Protecting the Dream (2 page)

She studied Ty. He looked nervous as hell, and his breathing had quickened. The frosty puffs of breath hanging in the cold air gave him away.

Struggling for words, aren’t you, pal?

And he damned well better come up with the right ones quick because the knot that had churned in her gut earlier had returned with a vengeance. “I don’t understand. Why are we here?”

He shifted from foot to foot. Stepped away from her and then stepped toward her again.

“I hate going to bed without you. I hate waking up without you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I love you, Jordan, and I want a place that’s not yours or mine, but ours.”

As explanations went, that was a pretty concise one. Her heart twisted and rolled. She sucked in a lungful of icy air, but it didn’t come close to easing the shock that had seized her at Ty’s words. Being with Ty, loving him, making love
to
him had breathed life into many of the dead corners of her heart. But moving in together? Full-time? That would open up not just a can but a whole barrel of worms she had no intention of dealing with this soon in their relationship.

“It’s a house.” Her stunned tone shattered the silence between them.

“Yes. And it was beautiful once. It can be beautiful again.”

She looked around. Did a full three-sixty before turning back to the front porch. Even if she did want to move in with him—which the jury was still out on that decision—why on earth would they need all this land? “This is a big-ass house.” She motioned to the other visible building. “And that looks like a big-ass barn. I’m guessing all this sits on property roughly the size of a small country.”

“No, it’s not that big.” He chuckled. “By the way, that’s a horse stable, not a barn.”

Unable to decide if the idea appealed to her or made her physically ill, she narrowed her eyes. “Looking for a simple apartment we could rent together never crossed your mind?”

“So you’re not opposed to us living together? Officially, I mean?” His lips curled into a hesitant smile.

Damn, he was always so quick to take advantage.

“I didn’t say that. I . . . we were supposed to be on vacation. This is out of the blue, Ty. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything yet.” Ty picked up her hands, kissed her knuckles. “I’m not expecting a yes. I was just hoping there wouldn’t be an immediate no.”

They’d practically been living together anyway. The few nights they’d spent apart had been long and sleepless. She’d become unnervingly dependent on being in Ty’s arms on a regular basis. The reality was she hadn’t had a consuming case since Titus. They hadn’t been together while the dreams were upending every part of her life. And as comfortable as she was with Ty, the thought of letting go of a sanctuary that was solely her own was terrifying.

“I’m not saying we should live together, but even if we did decide to do that, fixing up this house would be a huge task to take on. I don’t think—”

“It doesn’t have to be this place; anywhere you want to live is okay with me. I thought we’d want a place centered between my work in Longdale and your Saint Louis precinct. This property is almost dead center, but if you’d rather look for an apartment—”

“I didn’t say that.” Had she? She
had
mentioned an apartment. Christ, she was so off balance she didn’t know what she’d suggested.

What she did know was that she’d disappointed him. She could see the resignation in his eyes, in the grim line of his mouth. All too often her connection with Ty hovered in a spiritual plane she didn’t care to investigate too closely. His emotions could take her breath away more effectively than her own. Right now, his enthusiasm was fading like flames under a bucket of water. Her chest ached because of it.
She
ached at being the cause of it.

She studied the house again and couldn’t help wondering how it had fallen into such a state of disrepair. It needed work. Very serious work. But the diamond in the rough was unmistakably there.

Ty moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “You’re right—I have no idea what I was thinking. I guess I just keep going back to when I was a kid. The Hendersons would open this place up on Halloween and have hayrides and a haunted house. Sounds stupid now—it was just a horse ranch—but to a kid it seemed like the Hendersons had created paradise.”

He squeezed her shoulders again. “It’s cold out here. Let’s get you back in the truck.”

Man, she wondered if he sat around and practiced those little speeches. Emotion sizzled through her throat and chest. Regret twisted her insides as she thought about getting back into the truck and leaving without seeing the interior. “I’m not saying it isn’t pretty here.”

