Rapturous (30 page)

I’m about to tell him that I need my things from the locker downstairs when a member of Devon’s staff appears with a bag that is tucked into the backseat of Hayden’s Range Rover. He puts me into the passenger seat and belts me in. I’m still wearing the Black Vice silk robe I changed into before my meeting with Andre and still holding the paperwork
we were reviewing when Devon summoned us to his office.

I want to take a pause here to assure you that I never intended to allow Andre—or any other man—to touch me. I wanted information. I wanted to understand the process of entering into a Dom/sub relationship so if I got the chance to explore that with Hayden, I’d have a better appreciation for what it entailed.

The thought of any man but
him touching me that way is unfathomable to me. In another life, one in which Hayden Roth doesn’t exist, I might’ve found Andre attractive. I might’ve wanted to explore some of the things we talked about with him. But Hayden is the center of my world, and he’s the only man I want touching me intimately.

It’s funny to think that a week ago, before he kissed me and I decided to seduce him, he was
always my fantasy man, the one I would choose if I could have anyone I wanted. But now that I’ve actually experienced the reality of him, I can’t imagine allowing another man to ever touch me again. And I realize I need to tell him that before this goes any further.

“Hayden.”

“Yeah?” He grips the wheel tightly, his gaze intently focused on the road as we drive to Malibu. I wondered if he would
take me to his place in town or if we’d go to the beach. I’m glad he chose the beach.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“It’s going to make you mad.”

“Okay.”

“I had no intention of doing anything with Andre.”

He glances over at me, seeming to gauge whether I’m telling him the truth or not, and then he returns his attention to the road. “Then what was that about just now?”

“It was
about showing you that I’m more than willing to be what you want and need.”

“So it was a setup?”

“Sort of.”

He’s silent for a long time, leaving me to wonder what he’s thinking. Is he pissed off? Will this change his mind about taking me home and teaching me about his lifestyle?

“So Marlowe and Natalie were in on it?”

“Possibly.” I hate to throw my friends under the bus, but I’m determined
to be truthful with him.

“And Black? He knew about this, too?”

“Possibly.”

My stomach is twisted into knots as I wait to hear how he really feels about what we did.

“And Flynn,” he says. “Of course he was part of it, too.”

“Don’t be mad at them. They were only trying to help us get over this hurdle so we have a chance of making a go of it.”

“I’m not mad at them.”

“Oh. So you’re mad at me,
then?”

He shakes his head. “I’m mad at myself. I should’ve had more faith in you from the beginning. What happened tonight… That was my own fault. I drove you to it.”

I can’t go another second without touching him. I release my seat belt and reach for him. “Hayden, I’m sorry. I hate that you were so upset by what you saw at the club.”

“It nearly killed me to see you having that conversation
with another guy when it should’ve been me.”

“You’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt this way about, and I’ll never feel this way about anyone but you.”

His arm comes around me, holding me tight against him. I feel his lips brush over my hair. “Same goes, baby.”

For the first time since we hatched our crazy plan last night, I’m able to draw air into my lungs without
a sharp pain of dread in my chest. This could’ve gone so wrong in so many ways, but it had gone exactly right.
 

“You need to let Flynn know that you won’t be available tomorrow and possibly the next day, too.”

Never has one sentence ever packed a greater wallop. “Oh, um… Okay. What about your deadline?”

“I’ll make the deadline. Don’t worry about that. You have far bigger things to worry about
right now.”

“Such as?”

“How I’m going to punish you for what you put me through tonight.”

Every nerve ending in my body, especially the ones between my legs, tingle with awareness and anticipation. “Punish me?”

“Uh-huh. We’ve got a lot of options to choose from, but that sweet ass of yours is going to be mine one way or the other.”

What does it say about me that I practically begin to pant
with lust at the thought of him “punishing” me? Not to mention what the gruff, confident tone of his voice does to my system, which is already going haywire. My nipples are so tight they ache, and my clit is throbbing. His hand slides over the silk that covers me to cup my ass. He squeezes my cheeks, and lets his middle finger dip into the valley between them, and just that is nearly enough to make
me come.

Dear God, what have I agreed to?

We arrive at his stunning home in Malibu, which is one of my favorites of all the incredible homes I’ve gotten to visit during my tenure as Flynn’s assistant and friend. I love the sharp angles, the huge windows, the breathtaking daytime view of the Pacific, and the contemporary design. Though I’ve been here many times, I’ve never been upstairs, which
is where he takes me upon entering the house.

Did I mention he insists on carrying me even after I tell him there’s nothing wrong with my legs?
Swoon
.

I love him like this—dominant and insistent and in charge. He recovered quickly from the breakdown at Black Vice. Gone is the broken man I found in Devon’s office. In his place is a man determined to finally get what he wants—and that’s me. Holy
shit is it exciting to experience this side of him.

I got a small taste of his controlling side in our previous encounters, but I already know that’s nothing compared to what’s going to happen now that he’s fully committed to giving me all of him.
 

He puts me down on the biggest bed I’ve ever seen and sticks out his hand.

“What?”

“Give me those papers.”

I hand over the contract Andre and
I had begun to negotiate.

Hayden takes the paperwork and sits at the foot of the bed to review it. His brows knit in concentration and his lips pucker as he reads, occasionally glancing at me as he goes.

