Promise of Shadows (12 page)

to the general human population. The vættir who follow her are
fools.”
I shrug. “Won’t the Pandarus protect the bright vættir? That’s
his job, right?”
Nanda shakes her head slowly. “Hera killed the last Pandarus
about twenty years ago. She then appointed the Ramuns as her
generals, which you already know. Right now there’s no one to
protect the vættir.”
The room falls silent as I try to process everything I’ve learned.
Prophecies have never been something I understood. There’s a lot
of room for error. I mean, I could be the Nyx, but it could all just be
a coincidence. The person who actually needs to fulfill the prophecy might be running around in diapers right now, waiting for the
stars to align. You never know with these sorts of things. Anyway, I’m not sure I believe everything that Nanda and Cass
just told me. But I’m just too tired to argue about it right now. I yawn widely. Nanda catches me and grins.
“You know, you girls have been through hell and back, literally.
Why don’t you go get some rest, and we’ll work out what your next
steps should be. We have time.”
I nod. “That sounds great. Cass?”
She shakes her head. “I would like to spend some time with
Nanda, getting caught up on things. I’m very behind, I think.” “Girl, you have no idea.” Nanda laughs, but there’s a nervousness to it. I make a mental note to try to convince her that Cass is
not a threat, despite the niggle of doubt in the back of my mind.
Even though Cass kept a few important details from me, I refuse
to believe she’s dangerous. She’s still the girl who has saved my life
too many times to count.
I leave the two of them whispering together like old ladies. I
head upstairs, my feet feeling incredibly heavy. I’ve barely sprawled
across the bed before my eyes are closing.
My last thought is that everyone is going to be very disappointed when they find out that I’m not really the Nyx.

think I’m still in the Pits. I flail, fighting off my attacker. It’s only after I land a punch and the person shaking me lets go with a loud “Ow!” that I remember I’m at Nanda’s, safe and sound in the spare bedroom.

I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes while Tallon holds his face. Darkness presses in from the room’s window.The lamp beside the bed casts the only light. I sigh and push my snarls back from my face. “What time is it?”

“A little after midnight,” he says. I’m finally waking up, and the first thing I notice is that he isn’t wearing a shirt. Dark zigzags radiate out from his shoulder like an angry sun, and I remember admiring them at Lyss’s pond. It surprises me a little. I never would’ve thought Tallon would be a tattoo enthusiast.

I pull my gaze away from his shoulder long enough to notice the way his pajama pants hang low on his hips. I don’t think pajama pants have ever looked so amazing. But instead of acknowledging the uncomfortable fluttering sensation in my belly, I point to Tallon’s pants and say, “Wow, I never took you for a cat person.”

He looks down at the pattern of kittens frolicking and sighs. “They were a gift from Alora.” I’m pretty sure that I see a smile play around his lips, and the awkward feeling disappears.

“What’s going on?” It doesn’t seem like we’re under attack or anything, and Tallon must’ve woken me for some other reason than for me to sit here and admire his muscles.

“You were spilling darkness all over the house. It woke me up and now Cass is sleeping on the couch.”
I yawn. “What do you mean ‘spilling darkness’?”
He points at me, and sure enough darkness ripples off my arms like smoke. I will it away and the wisps disappear, but not before worry makes my stomach churn.
“How do I keep it from doing that?”
Tallon crosses his arms. “You have two choices. You can force it to submit to your will, or you can make the dark your friend.”
“I don’t know that I can.” How does Tallon know this? Does he use the dark somehow? He can’t be a shadow vættir. I’ve seen him use æther before. Maybe he’s just being his usual bossy self.
More importantly, why is my erebos rising up now?
Tallon sighs and sits at the foot of the bed, his eye surrounded by a fading purple bruise. The spot is healing, but my guilt weighs heavy. “I’m sorry.”
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “For what?”
“Hitting you. Now and earlier today.”
He shrugs, but amusement tugs at his lips again. “It’s okay. It was kind of nice. It reminded me of the old you.”

