Rain Music (38 page)

Tears sprang to Bella's eyes and her hands flew to her mouth. ‘No. No way. You've got it all wrong. He . . . couldn't have . . . he . . .' Bella dissolved into tears, her voice choked by sobs.

Ned reached over to Bella, but she snatched her hand away.

‘Believe me, I denied it too. It's a very hard thing to accept that our father had another family in Melbourne. But Bell . . . it doesn't mean Dad loved you any less. You know he couldn't have been prouder of you.'

Bella shook her head savagely. Huge fat tears rolled down her face. ‘I don't want to hear any more.' She turned her face away.

‘I know, Bella. Really, I know how you feel. I felt so shocked I just couldn't comprehend it. I couldn't tell anyone about it – certainly not you or Mum. How could I destroy the image of the man you two believed to be the perfect husband, father and model citizen?' Ned shook his head. ‘I just didn't know what to do. And it was right before the wedding.'

Bella glanced up. ‘Did you tell Ash?' she asked.

Ned took a breath. ‘No. I should have, but the whole thing made me so sick. And she hadn't believed me when I'd told her about seeing Dad with that woman in the restaurant, so I just couldn't bring myself to tell her the rest. It should have been easy, we'd been together forever. I thought we were soul mates. But when I found out about Dad, something changed in me. I realised I just couldn't go through with the wedding. Dad was always
setting such high standards for us, telling me not to let the family down, that we had a position to uphold in Tennyson, saying how important it was to make a commitment and stick to it, but he didn't live by those standards himself. He wasn't really committed to Mum or our family. He wasn't really the great man that everyone thought he was. I just lost it. I felt so confused and betrayed. I just couldn't face the wedding, so I called it off. I wanted to get as far away as possible from Dad and from Tennyson. And then two weeks later, he was killed, driving back from Melbourne in the pouring rain. He'd been with her. So in the end I never got the chance to confront him.' Ned turned away. ‘I've hated myself ever since for not standing up to him, at least for Mum's sake.'

Bella was shaking now, tears streaming down her face. ‘It can't possibly be true,' she whispered.

Ned stared at his sister. He was not really surprised by her reaction, but he had more to tell her and he couldn't stop now.

‘She came to his funeral, you know,' he said.

‘
What?
' Bella's head snapped up.

‘I saw her in the church. I tried to reach her at the end of the service to ask her why she had come, but there were so many people trying to speak to me after the service, to say how sorry they were about Dad, that I couldn't find her. I guess she didn't hang around.'

Bella stared at him, her eyes round.

‘After the funeral most of the flowers were sent to the hospital and the nursing homes because there were just so many, remember? Glenda kindly removed all the cards from the tributes and gave them to me to give to Mum. Mum would of course acknowledge them all. I glanced through all the little cards and I found one that I didn't want Mum to see. I don't know why, but I needed to keep it. Maybe to prove to myself that what I had found out about Dad was real.'

Ned reached for his wallet and took out a small card, which he passed to Bella.

The card read,
To Alex, forever in our hearts, Frances and Chloe.
Bella stared at the words, seemingly struck dumb.

‘I suppose Mum would have thought they were just some grateful patients, which is what they might well have been, but they weren't,' said Ned. He took a deep breath. ‘Bella, yesterday you told me that the truth should always come out. And you're right. If we are to get on and trust each other, we can't have secrets between us.'

He rubbed his face with his hands, knowing he looked wretched. The silence drew out between them.

Finally Bella asked, ‘And where are they now? This woman and the child? Did you ever confront her and settle it once and for all?'

‘Of course not. Dad was gone. What was the point? But I did go past the house in Fitzroy not long before I came up north, and there were other people living there. Frances and Chloe had left.'

‘Chloe,
Chloe
, God I hate that name,' Bella cried, tears springing afresh. ‘I always have. If what you say is true, it seems that I wasn't Dad's little princess at all. I had competition.'

‘So it would seem. Our whole family life was a sham.'

Bella was staring at the card, reading the words over and over. Then suddenly a new fury filled her face.

‘I put my father on a pedestal and all the time he didn't deserve my admiration at all.'

