Protected by the Major (12 page)

‘Yes.’ She did not deny it, her voice faltering as she added, ‘I would wish to be the wife you want, Hal, but...I do need time to know you, time to forget what happened.’

‘Of course,’ he said. ‘We are fortunate to have such good friends. Here we shall have all the privacy we wish for and the time to become accustomed to one another.’

Hal stood back, controlling his raging emotions. Once he would have swept her into his arms and kissed her passionately, but he was afraid of frightening her, of giving her a disgust of him. He’d seen her reaction to the marquis’s lovemaking and would not have her recoil from him in that way.

Hal must show her that there was another side to loving, a sweetness and satisfaction that came from tenderness and concern one for the other. He knew that if he could ease away the painful memories she would respond with all the sweetness and trust that she’d once had towards him. He would need to be patient, but she was worth waiting for...if only that devil Lethbridge had not made it impossible for her to love and trust again.

* * *

Afterwards, when she went up to her bedchamber, accompanied by her smiling hostess, Madeline thought it one of the most pleasant evenings she’d ever spent. For the first time in years she could retire to a comfortable room and bed without the fear that her husband would arrive to pinch and taunt her. Even at the farm she had not been able to sleep because she feared her husband would discover her.

Lethbridge was dead. She was no longer bound to him by her father’s debt and could follow her own inclinations. The feeling of freedom was wonderful and she was smiling as she sat down and allowed Sally to brush her long hair free of its pins and curls.

‘Are you feeling happier now, my lady?’ Sally asked as she smoothed the brush over her thick hair.

‘Yes, and more relaxed.’ She looked at Sally’s reflection in the mirror and noticed that she was tight with anxiety. ‘You must not worry too much. Thomas was delayed for some reason and when he gets to the farm he will have yet another journey here.’

‘Yes, I know, but I cannot help thinking if someone took him prisoner to make him tell where you had gone...’

‘Oh, but you must not fear him dead. Thomas is too clever to be taken in by their threats. I am sure he will come to us soon, Sally—and if he does not, I will ask Major Ravenscar to make enquiries.’

‘I pray you are right, my lady,’ Sally said. ‘Thomas spoke of buying a small inn for us. You would not wish to live with us now, but if I knew you were safe here I might agree to wed him.’

‘I know you love him,’ Madeline said and smiled at her. ‘I may have some money of my own soon, Sally. I could then pay your wages and employ Thomas as my secretary for he is too clever to be a footman all his life—but if you prefer, I will give you something and you may marry him with my good wishes.’

‘I should like to remain with you, at least until I had a child,’ Sally told her, ‘but I must ask Thomas what he wishes to do for I love him. I would not like it if he took another girl in my place.’

‘I am sure he would not. He adores you,’ Madeline said. ‘You are fortunate to have such devotion, but I know you love him in return.’

‘Yes, I do,’ Sally agreed and smiled.

* * *

The following morning Jenny took Madeline visiting with her in the carriage. They were accompanied by two grooms and driven by Lord Ravenscar’s own coachman, ensuring their safety.

‘Adam insisted we use the carriage. I should have driven us in my phaeton, for he has been teaching me to drive a pair and I enjoy driving a team about the estate, but he thought it best we take the carriage and grooms to accompany us in the circumstances.’

‘How you must curse me,’ Madeline said. ‘To have your freedom curtailed because of me must irk you, Jenny.’

‘No, of course not, think nothing if it.’ Jenny smiled and shook her head. ‘Adam fusses over me too much—but he loves me and I do not wish him to be anxious.’

‘Certainly not,’ Madeline agreed. She said no more about it, but Jenny’s careless remark had made her realise that her presence at the house might place Hal’s friends in some danger and was certainly inconvenient.

She enjoyed the morning spent visiting Jenny’s friends and envied her, her uncomplicated life and the happiness her marriage had brought her. How wonderful to be that confident, to love and know you are loved—to have no fear of love. Having seen the way Jenny went to her husband’s arms so willingly, lifting her face for his kiss with such a look of joy, made Madeline realise that there must be pleasure to be found in marriage—if only she could forget the hurt inflicted on her.

Madeline would wish to live quietly in the country with the man she loved, but for the moment she was obliged to live beneath the shadow of fear—fear of another attempt to abduct her. And even if that fear were somehow removed, could she be sure that she was worthy of Hal’s love?