I grin at him, the years seeming to fall away for a moment. “Remember that time when me and Whisper dropped the eggs on you and Alora?” I was young enough that I wasn’t allowed to fly by myself, so Whisper had convinced me to help her steal a few eggs from Aerie kitchens and drop them on Tallon. I was so excited to have a chance to fly that I agreed.

He nods, his darks eyes sparkling in the low light. “She was so mad. But I got you back with that rotten tomato.”
“We didn’t think you’d be able to throw that far.” I laugh when I remember how Whisper screamed when the tomato hit her in her face. But the memory quickly shifts into pain, and my laughter fades, leaving a raw ache in my middle.
Tallon watches with his too-dark gaze. “I’m sorry she’s gone.”
“Yeah, me too.” I look down at my hands and fight back the tears that threaten to overwhelm me. I haven’t even had a chance to mourn her. After her death I went on the run, and then there was my trial, followed by the never-ending fight to stay alive in Tartarus. I feel like I never really got a chance to say good-bye to her.
Tallon pats my hand awkwardly and stands to go. With him gone I’ll be left alone in the dark with my memories of Whisper, memories that still bring more pain than joy.
Before I can stop myself, I reach out to Tallon, grabbing his wrist. He stops, dark eyes widening slightly. “Wait. Can you, um . . . can you lie down with me? Just for a little bit until I fall asleep?” When I was younger, I was terrified of the dark. During his visits all of us kids would sleep out in our yard, holding mini campouts. While Alora and Whisper mocked my fear, Tallon would always scoot his sleeping bag next to mine to help me feel brave. It’s that long-ago feeling of security that I’m thinking of when I ask Tallon to stay.
But when he looks at me, I remember we aren’t kids anymore. I’m seventeen, eighteen if you count my lost year. And Tallon? Tallon is definitely not a kid anymore. Embarrassment heats my face, and I suddenly feel very silly and oh so exposed.
“Never mind, it was a stupid question.” I let go of him, but without a word he climbs into the bed next to me. The mattress is large enough to hold two people. Tallon scoots all the way against the wall, space and a layer of blankets between the two of us. We don’t touch, but I am still hyperaware of him.
I turn off the light and lie in the dark, listening to his even breathing. But having him here is almost worse than lying by myself. All I can think about is the way he looks without his shirt, and how he’s now a more masculine version of the somber kid he once was. A kid I spent most of my childhood chasing after.
When my mom told me Nanda wouldn’t be coming for any more visits, it was Tallon I cried for, not Nanda. Nanda may have been my sunshine, but Tallon was my world.
My restless thoughts make me toss and turn until Tallon finally throws an arm across my middle and pulls me close. “Go to sleep, Peep,” he says, an echo of those campouts so long ago.
And at his soft urging I finally do.

to get up, so I burrow into the warm spot, hoping to go back to sleep. This is the best sleep I’ve had in months. I’m not going to give up on it that easily.

I’m happy when the warmth shifts toward me. I’m about to fall back asleep when my warm spot pulls me close. “Go back to sleep, Peep.”

