Quarantine #2: The Saints (27 page)

Lucy blushed. “That’ll never happen again—”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I heard he said he loved you?”

“Yeah, he said that. So?” Lucy said. She could feel her stomach cramp with anxiety. She got tense every time she thought about that day. Will had a bad habit of hitting her with huge emotional bombshells that put her on the defensive. She resented how vulnerable he could make her feel.

“Do you love him?” Violent said.

Lucy couldn’t believe she was hearing these words out of Violent.

“Is this another test?” Lucy said. “I can never tell when you’re messing with me.”

“Not a test. I’m just saying from experience, love is scary shit. I ran from it, and I don’t feel any better for it. I wouldn’t want you to make the same mistake.”

“I don’t love him,” Lucy said. She straightened as she did, and she faced the door ahead. “Now, are you done being a pain in my ass, or should we go find a couch somewhere and talk about our feelings all night?”

Lucy held on to her warrior face until Violent smiled.

“All right, pincushion …,” she said as she headed back down the hall. “Go get yourself stuck.”

The fire door opened. Belinda stood in the doorway. She wore a gray sweater and khakis, her curly hair was black now and shoulder length. She’d put a little weight back on, but it suited her.

“Ahhhhhh!” Belinda squealed at the top of her lungs, with her arms spread out like she was trying to catch a beach ball. Lucy squealed too, by automatic girl reflex.

They hugged and Belinda pulled her inside. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she said.

“Me neither. It’s so good to see you, Bel!”

“Look at your red hair! You are such a badass now.”

Lucy laughed. “No, I’m not. Come on.”

“No, but, you are. Have you looked in a mirror? I’m not the only one that thinks so either. I ran into Mort and Ritchie at the market, and, like, we were, like, all talking about how none of us ever saw this coming. You better watch out, I think Ritchie might ask you out.”

“What? No way. Ritchie?”

“Uh huh, he, like … couldn’t stop talking about how you look,” Belinda said, nodding.

“Weird.”

“Totally.”

They struggled through an awkward pause. Lucy had done so much living in the past few months that Belinda knew nothing about, and Lucy was sure the same was true of Belinda.

“I think about the Stairs sometimes,” Belinda said, her voice tinged with emotion. “But there’s nobody here that can relate, so I just keep it to myself.”

“Me too.” Lucy nodded. She understood. But she didn’t want to think about what they couldn’t get back. “So, where’s your guy?”

“I’ll introduce you.”

Belinda led Lucy down a long book-lined aisle where books were replaced by bedding on each double-wide shelf. She wondered what kind of Nerds slept in which section.

“He’s right there.” Belinda pointed to a boy standing in a circle of other Nerds. “Isn’t he so adorable?”

Lucy looked the boy over. He was a little chubby around the face. No hint of an ability to grow facial hair. While the other boys talked, he stared up and to the side, like he was lost in thought. His mouth kept flirting with a grin. His shirt was on inside out and his sneakers were so worn out, they looked like mummy feet. He stood with his hips forward and his stomach out, and let his arms hang straight down at his
sides. His fingers fluttered like he was playing piano.

“Definitely adorable,” Lucy said, for Belinda’s benefit.

“Freddy-bear!” Belinda said.

Freddy came trotting over and planted a big clumsy kiss on Belinda’s cheek.

“Hi! I’m Freddy Golden,” he said with a friendly smile. He shoved his hand out, fingers splayed. Lucy shook his hand.

“Hi Freddy,” Lucy said. “I’m Lucy.”

“Cupcakes here talks about you all the time,” Freddy said.

Freddy went behind Belinda, put his arms around her, and slid his hands into her front pockets. He rested his chin on her shoulder. Lucy liked him immediately.

“Aw. Well, I miss her a lot too,” Lucy said to Belinda. “Cupcakes, huh?”

Belinda blushed. “He calls me that.”

Freddy blew gently on Belinda’s neck. He whispered something in her ear, and Belinda blushed and giggled.

“Do you want to do puzzles with us?” Freddy said to Lucy.

“No, she’s got other plans, Freddy,” Belinda said.

“Oh, right,” Freddy said, then flared his nostrils with an immense smile. “Bart’s waiting for you at the information desk.”

“I’ll walk you over there,” Belinda said.

