Pretty Toxic - A New Adult Romance (Imperfectly Yours) (4 page)

Chapter Eight

“. . . lying dead somewhere.”

I don’t understand it. My chest sinks. This chair is uncomfortable and I can feel bruises forming along my back. But that’s not what my mind is focusing on. He’s gone. I had my chance at being with him and I didn’t take it. Maybe if I’d agreed to run away last night none of this would have happened.

“Mikki?”

I sit up straight and fold my arms.

“Sorry,” I reply. “What was the question?”

“Dane,” the officer goes on. The sound of his name makes my jaw clench. A pressure builds behind my eyes. “Did he mention anyone last night? Any comments about being in trouble or trying to avoid someone?”

“Uh . . .” I swallow. “Not that I recall.”

“Is there anyone you can think of that might want to hurt him?”

What kind of question is that? Who would want to hurt Dane? He’s done nothing wrong. Nothing at all.

“No,” I answer. The officer raises his eyebrow and nods. He seems a bit annoyed by my one word responses.

“Okay.” He jots a few things down on a piece of paper. “Moving on. Can you list any other friends in town he might have talked with yesterday?” My mind draws a blank.

“Well he has a sister . . . Paige.”

“Yes,” the officer replies. “She already came in.”

“Of course,” I mutter. I rub my fingers together and stare at the gray floor tiles. I bet they used to be white. I lean forward slightly and push back the moisture in my eye sockets. I can’t cry here. I won’t be able to stop.

I wipe the corner of my eye and try to think. I don’t know. I don’t know who his friends are nowadays. The tears are beating at the back of my skull. I can’t answer a single question about him. A tear escapes. I instantly wipe it away.

“It’s alright. Take your time.” The officer adjust the buttons on his uniform.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “And the answer is no. I don’t know who he might have talked to. You see, we aren’t friends. We aren’t . . . anything really. I hardly know him.”

“Well his family did seem very surprised that you two were seen together. What were you two talking about?”

“Oh uh . . .”
Think of something. Quick.
The sooner I answer the sooner I can go home and bury myself in pillows. “Catering . . . see I was supposed to be a server at his homecoming party. I just wanted know what happened. I was really counting on that extra money.”

“Okay.” He nods his head as if satisfied with the explanation. I take a deep breath. The tears are dying down. It’s working. Pretending that there’s nothing between us is actually working. “I think I have everything I need.”

“Um . . .” I hesitate to stand. “Just wondering. Who reported him missing?” I tug a strand of hair. I can’t believe he’s really gone. It can’t be true. I’m being messed with. But he hasn’t responded to any of my texts.

“His dad of course. He insisted we launch an investigation at once though our policy is to wait a little longer. Mr. Haskell is very persuasive.”

I pull at my hair even harder, remembering the last thing Dane really
did
say to me. He had to leave because of his dad. Did he even make it home? My vision starts to go blurry. The tears are back.

“Mikki.” Aunt Scarlett softly takes my arm. “Can she go now?”

“I’ll be in touch.” The officer escorts us back to the lobby. Scarlett puts her arm around me, rubbing the side of my shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” she whispers. “No one blames you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She pushes open the door and lets in a subtle breeze. The sun is shining. The street is bustling with cars and pedestrians, but for me life seems to have slowed down. I keep my mouth shut, half expecting Scar to blow up about me being out so late without her knowing. She doesn’t.

“So you’re not mad,” I say, opening the car door. She shrugs.

“What can I say? You’re eighteen now.”

“I’m sorry,” I respond. I close my eyes and try to force back tears. “You think . . . you think he’s okay?”

“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a Haskell.”

“Yeah but . . .” I loudly swallow. My chest feels like it’s been strapped to an enormous anchor. “You don’t think he’s . . . lying dead somewhere?”

“Of course not,” she breathes. “Don’t say stuff like that. He probably got drunk after what happened to Matt and fell asleep in the park or something.” A possible explanation that I could have believed. That wasn’t the case at all. “Anyway, why don’t we talk about something else?”

“Like what?” I glance down at my phone. Still nothing.

“How’s school going? You start that internship stuff on Monday right?”

“Yep,” I reply. This is the last thing I want to talk about. Come Monday I will be reminded of last night over and over again. Why does my internship have to be in the Banley Building of all places?

“Geez, I sound like my mom.” Scarlett shakes her head. “You probably would rather me shut up huh?”

“I want to go home and go to my room.”

“I understand,” she says quietly. Our drive home is silent minus a weather update on the radio.

This is all my fault. For once, I should have just said
yes
. I should have ran away with him the moment he suggested it. I should have followed my heart. Blindly.

*          *          *

“Let’s go out.” Zanna is sitting at the foot of my bed like an eager puppy. I hadn’t moved for hours. My muscles are all stiff. If I move now that would be more painful than staying exactly where I am.

“Who let you in here?”

“Scarlett said you could use some cheering up,” she replies.

“Scarlett should mind her own business.”

“She’s right,” Zanna agrees. I glare at her. She never agrees with my Aunt Scarlett.

“
This
time,” she adds.

“My world really is falling apart,” I mutter. Zanna tries to pull away my comforter. I’d buried myself in my bed with my cell phone next to my face. Maybe he would call? Text?

“Come on. You’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion. So you spent all morning at the police station, so what? You had nothing to do with all this Dane crap so get over it.”

“I can’t,” I immediately reply. She rolls her eyes. I fight her for full blanket coverage. It’s too hard to keep pretending Dane doesn’t mean anything to me.

“Don’t even get me started on the fact that you were talking to that pig in the first place. Late at night.
In secret.
” She pauses, looking at me like Aunt Scar used to when I left the kitchen table without clearing my plate.

“Oh shut up.”

