Pretty Toxic - A New Adult Romance (Imperfectly Yours) (13 page)

Chapte
r Thirty Four

“Sometimes secrets kill.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Aunt Scarlett sighs. “We should take a vacation. Just you and me. Remember when we went to San F
rancisco?” I watch her scoop a portion of pasta primavera from a large bowl and place it in front of me.

“Yeah,” I laugh. “You had to pull over so I could barf out the window.”

“Well.” She raises her eyebrows and joins me at the table. “Besides that part.”

The two of us have been friendlier than usual lately. Aunt Scar hasn’t brought up my fight with Dane and I haven’t brought up seeing her with Matt Haskell, Dane’s dad. I still think about it though. My mind still can’t grasp the fact that she’d been seeing him, maybe even sleeping with him, the entire time I’ve been with Dane. It puts a sour taste in my mouth. Whenever the thought resurfaces, I have to force it back down.

“It was fun,” I admit. And it’s the truth. We stayed in a little hotel by the beach and spent every day sight-seeing or soaking up the sun. That was probably the best tan I ever had. “You want to go back?” My brain jumps to Dane and how long I’d have to be away from him.

“Why not?” She nods and takes a bite of her pasta. “I think it would be fun, don’t you? Plus it would give us a chance to catch up.”

Catch up?
It’s like she knows what happened between me and Dane. I thought losing your virginity was supposed to be this grand moment. At best it has made me feel guilty that I’ve kept it from Scarlett all this time. I want to talk about it. I feel like I have tons to say, but when the opportunity comes I’m at a loss for words.

Sometimes secrets kill.

“Scarlett?”

“Yeah,” she replies, not even looking up. I’m so close to saying it - blurting out that I had sex with Dane. My heart is pounding. My cheeks feel warm. Will she yell or will she nod and tell me I’m an adult now?

“Um . . .” I take a long breath. She looks up at me curiously.

“Is everything okay?”

I can’t do it.

“Uh yeah.” I lie. I force myself to chuckle. “Sorry. I forgot what I was going to say.”

“Well when you think of it . . .” She takes another small bite.

“Right,” I answer.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket. I let out a sigh of relief. My drumming heart finally starts to calm down.

“Be right back.” I stand up and walk towards the bathroom, checking my phone as I walk. My heart quickens immediately.

It’s him. I read through the text three times before I finally respond to it.

Our spot. Ten minutes.

*
         *          *

I can’t help but wonder what I’ll find when I reach Riptide Park. Is Dane really the one who sent me that message? After what just happened between us, he had to be. I look down and realize I’m taking tiny steps. I’m dragging my feet, trying to make time move slower.

What if Dane wants to . . .

I’m not ready to do that again. In fact, I don’t know whether I’ll kill his dream of our second time together or tell him he has a lot of making up to do first. I’ve been telling myself that the bonfire was a one-time thing. We
both
have issues to sort through. I attempt to walk a little faster. The sun is going down and leaves are blowing across my path. I tug at my jacket and fix my hair. The wind is stronger than usual tonight.

I reach a row of trees. I’m feet away from our spot. I can see Dane’s profile. It
was
him that texted me. I swallow the lump in my throat, remembering the time I’d been tricked into meeting with Mr. Haskell to discuss “business”. That night didn’t go too well.

I step into view. His eyes study my expression, making my chest lightly pound. I want to kiss him but I hesitate. Things don’t feel like they did before. They feel . . . different.

“Hi,” I say first.

“Hi,” he replies. I’m not close enough for him to wrap his arms around my waist.

Dane takes a step closer. I can smell his cologne.
Now
he’s close enough to do whatever he wants. “How are you?”

“Fine.” I bite the corner of my lip. “How are you?”

“Good.” He nods.

I open my mouth to say something back. I can’t think of anything. We stand in silence. I can hear my heart pounding. I’m in that awkward post sex moment that Zanna always talks about. It’s happening. I thought Dane and I were different, but it’s still happening.

“Mikki,” he shakes his head. “Come on. I don’t want things to be this way between us. Please just say something.”

I frown.

A thought comes to my mind. I don’t want to say it.

“Look,” I sigh. “What happened between us . . .” I stop myself before I call the thing I’d been fantasizing about for years a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake. It just wasn’t what
I thought it would be. And now that Lucy is in town, this isn’t what I want anymore.

It hurts too much.

“I wouldn’t take it back,” Dane interrupts. “And I’m sorry.” He takes my hand. A shiver runs down my spine. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not telling you the truth. Let me make it up to you.”

“How?”

Don’t give in so easily. He has a girlfriend, remember?

I gather my courage and force back the memories of the nights I’d spent crying
over him.

“How do you expect me to take you seriously when your girlfriend lives in the same city?” I say. A tear wants to burst out but I don’t allow it to. He has seen me cry enough.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says with disdain.

“I don’t know.” I gulp.

“I’ll prove it to you,” he continues. “She and I are finished.” He squeezes my hand and leans in close. He knows I can’t resist his soft whispers.

“I want you to come to my place tomorrow night for dinner.”

My stomach leaps. He’s insane.

“Are you crazy? Your parents would never allow-”

“Let me worry about that,” he cuts in. “Just be at my house tomorrow night at seven. Will you?”

I stare into his eyes which is probably a mistake.

“Okay,” I answer.

What the hell did I just agree to?

Chapter Thirty Five

“I wanted it to be perfect.”