“Don’t be gone too long, Cupcakes,” Freddy said.

Even as Belinda tried to walk away, they still held hands, like lovers at a train station. He pulled her close again, gave
her a final squeeze and nuzzled her neck, before letting Belinda and Lucy walk away. It was beyond sweet.

“I think he’s great,” Lucy said as she hooked her arm through Belinda’s.

“I think we’re soul mates,” Belinda said.

Lucy placed her palm to her chest. She was genuinely touched by Belinda’s happiness. She’d never seen her friend look more uninhibited or comfortable in her own skin. And soul mate. No one in the Sluts even said words like soul mate. “You’re a lucky girl, Bel.”

“What about you?” Belinda said.

“Hmm?”

“Bart! He is sooo cute,” Belinda said.

“He is. I don’t know if he’s my soul mate though,” Lucy said. She was surprised by how gruff her own tone sounded, but Belinda was kind and smiled anyway.

They stepped into the expanse of the library’s main room. It was well-lit and quiet, like Lucy remembered it before everything went crazy last time. She couldn’t help but carry the tension of the old ambush with her in every step she took. Thankfully, she felt like she could handle herself more with every Nerd she passed. In her red, scoop-neck shirt, with slashes in it that showed peeks of her black bra, and her skin-tight black jeans, she was dressed more confidently and provocatively than anyone around her. Every Nerd watched her
closely, some with curiosity, some with fear. It made her grin.

“Lucy?” Belinda said.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to say, maybe he’s not your soul mate, but I’m really glad you found someone that you care about with Bart. I know how hard it was for you to lose David. You more than anybody,” Belinda said, then paused. “Except Will, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Lucy said, but she felt that same queasy feeling in her stomach again at the sound of Will’s name. Why did people have to keep bringing up Will? She didn’t want to think about him right now. And hearing it out loud, she was even uncomfortable with the idea that she had “found someone” in Bart. Her thing with Bart was casual, just for fun, and that’s why she liked him. He was relaxed, and lightweight. She still thought of that moment where they stood by the bonfire that first night together. She had her girls around her, she was having fun, the heat of the fire was warming her body, and Bart was smiling at her. It was a moment where anything seemed possible, and everything seemed simple. Then Will tore across the quad in a motorcycle and complicated things. She’d been trying to get back to that bonfire moment with Bart ever since, but Will kept getting in the way.

Lucy saw Bart. He was sitting on top of the librarian’s circular information desk, sketching on graph paper. She felt more relaxed at the sight of him.

“Ding-dong,” Lucy said.

He looked up and smiled. “Check it out,” he said and held up his drawing. It was a scribbly ballpoint pen drawing of Bart driving a speedboat, with a bikini girl water-skiing behind it.

“Fun. Is that me?” Lucy said, pointing to the bikini girl.

“Let’s say yes,” he said.

“Jerk,” she said with a smile.

Belinda said good-bye, and Bart showed her more of his drawings. They were all of Bart, and he was always doing something impressive in them, like punching a hole through a wall, or turning into a werewolf. Her favorite was a drawing of a 747 jet with his smiling face where the cockpit should have been. He’d pulled some books for her as well, and he showed her some of his favorite jets of all time. He gave her a tour of the library, and it helped Lucy to see it as his home rather than a battleground. They joked around, flirted, and talked for a long time, until most of the Nerds were heading off to sleep.

“Wanna see something cool?” Bart said after a while.

Lucy nodded, and he led her to a quiet study room. He closed the door behind them, and locked it. There was a sheet pinned up over the window so they could have total privacy. Bart opened a laptop. He showed her bunches of videos that the Nerds had stolen off of people’s phones when they’d brought them to be serviced or loaded up with music at the Nerds’s trading post. Bart told her that most of the time they
left people’s content alone, but every once and a while they’d come across something too good to pass up. And they’d have to save a copy.

He showed her a video compilation of people falling, tripping, and injuring themselves. It was pretty funny. He showed her a private video diary entry made by Bobby where he cried the whole time and talked about being misunderstood. He showed her a camera phone picture of P-Nut and a Skater girl in bed, P-Nut was smiling big with his arm around the girl. Then, Bart showed Lucy another photo of P-Nut in the same bed with a different girl. Then, about thirty more, all in the same bed, with a different girl each time and P-Nut always smiling the exact same way.