“What’s the deal? Cuz I know what you told the cops ain’t true.”

“Scar needs to learn how to keep her mouth shut,” I bark, eyes wide. I hear Zanna take a deep breath. She lets go of my comforter and plays with her tongue ring.

“What?” I shrug.

“Mikki, what’s going on between you two?”

My eyes are still wide. They start to water. The back of my throat closes up.
Lie.

“Nothing.”

“We both know that’s not true. You’re not the type to go wandering around Riptide Park at night.” She can’t know. Because if
she
knows, others might figure it out.
Lie, Mikki!

“I ran into him okay.” I see the confused look on Zanna’s face and realize I’m almost yelling. I touch my neck.

“Defensive much,” she comments. “Whatever. You don’t want to tell me just yet. That’s fine. But don’t treat me like some ignorant airhead. I know
exactly
what’s going on here.”

“No.” I use the blanket to cover everything but my eye. “No, you don’t.”

“Well when you’re finished with your pity party, the two of us are going out.” She jumps up, already wearing a black mini skirt and lacy top. She glances in the mirror and begins fixing her bangs.

“Where?”

“That’s a surprise,” she answers, keeping her eyes glued on her reflection. “All you have to do is look hot.”

“I’m not really in the mood.” I sink even further into my covers. The flowery scent of laundry detergent is still embedded on the surface of the sheets.

“Boring.” She rolls her eyes again. “Be spontaneous for once.”

Her words pierce the back of my skull. There was that word again.
Spontaneous.
I’m not this. I’m not that. I suck altogether. My heart starts to beat faster. I need to change. I need to forget today.
Just Mikki
isn’t good enough. She never gets anything right.

“Fine.” I sit up. My sides ache from the sudden jolt. I have to go on pretending I don’t care about Dane or Zanna will figure it out. “I need to get my mind off all of this anyway.”

“That’s more like it,” she chuckles.

Chapter Nine

“Don’t do it!”

I’m handed a cup full of something and I’m told to drink it.
Be spontaneous.
I guzzle it all down, afterwards feeling like I’m about to puke. Music blasts in my eyes. It’s so loud I’m not really sure what type of music it is. Maybe it’s actually the sound of a head on collision happening in the parking lot? I’m handed another cup. I hear Zanna let out a gut-busting laugh behind me.

“Nice dress.”

“Thanks,” I reply, without even looking where the complement is coming from. I look up and follow the voice but it’s hard to concentrate. I adjust my dress. I borrowed it from Scarlett. It’s black with a plunging neckline and a lace back. Nothing I’d
ever
dare wear but stepping out of the house in it felt . . . I don’t know. It felt wrong but not in a bad way.

“I’ve never seen you here before,” the voice says again.

“It’s my first time.” I see him, chiseled chin and all. He’s hot and I can’t deny that the piercings on his face are intriguing.

“Oh,” he grins. “Where you been hiding?” I smile. The blasting music is beginning to sound like fading chimes. I stare at my admirer, his face surrounded with a cloud a fuzz. I don’t feel anxious anymore.

I feel free.

“Honestly . . . I think I’ve been hiding for eighteen years.”

He keeps grinning, focusing one hundred percent on me. Our eyes connect and I’m not nervous at all. It’s me and him in the room. No one else. I take another swallow of the drink in my hand. I have no idea what number this one is.

“You have a boyfriend?”

I laugh.
Do I have a boyfriend?
This thing between Dane and me, what is it? We are together but we aren’t. We speak to each other, but in secret. Is that even a relationship? Does he even love me because he’s never said it.

“Not really,” I blurt out. I have to let him go. I have to move on or all this cutting pain in my chest will stay forever.

“Good news for me then,” he responds. “What’s your name?”

“Mikki.” The new Mikki, and she’s nothing like the old one.

“Oh . . .” He wrinkles his nose and takes a sip of his drink. “Not that one I read about in the paper?”

“What?
I’m
in the paper?” That’s something I’d normally obsess over, even leave the party for just to find a copy and dissect every line written about me. My head feels like it’s floating - buzzing. I don’t care. “Sweet.”

“You’re not with that Haskell guy, are you?” His question doesn’t strike me the least bit odd.

“Hell no!” I hear myself laughing again. This time as loud as Zanna.

“Then what’s the deal? I read that you were the last one to see him.” He grabs a bottle of something and refills my cup. The liquid feels like it’s weighing down my hand so I drink it. All of it. It burns going down.

“Yeah,” I giggle.

“What did he say?” His eyes move from my face and skim down the body of my dress. He likes the way I look, and he likes me. I attempt to flick my hair like I’ve seen Paige do in Algebra class. I slip a little and he grabs my arm. “Careful babe.”

“He said he had to go. Can I get another?” I hold up my cup.

“Go where?” He fills it to the top again.

“Somewhere. I have no idea.”

“Is that all he said?” he eagerly asks.

“Yeah.” I gulp down another cup full. “But if you ask me . . . he seemed . . . weird.” I feel my heel move and push me forward. I’m in his arms now. His touch is satisfying, though different compared to Dane’s.
Forget about Dane.

“I don’t think I understand.”

“His dad,” I go on. “He’s the reason he left . . . he seemed kinda funny.” My legs swing out from under me. He’s holding me now. My head spins like I’m riding a carousel. My eyelids feel heavy.

“And that’s all you remember?”

“Uh-huh.” I close my eyes and see the two of us dancing together in the moonlight. It’s perfect and it all seems so real.

I see Zanna. Her lips are moving but I can’t hear what she’s saying. The music in my head has gone dull. I try to open my mouth but I don’t think it’s working. No matter. I have nothing to say to her. I close my eyes again and let the silence surround me like a cocoon. I can sleep peacefully now. My mind can wander to other places that don’t involve Dane or my severed heart.