I sit straight up in bed, and Tallon cracks open one of his dark eyes to look at me. “What?”
My stomach feels strange, like when I used to turn into a dive too quickly while flying. “Oh, nothing, just you know, ready to get up and attack the day!”The words come out in a rush and my heart pounds. Sunshine streams in through the window, and in the daylight asking Tallon to sleep with me seems like a much bigger deal than it did last night when I was scared of my memories.
Tallon props his head up on his fist. “That’s funny. Since when are you a morning person?”
Since now. “Oh, you know, since forever. I mean, I’ve got a big prophecy to fulfill. I should get on that, don’t you think?”
Tallon watches me intently. “The vættir have been waiting for over two thousand years for the Nyx to return. I think they can wait a little while longer.”
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around my middle. I’m fully dressed, but having him here with me in my bed makes me feel naked and vulnerable. I decide it’s not a feeling I like. I tear my eyes away from his dark gaze.
That’s a mistake, because then I remember that he isn’t wearing a shirt. I’m in full-fledged panic mode. I can’t seem to stop staring at his muscles, which he has more of than any guy should. His skin is golden, not pale like when we were kids. My fingers itch to see if his arms are as firm as they look, and that’s when I know I’m in trouble.
Harpies do not have crushes, especially on their childhood best friends.
My wayward thoughts force me out of the bed too fast. The sheets wrap around my legs, and I fall onto the floor. Tallon leans over the edge of the bed, his curtain of dark hair falling across his face.
“Are you okay?” he asks, concern tingeing his voice. “You aren’t getting freaked out because we’re in bed together, are you?”
I’m so surprised by his response that I can’t answer him. Why would he think that? Am I really that obvious? More importantly, why am I so panicked? Is it because I like him?
Pffft. Of course I like him, that’s why I’m about to have a minor freak-out.
Tallon watches me with his dark gaze. “What’s going on with you, Peep?”
I want to tell him everything. How I cried for days after my mom told me he wasn’t allowed back in the Aerie. How I made myself forget him because my memories hurt too much. Or the way I sometimes imagined him showing up and helping me escape the Aerie when things were at their worst. And more recently, the way my heart jumped into my throat when he saved me from the drakan in the Underworld. I want to tell him all these things, to let him know that the years haven’t changed me as much as he thinks.
But I’m not brave. Never have been, never will be. So I mumble some excuse about breakfast and kick away the sheets. I jam my feet into my stinky boots without even looking to see if they’re on the right feet, and I run out of the room.
I’m halfway down the stairs before I pause, leaning against the wall and trying to catch my breath. My heart thrums in my ears, and I feel like I was running for my life. I have no idea why I’m so keyed up. It’s like I just woke from a bad dream.
That’s when I realize that I’m afraid. Not that I’ll die, like I usually am, but of Tallon. I’m afraid he’ll see how much I like him. Because I like him. A lot. What I’m feeling is strange and unwelcome, an emotion that belongs on a TV screen, not to me.
I feel so fragile right now that Tallon’s rejection could break me.
I hide my face in my hands and try not to laugh. I am such a loser. Why do I have to have a crush on a guy who once put jelly and birdseed in my hair? Why can’t I like Blue, who’s friendly and easygoing? Why does it have to be Tallon, who studies me like I’m about to do something stupid?
Because it wasn’t Blue who made me feel safe, who could convince me to go on any of the harebrained adventures Whisper came up with. It was Tallon. He was the one who picked me up when I fell down. It was always Tallon who was there to catch me.
And now? Now I want that, and more.
My middle squirms with nervous anticipation when I imagine kissing him. I push the mental image away in disgust and go downstairs. No wonder I failed my Trials. I’m not even a Harpy. Feeling this turmoil and sick excitement over the mere thought of kissing Tallon proves what a failure I am. Harpies never fall for anyone. They definitely never fall in love.
The thought stops me on the staircase. Love? No, not love. That’s much bigger than what I feel for Tallon. It has to be. But I definitely have a bad case of being in like.
I think of Whisper and the one boyfriend I ever saw her with before her doomed relationship with Hermes. Mom was still alive then, mapping out our limited free time with drill after endless battle drill. Whisper hadn’t yet taken her Trials, and I was still too young to leave the Aerie by myself. Sneaking out hadn’t been easy. But I was determined to know where Whisper went every night after lights-out. So one night after our mom went to bed I opened my window, climbed the oak tree to the roof just like Whisper had, and flew out toward town.
