Reality Matrix Effect (9781310151330) (18 page)

“What happened,
Vickie?
”
he asked at last.
“
Why did you disappear from my life like that? 
You were supposed to come back to Los Angeles in January of
‘
72, and instead I get a cryptic telegram
announcing that you
’
ve got a new job in
New York, and you
’
ve decided you
don
’
t want to marry me after all. I think
I deserved better than that.
”

Vickie tried to force a smile, but
her lips trembled as she attempted to curve the corners of her
mouth upward.
“
You
’
re right, Al. I treated you terribly, and you
deserved better. Still do.... Look, we can
’
t talk here. How badly did you want to hear Tom
Benton?
”

Benton, the Press Club
’
s Man of the Year, was scheduled to discuss his
expose of irregularities and corruption in the city
’
s Housing Assistance Agency. Paul Fielder, head of
the HAA, had been taking bribes from a few racist hate groups in
exchange for directing housing applicants into segregated areas.
That sort of thing, of course, would have undermined Project New
Start
’
s underlying goal of stable,
integrated communities  a concept that had been working
remarkably well since the project was initiated after the 1971
riots that followed the attempt on Sen. John Martin
Roberts
’
life.

“I
’
d
rather talk to you,
”
Al said without
hesitation.
“
Besides, I probably know more
about how Benton got the goods on Fielder than Benton knows
himself.
”

Vickie looked at him uncertainly.
“
How about Roland
’
s?
”
she suggested.
“
With most of the Star
’
s staff here, the place should be pretty deserted.
That ought to give us a little privacy  not to mention a few
memories.
”

Al smiled and reached for
Vickie
’
s hand. Old feelings were beginning
to overtake the shock of seeing her again.
“
I don
’
t need
Roland
’
s to remind me of you or what we
had together, but I guess it
’
s as good as
anywhere else  unless you want to go to my
place....” 

In the dim light of the Press
Club
’
s bar, he sensed rather than saw her
face pale at his suggestion, and he felt a slight tug as she tried
to pull her hand away.

“What
’
s
the matter, Vickie?
”
 

“Al,
”
she
said slowly,
“
this isn
’
t going to be easy. I have a lot to tell you. A
lot
’
s happened in the past 15 years,
and....”  She shook her head and took a deep breath.
“
I don
’
t think it
would be appropriate for me to go to your place, Al. I
’
m married.
”

Her words hit him like a bucket of
ice water.

“Married?
”

“Yes, Al,
”
she said almost apologetically. Then, with a forced
smile, she urged,
“
Come on.
Let
’
s go find a booth at
Roland
’
s.
”

Al made his way to the old Valley
Star hangout trying desperately not to think. He didn
’
t need to concentrate on the route, and he
didn
’
t want to think about Vickie, 
not until she
’
d had her say. Still, he
couldn
’
t banish the rekindled pain.
Married!  It was like being rejected all over again!  He
was glad they
’
d decided to take their own
cars from the Press Club. The ride  alone  gave him a
chance to pull himself together.

But by the time Al reached
Roland
’
s small parking lot, he was feeling
not only hurt but also angry. The anger triggered the old fears.
There is no danger! he repeated to himself as he counted the rapid
beats of his pounding heart.

Vickie
’
s
‘
84 Cutlass rolled up next to
Al
’
s aging blue Dodge. She looked at him
through the window and smiled half heartedly, then shut off the
engine. It wasn
’
t until she slammed her
car door that Al finally forced himself to get out of his own
car.

The appetizing scent of
charcoal-broiled steak filled the air as they walked slowly toward
the restaurant
’
s well lit entrance.
Neither of them spoke. A ghostly strangler had Al by the throat. He
could only gesture tensely to Vickie as he pulled back one of the
heavy wooden double doors.

“Hmmmm. It
’
s changed,
”
Vickie murmured.
“
No more red flocked
wallpaper.
”

“Must be quite awhile since you
were here,
”
the woman at the front desk
injected with a smile.
“
We got rid of that
God-awful wallpaper about eight years ago.
”
  She leaned toward Vickie conspiratorially.
“
Frankly, the wallpaper always used to
make me feel like I was working in a whorehouse.
”

“How about a nice secluded table
for two, Margo,
”
said Al.

“Sure. Right this way.
”

Margo led them  past several
occupied tables to one that was close enough to the others for
adequate service, yet far enough away to assure privacy.

“Seem familiar?
”
Al asked as they sat down.

Vickie looked around her, then
grunted in amusement.

“Yes and no. I see they
reupholstered the booths. And the chairs look different. Better
quality, I think. But it
’
s as tough as
ever to read a menu in here!
”

Al was still considering a
response when a waitress approached them. They ordered cocktails
and concentrated on their menus, making small talk until the
waitress returned to deliver their drinks and take their dinner
orders.

“Why, Vickie?
”
Al finally asked.
“
Why did
you leave me?
”

Vickie sipped her Brandy Alexander
and stared past Al
’
s right ear for a
moment before answering.