The wind kicked up a notch. A loose shutter knocked against the house and tree limbs whistled in the cold gusts of air. A rusted weathervane topped with a racehorse and an arrow squeaked and groaned as it spun.

Huh. No man’s land had its own sound.

Another blast of wind, stronger yet, whipped around them. The weathervane spun wildly, like an angry top, then came to a noisy, screeching halt pointing directly at her and Ty. She sucked in a breath. What the hell?

She wiggled out of his hold and turned to him. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Are you kidding me? Did you
see
that?” she asked.

Ty shook his head. “See what?”

“That arrow. It . . . it spun and then . . .”

He chuckled. “It’s called a weathervane, baby. That’s what they do. Every old farm has one.”

“I know what it’s called, cowboy. I’m not an idiot. But it . . .”
What? Talked to me?
Waved its little weathervane arms and legs to get my attention?
Sure, Jordan, go ahead and say that out loud. It won’t sound crazy at all.

Ty arched a brow at her. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” The evidence was circumstantial at best. The wind blew and a weathervane spun—nothing more could be said without her sounding crazy. Learning when to keep her mouth shut was an art Jordan had honed long ago. But that weathervane had pointed at them like an angry finger. She was intrigued in spite of herself.
“Can we go inside?”

Ty’s eyes opened wide. “Really? You want to go inside?”

“Well, number one, I’m freezing out here. And two, yeah, I’d like to see the inside just for fun. We’re here, so . . .” She shrugged and took his hand. “Lead the way. But unless you have a beach tucked away here on your personal Ponderosa, you owe me big.”

They stepped up on the old porch. Ty pulled out a key and easily maneuvered the locks. Apparently, this wasn’t his first time going inside.

“There are great options for maintenance-free siding that looks just as good as the old wood planks. I don’t think the porch can be saved, but we can re-create it,” he said, rattling off the house’s condition. “The roof is in pretty good shape considering the age and lack of care.”

He swung the door open, and Jordan stepped across the threshold. Ty was already moving, so she followed him. The rooms were large and impressive, with tall ceilings and big windows. Ty was right, the place was definitely in need of TLC. But beyond the surface dirt, the old home had something magical.

Still, she kept quiet. Partly because she was stunned at the pure beauty of the place, but mostly because Ty hadn’t taken a breath since they’d entered.

He tugged her through another doorway and said, “The kitchen, well, it needs a lot of work. But since you barely know the difference between a coffee maker and a dishwasher, that didn’t seem an important concern.”

She slugged his shoulder, but he was right again; she hated to cook. To her it wouldn’t matter if the whole kitchen was missing. She scrutinized the space. A thick layer of dust and grime coated most of the house. But in the kitchen, someone had taken the time to run a rag over the countertops and sweep the floor. She wondered just how many times Ty had been to the old place—sprucing it up so he could sell her on it.

The cabinet door next to the stove sat askew, so she opened it. It was faint, but the smell of spices lingered in the wood. A memory of her mom reaching for spices in a handy cabinet just like this one rattled her. She let the door fall shut and took a deep, steadying breath. Normally flashbacks of her mom came with a sharp burst of pain. This time, surprisingly, the memories didn’t sting quite as harshly.

Ty touched her arm. “What is it, baby?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Something was going through that head of yours.”

“Maybe.” She smiled at him. “Maybe I was wondering how long you’ve been planning all this. Long enough to do some cleaning, I see.” She drew in a spot of dust he’d missed.

Glancing down at the simple curve, he finished it off by turning it into a big heart. If that wasn’t a perfect metaphor of how he’d changed her life, she didn’t know what would be. Such a stupid, simple gesture. But it intensified all the emotions she’d been feeling since she’d stepped out of the truck. She risked a glance at him. His grin reminded her of the expression on a little boy in a toy store who’d been given carte blanche to buy anything he wanted—happy, excited, thrilled.

