Prohibited: an erotic novel (30 page)

I exited the car and he followed me to my apartment door. I tried to get inside without him, but he managed to catch the door and walked right in behind me.

“Michael why are you here? Normally when you dump somebody you leave them the fuck alone.”

I plopped down on the couch and folded my arms across my chest. He sat down next to me and placed his hand on my knee.

“You were so upset I just wanted to make sure you got home safely.”

“Well, I’m home safe. Get the fuck out!”

He sighed.

That is not why he followed me home. I knew what he wanted and I knew I was not going to give him that.

He wasn’t going to get a goodbye fuck from me!

“Michael,” I began to say.

He stopped me with his hand. He grabbed my hand and held on tight.

“Maxine, I care about you deeply, but I know that a relationship with you in our situation would be a huge mistake.”

I sighed.

He stopped and looked at me so tenderly. I wanted to cry. I didn’t know what to do.

“I fucking hate you right now.” I stated bluntly.

His eyes narrowed and he looked at me intensely.

“You don’t hate me and I don’t hate you.”

He was right I didn’t hate him.  I was so angry I was spitting venom.

“So you are telling me you are in love her? Have you thought this through?”

“I have thought about nothing but this since the day I met you. I thought I could, but I can’t leave my wife?” He declared.

“You guys must be fucking again.” I mumbled under my breath.

He heard me and stood.

“I think I should leave.”

I stood also and walked toward the door. I was barely holding it together.

“Fine, leave!” I yelled out angrily.

I was thinking about my life without Michael and I did not think I could recover.

We stood face to face. Well, more like face to chest. He sighed and reached for me, pulling me into his arms.

“Michael, please don’t do this. Don’t do this to me!” I cried.

He began to stroke my back.

“I have never felt more vulnerable in my life as I do right now. I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you.” He said.

I heard a slight tremble in his voice.

My body went limp in his arms and I felt him pull me closer. His head dropped down and he placed a soft kiss on my head. Feeling his arms around me brought forth a new wave of emotions. I just wanted him to hold me like this forever.

I needed him to hold me.

“Michael, why are you breaking my heart?” I whispered.

I felt him squeeze me tighter.

“I’m so sorry.” He said.

I could feel him move a little and slowly he placed his hand on my chin lifting my gaze to meet his beautiful green eyes. It was difficult for me to look into them. I saw sadness mixed with unadulterated lust.

Before I could think or react, his lips were moving hard and strong against mine. I felt a warm sensation all over.

I realized he wanted me; he just didn’t want to be with me.  Maybe he intended to have his cake and eat it too.  Maybe I was just a fantasy for him and he never intended to leave his wife.

I bet that is how he got all those other women as well.  I called it! I just could not believe that I still fell for it. This asshole!

I felt like I did when I was with Timothy, stupid and naïve. I never wanted to feel that way again.

Slowly I brought my hands to his chest and used that leverage to push off him. I took a few steps back. He was taken aback for a minute, but he quickly recovered and came toward me.

By this time, there were tears running down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them.

“You son of a bitch!” I screamed.

“You just used me.  You never intended to leave her did you?”

I grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at him. He dodged it and came towards me.

Without warning, he grabbed me and threw me on the couch. We kissed and I could feel his hand slowly pulling up my skirt and finding my wetness. We began to rip each other’s clothes off.

I could not explain it. The conflict and the pain got us both in the mood.

He ripped my panties in his urgent need to get to me. I was a wreck but I could not get the nerve to stop him. I needed to feel his touch.

He was naked from the waist down in a flash and filling me before I could blink.

We made love on my couch and the entire time tears were falling from my eyes. It was quick and fast and animalistic.

I came. My body went numb with intense pleasure.

He came hard and I was sure my neighbors could hear his load moans.

When we were done, I moved from the couch and adjusted my clothes. We had sex for the last time. It was official, I was a fucking idiot. He came and got what he wanted after all.

My pride, however, would not let him see me cry anymore.

I walked to the door and opened it. I stood holding the door. Slowly he walked past me. He reached up and wiped the tears from my face. He started to caress my cheek.

I moved his hand.

“You just won’t quit! Leave me the fuck alone you asshole!” I yelled in between my sobs.

He sighed.

“Okay.”

I looked away from him with tears still pouring down my face.

“Maxine, just know that I really do care about you.” He said.

