Question Mark (37 page)

“I didn’t mean to buy this kind. They were in a stack of regular underwear and I grabbed them without looking.”

Zane settled back in his chair, his legs loose and open as he considered Mark. “Take off the pants,” he said, fingers on his bottom lip.

Normally Mark would argue, but there was something about that hot stare and the commanding tone that lessened his self-consciousness and gave him a little swagger. He dropped the pants and stepped out of them.

“Happy now?” Mark asked.

“Not yet.” Zane watched him for a couple more seconds before his hand fell to his lap, just
inches
from his hardening length. “Let me see you.”

Mark didn’t even try resisting. He stepped over his bag and around the bed until he was in front of the desk and Zane, who opened his legs wider to make room for Mark between them. They weren’t touching until Zane rolled forward in his chair and laid his hands on Mark’s waist. He ran his hands down over that low top hem, back over his ass, forward again to his hips, and finally back to the hem again.

“Hmm,” Zane growled low in his throat and Mark’s cock punched against the stretched fabric. “Dessert.”

 Some time later, Mark lay still on the floor beside the desk and in front of the fireplace, dazedly staring at the elaborately tiled ceiling. Zane was against him and leaving a trail of light kisses on his stomach and ribs. They were both exhausted and happy. Only, Mark was still a little on edge.

“I know what I’m getting you for your birthday,” Zane said against his skin. “And Christmas. And Valentine’s Day. Or maybe I should say that I know what my birthday and Christmas and Valentine’s gifts will be.”

Mark chuckled. “If I had any idea you’d like them…”

“You probably still would’ve hidden them from me.”

He hesitated then grinned. “Yeah. Probably.”

Kisses fell on his side and over his stomach to the opposite hip. Mark squirmed. “How can you be so tense after that?” Zane asked absently, still moving his lips against Mark’s body.

If Zane thought Mark was tense before, that comment had his muscles knotting up all over. He
so
didn’t want to ruin this moment. 

“What is it?”

Mark took a deep breath and sat up, forcing Zane to follow suit as he pulled the comforter off the bed to cover them both. “I have some bad news and I didn’t want to tell you.”

Zane’s body tightened and his voice was wary as he spoke. “What is it, Mark? Don’t talk in circles.”

“I leave for home the day after tomorrow,” he blurted. “I didn’t tell you sooner because, well, at first we were arguing more than talking and we only now got back to a good place. I-I didn’t even know if you’d see me when I flew out here and I purposely kept the trip short when I made arrangements.”

Zane blinked then seemed to perk up. “Well, it’s no problem to extend your stay. I mean, you don’t have to stick with me every day or anything. I know being on set isn’t as glamorous as some might think. We can rent you a car and you can explore or whatever. Go sightseeing.” That Zane was offering to foot the bill for all of that was clear and it only solidified Mark’s resolve. He wouldn’t use this man. Ever.

Mark worried away at his bottom lip and started wadding the duvet in his fingers. “That…that would be awesome, Zane. Really. But I think I need to go back. I’ve made some decisions about what I want to do and I don’t want to wait to get started.”

To his credit, Zane pursed his lips and didn’t immediately come at him with an argument. “What decisions?”

Mark cleared the lump from his throat and tried to swallow his fear as he answered. “I don’t want to live in Albuquerque anymore. It’s full of memories—some good, most bad. I mean, I wasted almost two years chasing after a guy who wanted someone else out there. I want a new start. Without a job to go back to, I decided to move back to California. Until I find work, I’ll probably crash with Reid.”

“Bakersfield.”

“Yeah.” Mark tried to figure out what Zane was thinking as he said that one word, but his boyfriend was guarding his feelings very well at the moment. He had to ignore the urge to fill the silence with rambling.

“Do you want to get back into the same field, or do you want to do something different?”