Madeline was able to accept the shadow that hung over her for herself, but she had not realised until Jenny mentioned it that she was bringing a deal of trouble to the kind people that had taken her in. Hal had spoken lightly of the arrangements Adam would make, but Madeline must be aware that she had disrupted their lives.

She comforted herself that it would not be for ever, but she felt under an obligation and that made her uncomfortable. For the moment there was little else she could do, but once her affairs were settled, she would find somewhere else to live.

* * *

On their return to the house, she went upstairs to her room to discover Sally unpacking several trunks. An array of elegant silk gowns were spread over the bed, gowns she recognised as being her own. Spinning round, she saw the silver brushes, perfume bottles and other glass trinkets on the dressing table and gave a cry of pleasure for she’d been forced to leave many trinkets behind, things that had been given her by her mother and grandmother when she was a girl.

‘These are mine,’ she said, turning to look at Sally with a surge of delight. ‘Where did they come from?’

‘Thomas brought your things, my lady,’ Sally said and her eyes were bright with excitement. ‘He discovered in London that the count was dead and went to the house. He told them that you were staying with friends until your husband’s affairs were settled and said you’d ordered him to fetch your clothes.’

‘And they packed them—just like that?’

‘Thomas said they could not do enough for him. Apparently, they believe the house and its contents belong to you and asked him if they should close it down or continue in their duties. He pretended to have your authority and ordered them to keep all in readiness for your return and to wait for your further orders.’

‘They took their orders from Thomas?’

‘Yes, for they believed he had your authority.’

‘How clever he was. I am grateful to him.’

Madeline stared at her, hardly believing that it had been so simple for Thomas to bring her all these clothes. Seeing a small trunk standing on an oak hutch, she went to investigate further and discovered it was the strongbox in which her husband had kept her jewels and a quantity of gold.

‘The key is in the top drawer of the dressing table,’ Sally told her. ‘I put it away when Thomas gave it to me, but did not open the chest for I thought you would wish to do that, my lady.’

‘How could he have brought this? My husband never allowed me to touch it.’ Madeline fetched the key from the drawer and approached the trunk with some trepidation. She would never have dared to ask for something of such value and felt almost guilty as she inserted the key. Opening the lid, she saw row after row of jewel cases and a metal box. She lifted out the box and opened the lid, catching her breath as she saw the gold coins inside. ‘There must be five hundred...perhaps a thousand sovereigns here.’

Sally came to look over her shoulder. ‘I should think more,’ she said. ‘Thomas said the trunk was heavy.’

‘I’m not sure he ought to have brought this.’

‘It belongs to you, my lady,’ Sally said. ‘You were denied your rights—now you have them.’

‘Yes, I think I do,’ Madeline breathed as she began to open the jewel cases one by one. All the trinkets and sets of diamonds, pearls, rubies, sapphires and emeralds that her husband had given her to wear when she was going out were there. ‘Yet are they mine? Are some of them not heirlooms that should go to the next heir?’

‘Who should have them if not you?’ Sally asked. ‘Most of the jewels were given to you, though your husband kept them under lock and key—besides, the entail is broken for there is no male heir.’

‘None that carry the Lethbridge name, I know,’ Madeline said. ‘But I believe there may be some distant cousin on his mother’s side, who might have a claim to the estate, though not the title.’

‘And why should some distant cousin have what belongs to you?’

Madeline shook her head. ‘I do not know...I am not sure.’ She took out a string of pearls and placed it on the dressing table, then removed a diamond pendant that had been her mother’s as a girl. ‘These pearls were a gift for my wedding and the pendant is my own—and I shall take the gold, for I am entitled to my settlement, but the other things must be kept safe in case they are not mine.’

‘But who else should they belong to?’ Sally said. ‘No one knows Thomas brought the box for he was given access to your rooms—and he hid it with your clothes. He thought you were entitled to it, my lady.’

‘It was good and loyal of him,’ Madeline said, but felt doubtful. She was not yet certain if she was her husband’s heir and would not feel justified in disposing of heirlooms if there was another—though there was enough here to keep her in modest comfort for the rest of her life.

‘You should keep the box,’ Sally said. ‘Your husband was a rich man and even if there is a distant cousin to inherit his estate, you are entitled to this much.’

