Poisoned Apples (2 page)

 

The Wicked Queen's Legacy

I
t used to be just the one,

but now all mirrors chatter.

In fact, every reflective surface has opinions

on the shape of my nose, the size

of my chest, the hair I wash and brush

until it's so shiny I can see myself

scribbling notes as each strand

recommends improvements.

I make sure to write them all down

when all I really want is to stop

at the market and flirt with the butcher,

ignoring his critical knives,

haggling, for once, over the cost of

some other poor creature's thighs.

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Abercrombie
Dressing Room

N
ow you believe the rumor

that they spray the clothes with perfume

every few hours because,

within these hothouse walls,

everything stinks—

the drooping skirts,

the wilted jeans,

the fading dresses losing petals,

tank tops fighting for air,

barely

hanging

on,

all so alive until

you picked them.

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Sleeping Beauty's
Wedding Day

A
fter the kiss and the trip to the castle comes the

showering, shaving, shampooing, conditioning, detangling, trimming,

moussing, blow-drying, brushing, curling, de-frizzing, extending, texturizing,

waxing, exfoliating, moisturizing, tanning, medicating, plucking, concealing, smoothing,

bronzing, lash lengthening, plumping, polishing, glossing, deodorizing, perfuming,

reducing, cinching, controlling, padding, accessorizing, visualizing, meditating,

powdering, primping, luminizing, correcting, re-curling, re-glossing, and spraying.

No wonder that hundred-year nap

just doesn't seem long enough.

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Photoshopped Poem

S
ome say the
Before
poem

had character.

This poem is much more attractive.

With the Healing Brush Tool

I took out most of the lines.

I left in a few

so it wouldn't look unnatural.

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Prince Charming

F
irst thing through the door, Jed compliments

Mom's new haircut.

He listens to Dad go off.

“Guess we'll have to wait for baseball, Jed,

to win back Husky pride.”

He brings state quarters for my sister's

lame collection. She shrieks like they are

diamonds.

Finally
he guides me down

the slippery driveway to his car,

engine running, heat on high

so I won't be cold. He says, “Girl,

you look
amazing.
That sweater

makes your boobs look

way bigger.”

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A Brief History
of Feminism

S
imon says touch your toes.

Simon says turn around.

Simon says touch your toes again.

Now wiggle a little.

Simon says he is
not
a pervert.

Simon says hop on one foot.

Simon didn't say stop hopping!

Hop closer.

Simon says hop closer.

Simon says is that a push-up bra?

Geez, honey, calm down.

Simon says calm down.

On second thought,

Simon says you're pretty cute

when you're all worked up like that.

Wanna hop your sweet self into my office

and see my sofa bed?

Simon says, we were just playing, Officer.