It’s all I can do not to squirm under the intense heat of his gaze every time he directs it my way. This is what I wanted—his full and undivided attention. I wanted to
know
him on the deepest
possible level, and now that I’m about to get that, I’m scared.
 

What if Flynn is right and I can’t hang with dominant Hayden? What if I can’t stand the pain? What if I break and disappoint him? My hands and legs begin to tremble as the possibilities run through my mind.
 

“You left your list of hard limits blank,” he says, breaking a long silence.

“I know.”

“So that means you don’t have any?”

“I trust you to know what they are.”

He shakes his head. “I have no way to know that, Addie. You have to tell me.”

“I don’t even know the full extent of what’s possible. How do I know what my limits are?”

“So if I wanted to pee on you, you’d be fine with that?”

I can’t help but wrinkle my nose at that.
 

He laughs. “Thought so.”

My tongue suddenly feels too big for my mouth, and I swallow
hard. “Do
you
like that?”

“Hell no.”

“Oh, thank you, Jesus.”

“This is what I mean when I say everyone has hard limits. What’re yours?”

“It might be easier for you to tell me about yours.”

“All right—I have zero interest in excrement of any kind, blood, animals, breath play, whips, gags, anything to do with rape or rape fantasy or humiliation.”

“That’s a good list.”

“Now let me tell you
what I
am
interested in—Kinbaku, which is a form of bondage and erotic tying that I’ve studied and practiced for years. It’s one of my favorite ways to express myself as a dominant.”

I’m transfixed as I listen to him and accept the beautiful gift he is giving me by sharing these facets of himself with me.

“Nothing turns me on more than having my partner completely at my mercy, submitting to
whatever I might dream up for us.” As he speaks, he seems to be somewhere other than here in this room with me. “I love toys of every kind. I love public scenes. I love to be watched, to know that what I’m doing is arousing not only my partner, but anyone who might be watching us. I used to love threesomes, but I won’t share you with anyone.” He turns that potent gaze on me. “You understand?”

I nod in agreement. I don’t want him to share me with anyone.

“Did anything I just said give you pause?”

“I’m not sure how I feel about being watched, especially at a club where the people I work for are members.”

“I understand, and we can work around that.”

“How?”

He gives this some thought. “We could ask your buddy Devon Black if we could do a scene at his club.”

“You would do that in a
club you don’t control?”

“I’d disguise my identity and yours, so no one would know who we are.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“If that’s a hard limit for you, all you have to do is say so, and we take it off the table. That’s how this works. We negotiate everything ahead of time so no one gets something they didn’t expect. The idea is a safe, sane, consensual exchange of power.”

“It’s not a hard limit for me,
but thank you for offering to make it one.”

“You must have questions.”

I have thousands of them, but when the time comes to ask them, my mind is completely blank except for one pressing thing. “What happens the rest of the time, when we’re not having sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you want to dominate me all the time or only in bed?”

“Our agreement only covers our relationship in the context
of sex. It doesn’t cover the rest of our lives.” He finally leaves his post at the foot of the bed and comes to me, running his finger over my cheek. “I have no desire to see you become anyone other than who you are now—except for when we’re naked together. Then you’re all mine. I say what, I say how, I say how often, I say when we’re done, I say when we’re just getting started. So if you’re
not in the mood for all that, don’t get naked with me.”

His lips find a sensitive spot behind my ear, and I’m reduced to a quivering blob of need and want.
 

“Do we understand each other?”

“Yes.”

“Yes who?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Mmmm.” His voice is a low rumble next to my ear. “It makes me so hot to hear that one little word from you.”

“What happens now?”

“Now we need to talk about a safe word—one
word that puts a stop to whatever we might be doing. No matter what, if you say that word, it’s done, so you need to be sure before you say it.”

“What if I’m not sure I want it to end completely? What if I need a break or a breather or whatever?”

“That’s what the traffic-light system is about. You say yellow if you want to slow down and red if you want to stop.”

“That would work for me.”

“Would you feel more comfortable if we signed a formal contract outlining what we’ve agreed to?”

“Would you?”

“In every other situation, I’d insist on it, but this is different.”

“How so?” Of course I
know
, but I want to hear him say it.
 

“Because this, you and me, is forever. I hope you know you sealed your fate with your little stunt tonight.” He runs his fingertip over my face. “Now that
I have you, I’m never letting you go.”

Thrilled to hear him finally say what I’ve always wanted to hear, I lock my gaze with his. “I’m counting on that, and I don’t feel the need to sign anything.”

“Okay.” His fingertip moves from my face to my throat to my chest, sliding between my breasts and coming to a stop at the knot to my robe. “Now about that punishment you owe me.”

“What about it?”

“It’s time, Addison. And because I care so much about you, I’ll let you choose this time.”

I understand that’s as close as he’s able to come to telling me he loves me, and somehow it’s enough. “What’re my choices?”

“I can spank you with my hand, a paddle or a flogger.”

“Which do you prefer?”

“I love them all, so you can decide.”

“Which one hurts the least?”

Laughing, he shakes his head. “I’ll
never tell.”

“That’s mean!”

“Are you questioning your Dom, Addison? Because that would only add to your punishment.”

“I would never question you, Sir.” I lower my eyes in supplication and love the gasp my action draws from him.