Real Vampires Don't Diet (16 page)

"Of course, my darling. You need Glory to understand your pain." Richard followed us to the storeroom and set the bags down with a thump. "Here are the magazines you wanted."

I glanced at the one that slipped off the top of one of the overstuffed bags.
Bride Monthly?
"Flo, how were you robbed?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She picked up the magazine and waved it like a flag. "I finally, finally after centuries" She paused when Richard shut the storeroom door. I did have a customer. Of course she was afraid now to venture outside. Robbers, you know.

"As I was saying, after centuries of refusing to commit to one man, I finally decide that this is the man I will love
per sempre,
forever." She smiled and rushed to press herself to Richard, giving him an openmouthed kiss that curled
my
toes, and I wasn't even involved directly. Suddenly she pushed him away and wiped her mouth.

"Pah! What am I doing? What does
he
do? He takes me to
una caverna!
A cave!"

"It was the catacombs, dearest. Under the Vatican. There was candlelight. You said it was romantic."

"Insano!
There were rats. And damp. The man who married us was not handsome."

"Paolo has been a close advisor to His Holiness. And to half a dozen popes before him!" Flo ignored this, her bosom heaving as she pulled another magazine out of the bag. "Look at this. So beautiful. A garden. Bridesmaids. What did I have? Three old men in long dresses." She threw
Heavenly Brides
across the room.

"Cardinals, my precious. You should feel honored. I had to erase their memories afterward."

"As if witnessing our marriage is something shameful? Not to be remembered?" Another fat magazine sailed across the room, this one at Richard's head. His vamp reflexes came in handy and he caught it before it clipped his ear.

"Richard, why don't you find a twenty-four-hour car wash or something. Flo and I need to have some girl talk."

"Good idea, Glory. That drive into the hills left the car filthy." Richard grabbed Flo around her tiny waist. "Remember the last few days, my love?" He leaned down and whispered something in rapid Italian into her ear and she turned scarlet. Wow. Must have been some trip.

Finally she pushed at him, but she was smiling. "Go, wash your car."

"You want a fancy wedding, go for it. I'd marry you a thousand times in a thousand places. Just tell me when and where." He kissed her, then jerked open the door and headed out.

Flo and I looked at each other and blinked back silly tears.

"That was romantic." I rescued the magazine Richard had dropped by the door and shut it again.

"Yes, but he has escaped and left everything up to me, no?" Flo smiled. "I love him. So I marry him again." She pulled out another magazine, this one with colored stick-on flags marking pages. "I want at least six bridesmaids. You will be maid of honor, of course." She flipped open a page. "How you like this dress for you. I complain, but I did like the red the old men were wearing. You look good in red. What do you think?"

I gazed at the size-zero model and tried to imagine my curves in the strapless number with the tulip skirt. Flo was tearing pages out of the magazine and muttering about three-tiered cakes and centerpieces. I didn't dare mention that as far as I knew Flo didn't have six girlfriends to act as bridesmaids. Oh, boy, and I thought a Siren was trouble.

"I think I would love to be your maid of honor. Maybe we can go shopping. I should try on some dresses."

"Yes. And we'll need the right shoes to go with it. I am thinking a March wedding. Ricardo checked the weather on the Internet. Austin in March
is perfetto
for the outdoor wedding." She looked dreamy for a moment, then grabbed another magazine.

"Look at this. My dress! I fly to New York soon to see if I can get it in a hurry. I don't want to wait for a special order." She held up a picture that was a designer original. Obviously there were no budget limitations here. I knew Flo flying meant shifting. I guess the dress would come to Austin in a more conventional manner.

"It's beautiful, Flo." I tried to imagine myself planning a wedding. To Jerry. He'd go along with whatever I wanted, just like Richard was doing. But I'd always refused to consider that kind of commitment. Now Well now I probably wasn't going to
have
a future.

"My brother will expect to give me away of course. I don't know. Is he prettier than me?" Flo wheeled on me when I gasped.

"You're blocking your thoughts. He is!
Diablo!
I will walk myself down the aisle. Damian can stand by the guest book for all I care."

"No! Of course you are much more beautiful." I jumped off the table and hugged Flo. Now was definitely not the time to
get
into the Casanova thing. I hadn't even told Ray yet. In a complete fit of nerves, I'd just hit the road that night, after Valdez and I'd had our face-to-face with Aggie.

