Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six (39 page)

Melissa’s eyes narrowed. “You realize that area is just one earthquake away from sliding into the ocean, don’t you?”

“And there are forest fires, not to mention mud slides.” Mark leaned forward. “Have you researched this guy’s background? What kind of money are we talking here? You have any idea how expensive it is to live in California?”

“Daddy, Mom, calm down.” Penny got up and took her plate to the kitchen. “Chocolate cake, Glory?”

“Are you kidding me? I’d kill for chocolate cake.” I smiled. “Not literally you understand.” Blank stares from the family.

“Don’t worry. She buys this from a local German bakery. Delicious,” Penny whispered as she got busy cutting big slices.

“None for me, Penny. I’ve got to leave soon and hit the books.” Jenny came to stand in the kitchen doorway and made sure to put a sad note in there.

“I’m going to pay for you to get a tutor.” Penny sighed. “It’ll be our secret.”

“Seriously?” Jenny grinned and hugged her sister. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Now I’ll go talk up California. You should hear Mom and Daddy whispering about it. You’d think you were going straight to hell.” She giggled and gave Penny the once-over. “As if you’d get so lucky.”

I turned to Penny as soon as Jenny disappeared. Penny held up her hand.

“Don’t say it. She’s my twin. And I usually do help her.”

“Not saying a word.” I took a plate with a huge slice of cake and picked up a fork. “You do whatever you want. Me? I’d let her sink like a rock. But then I’m not related to her.” I took a bite and felt the bliss of rich chocolate hit my mouth and tongue. “Oh, God, but that’s good.”

“Better than.” Penny handed me another plate. “Now please help me with the folks. If I get the chance, I’m going to California. Tell them great things about Ian. Make stuff up if you have to.”

“Not necessary. He’s brilliant and I know this could be a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s an easy sell.” I carried a plate to Melissa and started in with a glowing recommendation of Ian. I described his advanced degrees and first-class setup. Of course I left out that he charged megabucks for whatever he invented so only rich vampires benefited. Hooking up my fledgling with Ian felt right.

What didn’t feel right was my tummy. I felt a gurgle first and looked around, hoping no one had noticed. Not a chance, they were too busy shouting about how Penny should stay at the University of Texas.

“Actually Ian is thinking of opening a lab here in Austin. That’s why he was visiting Ray, Israel Caine. They’re friends and Ray had told him about our cheap land here, compared to L.A. anyway. Ian’s other interest is real estate and he knows a good deal when he sees it. I think there’s a good chance Penny could stay here in Austin and never go to California at all.” I barely got this out before my stomach rumbled again. I rattled my fork against my empty plate to try to cover the noise.

Not necessary. Penny jumped in with another reason why she was done with the grant program here and the shouting started again. I tuned out. I’d finished my second piece of chocolate cake but that last bite had pushed me past full to miserable. Now, when I looked down, I noticed a bulge under my skirt. Swollen stomach? Wait a minute. This wasn’t a tiny bulge. It was like everything I’d just eaten had decided to stage a sit-in. Like back in the hippie era.

I glanced around, glad Penny was the one in the hot seat, then pulled down my sweater. The stupid thing slid right back up again. That did it. I had to get out of here. But, when I struggled to my feet, I heard a pop.

“Glory, I think you just lost a button.” Jenny giggled. “Was that off your skirt?” She rolled her eyes. “Careful, Penny. If you two eat like this all the time, you’ll soon be giving the blimp a run for its money.”

“Jennifer Louise!” Melissa gave Jenny a stern look. “Pay no attention to her, Glory. I just love to see someone appreciate food.”

“Oh, I appreciated it all right.” I heard my stomach rumble again. “Excuse me.” I headed to the bathroom, where I shut the door and sat on the lid of the closed toilet. What was going on? My stomach was growing, and the noises! I heard a knock on the door.

“Glory? You all right?” It was Penny.

“Get in here.” I unlocked the door and dragged her inside. “How are you feeling? Did you take Ian’s potion?”

