Question Mark (16 page)

Mark went back to staring at his shoes. “I can’t compete with the guys you probably meet day in and day out, not to mention the women who throw themselves at you, too. It’s a lifestyle I’m not at all used to and we don’t even know if we’d be able to see each other. How does it work? I’m a totally regular, run-of-the-mill guy dealing with a…superstar.”

Zane scowled, his hands tightening to fists with the tension in his body. “Says
you
. I’m well known but that doesn’t mean I’ve let that go to my head. I’m a regular man, too. And let me tell you something about all these
guys
you think I’m meeting—most men don’t give a shit about
me
, they only care about the guy they see on screen or in the tabloids. They care about money. They care about fame and partying and drugs. I don’t know why you’re feeling sorry for yourself all of a sudden, Mark, but if you were like the people I meet in L.A. I wouldn’t have driven to your parents’ house after sharing one dinner date and a few phone calls. I wouldn’t have been going out of my mind wondering how to spend more time with you so that you’d see there’s
something
between us that’s different and
worth
trying for.

“I’m not asking for a goddamn commitment ceremony here. Stop being dramatic. I want a chance, but I won’t beg for it.” Zane turned his back to stride to the door, then stopped and came back. “I finally meet a guy who doesn’t give a damn that I’m in movies or how much money I make and he turns around and says he’s not going to live up to my expectations. So he actually does care what I do—only it’s in the opposite way guys usually do! Ironic right?” Zane lifted his hands in frustration and let them fall back to his sides.

“Why don’t you let me decide who I can like and why? I’m a normal guy, too, Mark,” he repeated. “I grew up in North Dakota with a single mom, bagging groceries to help pay the bills. I got scholarships to get my ass to good schools. I ran track and was in the drama club getting made up for shows—try explaining
that
to your buddies who are actually right on when they suspect you of being a fag.”

Mark stood abruptly and looked at him beseechingly, but Zane held him off with a pointed look. He
was
going to have his say.

“I moved to L.A. and went to casting call after casting call and finally got lucky with some small parts. Then I got luckier with bigger parts…and so on, until I’m making huge money, have almost no time to myself, and can’t trust most of the men I come across because I know they couldn’t give a shit about where I come from and who I am. So, if you don’t want to try this—fine—like I already told you once, I’ll go and leave you alone. And if this is you pussing out because the road looks rough and because some douche bag made you feel like less than nothing in the past, like I suspect, then I guess I should make this choice for myself and go home while I still have some dignity.”

“Hold on.”
Mark pleaded, carefully stepping closer to him, like he was an animal out of his cage. “Don’t leave. I just wanted to have a conversation about this.”

Zane shoved his hands in his pockets and fumed, trying not to get his hopes up and embarrassingly close to throwing his dignity out the window anyway.
And a-one, and a-two, and a-BEG.

“Zane,” Mark sighed, dropping his head and nervously twining his fingers behind his neck. “I’m sorry. Really.” Zane started to interrupt, but Mark talked over him. “No, you’re right, I was totally taking the cowards way out. And I know that if you left this house, I would’ve chased you on foot down the highway.” Mark dropped his hands and held one out for Zane to grab. After a moment, he did.

“I know this is bigger than anything I’ve been through in the past,” Mark eventually continued. “It has more potential and more risk than any other relationship, honestly, and here I was thinking I’d already been through some tough relationship challenges.”

“What’s this about then, Mark? We were getting into things when Sean showed up. Were you going to let loose on me then kick me out of your bed once you were done with me—send me on my way? A famous conquest. I’ve had my fair share of casual sex and I don’t want it anymore. That’s not what I’m in this for.”

Mark bit down on his lip and shook his head. “I don’t want to screw around. I’ve had enough of that and it makes me sick that I’d come across that way at all. It’s just—it’s really easy for me to believe that I’m going to end up someone’s second choice. Your ‘no games’ thing helped at first because I’ve never had anyone pursue me like that. It’s always been where I’m left wondering how a guy feels about me. That’s led to a couple one night stands that I thought were going somewhere—and one long-term relationship where it turned out the guy was miserable with me.” Mark gave up staring at Zane’s chest and finally met his eyes, the hurt still very much alive in them. “I don’t really have words to describe how it felt when it sunk in that I was a guy that someone was
settling
for
. I was good enough but not perfect. I look at you—your life, what you’re accustomed to, even how unbelievably
gorgeous
you are—and I can’t help but think that might happen again.”

Zane pulled on Mark’s hand and waited as he slowly allowed himself to be tugged closer. “Being around you is scaring the hell out of me.” He actually chuckled at the unhappy look on Mark’s face. “I’m serious. You
matter
and so I’m not going to do well if every time you experience some doubt you show me the door.” He gave Mark’s hand a little shake. “I came up here to see you, knowing I wouldn’t get much alone time with you, if any, but I didn’t care because I would rather be near you with your whole family around, than back in L.A. alone. I like your family, too, though Sean’s timing blows…”

“Then…how do we figure this out; figure us out? Whatever we are.” Mark breathed, vulnerability stamped on his features. “Two or three days and I’m already messed up like this?” He shuddered. “I could drive you crazy.”

And the tabloids didn’t even know about them yet. Terrific.

Zane lifted his shoulders, his lips tilting up on one side. “Well, calm down for one. Then we take it one thing at a time, I guess. One call, one visit… But, you gotta understand me, I don’t want any ghosts hanging out with us. I’m going back to L.A. tonight. I don’t want to leave you at all, especially with a bunch of doubts between us. You have to trust that I mean it when I say that and when I say you’re the man I’m interested in. If you can’t, then we ought to stop this here.”

Please say that’s a bad idea.