In that moment, there was no denying how much he’d come to mean to her. She’d nosedived from a comfortably solo life into a full-blown relationship. Tyler McGee was deadly handsome. Dark, sexy hair, full lips, steely gray eyes —each of his features more striking than any one woman deserved.

But their connection went much deeper.

It was the way he cared for her that stifled her ability to breathe. The concern in his eyes that could burn her up with nothing more than a glance. And yes, this time it was his excitement about a stupid house that had stolen every ounce of oxygen from her lungs. She took a deep breath just to steady herself.

When he stepped closer and ran a knuckle down her cheek, she knew he’d been lost in the same carnal link that had wrapped around her throat.

“Stay here for a few minutes.” His voice was husky. He winked. “I have a couple things to prepare, and then I’ll show you the most important room in the house.”

Chapter 2

Jordan hadn’t jumped into his arms and declared undying love for the house, but she hadn’t pulled her gun and told him he was crazy, either. As far as Ty could tell, that was progress.

A local realty company had purchased the foreclosed property in an auction and hadn’t been able to sell it. He hadn’t signed any paperwork yet. Unsure of Jordan’s reaction, he’d talked his way into renting the place for a couple months before laying down any real money.

He lit the wood he’d stacked in the fireplace of the master bedroom the night before. He’d spent two days scrubbing this one room, but it still needed work. The dim bulb hanging from the ceiling and the few candles he’d strategically placed did little to brighten the large area. Now that the fire was roaring, the glow was a masterful touch, if he did say so himself. The space looked muted and romantic.

A bed and a space heater were the only items he’d bothered to bring. The bed was purely a leap of faith that Jordan would agree to move in with him and they’d christen the room properly.

He hurried back to the kitchen and tugged her up the stairs, then gave her the tour of all the other dusty rooms before leading her to the master bedroom.

She gasped softly as she looked around. He held back when she wandered to the big picture window that overlooked the back pasture and stable. She stood silent, taking in the view. If she didn’t say something soon, his nerves were going to combust.

Moving behind her, he gathered her soft blond hair and tugged it to the side so he could taste the long line of her neck. He continued to tease and nibble until he reached her ear. “So what do you think?”

A light dusting of snow had turned the ordinary country landscape into one of the prettiest pictures he’d ever seen. He couldn’t have picked a more beautiful evening to show off the property.

She shook her head slowly, not taking her gaze from the view. “It’s breathtaking.”

The view
was
spectacular, and not one he particularly wanted to wake up to alone.

“You want to buy this property, don’t you?” she asked. “You want to fix this place up and live here?”

“I was hoping
we
would buy it.
We
would live here.”

She spun in his arms, her eyes wide.

He held up his hands in defense. “But it doesn’t have to be here. It felt like a good location, but—”

“I’m not sure we’re ready to make a move like this or invest in a house. And we’re practically living together already.” She motioned between them. “Maybe we shouldn’t get greedy with this.”

“I
want
to be greedy, Jordan.” He snapped the words out before he could rein in his temper. Frustrated, he raked his fingers through his hair. “I want to come home to you at night. Every night.”

He’d been prepared for this reaction. Even so, it was hard to prepare for the flash of anger that went along with knowing he’d never wanted any woman the way he wanted her. And she still wasn’t sure about any of it.

“Is it the house? Or is it
us
you still can’t wrap your head around?”

Without speaking, she turned back to the window.

That seemed to be a solid answer. He strode to the candles and blew them out. “We can go.”

“Now you’re pissed.” She crossed to him, tugged on his arm. “Come on, I don’t want to go.” She glanced at the bed. “You went to a lot of trouble, and I do like it here. I like all of it. Just because I’m not ready to move an hour away from my job and buy a house doesn’t mean this isn’t right for you.”