I'd been desperate for a change of clothes and the normalcy of getting back to my own place and my shop. Flo held me off and examined me with her dark eyes. "Your hair's a mess, like you need a good conditioner, and you look like you want to cry. What's up with you, girlfriend? What did you and Jeremiah do New Year's Eve? Did you have a fight?"

"I don't know what Jerry did, other than fly across the Atlantic. I spent the night with Ray." I fingered my fried hair that I'd tried to hide with a vintage scarf. It was getting a hot-oil treatment as soon as I had time. Unfortunately, a vamp's healing sleep doesn't extend to hair and nails. So vampires had to deal with those issues like mortals do, with one great exceptionwe never go gray. Cool, huh? At least Aggie had left me alone for the last few days, but she'd been right about those split ends.

"Mio Dio!
I want details." Flo grabbed my arm.

I gave Flo a quick, down-and-dirty version of New Year's Eve and beyond. I left out the Aggie encounter for now. I'd get to that when I could sit down with Flo
and
Richard
and
Ray.

"You fed Israel Caine? Don't tell me it didn't get a little hot. Come on now. I know how you are." Flo sighed. "I know how
I'd
be.
Poor Ray, unable to sing. My heart breaks. And then you are the only one who can save him. It's better than one of our favorite soap operas."

We DVR two of them shamelessly. Hey, it's like reading a great book that never ends. And some of the guys on there are hunka-licious.

"Well, yes, it was awesome. Ray
needed
me. I had to drink from mortals beforehand. So my blood would be full strength."

"Of course. Go on." Flo sat in the chair and crossed her legs. She wasn't a bit shocked. She drank from mortals all the time and had little patience with my usual reliance on synthetics. I must say her natural diet agreed with her. She looked great as always. My former roomie is a size six and a shoe addict, and had just discovered the joys of designer jeans, which hugged her tiny butt perfectly. I'd hate her if she weren't my best friend.

"I drank from Nathan, who happens to be AB negative."

"Your favorite! And he's Ray's best friend. This just keeps getting better."

"We kind of well, Nate and I made Ray think we'd done more than just the blood thing."

"Ooo. So was Ray jealous?"

"Not for long. We're just friends, Flo. Really."

I jumped when my cell phone rang. Jerry.

"Gloriana. Finally I get you instead of that damned voice mail. How are you?"

"Fine, Jerry. Any luck over there? With the daughter hunt?"

"Yes. I've tracked her and her boyfriend to the mountains of Transylvania." Jerry growled. "He calls himself Dracula. If it wouldn't drive a wedge between my daughter and me before our relationship had even started, I'd have already killed the bloody bastard."

"He sounds like an idiot. But keep in mind that Lily's been a vampire for better than five hundred years. I doubt she's looking for a protective father at this point." I felt Flo breathing down my neck. Of course she wanted to listen in. Why not? This was good stuff. "So how did Lily take the news? That she has a new daddy?"

"You're right. And Lily's not inclined to believe her mother any more than I am. We both know Mara's not above lying to get what she wants."

Jerry left unsaid that what Lily's mum wanted this time was Jerry,
my
Jerry, as hubby number two. Her number one had been Jerry's best friend Mac. When he'd been killed by Westwood, Jerry had tried to help Mac's widow any way he could. Recently she'd dropped the bombshell that the child she'd always been perfectly happy to claim as Mac's was actually Jerry's offspring. Great timing. Can you blame me for hating the manipulative bitch? Jerry knows how I feel so I didn't waste international cell phone minutes dredging up all that.

"Is Mara over there with you?"

"No. I left her in Paris."

"I'm surprised she didn't want to press Lily personally to take the DNA test, since she's so sure her daughter is yours."

"She's left that up to me. Lily does have the look of the Campbells, like my mother claims." His mother actually
likes
Mara. And was eager for a Jerry-sired grandchild. Mother Campbell also ranked me right below whores and polyester. Anything or
anyone
who could lure Jerry away from my side had Mag Campbell's vote.

