Rapturous (16 page)

“It’s not the last time. It’s the first of many times we’re going to be together that way.” Because I’m fighting for my life here, I brazenly cup his obvious arousal and run my fingernail down the full length of him, making him tremble in response. “You can lie to yourself, but you can’t hide the
truth. Not from me.”

“You won’t understand.”

“I love you, Hayden. After last night, do you think there’s anything you could ask of me that would be too much for me?”

His eyes flare with heat and desire, and his cock gets even harder under my palm. Before I have a second to anticipate what’s going to happen next, he’s kissing me with deep, desperate strokes of his tongue that send me reeling.
I almost forget why I came up here. With that in mind, I turn my face away to break the kiss. “Tell me what you’re hiding from me.”

“No.”

I squeeze his cock, and his fingers dig into my shoulders. “Tell me.”

“Fucking hell, Addie. No, I won’t tell you.”

“I’m not leaving until you do.” Before he can anticipate my intentions, I unbutton and unzip him and drop to my knees before him, taking most
of his thick length into my mouth and then biting down gently but insistently.
 

He howls and claws at my hair, but I don’t let up. “Fuck, Addie…
Motherfucker
.”

I raise my hand to his balls, squeezing the firm globes until he’s leaking down my throat, on the verge of release. Massaging the spot behind his balls that turns every man to putty in the hands of a lover, I drag my teeth over his shaft,
sending the not so subtle message that there’s nothing I won’t do to get to the truth. I want his truth—and I want it right now.

“All right! I’ll tell you!
I’ll fucking tell you!
”

Thrilled with myself and with him, I decide to let him come before he talks. I stroke him with my lips, tongue and hand while continuing to massage his pressure point with my other hand. He comes with a grunt and a
sharp thrust of his hips, sending his cock so deep, my gag reflex is triggered. I battle through it to take every drop of his release into my throat, swallowing frantically.

When I release him, he stumbles backward, landing on the sofa where he’s been known to sleep while editing.
 

He’s sprawled on the sofa, his dick hanging out of his pants and still wet with my spit. I have a confession to
make right here—I’m exceptionally pleased with myself as well as my powers of persuasion. To see such a big, strong man reduced to putty in
my
hands is rather satisfying, if I do say so myself.
 

“That was a dirty trick, Addison,” he says in that low sexy growl I love so much.

Sitting back on my heels—a move I instantly regret—I shrug off the comment. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now start talking.”

“It’s really none of your business. You know that, right?”

“I’m making it my business.” Moving slowly, I push to my feet and move to the sofa, wincing as I sit because I no longer need to hide how I’m feeling from him.

He takes hold of my hand. “I hate that you’re hurting.”

“You play, you pay.”

With his gaze focused on our joined hands, he says, “That’s what Flynn and
Nat were talking about. Playing.”

“How do you mean?”

“I’m a sexual dominant, Addie. Do you know what that means?”

As I’m still processing the words “sexual dominant,” I don’t immediately answer him.
 

“You’re shocked, right? I know it’s a lot to take in, but it’s not really important that you fully understand it. It doesn’t matter—”

“It does matter. This is why you keep telling me that what’s
already happening between us can’t continue. You think I can’t handle it.”

“That’s not it.”

“
Right
.” I load that single word with every ounce of sarcasm I possess.
 

“It’s so much more complicated than that.”

“You know how I feel about you, Hayden. Don’t I deserve more than platitudes? Tell me the
truth
.”

“Fine! The truth is we’re incompatible. You’re no one’s submissive, let alone mine, and
you can’t be controlled. I’d be crazy to even try to dominate you. You’d fight me every step of the way, and we’d both end up hurt in the end. I can’t go there with you, and I’m not willing to live without that side of myself. You wanted the truth—there it is.”

It’s a lot to wrap my head around. “So let me get this straight—you want and need dominance…” I swallow hard. “In bed.”

“Among other
places, including dungeons, playrooms, in public.”

My brain nearly gets stuck on the word dungeon, but I force myself to listen and process everything he says. “But you don’t want that with me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want it with you, Addie. It’s more that I’ve been in this lifestyle a long time, and I’ve learned how to judge compatibility. We’re incompatible.”

“That’s funny, because we felt
pretty damned compatible the last couple of nights in my bed.”

“That’s not what I mean. We have chemistry, attraction and desire to spare. I’d never deny that. But those things alone don’t make for a successful dominant-submissive relationship.”

“What does?”

He sighs deeply. “For one thing, a deeply held desire on the part of the submissive to turn over her well-being and control of her pleasure
to her Dom. That’s not you, Addie. You want to be an active participant. You want a partnership. I want utter dominance and complete submission.”

