Pretense (38 page)

Marrell looked up at him, her heart in her throat. For a moment she was at a loss, and then she remembered. She suddenly dug into the front pocket of her jeans and pulled out a scrap of paper. She handed it to him. It smelled of cedar.

Jack opened the folded note and read to himself,I
hopeIcan find a way to tell Jackson that I've fallen in love with him.

Jack took her in his arms; he could do nothing else. Marrell felt him tremble with emotion. Her own arms clung to him until he shifted so he could see her face.

"I love you, Marrell Bishop," he finally said.

"I love you, Jackson Avery," Marrell told him, tears filling her eyes.

Jack kissed her cheek and nose and then her mouth before wrapping his arms around her again. They were still standing in each other's arms when they realized they weren't alone. Both turned their heads to the room's other occupant.

"You're hugging?" a vulnerable-looking Mackenzie asked.

"Come here, Mic," Jack turned, beckoning to the 15-year-old with one arm around Marrell. He hugged her with the other arm, but her eyes were on his face.

"Please don't leave us, Jack," she said softly, her lips trembling uncontrollably. "Please don't leave us like my dad did."

"Oh, Micki." Jack's whisper was tortured as he put both arms around her. "My sweet Mackenzie. I'll be here for you," he told her, because he believed with all of his heart that he would.

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Mackenzie cried against him, aware that her mother was hugging him from the back.

"Are you all crying in there?" Delancey's wobbly voice came from around the corner.

"Yes," Marrell managed, "Come in."

"I don't want to cry on Christmas Day."

"Well, come anyway."

Delancey tried to hold back, but she couldn't. She had to go in, and once she saw the tears in Jack's eyes, her own would not be stopped. He hugged her on her own before trying to get his arms around all three of them. They broke apart only when the oven timer began to buzz. Jack went to turn it off but came right back. He brushed the tangled mess of hair from Marrell's face and pressed a kiss to her brow before turning to the girls.

"Are you all right?" he asked, taking time to touch them both and smooth their hair as well.

They nodded, not able to speak yet. It was all so new and a little strange, but exciting too. Jack had such a confident air about him. He always seemed to have an answer, and whenever they were with him, they felt safe and cared-for. Both girls had been waiting for the adults' relationship to get physical, but it never had. Now that Jack was not just touching their mother but them as well, they were strangely comforted about the future.

"Why don't we put this meal on?" he suggested. "It's a bit early for dinner, but I'm hungry."

No one was ready to argue with that. The gravy was made, the stuffing scooped out, the potatoes whipped, and the salad dressing finished-all to
The Sound of Music
coming from the player in the living room. By 4:30 they were at the table, Marrell's gold bracelet in place, the girls in their necklaces, and all of them ready to eat.

Jack prayed, and Marrell realized the way he talked to God was one of the first things she had loved about him. His prayer was confident yet reverent. At the moment he was thankful for the food and for her and the girls, but Marrell's heart had another prayer.

Nineteen eighty-four is just around the corner. Let this be the year, Lord. LetD.J. and Mic find You this year. Maybe through Jack and his love for You, or through some way I've never thought of, but please move this year, holy Father, and save my girls.

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February 1984

"I don't know how you can even think about giving up your apartment, Jack. It's too much to ask."

"Marrell-" his voice was patient without effort. He loved her and understood her fear. "I would not trade my wife and daughters for an apartment. Think about what you're saying. I'm ready to do this. Just come and look at this one."

But Marrell was having a hard time moving from the car. It had never occurred to her that they lived so differently until she had seen his apartment. She had never had a place to herself, and now she was in a panic that Jack would not have enough space to himself.

"You haven't seen our place except when we know you're coming," she explained. "It's like a girl's dorm most of the time- pantyhose and brassieres hanging in the bathroom to dry. Delancey and Mackenzie can be slobs if I don't keep on them."

"This apartment has two bathrooms-one in the master bedroom for us and one in the hall for the girls."

"Well, what if you find that it drives you crazy to share a bathroom with me? What happens then?"

In Jack's mind that was like panicking because they were going to sleep together: ridiculous. Something else was wrong, and it had nothing to do with the bathroom. Without speaking he got out of the car, came around to her side, and opened Marrell's door.

"Come on," he said firmly.

Marrell did so but frowned at him.

"We're going to go for a walk."

Marrell thought he was marching her up to the apartment and was so surprised to find out otherwise that she didn't protest when he took her arm and led her through the cars and down the sidewalk. They walked for some time in quiet. Marrell was the one to finally speak.

"I'm sorry I panicked back there. I'm just so sure you'll need your space, not be able to find it, and then leave the girls and me and break our hearts. After all, Jack, you have lived alone for a long time."

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"I appreciate your caring about that, sweetheart, but I want you to make sure you're going to be all right. Is there a little corner of your mind that's afraid you won't have
your
own space? Are you afraid to live intimately with me?"

Marrell stopped. "No, I'm not. At first I was afraid I would think of Paul, but I don't. When you kiss me or hug me, I don't think of anyone but you."

"And how about the rest of it? Are you upset about having to share the same bed and bathroom with me? Do you feel I'm going to have expectations and be disappointed?"

"No," she said, but she didn't sound sure even to her own ears. "I have worried a little bit about the fact that I'm not 19 anymore, but you've never made me feel anything but desirable, so I've told myself to forget that."

