Pretty Little Dreams (12 page)

Deacon’s fingers trail up my leg and he’s saying something about wanting me to wake up, but I can’t make out the words.
It sounds like he’s slurring and I can’t keep my eyes open. I begin to go under again just as I feel his fingers at the edge of my panties
.

NO.
I can’t. Taking a deep breath, still trying to calm myself down, I look into his eyes. “Luke, I love you, I do. But if you don’t listen to me, I’m telling you right now this is going to be a problem for us. I don’t want to talk about this, because if we do, I may not be able to control where my mind goes. And I don’t want to think about any of that, okay? I need you to accept that, or I need you to leave.”

“Angel, I’m sorry, I just want to fix this.
I just want to help.”

Looking him straight in the eyes I say words I know he won’t like, “You can’t.”

12.

CAVEMEN WERE ON TO SOMETHING

Luke

This shit sucks.
I feel completely helpless. Emasculated. Has Olivia ever yelled at me? Certainly not like that. Sure, I admit, seeing her all worked up is kinda hot. Part of me wants to smile and then shut her up with a searing kiss that ends up in hot, sweaty sex. I mean, I am a hot blooded male after all. However, the reason behind her anger doesn’t get my blood pumping at all.

No one – not even Olivia – can treat me like I’m weak and powerless.
Doesn’t she understand that seeing her like this creates a natural instinct in me to defend and protect? The unreasonable caveman part of me wants to throw her over my shoulder while screaming, “ooga ooga” and take her to my cave. I could watch her and keep her safe there. If only it were that easy. The loving part of me wants to soothe the hurt away I see in her eyes. I want desperately to fix this and make it all go away. It kills me to see her this way, and even though she says I can’t fix it, I damn well want to try. I want to give her back the peace and security she deserves. I mean fuck, she finds the strength and determination to stick up for herself, leave him and their so-called marriage, to end up in something even worse? What the hell? That isn’t fair at all, even if I know and have learned that life often seems unjust. Hell, if it was, I never would have lost her all those years ago, and she never would have met that bastard to begin with.

I can’t change that though.
She did meet him, and as much as I want all of this to be some kind of bad dream or horrible acid trip, it isn’t. All I can do is hope she feels my love, and recognizes that my attempt to help her is to meet her need for security and safety. I want her to find peace in the knowledge that it will be okay. Aside from tracking him down myself and ending this, I don’t know how else to make this better.

I knew from the moment Olivia and I met that she was meant to be mine.
Not in a twisted, sick way like Deacon. She truly belonged with me – we belonged together - and all I’ve ever wanted is to make that reality. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her to make her feel safe, secure, and loved. Her inability to lean on me, to help her, causes actual physical distress, real pain in my chest. I absentmindedly rub at my heart through my shirt, as if I can soothe the hurt there. Rejection tries to adhere itself to me like an octopus, and I keep pushing it away, refusing to let it get its tentacles on me.

I know I can make her happy.
I know we will be happy. We just need to get through this. Question is, how do I make that happen when she won’t even talk to me? She won’t admit what happened, won’t deal with it all, and until she does, how can we move forward? It’s simple - we can’t.

“Okay, I hear you.
You don’t want to talk about it. You don’t want to deal with it. I’ll try to accept that temporarily, but love, I think we are going to have to at some point. You think the only thing we need is to move forward and get back to normal, or we’ll have problems. Okay, I get that…for now. But you listen to me, too. This is our new normal. This is not just a part of our – or your - past. Not dealing with this, or our failure to deal with it, will create a wall that may get impenetrable and be sure to come between us.”

I look her straight in the face as I’m telling her this.
It’s like gouging my own heart out with a spoon; this candor, this brute honesty. I’d like to forget about it all too, to forget what I didn’t do, what I know, what I heard. To erase how I feel. Wouldn’t that be easy? To pretend the nightmare never happened and the two of us go skipping off into the sunset like some cheesy
Lifetime
movie? Not that I skip, or anything. Or watch
Lifetime
. Fact is, it did happen. And while she doesn’t realize exactly how much I know, she does know I’m not dumb, and I know something went down. I mean, Deacon is a twisted fuck. Of course something happened.

Olivia looks down at her hands twisting in her lap.
She won’t meet my eyes. “I understand, Luke. Please, just not yet, okay?”

I swallow hard at the pain I hear in her voice.
“Okay. And as far as going back to work, you’re right, I do have a business to run, but none of it is as important as you. Can
you
understand
that
?”

Her gorgeous green eyes finally meet my own and she gives me a soft smile, since I threw her words back at her.
“I’m not trying to say that it should be. Just that I know it’s important to you too; it’s part of what makes you happy, part of who you are. And I don’t want to be the reason you get behind on anything. Maintaining that business is important for our futures. Plus, I need to get back to my work as well. It only makes sense that while I’m working, you should be working too. Baby, I will be fine.”

I can’t help but sigh in frustration at her statement and one of the thoughts I’ve had repeatedly spills out, “We don’t know that Olivia.
Deacon is still out there.” Panic rises in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I do my best to push it away because that won’t help either of us. “Until he’s caught and put away, leaving you is something that seems to risky – and is going to be very difficult for me to do.”

“I get that, I really do.
But we’ve taken necessary precautions as much as we can. The locks on the door have been changed, the security working the building has his picture, and there’s an alarm on the door and windows. The police are working on it. On top of that, I won’t take stupid risks with my safety and neither will Pyper.”

I nod my head absently and look at her when she grabs my hand, “We can’t let fear rule our lives.
That would be the worst thing for us to do. He would win, at least in part, and we can’t let that happen.”

