Provocative (Tempting Book 3) (16 page)

D
ozens of times every day
, I ran my thumb over Adele’s last text. It was as if she thought of the most gut-wrenching way she could have possibly punished me, by asking me to leave her alone. And if I didn’t give her the space she wanted? It meant I didn’t respect her.

Fucking hell.

I rolled over in bed, cursing my predicament. Again. Just like I did every morning that I woke up for the last two weeks.

She was still gone.

I was still miserable.

Most nights, I barely cobbled together four hours of sleep. And I don’t know what I’d expected, that she’d somehow sense the gesture that I’d made for her and throw herself into my arms? Ridiculous. This entire situation was turning me into a rampant optimist with fairy tale level delusions of reality.

I groaned, smothering the sound into my pillow. I’d covered said pillow with a new sheet set of basic white and bought a passable blanket to tide me over until Adele came back and we could pick something out together. Knowing her, she’d tend towards clean lines and monochromatic color schemes. The saddest part of that was that I wasn’t even sure.

Standing out of bed, I stretched and made my way into the bathroom. And just like I did every morning, I actively ignored my morning wood. Every time I showered, I had to fight the urge to jerk myself off roughly to thoughts of Adele, but it didn’t feel right.

She was asking for respect, and she was asking for space. This was one level of torture that I could inflict upon myself to keep me on a razor edge until she came back to me.

So I brushed my teeth and leaned over the sink to splash freezing cold water on my face. After I wiped a towel over my face, I froze.

Her two bottles of face shit were gone.

I went to the closet and yanked the door open, frantically swiping through hangers. Clothes were missing too.

“Damn it,” I roared into the empty room. She’d been here.

She had
been here
. I didn’t know when, or how long ago she’d walked through the house.

Adele had been here. She’d purposely come when I was gone in order to pluck herself more fully out of my life.

I gripped the sides of my head when it felt like it was going to explode off my neck. Unthinking, I reached down and picked up the lamp on the nightstand next to my side of the bed and heaved it at the wall. The spectacular shattering of the lamp base all over the room wasn’t enough, but it wasn’t like I could keep breaking shit every time I was pissed off.

If I did that? My house wouldn’t be standing by the end of the day.

Thank holy fucking hell it was Saturday and I didn’t have to work. I’d rip the first student who pushed me a brand new asshole and probably lose my job. I was jogging down the stairs when I heard a knock at the door.

I stopped, gripping the banister and breathing hard, fire still racing through my veins. There was another knock, one that was harder and more insistent. Like a man was pounding on the door with his fist. My shoulders drooped while I walked down the rest of the stairs and yanked the door open.

“No,” I said instantly and went to slam the door in Elias’ stupid fucking face. But his hand shot out and stopped it from closing. I backed up when he pushed into the house and I pointed a finger at him. “You have no fucking reason to be here. Your parents and I had an agreement.”

His dark eyes flared and his whole massive body vibrated with rage. “Yeah, about that. Where the fuck do you get off showing up at my parents’ house?”

“I was making
peace
with them, Elias.” I spread my arms out. “Do you think it wasn’t hard for me to call them, to drive two fucking hours and know that I am undoubtedly the last person they want to lay eyes on? It wasn’t, I promise.”

“Good.”

If I believed in auras, Elias’ would be a giant black cloud spreading its sickly fingers around every corner of the room. His eyes stabbed into me and I could practically feel the force of his malevolence push me backwards.

“What is your problem?” I shook my head, wishing very much we were having this discussion when I was wearing more than cotton sleep pants. “I was there two weeks ago, and you decide to show up now?”

He shrugged, leaning one shoulder against the wall. “Had business in Vegas. Not that it’s any of your damn business.”

I laughed incredulously. “Says the man who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to stalk my house.”

“You let me in, asshole.”

When I lifted an eyebrow, he had the audacity to laugh.

I was tired. So fucking tired.

“Elias.” My voice was weary and I felt like I couldn’t stand anymore. I sank into the couch behind me. “What do you want? Do you want me to suffer for the rest of my life? Would that make you happy?”

“Yes.”

The way he said it, so darkly, actually gave me a brief moment of unease.

“She’s gone,” I said carefully. His eyes narrowed on me and I took a deep breath. “I went to your parents’ house because it was past due. I owed them enough to bring them the rest of her things and make peace. And we did that. Why can’t you?”

Elias straightened from the wall, his face blanketed in a mask that was so icy that it should have scared the shit out of me. “Saw Adele last week.”

I shot off the couch and got right up in his smug fucking face. “What do you mean, you saw her?”

“Stopped by. The door was cracked open, and when I went up the stairs, she was about to climb out the damn window.”