"I'm glad, Marrell, because I don't want a 19-year-old. I want you. And in case you need to hear it outright, you have a wonderful figure."

She didn't look convinced. "Clothes can cover a lot of little imperfections."

"It's the same for men."

That statement was very freeing for Marrell. She didn't know why she thought he wouldn't understand.

"Marrell," he went on, "I think you'll be surprised by this place. I haven't looked at an apartment yet that fits our needs the way this does. I want you to see it. If you still want to talk about my space, we will, but I want you to see this first."

Marrell agreed. She had run out of steam trying to explain herself. They had taken the afternoon off to look for a place, and now she was wasting it by arguing with Jack. She went willingly back to the apartment, and just as Jack hoped, was in for a surprise. It was gorgeous.

Marrell had never seen the like. The kitchen, living room, and dining room were set up with a great-room effect. Large windows gave lots of light, and there was a huge stone fireplace in the living room. Marrell could only stare at it.

"Come this way," Jack invited her, standing back while she went down the hall and found two nice-sized bedrooms across from each other, a bathroom next to a bedroom on the right, and a laundry room across the hall from that. Marrell did not see what Jack considered the most important feature until they got to the

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end of the hall. He opened the master bedroom door, let her precede him, and began to speak.

"I'm trying to start a new life with a woman who has nearly grown daughters. I believe with all my heart that it's going to work beautifully, but we need our privacy, and the girls still need to feel that they have access to us, especially you."

Marrell took in his words even as her eyes gazed about in amazement. The bedroom had a sitting room and stairs up to where the bed would be. Also up on that level was a huge walk- in closet and bathroom.

"If I get up and want to dress, I can go in here and shut the door. The girls can still have access to you if they need it. We can just tell them that if the hall door is shut, they should knock; otherwise, they're welcome."

"This is why you wanted me to see this. It's perfect."

"I think so. The girls have privacy without being too far away, and so do we."

"It must cost a fortune."

"About a hundred dollars more than I pay now."

"Is your place as high as that?"

"It has a bay view," he reminded her. She needed no other explanation.

Marrell took another look around, checking out the closet and bath fixtures, and moved back down the hall.

"A laundry room." She stopped and stared. "How wonderful."

Jack smiled. He didn't have to ask her if she liked it. Her approval was written all over her face.

"I want you and the girls to move in as soon as possible."

"Then you're going to feel as though you're moving into our place," she countered. "That's what I wanted to get away from. You move in first."

"Then you'll feel as though you're moving into my place. I think it's best if you three come here first."

Marrell thought for a moment. "We'll just wait. We'll move what we can, and since the girls are going to stay with Oliver and Shay while we go away, the four of us will all sleep here the first night we're back and not before."

Jack smiled. "Have you figured out a date?" It was something he asked her every day.

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"Not yet, but I'll have one by the end of the week."

Jack kissed her and told her he hoped it would be soon.

Selecting a wedding date should have seemed like such an easy task, but there were so many associations to avoid: her birthday, Paul's birthday, the date of Paul's death in June, and if they waited for summer, the girls' birthdays and her wedding date to Paul in August.

The decision took until the end of the week, but Marrell finally made it. They would be married May 5. May was always a busy month, but this year they would just make it work. And then they would be husband and wife.

As they sat together and marked the day on the calendar, making little plans as they came to mind, Marrell's heart knew nothing but peace. God had blessed her beyond measure-to be loved by two men whose lives were sold out for Christ. The girls were another blessing. They hugged their mother when she told them they had set a date and laughed in delight with her when she told them the best was yet to come.

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Twenty-Two

January 1986

"I want to join the Army."

Jack
and Marrell Avery looked across the table atMackenzie but didn't comment, the food on their

plates momentarily forgotten. Delancey had been about to ask for the car so she could run to the mall, but she changed her mind, her own food ignored.

"What made you decide that?" Jack,who was the first to find his voice, asked.

"Well, everyone's been asking me what I'm going to do after I graduate, so I've been thinking about it a lot. Then today there was a recruiter at school. I got to talking to her, and, well, I just know this is what I want to do."

"Your life is not your own in the Army," her mother put in. "You're a very independent person, Mic. Are you ready to have someone telling you where you can be and when, when you will stand and sit, and where you'll live?"

"I've thought about all of that, Mom. I know it's not always easy, but if it was so bad, why did Dad stay in for more than 20 years?"

"Because he loved it," Marrell said simply. "But you know very well that we were thinking about his leaving the service. In fact, not just thinking about it but trying to determine when. He was not willing to be away from us again, but if he had stayed in, he would have had no choice."

Mackenzie nodded, but she still wanted to do this. It was a sudden announcement for Jack and her mother, she knew, but not sudden for her. Things had been in an upheaval before

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Thanksgiving when her mother had started to sort through some boxes of things that had been more or less forgotten. Most were her grandmother's things and a few boxes from Jack's sisters, who, he said, were always cleaning. But some boxes held many of Delancey and Mackenzie's remembrances, and they ended up needing to go through their own paraphernalia. That's when Mackenzie found her old Army recruiting poster. She hadn't been able to get it from her mind.

"Where would you go?" Delancey asked.

"I'm not sure right now. All those details will come out later when I join."