He let out a humorless laugh and shook his head. “That pretty well sums it up, doesn’t it? I figured we’d make this decision together. Apparently not. If I wanted to live here alone, I could’ve bought the place a long time ago. Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters,” she said. “It matters a lot. But I keep waiting for you to come to your senses. This”—she waved at the room—“this is big. Sleeping together, spending some nights at each other’s place is one thing, but you’re talking about a permanent situation here.”

“Yeah, I am.” Had she really given no thought to a future? “Is everything between us just a temporary diversion for you?”

For a long moment, she simply stared at him. Unblinking. Unmoving. But he knew her mind was racing.

“I have no idea what this is for me. We’ve only been together for a couple of months.” She turned away and moved back to the window. “I think a simple conversation before springing something like a house on me would have been nice. Whatever is going on between us, a house is a giant step toward something much,
much
bigger.”

“And?” he shot back.

She whipped around to face him. “And you
know
I would suck at marriage. I will
never
take the chance of passing these horrible dreams on to a child.
Ever.
Every day I wonder how long it’s going to be until you see the emotional dead end in front of you. You can have a normal life with a normal woman. You
should
have that. I can rationalize dating you, even sleeping with you. Anything more . . .”

Regret dulled her eyes just before she squeezed them shut. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

The disappointment hit deeper the second time, and more than a simple flash of anger churned through him. “My mistake. When you said you loved me, I assumed you meant it.” He reached out to pinch the flame of the last candle burning. “I didn’t realize we were just fuck-buddies.”

Even through the red haze clouding his judgment, he recognized the low blow.

Jordan lunged at him, slapped her palms against his chest.

Low and on target.

“That is
not
what I meant,” she said. “I’ve never lied about loving you. You know I love you.”

Her angry shove managed to back him up a step. He held on to her wrists and pulled her with him. Her body slammed into his. “I know you say the words . . .”

She locked her furious gaze to his. “Is that what you think? That I don’t mean it?”

She’d be a martyr, take one for the team if she thought a sacrifice was needed. He’d known questioning her integrity would throw her right over the edge.

“Then screw you, McGee.” She yanked against the grip he had on her wrists. “I’ve never said those words to any man before. You know how hard it was for me to get to the point that I could.”

Oh yeah, he’d pressed a hot button all right. He was perfectly aware of how huge her admission had been. It was also precisely the reason her excuses were bullshit. She was scared, plain and simple.

“You
might
want to look up the definition of love before you toss the word around. Using your past and the dreams as an excuse to keep pushing me away isn’t love.”

She all but bared her teeth at him.

“And
you
might try to understand that not everyone lives in the happily-ever-after fairy-tale world of Tyler McGee. A house is a real complication that we need to think about long and hard before we get in way,
way
over our heads.”

Anger skipped down his spine faster than a lit fuse. He backed Jordan up, trapped her body between his and the wall. “Yeah, my life has been one big fucking carnival ride over the last year. Excuse the hell out of me for trying to get past it and make a life with you.” He dropped her arms and stepped back. “It won’t happen again.”

The light bulb hanging in the center of the room flickered and zapped. Both of their gazes snapped toward the sizzling bulb. It winked off and on again and again, until it finally shot out a few sparks and died.

The room dimmed, and a bitter chill swept between them.

“Damned old drafty house,” he said, attempting to reel in some of his frustration. “The fact is, I can buy this house with or without you. I don’t need your money or your permission. I like it here. If you want to move a few things in, stay with me some nights, fine. If not, suit yourself.” He shrugged casually, but his heart pounded as if it might come through the wall of his chest. “Although between the new house and work, I won’t have a lot of spare time. But you don’t want to be here anyway, so . . .”

As if preparing for battle, her back straightened and she took an angry stride toward him. “You’re being an ass. I never said I don’t want to be with you—”

He roughly pinched her chin and tilted it up. “Didn’t you? That’s exactly what I heard. That sex was fine. Anything more was off limits.” He searched her eyes, continuing to bait her. She was going to have to conclude, on her own, that she wanted to move in with him. Probably only take the force of a head-on collision to get her there. But he wasn’t averse to setting her on that course.

