Rayven's Keep (28 page)

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“Nick, I’ve been thinking.” Tru handed him a steaming mug of tayberry.

“Now why does that fill me with dread?” he teased, taking the mug with one hand and tugging her onto his lap with the other.

She liked the fact she could snuggle on his lap and leaned comfortably against his good shoulder. She found it amazing how quickly they had fallen into a more intimate routine. The forced intimacy of being shipboard giving them a freedom to explore each other they might not have found otherwise.

“Nothing fills you with dread,” she snorted and grinned at him. She noticed the desire darkening his brown eyes and moistened suddenly dry lips. His gaze dropped instantly to her mouth, but he didn’t give in to temptation. Instead, he took a sip of his drink, quirked a brow and waited.

She cleared her throat and gathered her scattered thoughts. “What if I didn’t go home right away?” He opened his mouth to reply, but she rushed on without giving him a chance to say anything. “I thought I could spend some time on Alludra with you.” She waited for his answer, her heart racing.

“Sweetheart, we have already discussed this. Your family is waiting for you. It is important they know you are okay and the only thing which will set their minds at rest is seeing you.” He sat his mug on the bridge console and brushed a wayward curl behind her ear.

“What if I don’t want to go home?” she responded, feeling her way. She knew Nick enjoyed her company, knew he desired her, but he’d never revealed if his feelings went deeper.

She craved reassurance. She was falling deeper in love with him as time passed and was afraid she would get her heart broken if the only thing he wanted was a brief fling, even though she’d known the risks going in.

She studied his face looking for clues, but he was giving nothing away. She tried to hide her disappointment, but suspected he knew when he brought her face down for a tender kiss. It didn’t take long for it to turn into something carnal, which left her yearning. He was just as affected because she could see the rapid pulse beat in his neck and she was disappointed when he pulled back. Resting his forehead against hers, he waited for his breathing to return to a reasonable facsimile of normal.

“Truthfully, I would like nothing better than to have you in my home, sweetheart. This thing between us is powerful and leaves me breathless whenever I’m near you. It is difficult to keep my hands off you. Surely, you know that?” His voice was rough and he cleared the tightness from his throat. Leaning back, he met her gaze, allowing some of what he felt to show through. “I don’t want to let you go, believe me.”

“Then don’t,” she answered.

“Tru, what we have here is new. Raw. There is no doubting the sexual attraction between us. We practically catch fire whenever we touch, but our time together has been anything but normal.” He spoke carefully. She could tell he wanted her to understand what he was trying to say, hoping he would say it right. “Sometimes emotions get tangled up by shared danger and forced proximity.” She started to protest, but he pressed his fingers against her mouth stopping the words. “Let me finish, sweetheart.” When she nodded reluctantly, he dropped his hand to slide up and down her arm and continued, “I want us to be sure of what we’re feeling. You have to be sure. That is why I want you to go home for a while. Think about what you are feeling. Be absolutely sure it is me you want. I need for you to be sure. Do this for me, please.”

“I know what I feel,” she shot back. “It isn’t going to change, no matter what you think, but I will do as you ask. I’ll give you a standard moon cycle to come for me.” The words were difficult to speak. Her heart already bled from the impending forced separation as worry and doubt crept in.

Taking a deep breath, she whispered the next words in Nick’s language. “I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t disappoint me, Nick Rayven.”

She rose gracefully from his lap, leaving him open-mouthed. She snagged a portable tablet and retreated to her bunk to catch up on the lesson plan Siren had given her. She hoped it would take her mind off the exasperating man at the bridge for a while. The temptation to throw the tablet at his head had been great, but she acknowledged the truth of his words and refrained.

She was in love with the infuriating man, which wasn’t going to change, no matter how noble he tried to be. Sighing, she settled on her bunk and pretended to read without a great deal of success.

Chapter 23

Nick didn’t miss any opportunity to touch Tru over the next days, whether it was a light caress on her shoulder, holding her hand while they talked or allowing his hands to roam freely over her body when they fell entwined on his bunk. Or hers. Or on whatever surface was convenient when the mood hit. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other, which suited him just fine.

What surprised him, though, was the amount of time they also spent in conversation. He’d always found her interesting, with a curious and lively mind, but there was something different now. Their physical intimacy had given them a greater freedom to talk about things they held close. Admittedly, she was far more giving when it came to talking about her life and views, but he discovered himself opening up about his past. Something he never thought he would do.

He couldn’t share most of the memories haunting him; it was hard enough to relive the torment in his sleep, never mind talk about it. He’d never be able to wipe the horror away as he’d helplessly watched the smaller of the triad moons, Antor, hit with enough power to rip away a huge chunk and send the pieces hurtling through space. He would go days not even thinking about it and then something would trigger a memory and it would stop him cold in his tracks, make him struggle to take his next breath.

When the war came on Tonlith he’d done his duty, had believed in the united government until the dogma and cruelties of its leaders had persuaded him there had to be a better way. He’d stayed to try to be a voice of reason, joined with others who had become disenfranchised within the confines of the military and tried to mitigate the madness where they could.

He’d fought against the resistance, believing their actions could only lead to further disaster, and, in so doing, pitted himself against his uncle, Max Rayven. Nick was stunned to realize his uncle had gained a huge following, and had rapidly turned families against one another as he’d railed against the oppressions of the government. What had started out small, had gained momentum until both sides were armed to the teeth and unwilling to find a compromise.