“Of course I did. I ate, didn’t I?” She stared at my stomach. “It’s moving. I need to get my notebook. Damn, I wish I had a stethoscope. I can hear the strange sounds from here.” She leaned down like she wanted to press her ear to my stomach. “Gurgles and—whoa!—I think it’s calling for help.”

“Not funny.” I popped her on the arm. “I’m making a run to my room. Can you make my excuses to your folks? Keep your fangs out of sight?”

“Sure, that’s no problem.” She pressed her hands to her own stomach, which had no unusual bulges. “And my tummy is quiet. Nothing going on there.” She stretched out her hand. “Seriously. Are you in pain? Maybe I should get Ian over here.”

I felt a lightning bolt shoot through my midriff. Power of suggestion?

“Oh, ow! Thanks a heap. Didn’t hurt till you mentioned it. I’ll call Ray, he can send Ian over. Just get rid of your parents. Please?” I burped what sounded like the mating call of a lonely foghorn, then clapped my hand over my mouth.

“Another symptom. I ate as much as you did. I wonder why nothing’s hit me.” Penny’s eyes gleamed and I had a feeling she was going straight for her notebook when she left me. “Go lie down. It’s not unusual for people to have digestive issues the first time they eat Mom’s food. Maybe it’s nothing to do with Ian’s stuff.” She grinned, then clapped her hand over her mouth.

“You couldn’t have warned me?” I managed to gasp. “We could have saved that potion for steak at a fabulous restaurant, you know.” I moaned when another pain hit.

“You’re right. But, if I get this job, you can have more of the formula, all you want.” Penny wasn’t smiling now. “I know I should have admitted that Mom’s not the greatest cook in the world. That’s why I told her we were on a diet. Tried to keep her from bringing dinner in the first place, nothing to do with the vampire thing at all. Honestly, it would have been easier chewing a rubber band than that pot roast.” She patted my shoulder. “But the cake was stellar, you have to admit that.”

“Oh, yes. Two pieces of heaven.” I gasped as agony ripped through me. “You sure you’re okay?”

Penny frowned, checking herself, then shook her head. “Not an ache, not a twinge. Ian’s formula worked perfectly on me.”

“Great, just great.” I kept my head on my knees, nausea now an extra added attraction.

“Try to relax, Glory. I’ll get rid of Mom, Dad and Jenny. No worries.” Penny patted my back, then closed the bathroom door.

No worries? I breathed through the nausea, held on to the wall to stand, and made a run for my bedroom. There I eased my door shut before I collapsed on the bed. I fumbled for my purse on the floor and pulled out my cell phone, barely managing to hit Ray’s number before my stomach rumbled again and made me double over. I shoved my purse away and grabbed my trash can, just in case. Thank God, I didn’t throw up but it was close.

I listened to the phone ring with my eyes closed. This had to be way more than a simple case of gluttony that a Tums could cure.

“
Glory?
How’s it going? Isn’t this the night you were having Penny’s folks over for dinner?” Ray’s voice sounded wonderful, not slurred. He was sober and cheerful. I was so . . . not. I could barely talk as my stomach did a bob and weave. Shapes moved under my skirt. Like a boa trying to make an escape.

“Not great. Tell Ian I’m having one of my weird reactions to his stuff.” I gasped. “Pain.”

“We’ll be right there. Hang in, babe.”

I tossed the phone aside and grabbed my middle. Skirt. Even without the button it was too tight. I managed to get the zipper down and wiggled out of it, then kicked it to the floor. I slid under the sheet and coverlet, shaking as another pain hit me. I’d been a pig and this was what I got.

But Penny was right. She’d eaten just as much and she hadn’t looked like she’d swallowed a water balloon. I huddled under the covers and curled onto my side, my knees pulled up toward my chest. Even my black silk panties felt tight, but I wasn’t about to shuck those. Why couldn’t anything ever be simple for me? I don’t know how long I lay there before Penny opened the bedroom door.

“They’re gone. They left a bunch of leftovers in the fridge. I figure Trey or Rafe would enjoy them later. Or not.” Penny had a pen and notebook in her hands. “Let me take your temperature.” She stopped by the bed. “Do you have a thermometer in the bathroom?”