I stand in front of the mirror for hours, unsure if the outfit I chose is good enough. I want something that says
I’m hot, but not a slut
and
I’m not a silly little high school girl either.
I smooth my wavy, baby blue top. It sinks low enough that it shows some cleavage but not too much. My cut-off jean shorts aren’t something I wear on a regular basis, but they fit just right. Probably because my appetite has been crap these days.

I study the sides of my legs. Not tan enough. Not enough muscle. Not nearly as long and entrancing as Paige’s legs. Maybe I should rethink this. I spin around again then run my fingers through my hair. I let Scarlett straighten it
earlier with her new hair straightener. It took forever.

I glance at the time and my heart starts pounding. It’s time for me to go. I have to decide.

I shudder.

Why am I so nervous? He’s the one making it up to
me.
He’s the one who should be nervous. I stand with my shoulders back and force a smile. My third coat of lip gloss shines in the light.

My eyes definitely stand out. Another Scarlett project. I let her practice a neutral smoky eye on me. It turned out better than I thought it would.

I take a deep breath.

“Just relax,” I say to myself. “He invited you.”

And if anything goes wrong all I have to do is walk out the door. I’m not obligated to stay at all. I take a few more breaths until my heart slows down.

“Now I’m ready,” I say to the mirror. I turn and reach for the doorknob.

If one thing goes wrong, I’m leaving.
I repeat in my head. Saying the phrase over and over again works for now. I know deep down that I most likely won’t live by it.

*          *          *

My stomach churns as I stand on Dane’s doorstep. I glance at the grand window next to the arched doorway. The window is framed perfectly with silk curtains. The size of that room was probably the size of my apartment. My chest starts to pound again. I can’t do or say anything to stop it this time.

I’m doomed.

The door opens after what feels like hours of waiting in the chill night air.

“Hey.” Danes smiles. His eyes look me up and down. “You look . . . amazing.”

“Thanks.” I smile back. I stare at his face and it calms my nerves.  This won’t be so bad. I’m just exaggerating.

“Come in.” He opens the front door wider. It brings me back to the night Paige jokingly
asked me to come inside as one of her party guests. That night feels like it was so long ago.

It wasn’t
that
long ago.

“Sure,” I gulp. The butterflies quickly return.

Dane shuts the door behind me. I try not to marvel too much at the front room. The antique furniture looks like it costs more than Aunt Scarlett makes in a year. There is a crystal vase with flowers on the center table in the foyer.

The flowers are perfect.

I look up at the vaulted ceilings. I’ve only just stepped inside and I already feel out of my element. Dane grabs my hand and leads me through the foyer and down a long hallway. We pass a study and another living area with French doors to the garden out back.

“Wait until you see this,” he chuckles. My tour ends in the kitchen, a room larger than our entire family room and kitchen combined. I place my hand on the shiny countertop.

“Wow,” I gasp.

“I know,” Dane replies. He doesn’t notice that my comment was directed at the kitchen’s decor. “I made dinner.” He grins, looking at a giant pot sitting on the stove.

I laugh.

“You mean you’ve never cooked before?”

“Uh,” he shakes his head. “No.”

I keep laughing.

“Alright,” he responds. “Yes I know it’s hilarious, but I’m learning now okay.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” I lie. “So, what are we having?” I take a step closer. He opens the pot and
eagerly stares inside.

“Pasta,” he answers. “Pasta . . . something.”

I try not to wrinkle my nose when the smell hits me. It smells like burnt toast mixed with seafood. This is going to make me sick.

“Yum?” I improvise.

“Yeah I know,” he sighs. “I don’t really know what to think about it yet.”

“You haven’t tasted it?”

“No,” he responds. I roll my eyes. I can’t not. It’s habit.

“Well,” I giggle. “Go on. Taste it.”

“Only if you taste it with me.” He grabs two forks from a drawer and hands me one. I accept. The two of us reach into the pot and scoop out a bundle of noodles. The smell grows stronger. I already know I’ll hate it but Dane is eagerly watching.

“Okay,” I say. “Just a little bite.” Dane nods.

“On three. One. Two. Three.”

Against my stomach’s wishes I take a small bite of a dangling noodles. The taste slithers down my throat like a snake about to rip my insides apart. I cover my mouth. Dane keeps chewing, looking confused.

“Um . . . did you salt it?”

His eyes go wide.

“I knew I forgot something,” he mutters.

“And the shrimp,” I add. How long did you cook them before throwing them in?”

“Huh? Don’t they just cook when you throw them in with the noodles?”

I clutch my stomach and shake my head. Dane kicks the side of the cupboard.

“Hey, at least you tried.” I smile and take a step closer to him. He frowns.

“I wanted it to be perfect,” he says softly.

“It is perfect,” I laugh. “You cooked me dinner. And even though it  . . .”

“Sucks,” Dane chimes in.

“You still cooked me something.”

He shrugs and puts down his fork.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, grabbing me around the waist. “But this means you get to pick the restaurant. So . . . where am I taking you tonight?”

I rest my hand
on his shoulder. It feels good to be in his arms, even with the nasty smell of undercooked shrimp and soggy noodles.

“Ugh,” a voice comes from the doorway. “Smells like something died.” I turn and see Paige glaring back at me. I react by pulling myself away from Dane. A mischievous smile crosses her face.

“Paige,” Dane says, disappointed. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going out?”

“Change of plans,” she says lifting her chin. “Turns out my night is free.” His expression turns sour. “And I’m not eating
that
.” She puts her hands on her hips. “So where are you taking us?”