I didn’t budge. I stood holding open the door.

He walked out and headed toward his car.

I slammed the door shut and collapsed into sobs.

Maria

I lay quietly on my bed. I felt worn-out and pathetic. My phone kept ringing but I did not want to answer.

It could be my friends, my kids, my husband or Selena!

I couldn’t deal with anyone now. Not now!

I’m a mess.

It is bizarre the moment you let go. The moment you become conscious it can’t be saved and you cannot hide from it anymore. Your world is being thrown upside down and you are powerless to stop the tornado that has ripped through and destroyed everything.

I really care about Michael. I just didn’t know how much longer I could fake it. I’m no longer in love with him. I have not loved him for some time now.

Having sex with him every night was driving me crazy. I was grateful he was not home. I wouldn’t be able to fake it today.

Yet, I owed it to my parents and my children to make this work. My mother always told me that my job was to sacrifice myself for my family. I have sacrificed all that I could to make everyone happy and…I am miserable.

Why am I crying? I cried because I am responsible for all this. The dishonest life that I have lived for so long has finally come to haunt me and I do not think I can cope.

Grabbing another tissue from my side table, I blew my nose and plopped down on my pillow. At that moment my cell phone rang. I reached over and grabbed it. The name Selena flashed across the display on the phone. I set the phone back onto the table.

Sigh.

My mother was wrong. I should have been honest with myself from the beginning. From the moment she caught me kissing my best friend Ana when I was fourteen to the day she talked me into marrying Michael.

I never wanted a man. I never needed a man. My mother told me my worth was based on the reputation and status of my family. Coming from a very poor, traditional Sicilian family, being a lesbian was not an option. It was my job to marry a man who could not only give me a better life but also to bring my family prestige.

I accomplished that, but what did it bring me?

A failed life and marriage.

I never had a chance to be myself. I blew my nose again and placed the soiled tissue on my nightstand.

The phone was ringing again.

I reached for it and looked at the display screen. It’s Selena. I returned it to my nightstand and ignored it. I rolled over and tried to sleep. I needed sleep right now. I thought maybe if I slept I wouldn’t have to think of all the hurt and discord I have caused. For a few hours I could forget everything.

There was a knock at the door. I didn’t answer. I just laid there and hoped they would just go away. There was another knock at the door and then I heard the door gradually swing open.

“Please go away.”

I heard the footsteps and then felt the pressure of someone sitting down on the bed next to me. I pretended to be asleep.

“Maria, sweetheart.”

At the sound of her voice I opened my eyes. She positioned her hand on my thigh and began to caress it.

“Are you awake?”

A chill went through my body and I rolled over coming face to face with Selena.

“My dear, you look a mess.” She said smiling.

I was in no mood to smile back. I sat up leaning against the headboard of the bed. I pushed my dark hair behind my ear. I was pleased to see her, but I didn’t want to feel that way. I thought I wanted to be alone, but when I saw her smile at me I started to feel a tiny bit better.

“I know.” I said.

She climbed onto Michael’s side of the bed next to me and leaned against the headboard.

“Why have you been avoiding me again?” She asked softly.

I turned to look at her.

“I haven’t been avoiding you.” I lied.

She reached over me and reached for my phone. Just feeling her body against mine sent shivers down my spine. She searched through my phone.

“I called you several times and you refuse to call me back or just answer the phone.” She accused tossing my phone to the end of the bed.

I was avoiding her because I knew seeing her would remind me how much I wanted to be with her. Avoiding her was so hard for me. Yet I knew the success of my marriage depended on not having her in my life.

She is here so I guess it is a sign that I have to stop running from who I am. How do I do that without alienating my family I thought.

“Well if you answered your phone I could have told you I bought you a ticket to London.” She said with a huge smile on her face.

I was stunned.

“Why would you that?” I inquired.

She rolled onto her side and placed her hand on my thigh. She began to caress it and trail her fingers up and down my leg. I was praying that her hands would travel higher. My clit was throbbing.

“Well, I know that you and Michael are close to calling it quits.” She began while continuing to caress my leg.

“And I thought it would give us time to be together and explore our options.”

It sounded magnificent. I would love some time alone to explore with Selena. It seemed incredible, but there was a problem. Michael and I are not calling it quits. In fact, I told him I loved him and he was under the impression we will go on to live happily ever after.