Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six (12 page)

“But Jenny.” Penny squatted down again. “I can’t just leave her on the floor.”

“Pick her up and put her on the couch. You’ve got vamp strength now, should be easy to tote around that lightweight. If she starts to wake up, you’ll have to use the whammy on her until we figure out what we’re going to do with her.” I tapped my foot and looked around. A luxury condo, this wasn’t. And a housekeeper, Penny wasn’t. I was surprised she’d brought a man back here.

A big computer setup held pride of place on the small dining room table and it was surrounded by a sea of papers, boxes of books, notebooks and stacks of more papers on the floor. Penny might have big grants, but she sure didn’t waste them on interior decorating. The sagging couch looked like it had come from a charity store, as did the rest of the furniture. I could see an unmade bed in a tiny bedroom next to the kitchen with a sink piled with dirty dishes. Clothes were draped on a chair next to that double bed.

Penny heaved Jenny over to the couch and arranged her head carefully on a throw pillow that was the only bright spot in the avocado green and brown room. Too bad the burnt orange UT pillow wasn’t Jenny’s color.

“She’s still out. Guess the sight of your fangs, which are way bigger than mine, blew her fuse.” Penny stumbled over to my side. No coffee table, which was a good thing. Otherwise poor Josh would have a bruise to add to his bite marks. “Now what?”

“You have a healing agent in your saliva that makes bite marks disappear. You should always lick wounds closed after you feed from a mortal. Not that you should make that a habit.” I grabbed her shoulder as she leaned forward to take his wrist again. “Do
not
be tempted to take another drink. I swear I’ll knock you against that wall if you try it.”

“Geez, Glory, go all Terminator on me, why don’t you?” Penny carefully reached for his wrist with two fingers then really looked at Josh’s pale face. “Oh, God, what did I do? I was the Terminator, wasn’t I?”

Great, here came the waterworks. But, no, she sucked it up.

“How long? How long can I safely drink from a mortal and not kill him?” She ran to her dining room table and snatched up a notebook and pencil.

“What? You’re taking notes?” I sighed. I guess I should have expected this from a brainy scientist. And it sure beat tears. But if I hadn’t followed her and been on the scene, she could have killed Josh, no doubt about it. Fledglings made those kinds of mistakes.

“Josh here might have been okay after three minutes, but two to be on the safe side. Trust me, you weren’t in control enough to watch a clock, Penny.” I gave her a fierce look and waited until she stopped writing and glanced at me. “I don’t care how smart you are in your old world. In this new world, you’re dumb as dirt. When bloodlust takes over, you can’t just stop on a dime. At least not until you’ve learned to get a handle on it. Tonight, if I hadn’t been here to get you off of Josh, you would have drained him dry. Then you’d have had to figure out how to dispose of his body.”

Penny swayed, dropped her notebook and pencil, then sank down on the floor. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.” I sat beside her and put my arm around her. “You see why I’m trying to stay close to you when you’re around mortals? You can’t think your way through this. It’s an instinct. Primitive and not easily controlled. Until you can convince me you’re managing your thirst like an adult vampire, you’re going to be stuck with me.”

Penny leaned against me. “Thanks, Glory. I had no idea.” She took a watery breath. “Just, uh, thanks.”

“No problem, kiddo. I had Jerry do it for me.” I smiled, remembering. “Now let’s handle this situation, okay?”

“How? Here’s Josh, looking pale and probably weak and now I’ve got Jenny. Obviously I don’t want to tell her about my new status until I can look at her and not want to bite her.” Penny stood and picked cat hair off her jeans. “Guess I’ve finally come down to earth.”

“Josh’s okay. He’s a big dude. He can handle losing the little bit you took. But if you attacked someone small like your sister, a minute or two too much could do her some serious harm.” I stood too. “It’s all about percentages.”

“I get that.” Penny grabbed her notebook again and scribbled, then ran to the kitchen. She came out with something clutched in her hand and dropped it into her purse.

“What’s that?” I was suspicious of everything Penny did now and, looking at Josh’s pale face, rightly so.

“A kitchen timer.” She grimaced. “Okay, so I’m thinking ahead. But maybe I’ll get another chance to—”

“Bite Josh?” I really wanted to scream. But what good would it do? Penny was used to being the smartest kid on the playground and in her new world she still thought she could beat the system. Who was I to doubt her? I just shook my head.