My heart clenched in my chest, and it took everything in me not to grab him by the shirt and shake him. “When was this?”

His face lit in surprise. “Last Friday. Wow, Easton, are you telling me you haven’t seen her?” He bent over and started laughing. “Oh God, this is too good. She was acting squirrelly, but I didn’t actually think you’d managed to fuck it up with her.”

I paced away from him, every inch of my body shaking from the most intense rush of violent rage I’d ever felt in my life. A lot of it was Elias, but I couldn’t deny that some of it was at myself. She’d gotten her things a
week
ago, and I didn’t notice until today.

Behind me, Elias took a couple steps away from where he’d been standing. I didn’t dare to turn to look at him for fear that I’d rip his throat out with my teeth.

“Fuck, Nathan,” he hummed. “She looked so fucking hot standing there in the window. Perfect fucking tits heaving out of her shirt when I asked her to go get a drink.”

I flew out at him, flames engulfing my skin. I caught him in the stomach with my shoulder and he grunted when his back hit the wall. His fist pummeled into my side over and over, and I jerked my head up, hitting him on the chin with my skull.

We shoved away from each other and Elias roared, charging at me. I swung my fist, catching him on the side of his face right before he brought his knee up into my balls.

Toppling over the coffee table, neither of us yielded. Glass broke somewhere and I felt blood trickling out of my nose when he crunched his fist into it.

Visions of him and Adele flicked through my head, and I punched him over and over right above his kidneys, his curses of pain like crack to my ears. Elias boxed the side of my head and my ears started ringing.

I rolled onto my back on the floor and he did the same. The only sound in the room was our heavy breathing. Wiping the back of my hand under my nose, it came away wet with blood.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked without looking at him.

“Because my sister was my best friend in the entire world.” He coughed and then hissed in a breath. I hoped I broke his damn ribs. “And I still don’t know how to live in a world that she’s not part of.”

My eyes fell closed. Elias had never given me such an emotionally naked answer.

“I can’t fix that, Elias. You’ve got to know that trying to make my life miserable isn’t going to help.” Finally, I turned my head to the side to look at him. “And she’d hate that you were doing it.”

Elias pounded his fist on the ground next to him. “You think I don’t know that? Of course I know she’d hate it. But knowing you were happy with someone else fucking pissed me off. I don’t know how to let that go either.”

With a wince, I sat up. “That’s not going to be my problem anymore, Elias. Whatever issues Adele and I have are none of your business. And if you show up at my house again, I’m calling the cops.”

When I glanced at him over my shoulder, he was watching me intently.

“I mean it, Elias. I’m done being your whipping boy. I’ve made peace with your parents, and you seem to be the only person who refuses to accept that life has to go on without Diana. Don’t come here again.”

I stood and offered him a hand up off the ground. No surprise, he didn’t take it. And when he limped out the front door, he never gave me a backward glance.

It was probably a good thing, since I could still barely stomach the thought that he was here when Adele snuck in to get her stuff. Talked to her. Asked her out for a fucking drink.

If I believed him, at least.

I popped two Advil before going into the bathroom to clean up, my mind rolling over the fact that in her absence from my life, Adele might actually meet another man.

When the blood was cleaned from my face, I had to come to the realization that unless I started showing her exactly how much I loved her and how much we needed each other, I probably didn’t deserve her.

Meeting my eyes in the mirror that morning, it was the first time in over two weeks that I didn’t hate the person staring back at me.

S
carlet’s family
was actually
Leave it to Beaver.
Her mom, Mrs. Jennings, wore pearls around the house. Her dad always looked happy. And Scarlet was their pride and joy, having graduated college already and preparing for vet school in a year.

During dinner, they actually had a table set, candles lit, and passed around food in baskets and bowls and platters like you see on television. They smiled and chatted about their days and weekend plans and they did this shit every single day, not just on special occasions. They didn’t drink or make snarky remarks or even throw so much as an eye roll at one another.

And if all of that hadn’t rocked my gravity, the fact that they were
nice
to me certainly did. There I was, some blonde girl with a past reputation as a tramp, sitting at dinner with the preacher, his wife, and their wicked accomplished daughter and not once did they make me feel like the outsider I absolutely was.

Out of respect for them, I wore clothes I wouldn’t usually wear, stuff that came up to my neck—but not turtleneck torture sweaters. I kept my swearing to when I was alone, which was a feat for me, because I swore like a fucking sailor.

That was the other weird thing: they didn’t say
any
curse words. Not even
hell
. Not
freaking.
Not even
F.
No, her mom was the only one who said anything to emphasize her frustration and it was usually things that made me snort.