The war raged for five years, destroying cities, killing the citizens indiscriminately and ultimately destroying the fabric of society as families became increasingly divided over who was right and who was wrong.

He tried to explain some of it to Tru, feeling better for sharing a small part of his past, but he glossed over most of it wanting to protect her. He needed her innate goodness to remind him there was a better way, to keep the dark at bay. He feared she might pull away if she knew some of the things he’d done and seen. Besides, how could he possibly explain the violence, the absolute disregard for human life he’d witnessed? Those images burned into his mind, constant companions, and had stripped away compassion and everything gentle in his nature. Until he met her, he’d feared nothing remained but the soldier doing his duty, grim-faced and unemotional.

On the final day of the war, he’d been recalled to the command ship, and was half way back with orders screaming through his earpiece, when the percussion from the mutilated moon caused his fighter to buck and roll. Nick had fought hard, riding the energy waves until a chunk of the moon hit his fighter broadside and sent him spinning away out of control. It had saved his life.

The last thing he’d seen was Tonlith alight as his command ship exploded.

The last thing he’d heard were the screams in his earpiece as life was extinguished.

The last thing he’d felt was the warmth of blood mingled with his tears, as it dripped down his face.

There had been few survivors and sensors had shown a world dangerous to land on. Grief and a rage so deep he didn’t know how to contain it had swamped him. He’d screamed into the blackness of space until his voice broke. And then, he’d screamed some more. His ship crippled, he’d drifted and waited for death.

“What happened after your ship was hit?” Tru prodded.

They were lying on Nick’s bunk, her head on his shoulder as he traced languid circles on her arm. He stilled for a moment, wondering if he would answer or change the subject like he did when he wasn’t ready to talk about something. His chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath and he could feel the erratic thud of his heartbeat under the palm she rested on his chest.

He pulled her closer and she shifted enough she could look up at him without raising her head from its comfortable spot. His gaze fixed on the ceiling, his mind clearly in the past.

“I drifted in space for some time. One of my engines was out and a fuel cell had been destroyed.” He was careful to keep all inflection out of his voice. Wanting no hint of what he felt revealed. “I was in the middle of a debris field, unable to maneuver very well. My force shield held, but was at half capacity.” He cleared his throat. “The command ship,
Warrior
, was destroyed along with its companion,
Victory
. Each ship held almost one thousand soldiers and crew. Gone. Everything destroyed in a blink, a moment of madness.”

“I’m so sorry, Nick.” Tru cupped his cheek.

Nick turned his face and kissed her palm then resumed staring at the ceiling. “My com unit still worked, but it wasn’t picking anything up. Just static. Tonlith’s sky was on fire, I couldn’t get a visual on the extent of the destruction. My sensors were going wild, not giving me a clear read. One of the triad moons, Antor, was a jagged ruin. The rebel base there had been blown completely away in the weapons blast. So many killed.”

He shifted, his muscles rock hard with tension. Tru started to move away to give him the space she must have thought he needed, but he tugged her back immediately. Nostrils flaring, he took a deep breath, catching the scent of her skin. He reached for a calm he was far from feeling, needing her beside him to be his anchor in the present.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he went on. “I knew I was a dead man. My ship didn’t have enough fuel to get me to safety, whatever safety meant with my world on fire. Life support was failing. All it would take was for the shields to go down and for a piece of debris to hit me to finish it. I just floated, wanting it to end.”

She bit her lip. He could see she was horrified by what she heard. The war on Tonlith had been a tragedy, one he knew had made the news on most of the worlds in their system. He suspected she hadn’t been affected by what had happened in more than an abstract way.

“Why did it come to that, Nick?” Her voice shook. “It makes no sense to hate so much. To think destroying your world is an option.”

“We’ll probably never know what happened in those final moments, sweetheart. I don’t know what escalated the final launch sequences. I just don’t know.”

“I’m so glad you survived,” she whispered.

“I owe that to a passing freighter. They picked up the distress beacon from my ship. What they did was risky. Their ship could have easily been damaged in the debris field, but it didn’t stop them.” His voice was a little hoarse with suppressed emotion.

He understood how lucky he’d been, but it was with some surprise and a small amount of pride he realized he’d made a good life for himself since that terrible time. He’d risen above the chaos, the rage and the grief to build something he thought mattered. It brought a measure of peace as well as hope for the future.

“Then what happened?”

“I drifted around the system for a few years, raising hell and taking my anger out on anyone careless enough to get in my way. I’m not proud of my actions, but I was wrecked from the war. Bitter. I didn’t believe I had anything left to lose.”

“What changed?”

Nick managed a weak chuckle. “I discovered I wasn’t the only survivor from Tonlith’s war. I wandered into a seedy bar in a very bad neighborhood in time to dodge a fist. A fight had broken out and in the middle was this blond pretty boy cursing in both common speak and Tonlithian. He was getting pounded, but he was giving as good as he got.”

Nick smiled at the memory. “I decided to even the odds a little and waded in. We managed to fight our way out of that bar and Seth and I’ve been friends ever since. We eventually found Callen and Burke. By then, I’d started up Rayven Security.”

“Have you found other survivors?”

“No.” He paused to consider her question before continuing. “But, then, I never expected to find anyone. It’s possible others survived. We just haven’t found them yet.”