‘That's not entirely true, Bell. He was a wonderful and caring doctor.'

‘But it seems that he wasn't quite as wonderful and caring a father.'

Ned sighed. ‘No, he wasn't who we thought he was. Now I think you can understand why I don't want to go to the dedication ceremony.'

Bella stood up. ‘Ned, I don't want to talk about this any more.' Her face was blotchy and her cheeks were streaked with tears as she hurried across the room. ‘I have to go for a walk. I need some space. I feel as though my whole life has been pulled out from under me like a rug.' She paused for a moment and stared at her brother. ‘She'd better not come to the ceremony. She wouldn't dare, or I'll attack her.' And she ran outside.

*

Ned watched her go and decided to give her some time. He'd had a long time to process what had happened and he still felt shocked, confused and upset every time he thought about it. Bella had adored their father. This information about him was probably amongst the worst news that she could ever hear. He got himself a beer and sat staring at the grey skies, debating whether or not he'd done the right thing in telling her about their father's other life. Just when he and Bella had found new ground and were establishing a new relationship, he'd broken the promise he'd made to himself never to reveal their father's treachery and disloyalty. But he also recognised that without the truth his and Bella's relationship would never flourish. There would always have been a barrier between them.

Nevertheless, Ned desperately wanted to make peace with Bella, and ask for her forgiveness for shattering her illusions and undermining their father's privileged position in her heart. Yet, Ned had to acknowledge, now that he'd shared the terrible secret he'd carried, he felt a deep sense of relief. Perhaps, at last, he could move on.

He was about to go outside to look for his sister when he heard a car approaching. He got to his feet and walked up to the gate.

A few minutes later, Jack strode into the room behind Ned and threw his cap onto one of Carlo's chairs.

‘You beat me to it, huh? Everything looks packed up.'

‘Yeah. Sit down, Jack. I'll get you a drink.'

‘Stay there. Where's Bella? And what's up with you? You look like you've been steamrolled.' Jack went to the bar and found a beer. ‘I came over to help you guys move gear and pack up. Rainy season has started, for sure. Wanted to check up on that plucky little sister of yours, too. See how she's getting on.'

He gave Ned a quizzical look as he swallowed his drink. ‘You guys had a bit of a stoush? You can't be that upset about leaving.'

Ned looked at Jack for a moment and then decided that he would confide in the older man. He needed some advice, and Jack was worldly wise and a good listener, so Ned told him what had happened.

Jack didn't interrupt, and when Ned had finished he said, ‘I'm not surprised by Bella's reaction. It was a pretty hard thing to hear. And how do you feel?'

‘Like a weight has lifted, I have to say, but I also feel terrible for disillusioning her.'

‘Understandable,' said Jack.

‘Maybe it was stupid of me to tell her. We were getting along so well. First time in quite a while. She even wants to
become my manager.'

Jack took a sip of his beer. ‘Damned good idea. She's smart. And you don't want people ripping you off.'

Ned felt a rush of affection for this off-beat man he'd come to like so much.

A few minutes later Bella, driven in by the rain, came back and went into the kitchen to make herself a coffee.

Jack said nothing. Ned had got used to the way he didn't do small talk. Ned went to the bar and got another beer as Bella came back into the room and sat near Jack, holding her mug of coffee. Her eyes were red and swollen. The three of them sat in silence.

‘Ned shared some unhappy news with you,' said Jack at last.

Bella nodded.

‘Do you wish he hadn't?'

Bella shrugged. Then nodded. ‘But I asked him to tell me. Insisted, even.'

‘What would you have done if you had been the one to find out about your father?' asked Jack in a casual, non-challenging voice.

Bella raised her voice and burst out, ‘I would have confronted Dad and demanded an explanation from the start!'

Hearing this, Ned winced. He knew he should have done exactly that, but now it was all too late.

‘I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn't want Bella, or my mother, hurt. Maybe I should have confronted him.' Ned turned away but not before the others saw the pain on his face.

Jack nodded. ‘Way it sometimes goes.' He turned to Bella. ‘But have you considered what would have happened if Ned had confronted your old man? Think about that, Miss Bella.'

