Porn Star (22 page)

The king was now perking up with a cat fight
going on in his court. He liked catfights. “Now ladies,” the king
said. “Act like adults and stop fighting.” He didn’t mean any of
it, but it was the kingly thing to do and say.

“She called me a witch!” Cassidy yelled.

“I know I heard,” the king replied. “What is
your response to the accusation?”

“It’s a lie can’t you tell? She’s trying to
get out of a fair fight by accusing me of being something I’m
not.”

“Is that true?” the king asked the queen who
was standing smugly off to the side.

“She’s a witch, she put a spell on me and now
I can’t smell anything anymore.”

“Bullshit,” Cassidy said. “You can smell just
fine.”

“Prove it,” the queen replied, knowing it was
impossible to prove.

“Let me throw you in a hog pen and see if
your nose works,” Cassidy snapped back.

“That would prove nothing,” the queen
said.

Cassidy quickly realized that she was up
against a wall. There was no cut and dry way to prove if she could
smell anything anymore. It was a she said she said situation. With
no recourse she had to come up with a new idea. “You’re a witch!”
she yelled pointing at the queen and forced herself to vomit on
command.

“Don’t make me laugh girl,” the queen said
with a chuckle. “I am immune from witchcraft. I can’t be a witch,
it simply isn’t possible.”

“Immune?” Cassidy asked with a grimace. “Only
a witch could be immune from witchcraft that proves you’re a
witch!”

“She has a point,” Drack said looking at the
two women. “What should we do with them?” he asked the king.

“Boil them and make stew out of their flesh,
the king replied. “I like witch stew, it makes me happy.”

Both the queen and Cassidy gasped in horror
at hearing the king’s reply. They looked to each other and for a
moment shared a bond only a porn star and fat queen could
share.

“We can’t let them do this to us,” Cassidy
said to the queen.

“I’ve eaten witch stew lots of times it’s not
bad actually,” the queen replied. It had not sunk in yet that she
would be the main ingredient in the stew this time.

“When do you want this prepared,” Drack asked
the king.

“Let’s have it tonight, make a party out of
it,” the king replied. “Witch stew for all!” he proclaimed and
raised his hands for applause. He got plenty, most of his subjects
were starving farmers and peasants.

Cassidy walked over to the queen and took her
by the hand. For an awkward moment, the two women looked into each
other’s eyes and a small bond was formed. It was hard to look into
the queens eyes, they were all squinty from the fat rolls on her
face. “We have to escape,” Cassidy said. “I’ve been in some pretty
bad situations recently, but I’ve always been able to get away. I
don’t feel like I have that option anymore. We need to help each
other.”

Just then two butchers and a tall muscular
farm hand took the queen by her arms and pulled her over to a
chopping block used to butcher cattle. How the chopping block got
into the kings court was not obvious but it was there at the right
time and place. They stripped the fat woman naked lifted her
bloated carcass onto the table and strapped her down the best they
could. She squirmed and wiggled, but could not get loose of his
bindings.

From behind the crowd, a large man with a
black hood approached the slab holding a large metal axe. He
positioned himself next to the chopping block and took a few
practice swings on the queen’s neck. In a moment, the king gave his
blessing and the man swung the axe down hard on the woman's neck
cutting off her head in a single stroke. Her blood run read on the
chopping block until her body ceased movement.

Once her body stopped moving and her head was
picked up off the ground and put in a basket the crowd cheered
knowing their bitchy fat queen was gone. Then a voice was heard
from inside the basket. The executioner picked the head out of the
basket and lifted it high in the air even without lungs attached to
the mouth, the head could speak in low muffled tones. “I am a
witch, ha ha ha,’ the head laughed. Its eyes looked around and
blinked as if they were never part of a dead head.

“I was right!” Drack yelled pointing at the
head.

“What’s it to ya fuck head!” the queen yelled
back at Drack.