She’d pulled the timer out and stared down at it. “Mom gave me this timer. I used it to b-b-bake brownies.” Tears. Now these I could understand. My mad evaporated and I patted her shoulder.

“Brownies. Little squares of chocolate heaven. I’ve never even tasted one. Just smelled them.” I took the timer and dropped it back in her purse. “Now let’s finish with Josh and get this”—I looked over at Jenny, still out, but showing signs of coming back to life—“mess cleaned up.”

“What do you want me to do?” Penny stared at her sister too. “I can’t believe Jenny just showed up here. This late. Guess I didn’t do a very good job of putting her off.”

“Well, we’ll handle it. Now lean in and lick away the evidence that you were ever at Josh’s wrist. Got it?”

“Got it.” She took a steadying breath and did what I told her. “God, his blood still smells so . . . delicious. What blood type is he? I like it a lot.”

“Josh’s is one of the rare ones and my personal favorite if you must know. AB negative. The synthetic of this type is expensive. It’s like a fine wine. To be sipped and savored, not gulped.” I kept my hand on Penny’s shoulder. Good intentions or not, I was relieved when she dropped his wrist and ran her fingers through her cat’s fur.

“Look at this, Booger likes Josh. I take that as a good sign.” She smiled at me. “My old boyfriend has the claw marks to prove the B-man doesn’t take to just anyone.”

“Doesn’t matter in this case. We’re going to escort Josh out to the hall and you’re going to give him the suggestion that you dumped him. Remember?” I pulled Josh to his feet, dislodging the cat in the process. “Sorry, fur face, but the mortal has got to go.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that. I told you, I want to keep Josh. As a boyfriend. Or a pet. This guy was into me, Glory. Surely I can figure things out so that I can keep him.” Penny kept glancing back at Jenny, who hadn’t opened her eyes yet. “I’m worried about Jenny. She’s not the fainting type.”

“It’s only been a few minutes. But we need to hurry. We can discuss Josh’s fate later.” I steered him toward the door. “Mortals as pets would be damned complicated and I, for one, have never had the patience to even try it. Stick to synthetics. It’s a better option.”

“But some vampires do keep pets? Like those women at Damian’s.” Penny waited for my reluctant nod. “I knew it! There are too many Goths desperate to join the vamp fan club.” Penny looked Josh over speculatively, obviously picturing him in leather and a choke collar, with AB negative on tap.

“Stop thinking, Penny, and start getting this mess untangled.” I’d been watching her sister and saw her eyelids flicker. “For now, go out there, look him in the eyes and tell him you two did a little necking but you called a halt because you don’t fall into bed on what was your first decent date. If he’s got even a tenth of your gray matter, he’ll realize that fiasco where you ended up abandoned on a hilltop didn’t count. Am I right?”

Penny shrugged, obviously not happy.

“You know I am. Then tell him to wake up, kiss him good night and send him on his way. Got it?”

“Okay, I can do that.” Penny got a sly look on her face like maybe she’d add a suggestion or two of her own.

“I’ve got vamp hearing, Penny. I’ll be listening to everything you say. You screw this up and I’ll take care of Josh my way later. I’m sure I can find him.” I grabbed her arm. “And I’ll be in here with your sister. Don’t forget that.”

“You wouldn’t hurt Jenny, would you?” Penny’s eyes narrowed.

“Not without provocation.” I kept my thoughts blocked, determined to get the upper hand in this mentor relationship early. No need for Penny to realize I was far from the badass I was pretending to be. “I didn’t survive four hundred years by letting some upstart newbie endanger me with her bloodlust
or
her libido. Keep that in mind.”

“Fine.” She ran into the kitchen and washed her face and hands. “Am I clean?”

“Yes. Lipstick’s gone, but after your make-out session that’s to be expected.” I nodded toward Josh.

“I just look into his eyes and tell him what I want him to remember, right?” After I nodded, Penny dragged Josh to the door and out into the hall. I heard her tell him he’d had a wonderful time with her and all the rest we’d agreed upon. Then there was silence, which I figured was her getting the kind of kiss she wanted.

“Whoa, I have to come up for air. For some reason, I’m dizzy.” Josh laughed. “Don’t tell my frat brothers, they’ll think I’m a wuss.”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” Penny laughed. “You okay to drive? Maybe it’s low blood sugar. I could get you some juice.” She sounded anxious. “If I had some. Darn it, I’ve got to get to the store.”