It was easy finding Whisper. The mint-cookie scent of her happiness led me right to her. Learning the scent of emotions isn’t easy for most Harpies, and we only learned the most basic in our Aerie-sponsored training: fear, anger, sadness. Those are the most common in a battle, and we were drilled on their different incarnations constantly. But Mom thought it was important to learn more than just the basics, so every night after dinner she and Whisper tested me on some of the lesser-known emotions. I knew the scent of Whisper’s happiness because I’d been trained on it. The smell clogged the air like a giant neon arrow, and I found her with a boy next to a fountain in a park.
When I looked down at them, their arms were wrapped around each other as though they were a couple of strangling vines. I was so surprised to see them twined together that I over-corrected for a slight updraft. The mistake cost me my equilibrium, and I crashed into a nearby tree.
I fell through the branches, the noise bringing running feet. The two of them arrived, Whisper’s face twisted with anger. I could barely smell the burning-plastic scent of her rage. The boy’s orange-Creamsicle surprise nearly canceled out everything.
“Hey, she’s got wings,” he exclaimed to Whisper, pointing at me. His eyes didn’t reflect the light like Whisper’s. That’s when I realized he was human. “Whisp, tell me you see what I’m seeing.”
“Yes, I see it.”Her rage melted away, and the rotting-floral scent of her sadness was so strong that I could barely breathe. I stumbled to my feet just as Whisper summoned a bright ball of æther and sent it at the boy. His eyes went flat before he fell into a heap.
“Did you kill him?” I asked, brushing pine needles from my pajamas.
“No, it’s a spell of forgetting,” she said a split second before she punched me in the stomach. I doubled over in pain, gasping for breath. It was more the surprise of the attack than the pain that stunned me. I was used to my mother hitting me, but not my sister.
But my physical discomfort faded quickly. Thanks to vættir healing, even pain doesn’t stick around for very long.
When I stood, she was a few feet down the path. I ran to catch up to her. She was just sitting there, staring at the fountain. A scent I didn’t recognize wafted off her before she got ahold of her emotions and clamped it down. It smelled like fruit punch left out in the sun.
“If you were going to set up a secret meeting, you should’ve picked a better place.”Whisper turned to look at me, and I was too stupid to shut up and step back. Instead I just continued. “There were several avenues for attack, and anyone flying overhead would easily see you guys. This place blows as defensive positions go.”
I should’ve seen the second hit coming, but I didn’t. I like to think she pulled the punch at the last moment, but even so the left hook caught me on the chin and made me see double the stars overhead. I fell flat on my back. As Whisper stepped over me, I heard her say, “I didn’t pick it because of some tactical advantage. I picked this place because it was pretty.”
By the time I made it home, the sky was brightening. The Harpy on sentry patrol over the Aerie spotted me and escorted me home to my mom, who was expecting me. She didn’t hit me, but I was grounded for a month, which meant no flying except for school drills and no TV at all. It was the worst punishment I’d ever gotten.
I still got off easy. Whisper was grounded until her Trials, three months later. She didn’t speak to me for a week. It finally sank in that I’d somehow betrayed her. I tried to make it up to her by stealing a pie from the community kitchens. It was apple, her favorite. I left it on her pillow before I went to bed. She came in, picked it up, and hurled it out our open window.
“You don’t get it, Peep,” she said, taking off her boots and sitting heavily on her bed.
“Are you mad at me because you loved him and I ruined it?”
“I don’t think I loved him. But I liked him. I liked him a lot. And that was enough.”
I rolled over and sat up. “But if you didn’t love him, why are you still mad at me?”
“Love isn’t the only reason to enjoy being with someone. It was enough that I liked the way he made me feel. He made me happy. True love, like in the old stories? That doesn’t just happen for us. Not like for other vættir.”
I rolled over and looked at her. I couldn’t tell what she was feeling. Her emotions were on lockdown. “It happened for Mom.”
Whisper sighed. “If you think Mom slept with our fathers because she loved them, you have a lot to learn. You need to stop watching so much TV. We don’t fall in love, Zephyr. We can’t. Love will get you killed.” It was an old saying among the Harpy. It came true for Whisper. The Acolytes killed her because she let herself fall in love with an Exalted. I remind myself of that as I stumble down the stairs and into the living room.
If I’m distracted by Tallon, how can I focus on the other things I need to do? Becoming the Nyx, finding Whisper’s shade, fighting a prophesied war, and avoiding death at the hands of Hera and the Æthereal High Council . . . these aren’t exactly small tasks. I can’t really see myself having a lot of time for dating.
I just don’t need the distraction of Tallon. I need to focus on not failing. That’s going to be hard enough for me to do without getting all twitterpated about a boy.
And with that thought I push Tallon out of my mind and swear that I won’t let myself think about him again. Nothing lies down that path but trouble.