Still so calm, Mark thought. Did that mean there was a storm coming? For a second or two, he considered making a joke about taking up acting, but thought it might be a bad idea. “Reid told me that he knows for sure that the ambulance service he works for is hiring dispatchers. I also know that the county is hiring as well and with my experience, I could maybe swing something. But, before I really try those places, I thought, maybe, I could see about L.A. and if there are any openings?” Shit. He didn’t mean that to sound like a question. “I-it’s just a thought.”

Zane’s lips loosened until they turned up in a careful smile. “You’d look there?”

“I-if it was okay with you. I’m not asking to like, move in together or something, but if you’re going to be there when you’re not filming…”

He should shut up. Just stop talking.

Zane was grinning now. And laughing a little. “Sheeze. If it’s okay with me?
Of course
it’s okay with me. I can’t believe you’d consider it over Bakersfield.”

“There are advantages to not being right under my family’s nose all the time,” he gave him a meaningful look. “My balls couldn’t handle the interruptions we’d endure at Reid’s place.”

Zane’s face as it broke in laughter was more handsome than any Mark had ever seen. He’s mine, Mark thought. He’s
really
mine.

Eventually, Zane got serious again and Mark greeted the change with an uneasy breath. Uh-oh.

“I get what you want to do, Mark. Establish yourself and get settled again, but there’s no rush for you to go do that, is there? You could stay here with me for a little longer and when I have to make my first trip back to start the media junket for
Buckland’s Hill
we could go back together.”

The light in Zane’s eyes made them incredibly blue and Mark hated that he was about to snuff that brightness out.

He gritted his teeth and forged ahead. “There’s more to it than that, Zane. I know how people have used you in the past. I won’t do it. Whether you want to spoil me or not, I don’t want you to ever resent me because I can’t do all the same things for you. A dispatcher’s salary is a couple million short of what you can bring in.”

“Mark, baby—”

“No, listen.” Hell, there was that baby endearment again. So hard to resist. “This is important to me. I’m good at what I do. The same way you are. I want to work and contribute and spoil you back. I need to work. Staying here and letting you wine and dine me; take care of all my needs…  It would be lazy of me, for one, but it’d also create something between us that I don’t want. As much as I want to spend all the time with you I can, it’s not that healthy to actually do that in the long run. If we do this,” he flicked his hand between them, “then we do it together, not like a 1950’s couple.”

The seconds that passed before Zane nodded were interminable. Zane pressed against his bottom lip the way he did when he was thinking and Mark couldn’t stop staring. “I told Mikey the other day that I didn’t want you to be a ‘kept man.’ You’re not my secret lover or a mistress—mister?—whatever,” his eyebrow quirked up. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to take care of you. That’s sort of my nature, I guess, but you’re right, it’d go bad. I know I’d end up controlling you and everything that makes you
Mark
would be smothered until I resented you and you hated me. I’m definitely looking for good things for us, not that.”

Mark scooted closer to him until they were shoulder to shoulder leaning back against the end of the bed. “So…you understand then?”

Zane fidgeted with his lip again. “I don’t want you to go.”

“And a huge part of me wants to never leave your side.” Zane didn’t respond, just kept his eyes trained on the duvet spread over his lap. “Is it—are you worried I’ll cheat on you?” Mark whispered, the question making his skin prickle.

Zane shrugged guiltily. “Only a little bit—but I swear that I mean it when I say I trust you. It’s only my stupid insecurity that makes me consider it. It’s hard to care so much about someone like this. My career is hampered by rumors all the time. It leaves us wide open.”

Mark nodded absently. “It does. I promise that I will not do that to you, though. I know what it feels like to think I’ve fucked things over so royally that I’d lost you and it taught me how important you are to me. I want and need you in my life.”

“You’re what I’ve been waiting for, Mark,” Zane said quietly.

Mark met his stark gaze and reached up to run his hand along that lightly whiskered jaw. He’d do anything for Zane, but he wouldn’t volunteer himself to ruin their relationship again like he had with that bullshit stunt with Christian. He had to go and get his life together. Wait for Zane to come home.