“That’s okay. I’m fine, seriously.” More silence. “See? Not dizzy this time. Thanks, Penny. I’ll call you.” Josh sounded like he meant it. Then I heard him walk away.

Penny stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “Happy now?”

“You did fine. Now let’s see about your sister.” I gestured toward Jenny, who was struggling to sit up.

“Jenny, are you all right?” Penny sat beside her and brushed back her hair.

“What happened? And who is this woman?” Jenny’s eyes widened and latched on to me. “I saw something. The strangest thing. The two of you . . .” She went silent when Penny stared at her and obviously put her into a trance.

“We have to erase her memory, don’t we?” Penny looked up at me, her eyes swimming with tears. “I don’t want her to remember me with my face covered with blood, fangs down like that, before I have a chance to explain things.”

“I’m sure it was a pretty horrifying sight to a mortal who has no clue we really exist.” I sighed. “And there’s no need to explain any of this tonight. Give yourself a break. One thing at a time. You can tell her you’re moving in with me. That I have a great location, a cheap room to rent and you decided you were tired of living alone.” I looked around her place. “Surely you won’t be sad to leave this behind.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad. Though I admit I don’t keep it as clean as I could. Jenny and I never could share a room at home. She’s a neatnik.” Penny sighed and sat her sister up, arranging her like she would a pretty, life-size doll.

“I’m not a neatnik, but you will have to keep your mess confined to your bedroom at my place.” I frowned at her computer station. “Guess I’ll concede my dining table to you, though. We don’t need it for a meal, that’s for sure.”

“Thanks, Glory. And my parents will be tickled at the news. They’ve been living in fear that I’ll get another guy in here. As it was, they never told Gramps that I had Albert as a roommate for a while.”

“Gramps the preacher. I can see where that would cause a stir at prayer meetings.” I sat in Josh’s abandoned chair and got a visit from Booger. The cat was growing on me. He licked my hand with a sandpapery tongue and I stroked between his ears.

“A stir? Me living in sin would have called for a candlelight vigil.” Penny sighed. “Jenny would never disappoint Gramps by shacking up with a guy before marriage.” She looked at me. “She’s the one who always gets the smiling pictures and features in the local paper. Of course she was homecoming queen, head cheerleader.”

“But you’re the one who has grants and degrees.” I looked from one twin to the other. Hard to believe they’d popped out during the same birth. They were so different. Yet there was a slight similarity to the tilt of the chin and the curve of the brow. Of course Penny’s eyebrows were dark and hadn’t been properly shaped.

“Whatever. We don’t compete. We accept our differences and love each other for them.” Penny put her arm around Jenny. “No way am I letting her grow old and die when I won’t.”

“You may not have a choice in that.” I felt the cat purring in my lap. “It will be Jenny’s decision when the time comes. And it’s way too soon for you to ask her to make it.”

“Why? I’m stuck in this nineteen-year-old body.” Penny looked down. “Not the one I might have wished for, but look at hers. It’s perfect. Who wouldn’t want to be stuck like that?”

I had to admit she was right. Jenny could have posed for a magazine ad. She
was
the size six the demons had tried to tempt me with but taller than I was by a few inches.

“You have to give yourself time to get used to your new life. I’m not allowing you to tell Jenny anything about vampires until I get to know her better and see what kind of risk we’d be running telling her about us. That is nonnegotiable.” I gave Penny my sternest look. “If you want to keep seeing Jenny on a regular basis, it’s going to have to be playing Penny as usual, no vampire vibe visible at all. Got it?”

“That’s never going to work.” Penny gave me a venomous look. “I get that my bloodlust is a problem, but otherwise . . . Come on, Glory, she’s my twin. We don’t keep huge secrets like this.”

“You do now. You’re the brain around here. Quit arguing and start doing. Erase her memory of the scene she walked into and wake her up. Introduce us. Tell her about the new living arrangement. Your new life starts now.” I sat back, cat in my lap and waited.

“I hate you.” Penny stood, her hands fisted by her sides.

“I can live with that. Just do it.” I ran my hand across Booger’s back while Penny told her sister she had just walked up to the door, had felt dizzy because she’d skipped dinner and Penny had caught her when she’d passed out. Then she told her to wake up.