‘Perhaps,’ Madeline agreed. ‘Thomas has been thoughtful and loyal—and I wish to give you both a present to thank you. He has done nothing wrong, Sally, for he thought only to serve me.’ She would give them a hundred sovereigns each for it would secure their future when they left her and she owed them more than she could ever repay.

‘The contents of that trunk make you independent, my lady,’ Sally said. ‘You should keep it safe and tell no one—it is owed to you for all you suffered.’

Chapter Nine

‘I
understand that Thomas was able to bring you some of your clothes,’ Hal said when Madeline went down to tea a little later that afternoon. ‘You will be more comfortable now, I think.’

‘Yes, it is more comfortable,’ Madeline said. ‘Jenny was kind to lend me her gowns, but it is better to have my own—though there are some I do not care for. They were very costly, Hal. I should like to sell a few of them for I shall never wear them again. They were my husband’s choice and I hate them.’

‘Then I dare say it could be arranged,’ he said and nodded. ‘Some of them are unsuitable for life in the country, I imagine—and you might wish to use the money to purchase something simpler.’

Madeline’s reason for not wanting to wear some of the gowns her husband had forced on her was very different, but she merely smiled and agreed.

‘Perhaps they could be taken to a merchant in town?’

‘Adam was speaking of sending in a wagon for supplies the day after tomorrow. Your maid and Thomas could take them in and dispose of them—if you are sure you no longer require them?’

‘I am quite sure,’ Madeline said and smiled. ‘My life will be spent mostly in the country in future. I shall not need the more extravagant ballgowns.’

‘No, perhaps not,’ he said, ‘though you may wish to visit friends sometimes in town.’

‘Even so I would prefer something simpler. Lethbridge liked me to wear gowns that...I find immodest.’

‘Ah, I see.’ Hal nodded, looking at her gravely. ‘I do understand that you wish for no reminders of your past life, Madeline—but I hate to think you will be deprived of pretty things.’

‘I shall have all that I need,’ she told him and reached for his hand. She wondered whether to tell him of the jewels, but was prevented by Jenny coming up to her.

‘I am giving a small dance next week,’ she said. ‘You are in official mourning, I know, Maddie—but shall you feel able to attend?’

‘To attend, yes,’ Madeline said. ‘Of course I shall not dance, but to sit quietly and watch can harm no one.’

‘I had business with Adam today,’ Hal said. ‘Tomorrow I am at your disposal. If you would like to ride out, I am sure a horse could be found for you.’

‘You will come with me?’ Madeline found the prospect delightful. In town she’d ridden sometimes with a groom or her husband in attendance, but to take a horse out and gallop across green fields was something she’d not been able to enjoy since her marriage. ‘I think I should like that above anything, Hal.’

‘Then I will order the horses for eight-thirty if that is not too early for you.’

‘It is best to ride early in the morning,’ she agreed and smiled at him. ‘I can be ready by eight if it is not too early for you.’

Hal laughed, amused and pleased by her enthusiasm. Her eyes had lit in a way he’d not seen since before they parted that never-to-be-forgotten day when she’d broken his heart.

‘Then the horses shall be brought at eight sharp,’ he replied. He reached for her hand, taking it in his own and kissing it. ‘My whole desire is to care for you and make you happy, Madeline. You must tell me what pleases you and what doesn’t—and do not fear to displease me. I am not Lethbridge and I vow I shall never willingly hurt you.’

Madeline’s hand trembled in his. She gazed up into his eyes in a way that made Hal wonder what lay behind the sadness he could sense inside her. She laughed and made conversation with her host and hostess, and she was always willing to listen to whatever Hal had to say, but he could not help feeling that a part of her was held in reserve—as if she could not quite give her whole self.

She had suffered far more than he could know.

He must not ask too much of her. Hal had discovered much about her wretched husband, but he sensed that there was a great deal that Madeline had not yet told him. He doubted she could bring herself to confide the depths of the wickedness that Lethbridge had perpetrated on her, even to another woman.

Sometimes, when he touched her, he felt a slight withdrawal in her, even though she struggled to control it. She did not pull away, but he’d felt her stiffen when he kissed her hand, only slightly, but enough for him to know that she was not yet ready to accept his lovemaking.

