Psyche Shield (19 page)

“What changed?”

“It wasn’t just about Kathryn’s privacy, though that partly
was true too. When you first arrived, I still made a lot of people around here
uncomfortable. Kato advised us not to say anything, but I’m Pack now.”

She nodded, discerning the complexities of our pack politics
quickly. “Having someone else around making them nervous would have made it
more difficult for them to accept you.”

“Am I invisible?” Amy blew past irritated, and steam had
begun to trickle out of her ears.

“No,” Sierra told her evenly. “You’re not invisible. I
apologize. They call me a Sender. I project my emotions onto other people. I
have a habit of making a bad situation worse. Kathryn is teaching me to control
it.”

“Is that how Kathryn does it?” Amy asked us eagerly, her
anger gone as soon as Sierra answered her question. “She’s magic in a bad
situation.”

“Yes,” Billie answered. “It’s similar to being a Sensitive.”

Amy’s face fell. “Why does Kathryn hide so much from me?
We’ve been friends for decades.”

Billie cast a reassuring look at her friend. “Kathryn is
extremely private. She’d rather none of us knew a lot of what we’re discovering
about her.”

“Why?” Amy wanted to know. Unusually open about her own
life, she didn’t understand secrets, particularly between friends. She didn’t
keep secrets about herself from anyone, as her new mate had discovered. He
spent a great deal of time blushing.

Sierra explained. “The past is very painful for her, and
others feel what we feel. What you don’t know can’t come up unexpectedly. No
surprises that could affect the people around her. I’m seeing how useful that
is.”

“I can keep my mouth shut,” Amy promised, and our laughter
filled the backyard. “What? I can!”

Billie’s phone beeped softly as it had all afternoon as she
took care of Pack business from home. Her reaction to the most recent message
caught my attention.
What’s up?

Matthew’s on his way.

Is that bad?
I asked, surprised at her response.

No. But it’s not relaxing, and I’m enjoying myself.
She frowned and told the others.

As Matthew approached, I tried to contain my nervousness and
failed. Unable to sit still any longer, I took requests for food and drinks.
Matthew walked in the front door as I gathered coffee, water, and snacks onto a
tray. “Billie’s out back. Do you want anything?”

He shook his head and headed wordlessly outside, holding me
at arm’s length as he did with everyone. I followed and placed the tray on the
patio table for the Wolves to enjoy. Billie’s relaxed mood disappeared with
Matthew’s arrival, and they discussed matters of security and strategy. Matthew
sported barely worn jeans and a plain black T-shirt. With his military haircut
and powerful stance, he intimidated nearly everyone. Yet somehow Billie looked
mightier despite wearing a thin robe and sitting in a lawn chair.

Amy and Sierra listened to their conversation intently while
I tried unsuccessfully to ignore them. Listening to the birds singing in the
trees around me helped, but Matthew’s presence set me on edge. Around him I
felt like prey, ready to either bolt or fight if he so much as twitched in my
direction. By his quick glances at me, he knew it.

Abruptly he interrupted his own conversation and addressed
me. “You’re scared of me. Why?”

I gawked at him, wondering how he could ask such an obvious
question. “A week and a half ago, you tried to kill me.” Sierra and Amy watched
the exchange curiously. Amy, one of my closest friends in the pack, knew both
of us well. The conversation didn’t surprise her. Sierra took it all in
silently, absorbing more than appeared on the surface.

By Matthew’s expression, he found my reluctance to put it
behind me puzzling. “You’re Pack now,” he replied. That settled everything to
him.

Cultural differences, I reminded myself, and forced myself
to be diplomatic. “I understand that part. I know everything has changed
between us, but I’m not used to that kind of thing. A lot of Wolves threatened
me, but you’re the only one who attacked me. It’s going to take more than a few
days to blow it off.”

He nodded, accepting my answer easily and ending the
conversation abruptly. He resumed his discussion with Billie.
He won’t do it
again
, she assured me.

I know, and I’ve been repeating that to myself since I
sensed him coming. But I keep seeing him leaping out of the bushes and flying
at my throat. It was an illusion of me, but he didn’t know that. I watched him
almost kill me, and when I’m around him, I can’t get it out of my mind. I’ll be
okay with him, but it’s going to take some time.