It was all funny stuff, but the whole time Lucy felt like she was working to get back to the energy she’d had at the Geek show. She didn’t feel as wild as that night or the night of the bonfire. Thankfully, she didn’t have to grapple with that too long before they finally started making out. That got her out of her head.

Bart took off Lucy’s shirt. He cupped her breast and held it like it was a rare and delicate artifact. He started to kiss her neck passionately. His warm lips and wet tongue were all over her now. She groaned. It felt so good, and it turned her on to feel how much he wanted her now. He craved her. He was heating up. This was a moment she’d been fantasizing about. It was about to happen.

Bart unbuttoned her jeans. He reached inside and slid his hand down between her legs. She clamped her thighs together; no one had ever touched her that close.

“It’s okay,” he said.

But it suddenly wasn’t. She felt queasy. She couldn’t relax. Something was off, and she didn’t know what.

She pulled away to look him in the eyes.

“Does this mean anything to you?” she said.

“Yeah, it feels so good,” he said in a low, smooth voice. His hand was still.

“No, I’m saying … do I mean anything to you?”

He blinked and furrowed his brow, like she had just asked him a riddle.

“I think you’re cool, and … I’ve been having fun hanging out.”

“But, do you have feelings for me?”

“Um …”

Lucy pulled his hand out of her pants.

“Bart, I don’t think I can do this.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause … I don’t love you.”

“Well, I don’t love you either; what’s the problem?”

“I think … I would need to love someone to sleep with them.”

Bart looked confused. “I think you’re in the wrong gang,” he said.

“I’m gonna go.”

Lucy stood and pulled her shirt back on.

“No, stay. We can get back on track. This was just a speed bump.”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “It’s not going to work out with us.”

She walked to the door, opened it, and stepped into the main room library. Lucy headed for the exit.

“Wait, Lucy,” Bart said from behind her.

She paused and looked back at him. He was standing in the doorway of the study room, his belt undone.

“Do you think Sophia would be into me?”

She didn’t answer. She didn’t want to see Bart ever again.

Lucy hurried across the library floor. The whole place was quiet. When she got to the exit, she had to shake the shoulder of the Nerd girl who was supposed to be keeping watch over the fire door. The girl had dumpy black hair and snot trails encrusted above her upper lip, and a T-shirt that was too small for her thick body. She’d been sound asleep. It was a miracle she hadn’t fallen off her stool yet. The girl’s eyes barely opened.

“I want out,” Lucy said.

The girl unlocked the door and pulled it open like a zombie. She may not have ever really woken up as she let Lucy walk through and shut the door behind her. Things never went well for her in the library.

Lucy headed down the stairs. With every step down, she felt more confused. What the hell had happened up there? She
felt oddly proud of herself for not going through with it, but she was still kind of turned on. Lucy thought back to that couple she and Will had seen the day of Kemper’s graduation. The scene played so passionately in her mind. She’d imagined that the couple’s connection was so deep, but maybe all they’d been were desperate strangers just trying to cope with life in McKinley. By the time she reached the second floor, Lucy felt naive, like her innocence was nothing she could shake, no matter how long she hung out with the Sluts. Violent had told her to be smart about her choices, but Violent had said it full of regret about her own past, almost as if she and the Sluts were a different breed and Lucy was someone they were simply corrupting.

Lucy stepped out of the stairwell into a first floor hall. She walked close to the lockers, moving at a good clip, until she turned a corner and saw a girl rummaging through an open locker. Lucy slowed. The girl pulled her head out of the locker. It was Hilary.

Lucy froze in place, still in shadow. Hilary went back in for more. Lucy had never seen her like this, down on her knees, clawing through a locker like a Dumpster diver. Rumors about what had gone down in Hilary’s private meeting with P-Nut had been getting wilder and wilder since the Geek show, but it looked like the gossip must have finally taken its toll. When Lucy had been a Pretty One, Hilary would make her and the other girls walk as a group to different lockers throughout
the school. It was usually after Hilary and Sam had a big blowout, and Sam wanted her to be nice to him again. He’d give Hilary a locker number and a combination, and inside he would leave her presents. They all had to
ooh
and
ahh
to make Hilary feel good about what Sam had given her.