When he saw the deep hurt in her eyes, Hal wished Lethbridge were alive so that he could strangle him with his bare hands. He could not bear to think of what she might have suffered and knew that if it took years—or the rest of their lives—he would wait until she was ready to accept his love.

Hal would marry her as soon as it was acceptable in the eyes of the world, but he would not force Maddie to accept him in her bed—and when he thought the time was right, he would assure her that her happiness was his only concern.

He knew that there would be times when he desperately wanted to hold her and touch her, but he sensed that somewhere inside Madeline was a wounded creature that must be coaxed and taught to trust again—like a puppy that has been kicked and beaten. That made him want to weep for her, but she would not wish him to pity her. She was still proud despite all that her evil husband had done to her.

All he wanted was to make her happy and banish that look of sadness from her beautiful eyes.

* * *

Once again, an evening spent playing cards, some music and relaxed conversation proved so enjoyable that Madeline had been able to sleep well in her comfortable bed. It was a new experience for her to wake and be able to decide for herself which clothes she should wear, for Lethbridge had often sent her to change if her attire did not please his eye.

She chose a dark-blue riding habit, which she had purchased, but never yet worn, knowing that its sober hue would not please her husband. Her hat was in the military style with a dark-blue curling feather pinned with a small diamond brooch. Her father had given the trinket to her in the days before he had gambled his fortune away and was a favourite, though Lethbridge had scorned it as being unworthy of
his
wife.

She was ready well before the appointed time and went downstairs, pulling on her black leather gloves. As she approached the last stair, the sound of voices reached her and then Hal and Adam came from the front salon into the hall.

‘Perhaps you ought to tell h—’ Adam was saying, ceasing abruptly as he saw her standing there. ‘Good morning, Madeline. You are an early riser today.’

‘We are going riding together,’ Hal said and his eyes were admiring as they went over her. ‘You look charming, Maddie. I like the style of your gown. It is extremely elegant and the colour becomes you.’

‘Thank you,’ she said, feeling the warmth in her cheeks. ‘I have not worn it before and I am pleased you approve.’

‘You need no one’s approval, but I think it very elegant.’

‘My maid has packed a trunk with clothes I shall never wear,’ Madeline said, turning to her host. ‘She and Thomas will be glad of a place in your wagon, Adam—if there is room?’

‘Plenty of room,’ he assured her. ‘I’ve left word that they are to be given any assistance they require.’ He glanced at Hal. ‘Think about what I was saying, Cousin. I wish you both a pleasant ride.’

‘I am sure it will be,’ Hal replied. ‘I shall give your ideas some consideration—and thank you.’

‘You are welcome.’ Adam turned away, walking in the direction of the library.

‘Shall we go?’ Hal said. ‘I believe the groom has brought our horses round.’

‘Are you certain you have finished your business with Adam?’

‘Yes, of course. Adam put a suggestion to me that I think very generous of him, but I am not sure I can accept.’

‘You are good friends, I think?’

‘Yes, the best. We have been through a great deal together—during the war and when Mark was murdered.’

‘That must have forged a bond between you.’ Madeline arched one delicate eyebrow. ‘Was it another proposal of business?’

‘In a manner of speaking,’ Hal said. ‘If I cared for it, he has a place for an estate manager. I do not know if you are aware of it, but Jenny was a considerable heiress and Adam has a lot of property to manage. If I accepted his offer, he would make a house on one of the estates available to me. It is larger than my own in Cambridgeshire...more suitable for a family, perhaps.’

‘Oh.’ Madeline frowned. ‘Do you wish for such a position?’

‘It would be a solution to my problems,’ he said. ‘But I am not sure...it might depend on several things. Adam’s present agent retires in six months so there is time to think it over.’

‘Yes, of course,’ she said.

Hal was clearly undecided how he felt about his cousin’s offer. Adam had made it in a spirit of generosity and it was not unknown for such a position to go to a trusted relative, but she was not sure how she felt about the idea. Jenny and Adam were such generous people and she was already fond of them, but Madeline had thought Hal meant to settle near her friend Hattie in Cambridgeshire.

However, she could have no opinion on a matter that was for Hal to decide. Yet it crossed her mind that if she were to sell most of the jewels in her late husband’s box, Hal would have no reason to consider the offer. She imagined the jewels might bring sufficient to pay off his father’s debts and allow him to retain his family’s estate as well as his own.