Mark moved in until his cheek rested against Zane’s neck, then hesitantly wound his arms around his waist. “I don’t want to stop this. I’m just…so damn nervous.”

Zane pulled back so he could tilt Mark’s face toward his and see into his eyes. “Quit it. I got you.”

Gently at first, then with firm purpose, Zane kissed him, his mind still recovering from the near miss of a sudden relationship death. The kiss was heating up, tongues intertwined and hands roaming again, when there was a solid knock on the door.

“Reid’s out of beer!”

“Dammit, Sean!”
Mark roared.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Mark, his family, and Zane were all crammed into one of the darker corners of The Smashed Axe, a local rock joint that Reid and his band—
The Greedy Bastards
—played in almost every week. The guys were finishing up their first set and sounding really good, playing mostly cover songs that everyone knew. The crowd was getting bigger and the volume increasing as more and more people started singing along to the last stanza of an
Aerosmith
song.

Reid was grooving through the guitar riffs, but Mark was barely hearing it with Zane pressed in close behind him. The moment his parents arrived, his man jumped up and offered Patty his seat and now Zane’s presence was like a blow torch at Mark’s back.

After Sean and Zane’s terrible start they’d settled into a stilted rapport that was helped along mostly because it was too loud to talk in the bar. Patty and Brad were watching Reid with identical
that’s-our-son-on-stage-can-you-believe-it!
looks on their faces. It was a really great night. It would be perfect if Mark could get back to being alone with Zane, but he didn’t want to disappoint his family by ducking out early. They’d all know what he was up to and there was something about his mom seeing him sneak off to get laid that pretty much sucked the magic right out of it, adding a lot of
ewww
instead. Looking at her over bacon and eggs in the morning wouldn’t feel right.

Zane trailed a hand over Mark’s back and let it rest between his shoulder blades like a great, big, sexy IOU. Mark wanted those fingers in his mouth, running down his neck to his chest…and lower. Glancing back in the dim light, he caught sight of those full lips tilting upward in a comfortable smile and his body immediately responded. He tilted his head back at the same time Zane moved closer so he could speak right into his ear, “You have to stop looking at me like that. I’m going to lose it.”

“Consider it extended foreplay—like, the longest foreplay in history,” Zane laughed, giving him a squeeze on the back of his neck.

Mark was about to turn around and focus solely on him when the song ended and the jukebox was cranked up. Reid practically sprinted to the family table, getting high fives from a few audience members on the way. When he reached them, he thumped them all on the back and gave their mom a noisy kiss on the cheek. When he got to Sean he grabbed him up in a hug and gave him a wiseass grin.

“I hear you’re a true cock blocker!”

Sean scowled and pushed him away. “Not in front of mom, Reid.”

Patty leaned in close with a wondering look. “What’s this about?”

Sean immediately threw a hand over Reid’s mouth and shook his head. “You don’t want to hear it, mom.”

“Fine, but let go of your brother. You can’t put the lead singer in a head lock in front of his fans.”

Mark felt Zane shift behind him in relief. Mom absolutely didn’t need that picture in her head. Though she no doubt understood the mechanics of two guys together, she didn’t need actual specifics, no matter that it hadn’t gone far. Leave it to Reid to chap all their asses by bringing it up. Zane gave him another reassuring squeeze right as Patty called out to him.

“I don’t know if this is a bad time, Zane, sweetheart, but I was wondering…” she paused to dig around in her oversized handbag. Mark had no idea how she found anything inside it. “I had to get steaks for the barbecue tomorrow and I saw this on the stand at the checkout counter.” She slid a copy of
GQ
across the small pub table until it was in front of Mark and he was staring at the artistic yet studly disarray that was Zane on the cover. “Will you sign it?”

It was still sexy as hell, but now that he knew the real story about what went on at the shoot, Mark couldn’t keep a straight face. He looked back at Zane whose blush was clearly evident even in the poorly lit room.

“Of course,” he said, quietly clearing his throat and throwing a meaningful look at Mark to keep him from laughing.

“I have a pen!” his mom sang. She went back to the handbag and Mark traded Zane spots so he could sit at the table and sign. “I looked at the pictures and you look so daring and tough with all those ladies around you—especially that one where you’re pinned to that chair with the phone cord!”

Mark snorted on laughter and leaned forward to hide his face behind Zane’s back. “Zip it, Newland,” Zane growled under his breath.

“Phone cord?” Reid bellowed. “What kind of magazine
is
this?”

“Wait, let me see the cover,” Sean interrupted, scooting closer to read the article tag line. “
‘Zane Whitlow Revealed. Hollywood’s Heartthrob Talks Life, Love, and His Latest Film: Innuendos.’
” He whistled and clapped Zane on the arm. “It was a good movie, man. I saw it last weekend with a couple of people from work and you really nailed the creepy douche bag bit.”

Zane thanked him softly, and their mom jumped back in. “You scared me to death—especially that scene when you’re hiding in that young woman’s shower the whole time she’s getting ready for bed.” She shuddered. “You make a gorgeous psychopath.”

Reid cracked up and raised a brow at Mark, like
I told you so
. “My favorite’s still
The Mercenary
. I’ve seen that thing like fifteen times.”

“Wow,” Zane breathed. “That’s fourteen and a half more times than I saw it.”

“Seriously?” Mark interjected. “You don’t watch your movies?”

Zane shrugged. “I get a little weirded out sometimes when I see myself on screen, but I watch them. That was my first really big film, though, so it’s the worst with that one. I’ve been able to sit through the other stuff I’ve done. Sometimes it’s cool. Sometimes…not so cool.”

“You probably hate when people do this, but that movie has some of the greatest one-liners,” Brad Newland jumped in. “Reid, what’s that one I like so much?”