Just then Dennis noticed a large football
shaped silver object hovering about a thousand feet above the
crowd. It was slowly coming down towards the ground and stopped at
about three hundred feet. The rest of the crowd took notice as well
and screams and shrieks of fear shot through the group as some ran
in fear, others too afraid to move stood in shock. Dennis knew what
this was and knew it was pointless to leave.

The object shot out a small probe, or mini
craft that quickly landed on the ground about fifty feet from the
courtyard. It sat silent for a minute or two before a door opened
up and a set of stairs slid down from inside. The remaining crowd
watched in horror to see what would emerge from the craft. It
didn’t take long until their fears were realized.

From out the pod, three small creatures,
dressed in landing suits stepped off the craft and gathered by one
of the legs of the craft. They were dressed in white, with helmets
and some sort of back pack with odd writing on them. They looked
like midget wrestlers or apes in suits, but didn’t walk like
humans. They walked like aliens. At least what they thought aliens
would walk like.

After a brief moment and a flag raising
ceremony, what seemed to be the leader left the group and walked
over to the court. The crowd spread apart and allowed the little
alien to walk to center court where it stood there surveying its
situation. No one in the crowd did anything to provoke the newcomer
and most stood like statues.

The alien poked a few buttons on a control
box attached to its left arm and watched the lights blink in
response. A few more interactions and the communications seemed to
be finished. It then approached the king and took off its helmet.
“Are you in charge here?” the alien asked the king.

The king nodded and didn’t say a word.

“We came back to get something we left here a
few years ago,” the alien said looking up at the king who was slid
back tight on his throne.

“What?” the king asked.

The alien pointed to the queens head and
said,” That’s what we came for.”

“She belongs to you?” the king asked in
disbelief. “I’ve known her for twenty years, she is no alien
creature. She’s a bitch, but she’s as human as I am. We have a son
and a daughter, how could she possibly be alien?”

“She’s not completely alien,” the alien said.
“She’s a hybrid. She can have kids, but she still has half our
genes. You’re kids are one fourth alien.”

“I guess that’s why she’s still talking,” the
king said. “I’m done with her, you can take her back, I don’t care,
saves me the trouble of burying her.”

“That’s not all,” the alien said. “I need the
kids too.”

“Oh, now that’s a problem. My kids are
staying here. You can have the bitch, not my kids. I actually like
them.”

The alien reached into its suit and produced
what looked like a tube of chapstick. “If you don’t produce the
children immediately, I will have no choice but to kill you.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m the king
around here, nobody fucks with me.” With that said, the king
signaled his guards to take out the alien. Using their swords, the
guards made hamburger out of the alien chopping it to bits and
hacking its arms and legs off. The suit ran green with alien blood.
“That was easy,” the king said. “Anyone else?” he asked looking to
the other two aliens standing by the ship. They looked at each
other as if they were conversing and then pulled out chapstick guns
of their own.

“You got to be kidding?” the kings said.
Didn’t they see us hacking up their leader?” The king motioned for
the guards to go kill the other two aliens and a group galloped
over on horseback chopping up the other two like they were stupid
or something. They barely put up a fight and now their landing
craft was covered in green alien blood.

“I wish conquering all my enemies was this
easy,” the king said with a smile. “Bring me the queen’s head,” he
said.

The executioner walked over and set the
queen’s head on a bench in front of the king. Her blood was red so
he knew she wasn’t totally alien, other than the fact she was
looking him in the eye, he thought she was totally human.

“What do you want?” the queen asked.

“How long have you known you were an alien?”
he asked.

“I didn’t know I was an alien at all,” the
queen replied. “I’m as shocked as you are.”

“Did your mother know? I mean how did she get
pregnant?”

“We don’t talk about sex you idiot,” the
queen said gurgling blood from her mouth. “Go ask her
yourself.”

“Where is she?”

“Fuck I don’t know, she’s sixty years old, I
don’t watch her.”