Yet how could she offer them to him when he had not yet formally asked her to be his wife—and would he accept if she did?

Madeline still felt a little guilty over the way the box had come into her possession. If there were a claimant to Lethbridge’s estate she would be morally obliged to hand back a substantial part of her late husband’s wealth. But she shut out these anxieties, determined that nothing should spoil her outing with Hal.

She smiled at him as he handed her up. The mare she’d been given was spirited with a sweet mouth that responded to the merest touch of the reins. It tossed its head, as though to challenge her, but she held the reins in a manner that showed she was in command and the mare responded, quieting at the sound of her soothing voice.

As they trotted out of the courtyard and the horses felt the springy turf beneath their hooves, Madeline let her mount have its head. The sensation of speed as they flew over the ground, the mare hardly seeming to touch it with her hooves, was exhilarating and everything but the joy of the morning was swept from her mind.

Hal’s horse was on its mettle to keep up with Madeline and the spirited mare, though he seemed content to race at her side and she thought he would not have left her behind if he could. She turned her head to smile at him and saw the gleam in his eyes that told her he had as much pleasure from their ride as she.

They were well matched and rode for some time, then, as the horses began to show signs of having worked off their restive energy, they slowed to a walk and finally brought them to a halt by a shallow stream. Dismounting, they led the horses to a spot where they could drink and stood admiring the view of green fields as far as the eye could see, dotted here and there with ancient trees that must have stood here for at least two hundred years.

‘We are still on the Ravenscar estate?’ Madeline asked.

‘Yes, these fields are used for pasture at certain times of the year. I dare say my uncle has three thousand acres or more, including the farms he lets to tenants.’

‘It is a large estate—and must be a burden for the earl.’

‘It would be had he no agents and no son.’

‘You said his surviving son was in Italy. Why does he not come home to lift the worry from his father’s shoulders?’

‘He blames himself for...’ Hal shook his head. ‘I think Paul feels that he is the usurper here. His brother should have been earl when Lord Ravenscar dies and Paul cannot yet accept that he has the responsibility that ought to have been Mark’s’

‘Surely he knows his father needs him?’

‘Adam and I told him we would do what we could. Paul needs time away. I imagine he will return soon.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Madeline said. ‘Oh, there are some black swans! I think them so majestic. A pity we have nothing to feed them with.’

‘I think the keepers feed them with special food. The earl does not encourage giving them bread.’

‘Ah, I see.’ Maddie moved away, but Hal took her shoulder and turned her back to face him. She gazed up at him, a question in her eyes. ‘Yes, Hal—did you wish to say something to me?’

‘You must know I care for you, Maddie.’

‘You have been everything that is kind and good to me... Yes, I do believe that you have affection for me.’

‘My feelings are stronger than mere affection,’ he said, his voice throaty with passion. ‘I want you to be my wife as soon as it is possible, Maddie—but you must believe that I understand how you feel. I know you have suffered and I shall never—’

She put her gloved fingers to his lips. ‘I want to be your wife, Hal,’ she said, her voice little more than a whisper, ‘but...I fear I am not worthy of you. Lethbridge despoiled me...I feel unclean...’

A tear slid from the corner of her eye. Hal reached out and wiped it gently away with his bare hand. He stroked her cheek softly. Madeline felt a tingling sensation inside and for a moment her heart raced. Would he kiss her? She longed for it and yet feared it, for if she froze in his arms he might come to despise her and that she could not bear.

‘You must never think such a thing,’ he said and his eyes darkened with anger. ‘I cannot know the extent of your suffering at that monster’s hand, Maddie, but I swear you will never suffer at mine. I shall never ask more than you can give. And you are not unworthy no matter what that devil did to you.’

‘Hal...I do not deserve such love.’

‘You deserve much more,’ he vowed and took her hands, kissing them tenderly and then letting her go. ‘Remember that I would give my life for you—and I would rather die than hurt you. We should return to the house before they send out a search party.’

His jest brought a tearful smile, but she lifted her head proudly and gave him her hand, letting him assist her into the saddle. Hal understood and he was telling her that he would wed her even if she could never be a proper wife to him—but would she be fair to him if she accepted?