Bella sat quietly.

‘It would have been ugly,' answered Ned. ‘He probably would've denied it. Or he would have asked me what I thought would happen to
Mum if it had all got out. He would have said that no one would believe my accusations. He would have worn me down and in the end he would have made me feel as though I was the bad guy. The irony is, I feel like the bad guy anyway.' Ned felt the all-too-familiar sense of defeat come over him and his shoulders slumped.

‘Bella?' Jack looked at her.

‘Ned's right about Mum. I would hate Mum to ever find out about this. She cherishes Dad's memory.'

‘And your memory of your dad?' asked Jack sharply, looking from sister to brother.

‘My father's memory is tarnished forever,' said Bella bitterly, her voiced raised in anger. ‘He's not the father I always thought he was. I wasn't even his only daughter.' Bella put her head in her hands and her shoulders began to shake gently.
Jack reached across and patted her gently on the knee.

‘Sure it's a shock. Would be for anyone, to find out that their father wasn't the fine guy who they thought he was,' he said gently.

Bella raised her head and looked from Jack to her brother. She drew a shaky breath. ‘You know something, Ned, in some ways I think what you did, keeping quiet so that everyone else could still go on thinking that Dad was wonderful, was maybe the right thing to do after all. I can't bear the thought of Mum ever knowing. And I'm sorry that your decision to keep it all quiet has screwed up your life.'

‘Not as much as I screwed up Ashleigh's. I did a terrible thing to her. I must have so humiliated her, calling off our wedding so close to the day, never giving her a proper explanation. I can't forgive myself for that.'

Jack raised an eyebrow. ‘So, you ended your relationship because of what your father did?'

Ned swallowed hard. ‘What Dad did shook me to the core, and made me think twice about marriage, that's certainly true. But there was something else.' He paused, glancing at Bella. ‘Ash had been hinting that I should give up my music, except as a hobby, and get a regular job. She wanted stability and wanted to put down roots in Tennyson. I was getting married because I knew that was the right thing to do, the next step in our relationship. I loved Ash, and I thought if we got married we'd just figure things out. But deep down, I really wanted to keep writing music. I knew then that I couldn't make the sort of commitment that Ash wanted, but I didn't explain any of this to her. I just couldn't tell her the truth.'

‘Cold feet,' said Jack.

‘I'm just like Dad. For all his talk, his standards, his rules, he never wanted commitment. He was selfish and so am I. What Ash wanted, I knew I just couldn't give her. I just broke up with her and ran away. I'm no better than Dad was.'

Bella stared at him uncomprehendingly.

Jack stroked his chin. ‘Now, I don't think that's right. It sounds to me like you and this Ash girl just weren't right for each other; she wanted one thing and you wanted something else.'

Ned didn't respond and Jack continued. ‘Never a bad thing to admit your mistakes. I've done a lot of that in my life.' Jack finished his beer. ‘Tell me, what are you two going to do after you leave this place?' he asked. ‘Seems to me you're both at the starting line. It's up to you how you run the race from here.'

Ned stared at the warmth in Jack's eyes. Was the older man saying that it was time to put his father behind him and start over? But could he really do that? He glanced at Bella.

‘I'm sorry, Bell. I never wanted you to be hurt.'

‘It wasn't your fault, Ned. I have to believe what you've told me, but I still can't quite accept it. Why did he do it? Was it us? Mum? Did we do something wrong?'

‘No!' interjected Ned. ‘I think he did it because he thought he was entitled to do whatever he wanted. That the rules didn't apply to him and he could take what he wanted without any regard for the feelings of those closest to him. He was selfish and self-centred.'

‘Maybe,' said Bella, her voice unsure.

‘The sins of our fathers can be a heavy burden if we let them,' said Jack, eyeing Ned, but Ned was looking intently at Bella. Jack turned to her. ‘Now you know the truth, Bella, there's no going back,' continued Jack. ‘But neither of you should feel responsible for your father's actions. He did the wrong thing by your family, but don't take it on yourselves to live with the consequences of what he did. Cut yourselves some slack. Keep going forwards with your lives.'