“I don
’
t
think you realize how you were after the Roberts
shooting,
”
she said finally.
“
I didn
’
t know what to do.
You were  obsessed with the idea that you had somehow changed
reality and saved Roberts
’
life. It got
even worse when you started working with Alec Zorne. You were never
the kind of man who could cut himself off from the
world
’
s  tragedies, Al, but once you
got into this psychic power thing, you couldn
’
t seem to think about anything else.
”
 

Al squirmed in his seat and fought
the temptation to defend himself.

“You withdrew more and more from
me and everyone else around you,
”
Vickie
continued.
“
It was scary. One minute
you
’
d tell me about how you were going to
save the world, and the next minute you would worry about whether
you were losing your mind. Nothing else seemed to matter. And I
couldn
’
t talk to you. If I tried getting
you to deal with other things  like where we were going to
live after we got married  why, you just about took my head
off.

“So, you see, I didn
’
t exactly leave you. It was more like you pushed me
away.
”

Al shook his head, a bitter smile
on his lips.
“
That
’
s why you went to New York in the first place,
isn
’
t it, Vickie?  It was never the
fellowship.
”

Vickie gazed into her glass and
nodded.
“
There
’
s
more, though, Al. I
’
m not quite sure how
to say this. It wasn
’
t fair, I know, but I
did what I thought was best at the time. I kept hoping things would
get better between us—that maybe a short separation would settle
things down....”

“Go on,
”
he heard himself say, though he wasn
’
t at
all sure he really wanted to hear more.

“I could see from your letters and
our phone conversations that I was wishing for the impossible. Our
relationship was on pretty rocky ground, and it just
didn
’
t  seem right to bring a child
into such an unstable environment.
”

Al froze with his glass halfway to
his lips. The strangler dropped from his throat to his chest and
squeezed—hard. He stared, uncomprehending, into Vickie
’
s eyes, almost forgetting to breathe.

“Are you telling me you were
pregnant?
”

“Yes, Al.
”
  Unable to hold his gaze, she blinked, glanced
away, and focused on her drink.
“
I was
planning to tell you the day Roberts was shot,
”
she finally said,
“
but you
started acting so strange that....”  She took a sip of her
drink.
“
It was a girl.
”

Al battled mightily to keep his
emotions in check.

“So you married another man and
let him raise my daughter. Is that it?
”

“No, I didn
’
t meet Ted until a couple of years later. But I
wanted our baby to have a good home. I didn
’
t think I could do that on my own. So I gave her up
for adoption.
”

Al
’
s
shoulders sagged, and he squeezed his eyes shut as an unintentional
groan escaped his lips.

“Vickie, how could you do
that?
”
he said after a painful silence.
“
How could you give away your own
child?  Our child.
”

Vickie reached for his hand, but
he avoided her touch.

“I never even saw her, Al. It was
all arranged before she was born.
”
 
The dim, flickering light from the candle on the table glinted off
the tears brimming in Vickie
’
s eyes.
“
Ted doesn
’
t know
anything about this. We never had any children of our own, and I
don
’
t think he could handle the idea that
I had another man
’
s baby.
”

Al ran his right middle finger
around the rim of his now empty glass. He was still lost in a haze
of half formed thoughts when the waitress placed their salads
before them.

“Another Manhattan,
”
he said unceremoniously.

The waitress nodded.
“
Right away, sir. And you ma
’
am?  A refill?
”

Vickie took a deep breath and
shook her head. She gazed at Al sadly as the waitress turned and
headed for the bar. He could feel himself trembling with tension,
though he hoped it didn
’
t show. He avoided
Vickie
’
s eyes, looking up, down and all
about at nothing in particular. Then he began picking absently at
the lettuce on his plate. He needed that drink!

Vickie took several bites of salad
and dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a green cloth napkin.
The muted buzz of remote dinner conversation and the soft clinking
of china and glassware only served to emphasize the quiet void
between them.

“Tell me about you,
”
Vickie said slowly, her eyes focused on her plate.
“
What have you been doing for the last 15
years?
”

Al felt his teeth clamp together
in fury. That
’
s a hell of a question, he
thought. First she tells me she
’
s married,
then she tells me I
’
m the father of a
daughter I
’
ll probably never see, and now
she talks as if we
’
re just old friends at
a class reunion!   He forced his jaw muscles to relax.
When he finally spoke, he had no idea what would come
out.

“You know,
”
he said in a tone much more phlegmatic than his
state of mind,
“
it
’
s a good thing I went to that shrink Carruthers back
in
′
71. After I
’
d
been working with Azey for awhile, I went back to see him. Needed
some help controlling my anger. And I
’
ve
gotta tell you, right now, I
’
m trying to
remember every technique he ever taught me.
”

Talk came to an abrupt halt as the
waitress delivered Al
’
s Manhattan. Sensing
that she had interrupted something, she dispensed with her usual
friendly repartee and left as quickly as possible.