"Gee, Jerry, seems like Lily would want that test. To know one way or the other." Flo snatched the phone out of my hand. "You can always trick her, Jeremiah. Steal a sample of Lily's spit on a glass or pull some of her hair out. Got to be by the roots though. That's important for some reason. That's what they did on
The Bold and the
Restless. Mio Dio,
what a catfight. Then" Flo fended off my grab for the phone. "Anyway, if it turns out she's your daughter, then
you
can decide whether you want to claim her or not. With her taste in boyfriends, sounds like not."

"Thanks for the advice, Florence. Now can I speak to Gloriana again? Say hello to Richard for me. Tell him he should come over here and assess this situation. There's a lot of work to be done with these out of control vampires."

"Oh, no, Jeremiah. Richard is no longer an enforcer of anything. Much too dangerous. He is mine now. And I forbid you to mention this 'situation' to him. You must come home soon. Ricardo and I are to have
un grande
wedding. He will want you to be his best man I think. But I shouldn't have said anything. Ricardo can ask you himself." Flo waved me off again with a smile I didn't trust.

"Now I want you to ask Glory about her New Year's Eve. You really shouldn't have flown away like that. A girl's got to keep busy, you know." Flo dropped the phone in my hand, took one look at my face, then hurried out of the storeroom as fast as her stilettos could carry her.

"What does she mean? What did you do New Year's Eve, Gloriana? I assumed"

"Just a minute, Jerry. You're breaking up." I looked toward the storeroom door Flo had closed so carefully, already planning a sneak attack on my former roomie's favorite Ferragamos. Flo thought jealousy kept a man on his toes. Granted, she should know. She had a good three hundred years more experience under her tiny belt than I did. Might as well go with it.

"Can you hear me now, Gloriana? I stepped outside. What's this about New Year's Eve?"

"Yes, that's better. No big deal. Ray had a problem. Didn't believe the warnings I'd given him about alcohol and got into booze anyway. He was really sick. I had to help him recover. Let him feed from me. New vampires." I made a noise, like what do you expect?

"He fed from you." Jerry said this like Ray and I'd shagged ourselves silly. British term. One we'd picked up watching the BBC.

"It was the only thing I could think of to help him. He'd lost his singing voice. It was really pathetic, Jerry. I felt sorry for him." Now
I
was the one sounding pathetic, making excuses. "Anyway, he's okay now. Valdez went with me, I'm home again and everything's back to normal." Yeah, right, if normal included a Siren in vampire-hunting mode and me suddenly craving mortal blood so much I'd actually thought about dragging one of my customers into the back room for a little late-night pick-me-up. Oh, yeah, and then there'd been that wrestling match with Westwood's water buffaloes. I glanced at my trophy water cannons, propped up where I could see them. For a moment I was tempted to brag about my takedown, but knew Jerry wouldn't see it as a good thing, he'd just issue more orders and double my guard. Hey, he'd done it before.

"Watch out for Caine, Gloriana. I know you're mentoring him, but he wants you for more than that. I wouldn't be surprised if he staged the drinking thing just to get you to come be with him." Jerry sounded serious. Jealous? Hmm. Maybe Flo was on to something. "I'll be home as soon as possible. Are you sure you're all right? You're keeping Valdez with you at all times?"

"Didn't I just say so? And you be careful. I can't imagine a guy who calls himself Dracula is discreet."

"He's a young fool."

Hmm. "Young" to Jerry is any vampire less than two hundred years old. Jerry's ancient, but looks all of thirty-two. And have I mentioned how hot he is? I wished he was here right now. With his clever hands all over me. Then I wouldn't be so vulnerable when Ray made moves on me.

"Dracula's not your problem, Jerry. Do what Flo says, grab a hank of Lily's hair and get your butt back here."

"Why, Glory, you must really miss me."

"I do. Come home and I'll show you just how much." I heard Jerry growl, a hungry sound that always makes me hot.

"I like the way you think, lass. But not yet. I can't leave Lily in this situation. Even if she's Mac's daughter and not mine, it's too dangerous. She's involved with this group led by her boyfriend. They're careless, preying on mortals, sometimes getting greedy with disastrous results. Now they've got the countryside here stirred up. The paparazzi are after them. You know how that can go. If the reporters for the tabloids can't find anything concrete, they make it up."

"Bad news." And why I was happy I'd found Austin, where vamps kept a low profile and no one did anything stupid like leave a victim lying around with a throat torn open. Or at least not often. I shuddered.