Like when Mrs. Jennings pulled a roast chicken out of the oven and accidentally burned her hand. She made a quick “Ah!” noise from the pain and then mumbled, “Jiminy Cricket!” When she caught me watching from just beyond the doorway she popped her finger in her mouth and apologized. “Oh, I’m sorry dear. Forgive me.”

“Forgive you for blurting out the name of a Disney character?”

She blushed a little and I pushed off the doorway.

“Need any help?” I asked her. It’d been a few weeks now at casa de Jennings and I was starting to feel like I was no longer a guest, but an unexpected roommate. The fact that the Jennings treated me like I was Scarlet’s friend and not their daughter’s boyfriend’s degenerate best friend proved that they weren’t the snooty assholes I had unkindly expected them to be.

“If you want to stir the butter and sour cream into those potatoes, that would be swell.”

Swell.
Swear to God, it was like I was living in a fifties sitcom. “Sure,” I said, grabbing the butter and sour cream she had already pulled out and set on the counter. “Do I just dump it in here?”

We worked in silence, with me mashing the potatoes and her making a gravy from the juice in the pan. I didn’t spend a lot of time one-on-one with Scarlet’s mom, mostly because I think Scarlet was trying to shield her from me and my mouth. Not that I blamed her. But since Scarlet was at Leo’s, I was bored out of my mind.

“Will you be staying with us for Christmas?” Mrs. Jennings asked.

Christmas. Just a couple weeks away. Winter break had gone achingly slow, but somehow the fact that the holidays were looming had completely slipped my mind. “Uh…”

“You’re more than welcome to,” she said, giving me a genuine smile. “You can stay as long as you need.”

Yeah, this was definitely not like my family. “Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate your hospitality.” And I did. I wasn’t sure where I would have gone after leaving Nathan’s, and I’d idly started looking at apartments for rent near campus.

“I’m sure your boyfriend will come around.” Mrs. J didn’t really know what was going on, except that I’d been living with my boyfriend before Leo dropped me on her doorstep. She probably thought she was saving my soul from pre-marital sex.

“Yeah, I’m sure he will,” I agreed with a conviction I didn’t feel. The truth was, Nathan hadn’t texted me again. Sure, I’d told him to respect me and give me some space, so I should have been happy when he’d listened to me. He hadn’t called or texted once. It’d been weeks without him by my side and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope he missed me so much it hurt.

Because, fuck. It hurt me. A whole helluva lot. Sleeping in Scarlet’s bed made me feel like I was a child again, but having a long term sleepover. Watching Leo and Scarlet exchange R-rated looks didn’t exactly help the loneliness either. The longing for Nathan was so strong, it was like I was missing an essential part of myself.

And all through dinner, I’d tried to smile, to act like everything was just peachy. But watching their family dynamic only made that ache more vibrant. Nathan had been my family. We may not have been traditional and we may not have had consistent routine with our overlapping schedules, but we’d been family. I hadn’t had family in so long.

Every time Mr. Jennings asked me a question about my studies or Mrs. Jennings had complimented me for helping her prepare the meal, I’d smiled through the pain. Because being with someone else’s family just made the yearning for yours all that more poignant.

After dinner, I’d pulled Scarlet away from dinner. “Dude. What’s wrong with your family?”

She stared at me a moment. “What do you even mean?”

I tilted my head in the direction of the kitchen and tugged at the neckline of my sweater. “They’re so … nice. And they give a shit about you. No one said ‘fuck’ and no one cried.”

“Ah.” Scarlet nodded slowly, her eyes wide. “Because that’s normal.”

“Normal is fucking weird.” I tugged harder on my sweater. “Can we go to Leo’s?”

* * *

T
he first words
out of Leo’s mouth were, “Nathan’s been texting me.”

“What?” I sank into the giant bean bag chair in Leo’s basement. “Why?”

Leo shrugged and turned on the stereo across the room. He did this whenever I came over; it was how he kept his mom from overhearing our conversations. He dropped into the recliner opposite of the bean bag chair and Scarlet sat on the couch beside me. “He asked how you were.”

I contemplated that for a minute. “What else?”

“He asked where you were.”

“Did you tell him? Because I’m not sure Scarlet’s parents would be down with that.”

Scarlet shook her head. “You’re not their daughter—you can do what you want.”

I tilted my head at her. “Let me clarify. I’ve gone three weeks, almost four, without sex. When I see Nathan again, it’s going to be very difficult for me to keep my hands off of him. Which means your mom and dad would get an eyeful of all the things the Bible didn’t teach them about sex.”

“Jesus, Adele,” Leo said.

“Sorry,” I said to Scarlet. Turning back to Leo, I said, “But I mean it—I don’t want Nathan coming to her house.”

