Pretense (35 page)

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though she had a knife in her side. That thought was still so heavy on her mind that it was a relief that evening to have the kitchen clear out so she could talk to her friend.

"Am I imagining things, or do you have something on your mind?" Shay came out with what she was thinking.

"I do have something on my mind, but I wanted to wait until the girls were out of here."

"Should I get Oliver?"

"No, you can tell him later. The girls like him watching the game with them."

"Who's playing tonight?"

"I'm not sure."

Jana waddled her way into the room-she walked everywhere now-and wanted to climb into her mother's lap. Marrell reached across and tickled her knee, smiling when she squirmed and grinned.

"Should I take her out to Oliver?"

"No, I don't think she'll be a problem."

The words were no more out of Marrell's mouth when Jana tried to put her hand in the butter.

"On second thought," Shay said good-naturedly, "I think she really wants to see her dad."

While Shay was in the other room, Marrell worked a little on the table, stacking the dishes on the counter for later. She was just washing the table down when her friend returned.

"Do you want some coffee?" Marrell offered.

"No thanks, but don't let me stop you."

"I don't want any either."

Marrell sat down at the table, but for a moment she said nothing. Shay waited, hoping they could talk before Jana looked for her again.

"I want to tell you something, Shay, but I don't want you to be too excited."

"All right. I take it that I'll think it's good news."

"Yes, and maybe someday it might be, but right now I need to go real slow."

"Okay."

Marrell took a breath. "On Thursday of last week, Jack told me he would like to see me on a personal basis."

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Shay's heart stopped and plunged on again like a rocket. She worked to keep the feelings from her face and said only, "How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know yet. I talked with the girls last night-we both did-and I told them I'm going to give this some time and attention and see what happens. It's important to me that you and Oliver know, Shay, because if you have any objections, I need to hear them. I don't want to do anything the Lord wouldn't want me to do, and part of the way I'll know is how my friends respond."

Shay nodded. "I see your point, Marrell, and you're right, I do want to get excited. But first of all, I want to know how
you
feel. You sound more like you're talking about a business arrangement than a relationship."

"I know I do, Shay, but in truth, my heart's not as involved right now as Jack's is."

"He loves you?"

Marrell nodded. "He told the girls last night."

"In front of you?"

"Yes, right in the living room."

"Oh, Marrell." Shay's heart was tender with compassion. "Can you tell me how this came up?"

"It was Thursday-I think I told you that. Uh, let's see . . . oh boy, Shay, it's been so long since we've talked."

"Tell me about it. I'm into 'Sesame Street' these days and loving it, singing every song, but I do miss our heart-to-hearts."

Marrell had a good laugh over that.

"Go on now," Shay leaned forward. "We'll talk about me some other year. I want to hear this. He talked to you Thursday."

"Yes. You see, I had this job interview in the building, but I didn't take it because of the hours, and well, that led to Jack telling me he would like to ask me out. We talked about it after work that day and even that night, because he called to see if I was upset. That led to us deciding we needed to do a lot more talking. Then D.J. asked him to help her with her algebra, and he came yesterday. After that we went for a walk, and he said he's wanted to ask me out since the day he gave me the job."

Shay's eyes slid shut and a warm smile came to her lips. When she opened her eyes, Marrell was just looking at her, an expression of hopelessness on her face.

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"Oh, my dear Marrell. What did you say?"

"Well, Shay, that's the strangest thing about all this. He's still just Jack. He's kind and funny and so easy to talk to. I even told him he was going to get sick of hearing Paul Bishop's name, and he said it wouldn't happen. He's so patient, Shay. I've never known a man quite like him."

"What did the girls say?"

"They were surprised, but when I told them I was going to do this, they had no objections."

"And what exactly are you going to do?"

"Get to know Jack Avery. Unless," Marrell said the word firmly, "you and Oliver don't think I should."

Shay shook her head no. "That's not going to happen. A long time ago I told Oliver I wished the two of you could get together, and he said it was too soon and to stay out of it. Then, just two weeks ago, you called over something, and he said you sounded so tired and that he wished you could find someone and not have to keep working the way you do. Not to mention the fact that Oliver thinks a lot of Jack-has for a long time."

"But you just stated the problem, Shay. I can't marry Jack because I don't want to work anymore. I'm terrified of hurting him or using him. I can't marry the man because I feel sorry for him."

"I quite agree with you, Marrell, and if you were marrying him this week, that's what I would be saying to you, but as you stated, you're taking it slow and seeking counsel. It doesn't sound as though you're deliberately going to hurt anyone."

"I don't want to unintentionally hurt him either."

Shay looked very understanding. "If he's already in love with you, Marrell, you might not have a choice, but he's not the type of man to pout and never speak to you again."

"No, he's not. I just need to keep my head about all of this, that's all."

"What if you do fall in love with him?"

"I think that would be great, but right now it doesn't seem likely. I even asked him what happens if my feelings never go beyond caring. He made it sound as though he could live with that."

"But could you? Could you marry a man you weren't in love with?"

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Marrell smiled. "Do you know what Jack said to that? He said love is a choice."

Shay whistled. "He's certainly given you a lot to think about."

