quintessence. (27 page)

“Toby? How could you both keep that from me?” I asked, feeling the anger form inside me. “I mean, why would you keep that from me?”

He put one hand on my shoulder and the other on my face, turning me to meet his eyes. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted to be there for you. I didn’t want it to be about me. You’ve given so much to those around you and I wanted to be there for you. I didn’t want you to feel like you needed to do something for me.”

“You’ve made a hypocrite of yourself. You speak of truth and of understanding and whatever the fuck other thing you feel the need to voice in your messiah-like way, and then you keep this from me? I’m angry, but the anger comes because you’re breaking my heart.” I felt the tears fill, and I looked at Sabrina and Jackson who watched me, both looking regretful. I wanted to run from the room, but I couldn’t.

Karl pulled me into a hug and I wanted to fight him. I wanted to scream at him for keeping it from me, but everything made sense. The comment Toby had made, the box, god
the freaking box
. I couldn’t be mad at him. I understood.

“That’s why you made that comment earlier about me keeping things from Toby? I did it to protect him. I didn’t want him to think about what was going on with me and forget about what he needed to do.”

“Yep,” he said, and his voice echoed through his chest as I held him. “Margaret, you just found out today that you have a chronic disease. Who in their right mind would want to throw their issues on you when you have that to go through?”

“I understand, believe me, I do. Never try to protect me again, though.” I leaned back from him and looked into his eyes. “I mean, you can protect me from a bear or an attacker, but don’t protect me from life stuff. I love you Karl, and I want to be there for you where I can. We’re gift givers,” I said with a smartass smile. “We’re functional without each other, but together we’re better. I’m the pocket and you’re the word to claim and learn from. Sometimes, I’m the learning and you’re the pocket.”

“Okay,” he said, bringing his lips to mine. It was our simple kiss I’d never tire of.

“So when are we going to call Toby?” I asked.

He laughed. “We’re not. He will be back soon. I told him the other day when he was here. He knows and he will be back in a few weeks.”

“So he knew the whole time he was helping me after my spinal tap?” I asked.

Karl nodded.

“Damn, he has grown. He didn’t say a word. He almost slipped about something, but I didn’t understand it was this.”

“He’s different. It’s inspiring to see someone discover what it is they need to do in life. I’ve always said that it’s the most beautiful thing in the world when someone has accepted themselves without the definitions the world has put on them. Toby will do some great things,” he said.

“Toby is freaking awesome,” Jackson said.

“Is that the guy who does the DJing?” Sabrina asked.

“Yeah, he’s the guy whose stuff I played for you the other night.”

“Toby has music that people are listening to? How could I have missed this? I mean, I knew he was out east playing shows, but I didn’t know it grew to this.”

“You were going through some heavy stuff, girlfriend. No one holds it against you for forgetting about the rest of the world,” Sabrina said. I laughed.

“I like you, Sabrina. You sugarcoat nothing. It’s awesome.”

“Why, thank you,” she said, leaning her head back onto Jackson’s shoulder.

“You’re okay?” Jackson asked me.

“Of course I am. I will continue to be okay unless Karl has another thing that will throw me off my game?” I asked with a laugh.

“Nope, no other secrets from me—except the fact that I don’t think my life will ever be the same having met you. You’ve effectuated emotions in me in such a raw way, I won’t ever be the same and I don’t want to be the same. I wasn’t expecting it.”

I smiled shyly by his declaration in front of others. “Neither was I. And that was another perfect sentence; the fact you said
effectuated
in particular made it perfect. I like that.”

“I have an extensive vocabulary. I can use many words on you, my dear Margaret.”

“You are something else—something entirely different,” I said and kissed his cheek.

“Does that mean you’ve forgiven me for not telling you?”

My chest fell at his expression when he asked. “Of course it does. I forgave you as soon as I heard.”

__________

We visited with Sabrina and Jackson for a couple hours. I found a new friend in Sabrina. She was chaotic in her speech and demeanor, but she was someone that didn’t hide from the world. I appreciated her openness.

“What are you thinking about?” Karl asked as I drove us to my apartment.

“I’m thinking about Jackson and Sabrina. There isn’t some flighty dream with them. There’s reality in their love.”

Karl laughed. “You don’t know the half of it. I should tell you their story sometime.”

“I’d like that.”

I parked the car in front of my apartment building. Karl took the keys from me and walked beside me up the stairs. “Do you want me to stay?” he asked.

“Well, since you don’t have a vehicle here, I suppose you’re stuck with me, because I don’t feel like driving anymore today.”

He laughed. “Stuck is the last word I would associate with being  with you.”

We reached the top of my stairs and I felt like I had just ran a mile, my muscles were shaking so much in my left leg. They trembled as if used to the point of exhaustion. “I pushed myself too much today.”

“Just have a seat and I will take care of everything.”

He walked me to my couch and went to the kitchen to start a kettle of water. “Tea is always nice for times like these.”

“Have you had many times like this?” I asked with a smile.

“Umm, no, can’t say I have, but I imagine tea is good for these times, regardless of how many of them I’ve had.” He turned back to the kitchen and I enjoyed watching him fumble around in my kitchen.

“My mom must have been here earlier,” I said to myself, as I looked through my mail that sat atop my coffee table. One with a return address from the advertising agency caught my interest. 

I opened the letter as Karl came near with my cup of tea.