“Uh, that would be a no. Vampires don’t worry about stuff like that.” I groaned and rolled over. “Ian’s on his way. Look at my stomach.” I pulled down the covers. “It’s like it’s alive.”

“Damn. And I always said Mom’s roast beef was cooked to death.” Penny poked my swollen skin. “You may be right; something’s trying to get out of there.”

“Answer the door. They must have shifted to get here so fast.” I recognized Ray’s scent.

“No kidding.” She turned and ran to the front door. I heard her greet Ian and Ray. She was busy answering questions about when we’d taken the drug and what we’d eaten when Ray came to stand next to my bed.

“What the hell, Glory?” He sat beside me and brushed back my hair.

“Don’t know.” I blinked and a tear rolled down my cheek. “Penny’s fine. But my stomach—” I bent over and held it as pain ripped through me again. “Damn it!”

“Gloriana, breathe through it.” Ian pushed Ray out of the way. He opened a doctor’s bag and pulled out that stethoscope Penny had wished for. “I’m going to take a listen. See what’s going on.” He rubbed the metal sensor with his hand, then placed it on my chest, right inside the vee of my sweater, then he lifted that sweater to check below my breast, moving down toward my stomach.

I could see Ray watching his every move. I stretched out my hand and he took it, squeezing my fingers reassuringly. When Ian pulled down the sheet and my stomach was exposed, he hissed and Ray leaned to see over his shoulder.

“Damn, Glory. Did you eat a side of beef?” Ray gawked at my stomach.

“Very funny.” I moaned as my stomach rolled. “No, but I ate two enormous pieces of cake, three rolls, or at least the tops of them, slathered with butter. And some weird but tasty sweet green beans. We both did. Right, Penny?”

“Yes. We were pigs. My mom’s not a great cook, but with a chance for a vampire to eat . . .” I saw her look to Ray for sympathy and he nodded.

“Yeah, I get it, especially for my gal here. Glory’s been without solid eats for way too long. But you seem to be holding up fine, Penny. Glory’s stomach looks like it’s about to blow open and I wish I was exaggerating.” Ray pulled my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “Crazy.”

“There is something about you, Gloriana. This is the second of my formulas that hasn’t agreed with you. It’s like an allergic reaction. At least that’s what I think this is.” Ian pulled a hypodermic needle from his bag. “This time I hope you’ll let me treat you.”

“Yes. Whatever it takes to stop this. Surely this tummy bulge won’t be permanent.” I looked like I’d swallowed a small watermelon.

“You mind if Penny listens to your stomach before I give you the shot? This is a chance for her to learn something.” Ian took off his stethoscope.

I glanced at Penny’s eager face. “Sure, go ahead. But hurry.”

She took the stethoscope and carefully placed the earpieces, then leaned over. “Wow, fascinating.” She and Ian said a few things that I ignored. It was technical jargon and I had a feeling my fledgling was going to end up in medical school after all. Maybe I could plant the idea in her parents’ minds that time spent with Ian would make that happen. Surely that would make them happier about her possible trip to Sodom and Gomorrah, otherwise known as California.

“Okay, I think I’ve suffered enough for science. Give me the damned shot.” I offered my arm.

“Wait. What is it?” Ray blocked Ian. “Yeah, yeah, I’m a sap, but this is what Blade would want to know.”

“Hello? In pain here.” I didn’t care what Ian gave me, just wanted the next lightning strike headed off before it hit ground zero.

“No, Ray’s right.” Ian smiled at me. “It’s a cocktail of a common antihistamine and a muscle relaxant.” He glanced at Penny. “Your fledgling saw me fill the syringe out in the living room after she described your symptoms.”

“That’s right, I did. You want me to read the labels on the vials? Look the stuff up on the Internet?” Penny didn’t know much about Ian’s history with Jerry, but she had a lot of respect for Mr. Blade.

“No, just shoot me.” I looked at Ray and Penny. “I appreciate the protective bit, but Ian is just trying to help. And if this kills me? He won’t live to see another sunset. Jerry will see to that.” I handed Ian my arm again. “Now get after it.”