"Yes, he has. Please talk to Oliver, Shay, just in case he has any cautions."

"I will. I think he would only congratulate you for going slow, but I'll check with him."

Again silence fell for a moment before Marrell asked, "What do you think, Shay?"

Her friend's smile was warm. "I hope you tip head over heels and never recover."

Jana was looking for her mother again and the conversation was over, but for the moment that was fine with Marrell. As Shay had stated, she had quite a bit of thinking to do.

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Twenty

Delancey worked at not showing her surprise, butit took an effort. For the second day in a rowJace Booth was at her table, eating lunch with her and Mackenzie and acting completely normal. Well, maybe not completely. He was actually a bit kinder, Delancey thought, with no attempt to gain intimacy and no air of proprietorship. She was completely stumped. The day before he hadn't walked her to class but had met her at the bus to say goodbye. Now today he walked her to class. Class itself was actually a waste of time; Delancey heard little of what the teacher said.

If public opinion could be trusted, women were normally thought of as baffling creatures. Delancey knew better. She had practically threatened a boy with harm if he tried anything-a boy who was known for his interest in the physical side of relationships-and now he was hanging around and acting as if they were the best of friends.
No, indeed,
Delancey told herself as she tried to get into English literature,
women are not the difficult creatures. Of this I'm sure.

You can't buy her,
Jack said to himself.
You can't and you know it.Just look the other way. You know she's not starving. Now just ignore it.
But it wasn't working. Marrell's small lunch-half a peanut butter sandwich, a carrot, and a cup of water-were driving him crazy. He had been in her house. They ate fine, but there were never any extras. About the only thing she seemed to splurge on was Pepsi and the occasional meal out.

He knew he was probably taking his cue from Taya, who had a new outfit every week, but it bothered him a little that the

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dresses Marrell had worn when she started to work for him a year ago were the same dresses she still wore-nothing ever changed. The girls had new things on occasion, but Marrell's blouses, slacks, and blazers from before still remained.

As if Jack's thoughts were not bad enough, he glanced down to see that the cuff of her blouse was wearing. He could see where she had patched a small hole. He had so innocently asked her to have lunch with him outside on the bench. Right now he couldn't eat a thing.

"Are you all right, Jack?" Marrell suddenly noticed.

"I worry about you," he said softy.

Marrell sat looking up at him. "For any particular reason?"

"Just a lot of little things." He looked over at her. "Do you have enough lunch today, Marrell, or will you be hungry this afternoon?"

Understanding lit her face. "We're doing fine, Jack, I mean, most of the time. Well, that is, sometimes things come up, or I don't think well and spend more than I should, but most of the time we're all right."

"How about this month?" he asked, not willing to let it drop.

"This month is different," she defended herself.

"Why? What happened this month?"

"Just some things." She didn't want to tell him.

"What?"

Marrell busied herself with her napkin and wouldn't look at him.

"Tell me, Marrell."

He wasn't going to let it go. Marrell saw no choice. "We had some car repairs, and then I forgot and took the girls out to eat twice." She shrugged and looked guilty. "I just forgot."

"So because you forgot, you don't get enough to eat for lunch?"

"I'm fine," she assured him, and it was true. "This will be plenty. We just have to be a little more careful."

He didn't believe her, and in fact he looked so stern that Marrell looked away. It was then that she spotted her own worn blouse and understood a little more.

"I've been thinking of taking a little money out of savings and getting myself some new things. I know it's important to look professional here at the office."

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She looked up when she heard him exhale on a frustrated sigh.

"You could wear your bathrobe to the office for all I care, Marrell. I'm talking about the things you
need."

"Then you're spoiled, Jackson Avery."

He gawked at her.

"I have everything I need," Marrell told him quietly, not wanting him to scowl at her. "I don't have all my wants, but as far as needs go, I have plenty."

Jack thought about this for a moment. He knew she was right, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted to see her with more.

"Tell me something. Why did the car repairs tax your monthly budget if you have savings?"

"Because I try not to touch the savings. Most of it is insurance money from Paul's death, and I want the girls to be able to attend college and have some of that money to establish themselves someday."

Jack continued to look down at her. "I'm going to do something now, and you're not going to argue." He reached for his wallet.

"Jack," she began.

"What did I just say?"

Marrell bit her lip and said nothing when he pressed some bills into her hand.

"This is not because I don't think you look good at the office-most days you look so good I can't concentrate. Take this money and buy yourself something that you've wanted or needed. Whatever."

Marrell thanked him quietly and sat looking at her lap. Only when she glanced up did she realize his eyes were on her.

"And while you're at it, you're supposed to be working on falling in love with me. Don't forget that."

Marrell's hand came to her mouth to cover her smile.

"It's not funny," Jack told her, but knew the effect he was having: Her face was turning red with suppressed laughter. He didn't smile right away but winked at her before saying they had better get back inside. It would be some time before Marrell understood that he oftentimes joked with her to stop himself from saying what was really in his heart.

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"Well, Jack," Shay said that very night, "come on in."

"Thank you. Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all. We're just sitting in the living room hoping to wear out this active baby so we can go to bed at a reasonable hour."