Home… God, it would be nice to have a home with him.

“I understand why you need to go,” Zane finally admitted, pressing a kiss to Mark’s palm. “I hate it, though.”

“I’ll be waiting for you when you come back. We can figure this out.”

Zane pulled Mark forward until he was sprawled awkwardly over his lap. “ Promise me one thing?”

“Absolutely.”

“Wait for me in those little red shorts.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

With a tremendous noise of tearing cardboard and scattering pots and pans, Reid announced his arrival in the kitchen. The cussing fit that followed was sort of low key as far as Reid’s fits went, but Mark and Sean didn’t waste time watching him.

“Extra boxes are in the garage since you ruined that one,” Sean said over his shoulder before going back to haphazardly wrapping up Mark’s glassware.

“Careful with my shit, guys,” Mark called out from his position beneath the dining table. He was pretty confident he shouldn’t be under the thing as he dismantled it, but the mother-effing leaf wouldn’t
come out
. “Fuck,” he said under his breath.

Reid, not caring for his two babysitters, stomped through the pile of pots and pans to make a little more noise on his way to get a new cardboard box. “I don’t know why I agreed to use some of my well-earned vacation days to pack all your junk. When did you buy all this?”

Mark rolled his eyes and tugged a couple more times at a latch that he hoped would free the leaf. “Not every bachelor lives with only a weight bench and a camp couch, Reid.” He heard a low “fuck off” come from the garage in response.

They were into their second day of packing and would be finished with most of the little stuff tonight. The good furniture would be loaded onto the truck tomorrow, and the stuff he didn’t want anymore was being removed by a local charity, which was nice because he wanted to be on the road by the next afternoon.

Mark pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. Zane was going to try to call soon and Mark didn’t want to miss it. Just over a week had passed since he said goodbye to him in the hotel room and hitched a ride to Heathrow. He wasn’t totally sure when he’d get to see his boyfriend again because Zane didn’t have his media schedule for
Buckland’s Hill
yet. Maybe a few weeks? Mark hoped it was that soon. The good thing about getting home and immediately making arrangements to move was that it gave him something to do to occupy his mind besides pining away for his own personal heartthrob.

Sean interrupted his little fantasy session to ask a question about some hideous vase that Mark didn’t remember buying just as Reid returned from the garage with a flattened cardboard box and a bag full of gear that Mark hadn’t seen in a long time. It was Rafe’s old soccer bag.

“Lookee what I found,” Reid grinned meanly. “Lots of soccer gear in this bag with initials on the tags… R. B. Whose are these do you think?”

“Leave it alone,” Mark muttered. “I forgot I had that. He can probably still use it if he’s playing.”

“Mark,” Reid gave him a Bambi-innocent pleading look. “We’re brothers, you and I. We’re only two years apart.” Sean abandoned the glassware and came over to dig through the bag curiously. “You don’t have to give me a Christmas present if
I
get to return his gear to him.”

“I want in on that,” Sean chimed in.

“No,” Mark snapped, climbing from beneath the table so hastily he smacked his head on the way out. “No pranks. No bullying. No picking fights. Don’t do anything with that stuff. I’m not delivering a bag full of soccer gear you’ve pissed on to my ex. We’re adults and I won’t allow it.” He rubbed at the back of his head and grunted at the pain.

“Does he still live in the same house in the Heights?” Sean asked, a gleam in his eyes.

Mark sputtered. “How did you know that?”

“I have my ways.” He arched his eyebrow meaningfully. “Nah, I’m jerking your chain. I packed your antique Rolodex and looked him up. I think it’s funny that you keep that thing updated, by the way.”

“It’s important to have a hard copy of—quit distracting me. You guys aren’t going to do anything stupid. Everything that happened with Rafe is water under the bridge now. He’s got a new guy and so do I.”