleep?” It was a perfectly innocent question, but one she reflected
quite deeply on.
It was with a start that she realised that last night was the first night since her attack that she didn’t have nightmares.

She replied after a long pause.
“Better than usual.”
Carter feared she would never reply.

She rolled over so she was facing him. “What are we doing today?”

Carter paused. There was a race tonight, and he really wanted to go, but he wasn’t sure about leaving Kaitlyn by herself.

“Carter?”

He shrugged. “Dunno.”

She frowned.
“Liar.
You have an idea, I can tell.”

He shrugged again.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to take you, and I don’t want to leave you here by yourself. I’ll stay.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tell me. I think I cried myself out last night
. No more tears today.” She was feeling much stronger today.

He frowned. “I really don’t want to put you in that position, Katie.”

She
frowned
right back at him, until realisation dawned on her face.

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “There’s a race on tonight, isn’t there?”

Carter sighed. “There is, and as one of the best, I’m expected to be there. There’s a lot at stake tonight, and I could make half a million, easy. But, I don’t want to leave you here by yourself, and I don’t want to take you either. Chances are De will be there.”

Kaitlyn resisted the urge to flinch. She wanted a sense of normalcy, and going to the races was normal for them. If Carter knew how scared she was of De, then he wouldn’t take her. But she wanted to go.

“I’m not letting him near you,” Carter vowed. “I will
not
have him hurting you.”

Kaitlyn looked him in the eye. “What about that other girl, Aria? Will you let him hurt
her?
”

Carter scowled. “Don’t you dare, Katie,” he said grumpily. “You will
not
guilt me into letting you go.”

They pulled up to the races that night in Carter’s red Evo, like usual. It was nice to have a sense of normalcy.

The crowd parted for Carter’s car, of which was licenced ‘R4C3’. It was unoriginal, but Carter’s life revolved around racing.

Well, racing and
her
.

“It’s good to be back,” she said, shaking her brunette waves around her shoulders.

Carter scowled. “If I had my way, you wouldn’t be here right now.”

Kaitlyn grinned. “Relax,” she soothed. “I have my pepper spray in my pocket, see?” She pulled a canister of pepper spray out of her black leather jacket’s pocket.

Carter looked down briefly, then back up at the road, his face stony.

“It might not be enough,” he warned. “Do you remember what I taught you this afternoon?”

She nodded.
“Yeah.”

“If he grabs you from behind?”

“SING.”

“And
what’s that stand
for?”

“Stomach, Instep, Nose, Groin.”

“Correct. What if he comes at you from the front?”

“Groin.”

“What if he doesn’t touch you, but approaches you?”

“Be confident, look him in the eye, and stare him down.”

Carter shot her a look and scowled. “Don’t be dumb, Kaitlyn. That may work in other situations, I don’t know. But De is a menace, and you should do the exact opposite.”

She sighed. “I know. I need to walk away if he approaches me.”

He pulled the car to a stop, but didn’t cut off the engine. He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Katie, if you aren’t taking this seriously, I will drive away right now and take you back to the hotel. You promised you’d do everything I said, no matter what. That was one of the conditions on you being here tonight.”

She stared right back. “I know. I will. Don’t worry so much, Carter. I’m not a
complete
idiot.”

He studied her f
ace for a minute, before deciding he could trust her.

“If you feel threatened in
any
way, and not just by De, then tell me, and we’ll get out of here.
You
are my number one priority.”

She gave him a small smile. “I know. I promise I’ll do what you say, Carter.” She leaned in and sweetly kissed him on the lips, a first since their break-up.

She realised this, and abruptly pulled away. Even in the dim night time light, her cheeks were
flaming
.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I forgot.”

Carter looked down and grabbed her hand.

“It’s ok, Katie. I love you. Don’t ever apologise for kissing me.”

She
blushed
a deeper shade of red and quickly exited the car.
The cool air calmed her down, and she was able to smile at the crowd without feeling like a tomato.

Carter came around to her side of the car and wrapped his arms around her. He gave her a quick squeeze then released her, so only his left arm was slung around her shoulders.

They began to walk towards T-Man, earning a mix of glares and sighs from the girls. They sighed because Carter was the
hottest
guy on the circuit, and they glared because Kaitlyn was obviously with him again. When Carter had dumped her, many girls hoped
they
would be the one to tame his bad boy ways.

How wrong they all were.

They reached T-Man, and found that De was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey man,” T-Man greeted them. “De’s not here.”

Carter stared at T-Man and he stared back, like they were having a silent but meaningful conversation telepathically.

Which, obviously, they weren’t.
It was just a guy thing.

“So where is he?” Carter finally asked.

T-Man shrugged. “Who knows?
Haven’t seen him since the guys threw him out of my house.”

Carter nodded. “So who’s replaced him?”

It was common for T-Man’s ‘inner sanctum’ to have a quick turnover. Whenever he found that someone was undesirable, like Deangelo and his violent tendencies, T-Man would throw them away like they were trash, and someone else
would almost instantly take his place.

T-Man’s ‘inner sanctum’
were
his best friends, and tonight, a young guy was standing next to T-Man.

T-Man clapped his hand on the guys back. “This here is Alec. He’s from Oz, but he’s cool.”

Carter did that weird nod thing that guys often did to say hi. Alec did the same back.

Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. Why couldn’t guys just say
hey?