Pretend (14 page)

             
"Night
Mom
and thanks," I said as I squeezed her tighter and then watched her walk up the stairs.

             
Once she had gone, I quietly slipped back into the living room
and headed towards the closet
door, on the wall, next to the TV. I pull
ed out one of the guest comforters
and shut the door behind me. I walked up to Kyle, covered him over and stroked his head. I picked my bag up off of the floor and crept up the stairs.

When I got into my roo
m, I quickly changed into my
pj
s
, took my phone out of my purse
and placed it on the chest of draw
er
s next to my bed. I turned off the light and then slipped under my duvet. I pressed my phone to see if Aiden might have text me but
a feeling of sadness
came over me as I realised that he hadn't. As I lay in the dark thinking about Aiden, Mimi and Kyle, I knew that tomorrow was going to be a long and painful day...

As my eyes snapped open
I instan
tly felt the warmth of the sun as it shone
through the gaps in my blinds. I gently slipped my arms from under my duvet and let my skin soak up the warmth. Mimi's face was fresh in my mind and
the ache that I felt yesterday
was far from gone. As I stared at the circle shape that the sunlight
had made on my wooden closet
I lifted my hands to form talking characters by positioning them in certain shapes. I giggled to
myself as I remembered
how
this
had kept
Mimi entertained for hours when Kyle and
I was babysitting her one night.
. I never did understand the fascination of creating silent, shadow characters until now that is. The silence that they provided was a comfort to my heart and the sheer silliness of their creation took my mind off of the deeper issues that it was trying to avoid.
 

             
As I slipped my legs out of my duvet and pulled
my body into a sitting position I began to stretch my arms in the air
in
 
a bid to shake away the tiredness that I was feeling. I pressed the button on my phone to reveal a screen that read 6:00am. I quietly turned the handle of my bedroom door, pushed it open and then crept into the bathroom. I didn't need to turn the light on as it was already bright enough
.
Sliding down my pyjama bottoms and pants
,
I lifted the toilet seat and quietly sat down. I didn't flush as I was aware that everyone was probably still peacefully sleeping. As I washed my hands and looked at my puffy eyes in the mirror I heard a noise coming from downstairs.

             
I quickly dried my hands and crept towards my mom and Bob's room. I slipped my head through the gap to find that they were both fast asleep. How I hadn't heard Bob's snoring, before looking inside
of the room,
was beyond me. I quickly slipped my head back out, closed
the door in gently and quietly
crept down the stairs. I pushed the living room door open to find that Kyle was gone. I was a little disappointed to know that he had left without even telling me but maybe he didn't want to face me after last night. It w
as the most emotional that
 
I had
ever seen him and knowing him, he was probably still quite embarrassed.

             
I made
a tiny gap in the drape
s
 
with my hand
to see
if I could see him driving off
through the window but to my surprise his car wa
s still parked up and he was no
where to be seen. I made my way to the front door, opened it as quietly as I could and peered outside.

             
"What are you doing?" I whispered as I slipped out of the front door and approached Kyle who was sat on the grass, in my front yard.

             
"Sorry, I just wanted some fresh air. I didn't wake you, did I?" He replied as he kept his eyes fixated on the grass that lay beneath him.

             
"No you didn't. How are you feeling?" I said as I took a seat next to him on the ground.

             
"I'm not sure. I've been trying to work it out
all morning but I got nothing.”

             
"I know the feeling," I replied as I stared at him.

             
"Did you hear any news on Mimi?"

             
"Yeah, my mom text this morning to say that she still hasn't woken up yet," he said as a look of sadness filled his eyes.

             
"She will be ok," I said as I rested my hand on top of his and gave it a little squeeze.

             
He gave me a small smile and continued to look down at the grass. As I stared into his beautiful
,
brown eyes I could almost feel the pain that he was feeling. His dark blonde hair blew as the gentle morning breeze hit it. As I loo
ked at his strong muscular body it amazed me
how weak he
 
now looked. His confident, bad boy image had suddenly melted away before my very eyes.

             
"I don't understand you," he said, breaking the silence.