I stare into her eyes and feel myself start to give in.
She does make a point and I can read between the lines. I think she needs a little bit of space, and I respect that. It isn’t going to be easy at all, but I quickly resign myself to a plan I have been formulating. And best of all, she doesn’t need to be aware of it. I will talk to Pyper and I’m sure that we can work out a schedule that just happens to ensure that one of us will always be here, just in case.

I say nothing to Olivia and instead look at her in her cute pajamas.
Hair on top of her head, her nose is crinkled as her attention has been deflected back to the computer in front of her. God, she’s beautiful. I need her so much. Every part of me wants to reach over and touch her. I know she wants time to herself, but I can’t stop thinking about how damn good it would feel to kiss and taste her right now.

As if she senses my thoughts, her eyes return to mine and her lips curve up at the corners.
Her eyes dart from my own, to my lips, and back again. That’s all the invitation I need. I squeeze her hand in mine a bit tighter and give it a gentle tug, pulling her towards me a little as I lean in and kiss my girl. I keep it gentle, hand moving to the side of her cheek, our mouths barely touching. Images from our hospital shower make it tough to pull away, but I do. I can’t resist placing a brief kiss on her adorable nose, which crinkles in response, making me smile. Damn, my girl is sexy when she isn’t even trying. Things will get out of hand quickly if I don’t distance myself.

“Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to go check in at the club.
Pyper is here, so I will let her know where I’m going on my way out. Your cell is within reach in case you need to call me, right?”

She fishes it out of the blankets at her side, and holds it up to me, “I’m good.”

“Okay. Please angel, call me if you need anything okay?”

“I will, but I won’t.
I will be fine. Do what you need to do at work and then come back, okay? It will be good for you to get out of here for a little bit anyway. Don’t you think so? I’m sure you are going a bit stir crazy.”

“Sure,” I agree with her even though I don’t mean it.
She has no clue I’m going to have to force myself to leave her side. I can’t help but grit my teeth at the almost gut-wrenching nausea I feel rising in my throat at just the thought, but she will be fine. I know she will. I will keep telling myself that. Repeating it like a mantra.

I go to the bathroom, splash water on my face, grab the hand towel from the countertop, and then dry off.
Bracing my hands on the outside of the sink, I stare at myself in the mirror. I’ve got some darkness under my eyes, and my hair has tracks in it from my fingers. Looking deep into my own eyes, I swear a little bit of madness shows through if I look hard enough. It’s in the tenseness around my eyes and mouth and the little red lines outside of my irises. I am completely consumed with worry. I need to get a grip. She will be fine, she is fine.

I realize I’m stalling.
Sighing, I walk out of the bathroom to the side of the bed and give her a kiss on the forehead when she looks up at me in question. “I’ll be back later. Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Words that still make my heart swell in my chest. I hope I never tire of hearing them. When I close her door behind me I look for Pyper and am glad to see she’s in the living room with a bowl of popcorn in her lap, staring at…

“What are you watching?”

Her reaction to hearing my voice is almost comical. The popcorn almost flies out of the bowl and she grabs at the remote, shutting the TV off. “What the hell, Luke?! Don’t just sneak up on people like that.”

“Sorry.
I wasn’t thinking. But seriously, what are you watching?”

“Nothing special.”

I walk to the TV because I see the empty DVD box sitting on the TV stand and pick it up. “Supernatural?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“I just had no idea you like this kind of thing.”

“What’s not to like?
Two hot guys, occasionally shirtless, equals a win in my book.”

I laugh, “I will take your word for it,” and then, “Wait, does Olivia like this show too?”

She smiles, “Maybe.” The look on my face thinking about my girl liking the shirtless hot guys makes Pyper laugh, “So, what’s up? Olivia okay?”

I run my hand over my face, “Yeah, she’s fine.
At least, that’s what she wants everyone to believe.”

She sighs, and sets the popcorn next to her on the couch as if she’s lost her appetite, “Yeah I noticed that.”

“I honestly don’t know what to do. I keep trying to get her to talk to me and she won’t. I’m going to keep trying, but I think she needs some space. She’s insisting that she’s fine and that she wants to go back to things being normal and that I need to continue on as I usually would. She wants the old routine back, I guess.”

“Maybe that’s the best thing to do right now.
I really don’t know.”

“I don’t know either, but what I do know is that I am not okay with her being here alone.”

“You and me both. If Deacon were to show up again, it’s not like I would be able to take him on, but I might be able to slow him down enough to call nine-one-one.”

“I don’t even want to think about that.
Hopefully, he’s not so stupid that he would try coming back here again. Anyway, I’d feel a lot better if one of us tried to always be with her. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.
I agree with you, and she doesn’t need to know what we’re up to. It would probably only set her off.”

“I agree.
Alright, I’ll be back later tonight then.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“Oh, and Pyper? Do you need me to bring you back anything? Wine? More popcorn? More seasons of Supernatural? Or maybe they have action figures or trading cards you don’t have yet?”

“Ha. Ha.
Mock me all you want, Easton. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

I laugh as she throws popcorn at me on my way out.

I thought I
was starting to look haggard, but I look young, robust and trouble-free in comparison to my dad. Sitting in the living room in my childhood home, I take him in. I’m pretty sure he’s lost weight. He has deep circles under his eyes and his cheeks seem more hollow that usual. His hair looks whiter too – it’s a very distinguished salt and pepper, but he has much more white at his temples than he did before. He appears to have aged significantly in the little time it’s been since I last saw him.