The words, and the images that accompany them, make my nipples tighten. My clit tingles, and I shift in my seat, seeking some relief from the sudden hum of desire. “Th-that doesn’t sound
terrible
. Could we try it?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“That’s
it? Just no?”

“Just no.”

Now I’m pissed. “You say you don’t want me to hate you, but if you refuse to even consider the possibility that we could make this work, I’m going to hate you.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he says with weary resignation. That’s when I realize this is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting me.
 

Why does it have to be this way? Before I can ask that, another thought
occurs to me. “How do Flynn and Natalie know about this?”

“Before I say anything more, I need to be assured of your discretion. We’re talking about people’s lives and reputations here.”

“I’m a little insulted that you think I’d repeat whatever you’re about to tell me. I might remind you that I signed Emmett’s rock-solid confidentiality agreement. Suffice to say I’m not looking to ruin my life
or anyone else’s by blabbing about what goes on here.”

“I know I can trust you, but I have to say it anyway because of the sensitive nature of what I’m about to tell you.”

“I won’t tell anyone, Hayden. You have my word on that.”

He hesitates before he says, “Flynn and Natalie know about this because they’re in the lifestyle, too.”

Even though I sensed he was going to tell me about Flynn, I’m
shocked to hear that Natalie is part of it, too. Suddenly, a lot of things make sense. “This is why she left him, isn’t it? She discovered he’d been keeping this from her.”

“Yes. She found the room I keep at my Malibu place and asked him about it. He panicked and lied to her, and then Valerie called her and told her where to find the room in his house. When she confronted him about that, he lied
again. As you know, they’ve since worked things out, and he’s brought her into the lifestyle slowly but surely.”

“So Natalie, the survivor of a violent sexual assault, can handle being a submissive to her dominant husband, but
I
can’t handle being submissive to you?”

“It’s not about whether or not you can handle it, Addison. It’s about whether or not you’re actually submissive. And you’re not.
That’s not how you’re wired.”

“From what I know about your… lifestyle… people can be trained to be submissive, is that correct?”

“Yes,” he says through gritted teeth.

“So you’re saying I couldn’t be trained?”

“I’m saying I’m not willing to train you.”
 

“Fine,” I say, getting up so quickly that I gasp from the pain. “Then I’ll find someone who will.”

He’s right behind me, grabbing my arm
and bringing his face right down to mine. “The hell you will.”

“Why, Hayden, are you
dominating
me right now? Is that what this is?”

“No. This is me forbidding you to do stupid, dangerous things to get back at me for not being what you need me to be.”

I raise a brow in stunned disbelief. “You’re
forbidding
me? Isn’t that rich? You don’t want to be my Dom, but apparently you think you have some
sort of right to order me around just because I fucked you a couple of times? What century are you living in?”

His face has gotten very red, and his eyes have never been bluer. “I’m living in the here and now, and I won’t let you do this.”

“Guess what? You don’t get to tell me what to do. We’re done, remember?”

“I take that back. We’re not done.”

I laugh at the sheer lunacy of this conversation.
“You can’t take it back. This isn’t preschool, even if it’s starting to feel a lot like it.”

“Call it whatever you want, but you’re
mine
, and no one else is touching you but
me
.”

I think about what I’m going to say for a long moment, and then I force myself to look him dead in the eyes. “Last night, I would’ve loved to hear you say that. Now you’re saying it for all the wrong reasons, and that’s
not okay. So I respectfully decline your offer to ‘take back’ what you said last night.”

I’m almost to the door when he says, “This is not over, Addison. It’s not even kinda over.”

I resist the urge to reply to that comment and smile to myself as the door clicks shut behind me. All things considered, I’d say that went very well.

Chapter 9

I’m losing my fucking mind. The thought of Addie seeking out BDSM training from someone other than me makes me insane. As I zip up my jeans, I can’t believe she blew the truth out of me, basically proving my point. Addison York is no one’s submissive, and I have zero control over her.
 

Picturing
her submitting to someone else, though… That kills me. I reach for my phone and call Gordon Yates, our director of security in LA.

“Hey, Hayden. Nothing new to report on your mom. She’s had a quiet few days at home.”

“Good to hear. I’ve got another situation I could use your help with. I need eyes on Addison York.”

“Flynn’s assistant?”

“Yeah.” I grit my teeth to keep from correcting him. Yes,
she’s Flynn’s assistant, but she’s also
my
woman.

“What’s the concern?”

“She’s been making some questionable choices lately.” I feel like an absolute shit for saying that, because the only questionable choice Addie has made is getting involved with me. “I want to make sure she’s safe.”

“Can you define questionable or give me something else to go on?”

“I want to be apprised of her whereabouts.”

“Anything in particular?”