And space?

I won’t avoid him. I won’t start running away again.

My determination pleased her.
Good.

I continued to watch the horizon as they finished discussing
the pack’s safety. Before he left, Matthew spoke to me one more time. “No
matter what you told the others, I know you could have defeated me. If you were
a different Mage, that would have been a fatal mistake for me and for the
entire Pack. When you’re willing, I want to learn how to protect the pack from
Mages.”

I nodded soberly. I wanted the same thing even if it meant
spending time with him. To survive the Mage-Wolf War, my packmates needed every
advantage against adversarial Mages. “I’m willing, but let’s get through the
current crisis first. It’s not Mages we have to worry about right now.”

He nodded and left without saying goodbye. Once out the
front door and beyond hearing range, Sierra glanced towards the house as if she
could see his retreating form. “It’s hard to picture him ever being happy.”

Amy’s eyes clouded in memory. She rarely lived in the past,
and the sudden nostalgia would have surprised me without Sierra present. She
brought out unusual reactions in people. “He went through a lot in World War
II. He was one of the elite, served on the front lines, fought like a Wolf, and
survived like a Wolf. Over and over while everyone died around him. He’s never
been the same.”

“You loved him.” I recognized something new in her voice.

“I loved him a lot,” she admitted. “The man I loved died in
that war, and someone else came home.”

I thought about Kathryn who’d buried her mate, children, grandchildren,
and great grandchildren. Billie would most likely outlive me, and I thought
about what she’d be like in a century or two. She followed my thought.
Lonely
without you.

That doesn’t make me feel better.
I told her
honestly.
Wolves outlive many of the people they love. Kathryn found another
mate after Isingoma died. I hope you do too after I’m gone.

I don’t want to think about a life after you. When it
comes ... if it comes, I’ll deal with it then.
“I live for today, not
tomorrow,” she spoke aloud.

“Me too.” Amy flipped a switch and her usual cheer returned.
She didn’t seem to be aware that Sierra had affected her mood, and I didn’t
enlighten her.

“Amy, can I ask you about yesterday?” I proceeded
cautiously.

“Sure,” she said easily, popping a pretzel into her mouth.

“Why did it bother you so much?”

“I trust you, and I like you. It’s not that,” she started
and stopped.

Once I gathered courage and prodded. “Which is why I don’t
understand. What am I missing?”

“I don’t know. It felt wrong. I felt trapped.” She couldn’t
define it.

Sierra helped us out, explaining Amy’s reaction vividly. “We
are fiercely free, wild creatures who have learned to live in a domesticated
world. We cannot be tamed and be who we are. You are the exact opposite.
Collaring is the extreme, but everything about your power and your nature is to
domesticate and control. The idea of you speaking into my mind is like being
taunted with a cage. It doesn’t matter what your motives are, and it doesn’t
matter that I trust you. It goes against my nature.”

Billie and Amy gaped in surprise. She nailed it. I thought
about her speech, considering it carefully. “I never thought about my nature
that way before. The way you describe it, it’s the exact opposite of being
Wolf.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about it since I met you,” she
admitted self-consciously. “I may not be right about your nature.”

“I don’t know if you’re right about my nature. I’ll have to
think about it. But you’re definitely right about how Wolves perceive my
nature,” I told her. “That answers my question beautifully.”

“If that’s true, why is it not the same for me?” Billie
asked our new sister curiously.

“Who she is doesn’t conflict with your nature. She couldn’t
be your mate if it did. Or maybe the matebond overcomes it. She cannot tame
you.” She spoke with absolute surety.

“Is this stuff genetic?” Amy asked, pointing one finger at
Sierra and another at the rolling hills in front of us.

“You do sound like Kato,” I told her, and she blushed at the
compliment.

Are you satisfied now?
Billie asked me.

Yes. I just needed to understand. She’s given me a lot to
think about
, I admitted and took her hand in mine.
I’m glad I can’t tame
you. I like my wild Wolf.