             
"What do you mean?" I replied
in a state of confusion.

             
"After everything that I've done to you, how can you still be so nice to me?" He said in a low voice.

             
"Kyle, we all make mistakes, what's important is that we learn from them," I said in a bid to reassure him.

             
"There you go again," he said in a frustrated tone.

             
"What?"

             
"Being nice to me, April I don't deserve it. I've been such a jerk to you. I screwed up your life and now I just land on your door step asking for help. You should have kicked me out last night, I don't deserve an ounce of your compassion," he replied.

             
"Firs
tly, this is not just about you
it's about Mimi. I love her and all I care about and want is for her to get better. Secondly, I can see that you're sorry.
I don't understand why you did
what you did but I get that you're sorry and I
'm ok with that. I can move on.”

             
"I wish you were right but I can't fo
rgive myself
even if you can. You
know, what we had was...It was
like nothing I've ever had and I ruined that, all for the sake of needing to feel free," he said as though his own words had disappointed him.

             
"It's
ok, you don't need to explain.”

             
"I do, I really do need to explain, to you. Me and
you, we were great and you know
what? I got scared. Scare
d that if I fell any deeper that
I would get hurt and then I'd be that guy that doesn't know how to deal with any other girl because he's had his heart broken.
Pathetic
,
right?"
He sneered, more at himself than me.

             
"Yes it is pathetic because you know that I would have never hurt you," I said feeling rather sad that he ever felt that I would have done that to him.

             
"I know and then there was Rachel and she was just
there. I know that isn’t an excuse but s
he
just
said all the things
that
I needed to hear,
no commitment, nothing serious just fun and I thought that that was what I wanted.”

             
"And was it?" I asked.

             
"No. It didn't last lo
ng anyway, she soon wanted more
and the more that she wanted, the more that
 
I realised that she just wasn't you.
I ended things with her the night of the party.
I seriously screwed up," he said as he placed his hand on his forehead.

             
"Yes you did but you can't change what is already done. Sometimes you have to just move forward and learn to forgive yourself," I said as I placed my hand under his chin and lifted his face up to look at mine.

             
"Can I ask you something?" He said, staring directly into my eyes.

             
"Yeah," I whispered.

             
"Do you still love me?" He asked.

             
"You know that's a silly question," I replied, now shifting my eyes to the floor.

             
"Enough to forgive me?"
He asked.

             
"Enough to forgive you and
still
be
friends
, yes," I said, making sure to emphasis the word friends.

             
"Oh," he replied in a sad tone.

             
"It's Aiden isn't it?" He said.

             
"Pardon?"
I asked as his words took me by surprise.

             
"Ther
e's something there, I can tell.
I
noticed it at Crystal's party
even though I knew that you weren't really dating, I still saw something," he said
,
now looking at the grass again.

             
"Oh, you knew that
that wasn't real?" I asked in utter shock.

             
"Of course, acting never was your strong point," he said as he let out a small laugh.

             
"Hey," I said as I nudged him in the arm with my elbow and began laughing.

             
"Is it really that obvious?
" I asked as I felt my cheeks began to heat up.

             
"Yes, probably because I know you so well. Look, April, I still love you but I want you to be happy and if Aiden makes you happy then that's just how it has to be," he said in a bid to sound positive.

             
"Thank you," I said as I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled.

             
"Of course I will be waiting for it to fail," he said as he began to laugh.

             
"Yeah, thanks," I said as I messed up his blonde hair with my hand.

             
"Just
kidding," he said. I knew
that
he wasn't but I was thankful anyway.

             
We sat silently
in that position for a good hour before finally deciding to go and get ready. It felt nice and for the first time i
n weeks I was
happy and it felt good.

* * *

             
We were both dressed, ready and on route to Kyle's house b
y
 
quarter past eight. Kyle decided to
shower at mine but wanted a fresh pai
r of clothes to wear to school
so we decided that we would pass his house on the way there.

             
"I'll be five minutes," he said before slamming the door of his bla
ck Audi TT, a Christmas present
bought by his father of course.

             
"Ok," I replied as I watched him take a few leaps up his path before disappearing through his front door.