“Maybe she’s up there on that ship?” the king
said pointing to the object hovering in the sky.

“Maybe she’s at home baking bread,” the queen
replied.

“Now don’t be a bitch!” the king snapped
back. “I’m just trying to figure out what the hell is going on
here. I now just found out you are half alien and that your father
probably is a full alien. Where is he?”

“It was a one night stand, I have no idea who
my father is.”

“Then he could be an alien.”

“Sure, or a traveling salesman, or a
blacksmith, or a local drunk, who knows?”

“I guess that would explain a lot of your odd
behavior,” the king said like an asshole.

“What odd behavior?”

“You know, how you always have so much gas,
and the way you chew your food.”

“That’s not odd, I have problems with milk,
and most of my teeth have rotted out.”

“How about the way when we are in social
situations, you tend to laugh inappropriately? “

“I get nervous,” the queen replied.

“Ok, maybe I’m reading more into this than I
should, but I do find it odd that you are still alive talking to me
after your head was cut off, how do you explain that?”

“I said I was a witch,” she replied.

“You think you’re a witch, that doesn’t make
you a witch.”

“What the fuck?”

“Just because you can’t explain something
doesn’t mean it’s supernatural. There is a perfectly good
explanation as to why you're still alive. You’re an alien half
breed. Aliens aren’t witches, their messengers from Satan
himself.”

“Satan? You’re bringing religion into this? I
am not Satan, I go to church five days a week.”

“That’s what Satan would do, in order to
hide. Blend in, that’s a good plan.”

“You’re paranoid,” the queen replied.

“I have every right to be paranoid, some
alien ship just showed up after your head was chopped off and
you’re still acting like a bitch. I think I’m well within my rights
to be acting like I am.”

The queen rolled her eyes and tried to shake
her head in disgust but her head wouldn’t move.

“If you’re trying to piss me off, keep it
up,” he said referring to her eye roll. That gesture was always the
best way to piss off the king.

“You know what? Now that we killed those two,
I have nobody to take you up to that ship. Fuck, now what am I
going to do?”

The queen sat there on the bench and didn’t
say a word.

“Can you mind read with them? Tell them to
send down another carriage?”

“Oh, they’ll be back, this time with an army.
They want our kids back.”

The kings sat back and pondered for a moment.
“Fetch me my knights right away and get me my army, I got a fight
on my hands.”

Cassidy and Dennis sat back in the crowd and
watched this all go down. They remembered vividly their experience
on a ship similar to this one. The ship that crashed and managed to
escape from. They never found out what brought that ship down, and
now would be a good time to know, but for now they needed to get
away and move on down the road before the shit hit the fan. Killing
three little fuckers was one thing, but an army of them, all
carrying chapstick guns would be a different issue.

Spying a horse, Dennis ran over and tried to
get on the saddle. Cassidy came up behind and gave him a push
allowing his leg to get on the other side of the horse and sit down
on the saddle. “Not too bad,” Dennis said. “This is really
comfortable.”

“What about me?” Cassidy yelled.

“Give me your hand,” he said holding out his
left hand to her. She grabbed his hand and with all his strength
dropped her back onto the ground with a thud.

“What’s wrong with you? I only weigh one
hundred and five pounds!” she barked.

“Maybe you should go find another horse,”
Dennis said embarrassed.

Frustrated, Cassidy looked around and found
no other horses around. She did see a lot of military types running
to the aid of the king and got very nervous about leaving quickly.
“We got to go now!” she yelled. “Be a man and get me on that
horse!”

Pissed at Cassidy for being such a rag,
Dennis tried to get the horse to move by kicking it with his heels
and saying, “Gitty up.” The horse didn’t move. He tried using the
reigns and that didn’t work either. “What’s wrong with this fucking
horse?” he said jabbing the horse again with his heels. “This isn’t
going to work, even if I got you up here, this thing isn’t
moving.”