Conversation lightened after that. Billie continued texting
but stayed put as promised. I thought about my old home. If not for Billie’s
injuries, it would be a good day to pack my stuff and move out. She noticed my
thought. “That’s a great idea.” The others looked at us questioningly. They
hadn’t sensed the mindspeech that usually preceded a comment they didn’t
understand.

“It was a thought, not a suggestion. You’re resting.” I told
her before explaining to the others.

“It’s still a great idea. It’s a calm day considering
everything that’s going on, and I’ll take it easy,” she promised me.

Determined and getting a little stir-crazy, she needed
something to do. “Do you think she’ll take it easy?” I asked Amy doubtfully.

“I think our Beta keeps her promises. I’ll make sure to
mention it if she doesn’t. And just maybe it’ll keep her from running off and
doing something worse.” She pulled out her phone and placed a call. “Nate, it’s
moving day! Can you and Phil help us out?” I couldn’t hear the other side of
the conversation, but he obviously agreed. Amy’s face lit up like it did every
time he walked into the room.

“I guess I’m moving today,” I told Sierra.

We picked up boxes on our way and still beat the guys who
had to finish up at Kathryn’s first. I gave packing instructions, deciding what
to store and what to donate. Billie and I stood in the kitchen as we looked at
the piles of haphazard kitchenware. “I don’t think your kitchen can hold much
more, and you’ve got a great setup already. Can you think of any reason to keep
this stuff?”

“No,” she answered honestly. “Do you want to store it or get
rid of it?”

“I’m not storing it. A few boxes of keepsakes in the garage,
sure. This stuff isn’t worth it,” I decided easily. “If anyone else wants the
kitchen stuff, you can have it,” I commented to the Wolves scattered throughout
the house.

Billie translated what I couldn’t hear. “Phil and Sierra
want to pick through it.” She cocked her head and smiled. “Nathan says unless
you have a smoker, Amy already has everything he wants.”

“No smoker. You’re moving in together?” I asked, elated at
the idea.

Billie’s satisfied expression answered my question. I opened
the junk drawer and started rummaging through it. “Soon,” she told Nathan.
He
asked when he’d be free of his shadow.

“Are you getting tired of Phil already?” I asked him from
across the house.

He’s not as pretty as Amy.
Billie translated with a
chuckle.

“No, he’s not,” I agreed. I didn’t need Wolf ears to hear
Phil’s indignant reply.

We piled boxes in the living room, one for storage, one to
donate, and one to unpack at home. “I don’t think you’re getting your deposit
back. That’s a big blood stain on the carpet.” Amy pointed out the obvious
trail leading from the door to where the couch once sat. I’d tried to clean it
with little success.

Memories of that night came back vividly. “I’m hoping they
don’t realize the door was torn apart and fixed. That’ll make the blood harder
to explain.”

“What happened to your door?” Nathan asked, taping up yet
another box.

“Have you noticed that Jason doesn’t knock before he comes
in?” I asked with a grimace. He nodded carefully. “The door was locked the
night I met him.”

“He barged right in, huh?” Nathan didn’t seem to know what
to think and studied the door as if it would help.

“There were nine dead Humans in the yard and a trail of
Billie’s blood leading into my home.”

“If I found a packmate that way, I’d do the same thing,”
Billie defended her Alpha’s actions.

“I didn’t know who he was or what was going on. Billie was
bleeding to death on my couch in wolf form, which was a first for me. Then a
tattooed maniac broke down my door. It wasn’t a great first impression for
either of us,” I agreed.

“For any of us,” Phil amended. “We thought Jason would kill
you then and there. We hoped he would. That was one hell of a mess.”

I thought back and remembered the minds I’d sensed outside
my home. “You were outside that night.”

He nodded tersely. “John and I flipped a coin to see who
would do cleanup and who would stay with Nathan. It was his first night here. I
lost.”

“Nine dead bodies?” Sierra blanched.

I deliberately left that part out before. I didn’t want to
think about it, but I answered her anyway. “I told you I was attacked. Billie
showed up wearing fur for the first time. She killed two, and I killed the rest
with a thought.”

She shook her head in astonishment and didn’t meet my gaze.
The ability to kill without lifting a finger troubled her. “You mentioned it at
dinner the other night, but I didn’t realize.”