Ms. Presley,

We would like to extend our regrets to you at your departure from our company. We saw immense promise in your work and hoped to have a long and fruitful experience with you in our employment. That said, we would like to extend an offer to you as we have a new opportunity on the horizon that the client has asked for you by name. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
Mr. James Smithson, CEO

“Holy shit,” I said and showed the letter to Karl.

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. I feel cleaner not working there. You know I have this new outlook on life.” I set the letter back on the table and leaned back into the couch.

“Yes, but that is still part of you. It was something you were passionate about.” He sat next to me and put his arm up on the back of the couch as he turned to me.

“Am I hearing you right? You were the one that chastised me for working there when I first met you,” I said and smiled at him.

“Yes, but I didn’t know you then. I made some assumptions, and I didn’t give you the opportunity to show me I was wrong. You love doing this.”

“I do, but I can’t do the same old crap. I can’t make crap look good anymore. It has to have meaning to it. My life has to have more meaning to it than just selling any old thing to the masses.” I lay my head back onto his arm and looked to the ceiling as he took my hand.

“Well, you don’t know what this is about. It could be something new and different.” We both looked at our intertwined fingers.

“We shall see,” I said.

“So does that mean you will meet with them?” he asked, releasing my hand to lift my feet into his lap. He slipped my shoes off and began to rub the arch of my feet to relax them. I closed my eyes at the soothing circular motion.

“Yes, I will.”

He turned my feet in circles to relax my ankles and then worked his way up my calves. I let my head fall back against the couch and looked up to my ceiling. “This is lovely,” I said on a sigh.

“Yes, it is.” Karl released one of my legs and took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist before setting it back on my hip.

Then, he lied down next to me on the couch and encased my body with his, my back to his chest. He pulled my hair out of the band I had it in and after freeing it, he kissed behind my ear. “Are we going to sleep out here or in your room?” he asked. “Because I’m tired myself.”

“Me too,” I said.

__________

We awoke the next day to knocking on my door.

“This is familiar,” Karl said from behind me as he sat up on the edge of my bed.

“How’d we get in here?” I asked.

“You kept pushing me off the couch, so I brought you in here.”

“You shouldn’t be doing that,” I said. “Had I known of your condition before, I wouldn’t have jumped on you as much as I have.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. With lips still pressed to me, he spoke. “And that is why I didn’t tell you sooner. I’ve enjoyed every moment you’ve jumped on me.” He laughed before he could finish the sentence.

I shook my head and lifted it up so his lips no longer met my forehead but my own lips. “I need to get the door.”

He broke our kiss and lowered himself, kissing down my neck before breathing a hot breath over each of my nipples through my tee shirt. Then he jumped from my bed and put his hand down toward me. “Okay, let’s get the door.”

“That was lame,” I said. “You enjoy teasing,” I said with a laugh.

I climbed from my bed and noticed he had also taken my pants off me. I pulled on a pair of shorts that lay on my floor.

I walked the rest of the way to the door and smiled when I looked through the peep hole.

“Who is it?” Karl asked as I opened the door to Blake and Brecken.

“What are you two crazy kids doing here?” I asked with a smile and cross of my arms.

Brecken pulled me in for a hug and kissed either cheek. “We were in the neighborhood. This isn’t saying much since Blake’s apartment is right around the corner.”

Karl laughed, “I think it’s kind of inspiring that the two of you kept both your apartments and tag team them.”

“You still have both your places?” I asked.

“Yep, for now, but we didn’t come here to yack about our homes. How are you two?” Brecken asked.

“Yeah man, you doing okay? Jackson’s doing fine now, right?” Blake asked Karl as he walked into my apartment. He made himself at home in the living room and it reminded me of times before when Hannah still lived here.

“Yeah, he’s doing great. You guys want to go grab some breakfast?” Karl asked. “Margaret needs to get some food in her to prepare for her big day at her former job. They want her to come back for a special project.”

I smiled and playfully rolled my eyes. “Okay, we don’t know what it is they want me there for.”

“Oh, I trust that the universe has something awesome planned for you today. We will go get some sloppy breakfast and then make our way over. I know the perfect place to grab some food,” Karl said.

“I know where we’re going,” Blake said with a grin to Brecken.

“Oh no, not that place again. I was in the bathroom all day after that place,” Brecken said with a grunt as she sat next to Blake on the couch.

“Is it a wise place for me to go then?” I asked with a laugh.

“Yes,” Brecken shook her head. “It is worth it, I will not lie.”

__________

“Okay, so this omelet we’re sharing has hash browns, onions, sausage, and pepper jack cheese in it? Then they put sausage gravy on top of it? This will kill me,” I said as I took a bite of one of the most divine things I’ve ever eaten.

“It’s worth it—isn’t it?” Brecken asked.

“Yes, I believe it’s worth it,” I said through a mouthful of the cardiac arrest causing meal. It was the little things, indeed.

“It’s good to eat like shit sometimes,” Blake said with a grin to Brecken.

“Sometimes, as in once every seven months,” she said in response.

I looked at Karl with a smile. “Now, is this okay for you to be eating?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Yeah, it’s okay once in a while for me too. But, I’ve not been here since the first time Blake brought me last year. His dad and he love this place.”

“Yes, we do. That’s why my dad has the waist on him now that he does. It’s bound to happen eating here.”

“Then why are we here?” Brecken asked.

“Because honey, we have to live a little sometimes. You can’t have spinach brownies all the time. You need a little protein,” he said as he took a bite of his breakfast skillet that was dripping with grease.