“Trust me, I’m fine with the sex only rule, babe. It’s what I do best.”

He lowered his head and took her lips. There was nothing gentle in the move, purely a physical release of the frustration she’d spurred. His tongue darted into her mouth and dared hers to remain still. She’d probably take his head off for the arrogant move.

Instead, she moaned against his mouth and her arms wrapped around his neck.

Every muscle in his body coiled. His pulse kicked from wild to desperate. Christ, couldn’t the woman tell they were both already in way over their heads?

Their lips and hands continued the greedy give and take until his lungs were on fire. The pace slowed just long enough for them both to take in precious air, then just as quickly shot back to boil again.

His hands slid down the front of her soft shirt and cupped her breasts. The material was silky and green and made her emerald eyes stand out like a beacon. A favorite of hers, he knew. His favorite, too.

He grabbed the front and ripped it open.

“Ty-ler,” she scolded.

But he had her bra snapped cleanly in two and her nipple drawn deeply into his mouth before her next protest.

She moaned again.

The sexy, uncontrolled sound crashed through him. Fighting the desire to drop them both to the floor was taking superhuman restraint. It was what his body wanted. Hell, it was pretty fucking clear that was what her body wanted, too.

In fact, maybe it’s all she wants.

The thought stung. More than anything had in a long time. But he pushed the notion aside because if all she wanted was the sex, she’d have walked away long before now. No, as good as the sex was, it hadn’t stopped there for either of them.

His tongue traced and flicked, continued to worship the hardened peak of her breast. She arched closer, and her nails bit into the back of his neck.
He moved to her other breast and continued to tease until she panted raggedly. Every hitch of her breath spurred him on.

Jordan’s breasts were beautiful, soft, responsive as hell. More than once he’d fantasized about bringing her to orgasm without ever touching the lower half of her body. But right now he beat back the fantasy and tried—desperately tried—to remember he was making a point.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” She finally managed to push out of his arms and ease backward. “You think this is going to solve our problems? That sex is going to fix this?” Her chest was heaving, her cheeks were red, and the words were breathless and unconvincing.

He stripped his shirt off over his head, kicked off his shoes, and popped open the button of his jeans. “Sex is all we have, isn’t it? Sex brought us together. Apparently
you
think it’s what keeps us together.” He glared at her. “I’ve got no problem with that. Whatever you want, baby—it’s your roller coaster. I just show up and hang on.”

***

“Nice. Real nice, Ty.” Jordan knew he was purposely being an ass. She tugged on the ripped material of her shirt and attempted to pull it closed. “You’re acting like a jerk. And you’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to jump into that bed and make love with you now.”

He smiled in that completely predatory way of his. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the rules already?” He edged closer, slow and sure—a tiger before the pounce. “We don’t make love, baby. We have sex. Really good sex. I’d call it fan-fucking-tastic. Still, just sex.”

She stepped back again. Not because she feared him physically. Emotionally, however, he was kryptonite. She’d hurt his feelings, badly, and now he obviously had a point to prove. Something flaring low in her belly told her he intended to prove it in spades.

She raised her chin and glared at him. He wasn’t the only cop in the room, certainly not the only one with intimidation in his toolbox.

“I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work. Save the head games for the interrogation room.” When his gaze never faltered, she swallowed hard.

Some situations highlighted her twisted dysfunction more than others; this was one of the shining examples. He’d brought her here wanting to start a life together, and not only had she said no to living together, she’d implied they didn’t have a future beyond sex.

Well played, Jordan.

“I don’t do games, I’m all in,” he murmured, running one finger, feather light, down her forearm and lacing his fingers with hers. “You’re the one drawing lines. But the sex certainly doesn’t suck, so if that’s all you want, I’m your guy.”