“I didn’t tell him where you were. Just that you were okay.”

I nodded and chewed on my lip. “What else?”

“He asked if he and I could talk sometime.”

I stilled. “And what did you say?”

“I haven’t replied yet.” Leo looked at Scarlet and then at me. “What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing. I want you to say nothing. Ignore his texts for the time being.”

He sighed and dropped his head back on the recliner. “What the fuck happened between you two, Adele?”

Even after Leo had picked me up weeks earlier, I hadn’t told him what had happened. But considering that he was my best friend, I felt like he deserved to know.

“Let me just give you guys some privacy,” Scarlet said, running her hand over Leo’s hair as she left the room. I was grateful for it, because despite our burgeoning friendship, I wasn’t ready to blow her mind with all the shit I had to say.

“Tell me,” Leo said.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Over the summer, Nathan got really busy with his new job—prepping for new students in the fall—and as a result, he was hardly ever around. It didn’t bother me at first, because you know me,” I shrugged. “I’m kind of a lone wolf. But then when fall began and we were both busy—with him being busier than me—I started to feel lonelier. Nothing like living with someone but seeing them less than you did before you lived together.” My laugh was bitter. “And…” I pushed my hair away from my face and took a deep breath. I couldn’t look at Leo’s face as I said my next part.

“And in October, I started getting sick and long story short—I found out I was pregnant.”

“Fuck.”

I nodded and pointed at Leo. “I said that word, along with a few more colorful ones when I found out. And, Jesus. I wasn’t ready to be a mom, Leo. But Nathan was so fucking excited, he was practically shitting rainbows. So I tried to put on a brave and excited face, but I mean, how could I? Our relationship was a baby itself. And we were going to bring an actual human baby into that?”

I waited a second, playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of my sweater.

“But you got drunk the night before you left Nathan’s. Is that why he got pissed at you?”

“Yes, but not for the reason you’re thinking.” Would it ever get easier? Telling someone what happened—or rather, what didn’t happen? I didn’t think it would. I summoned all of my courage, of which I seemed to be in short supply. “I lost the baby six weeks ago.” It felt like heartburn. I blinked quickly, hoping the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes would take a fucking hint and evaporate. “And before that,” I swallowed. “Nathan promised to take care of me. He even seemed to make a concerted effort to be around more—to come home earlier than usual. He checked on me throughout the day. He was so very present that when I miscarried, his ensuing distance was fucking painful.”

Leo joined me on the bean bag, but didn’t put an arm around me. He knew me well, so well that it made me want to start crying all over again. I didn’t need Leo to touch me to help me, I just needed him there. Like I’d needed Nathan.

“And he started treating me like a child. Talking to me like I couldn’t possibly have an adult conversation with him. Then he came home later and later and when he was home, he didn’t talk to me. It wasn’t until a week before I left his house that I got the impression that he was pissed at me, about what happened. And I can’t,” I shook my head, glanced at Leo, “I can’t bear guilt from him when I’m already drowning in it myself.”

“Did they say why you miscarried?”

I shook my head, staring again at the loose thread by my cuff. “No. Miscarriage isn’t uncommon. They said it could have been due to genetics. Who knows? But I was alone through all of it. I wanted the things he’d promised me, but I came to realize that those things were promised because of the baby, and not because of just me.” I let out a breath. “So, anyway. I went out with you, came home shitfaced and we got into it. And he was so cold, Leo.” My hands shook. “And silent. You know how my dad is?”

Leo nodded. “Quiet, but disapproving.”

“Yes. And that’s how Nathan was. The next morning, I realized I needed a break. A lot happened between he and I, and most of it wasn’t shit that you take lightly. And, stupidly, I hoped the distance would make him realize how much he needed me. Because I need him. So much. It’s like there’s a constant weight on my chest when he’s not around. I can’t stop missing him, and time has not made it any fucking easier.”

“And you don’t want me to text him back?”

“No.” I let out a deep breath. “I don’t think we’re ready to talk this through. I don’t think I could bear it if he talked to me as he did before. If I’m not ready to talk to him, I don’t want you to on my behalf.”

“Okay,” Leo promised, rubbing my shoulder. “I won’t reply to his text.” He stood up and stretched. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a fucking drink after all of that.”

“Yeah. Let’s drink,” I said, but my heart wasn’t really in it. “Let’s get your girlfriend totally blitzed. It’s fun to watch her cut loose.”

When Leo left to get her, my phone chimed, an incoming text message.

It was stupid, childish even, to hope it was Nathan. But it wasn’t.

The text was from an unknown number, but because of the text that preceded it, I knew who it was from.

Elias.