Point of Retreat (17 page)

Kel smiles and nods at him.

"Will you call me Grandcaulder?" Caulder asks.

"Sure thing, Grandcaulder," he says.

"What was the name of your band, Grandpaul?" Lake asks.

It's almost scary how good she is at putting up a front. I make a mental note to remember this little detail about her for future reference.

"Well, I was in several actually," he replies. "It was just a hobby when I was younger. I played the guitar."

"That's neat," she says. She takes a bite of her food and talks with a mouthful. "You know, Kel has always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I've been thinking about putting him in lessons." She wipes her mouth and takes a sip of water.

"Why? You should just get Will to teach him," Grandpaul says.

Lake turns and looks at me. "I wasn't aware that Will knew how to play the guitar," she says in a somewhat accusatory tone.

I guess I've never shared this with her. It's not like I was trying to keep it from her, I just haven't played in a couple of years. Of course, I'm sure she thinks it's just another secret I've been hiding from her.

"You've never played for her?" he says to me.

I shrug. "I don't own a guitar."

Lake is still glaring at me. "This is really interesting, Will," she says sarcastically. "There sure is a lot about you I don't know."

I look at her straight faced. "Actually, Babe…there isn't. You pretty much know everything about me."

She shakes her head and places her elbows on the table and squints her eyes at me, putting on that fake smile I’m really growing to hate. "No,
Sweetie
. I don't think I
do
know everything about you.” She says this in a tone that only I could recognize as her false enthusiasm.

"I didn't know you played the guitar. I also didn't know you were getting a roommate. In fact, this ‘Reece’ seems to have been a pretty big part of your life, and you've never even mentioned him….along with a few other ‘old friends’ that have popped up recently."

I set my fork down on my plate and wipe my mouth with my napkin. Everyone at the table is staring at me, waiting for me to speak. I smile at my grandmother who seems oblivious to what's going on between Lake and I. She smiles back at me, interested in my response. I decide to raise the stakes, so I wrap my arm around Lake and pull her closer to me and kiss her on the forehead.

"You're right,
Layken
." I say her entire first name with her same feigned enthusiasm. I know how much it pisses her off. "I did fail to mention a few old friends from my past. I guess this means we'll just have to spend a lot more time together, getting to know every single aspect of each other's lives." I pinch her chin with my thumb and finger and smile at her as she narrows her eyes at me.

"Reece is back? He's living with us?" Caulder asks.

I nod. "He needed a place to crash for a month or so."

"Why isn't he staying with his mother?" my grandmother asks.

"She got remarried while he was overseas. He doesn't get along with his new step-dad, so he's looking for his own place," I say.

Lake leans forward in an attempt to inconspicuously remove my arm that's draped around her shoulder. Instead, I squeeze her tighter and pull my chair closer to hers. "Lake sure made a good first impression when she met Reece," I say, referring to her shirtless tantrum in my living room. "Right, Sweetie?"

She presses the heel of her boot into the top of my foot and smiles back at me. "Right," she says. She scoots her chair back and stands up. "Excuse me. I need to go to the restroom." She slaps her napkin down on the table and gives me the eye as she walks away.

Everyone else at the table is oblivious to her anger.

"You two seem to have moved past your hump from last week," my grandfather says after she's disappeared down the hallway.

"Yep. Getting along great," I say. I shove a spoonful of potatoes in my mouth.

Lake remains in the bathroom for quite a while. When she returns, she doesn't speak much. Kel, Caulder and Grandpaul talk video games while Lake and I finish our meals in silence.

"Will, can you help me in the kitchen?" my grandmother says.

My grandmother is the
last
person that would ask for help in the kitchen. I'm either about to change a light bulb or receive a lecture. I get up from the table and grab mine and Lake's plates and follow her through the kitchen door.

"What's that all about?" she says as I scrape food off the plates and into the disposal.

"What's what all about?" I reply.

She wipes her hands on the dish towel and leans against the counter. "She's not very happy with you, Will. I may be old, but I know a woman's scorn when I see one. Do you want to talk about it?"

She's more observant than I give her credit for.

"I guess it can't hurt at this point," I say, leaning against the kitchen counter next to her. "She's pissed at me. The whole thing with Vaughn last week left her doubting me. Now she thinks I'm with her just because I feel sorry for her and Kel."

"Why
are
you with her?" my grandmother asks.

"Because. I'm in love with her," I say.

"Well, I suggest you better show her," she says. She takes the rag and begins wiping down the counter.

"I have. I can't tell you how many times I've told her. I can't get it through her head. Now she wants me to leave her alone so she can
think
. I'm getting so frustrated; I don't know what else I can do."

My grandmother rolls her eyes at my perceived ignorance. "A guy can
tell
a girl he's in love with her until he's blue in the face. Words don't mean anything to a woman when her head’s full of doubt. You have to
show
her."

"How? What else can I do? I disabled her car so she’d have to ride here with me today. Short of stalking her, I don't know what else I can do to show her."

My pathetic confession prompts a disapproving look from her. "That's more like a good way to get yourself put in jail, not win back the heart of the girl you're in love with," she says.

"I know. It was stupid. I was desperate. I’m out of ideas."

She walks to the refrigerator and pulls out a pie. She sets in on the counter next to me and starts cutting slices. "I think the first step is for you to take some time to question just why you're in love with her, then figure out a way to relay that to her. In the meantime, you need to give her the space she needs. I'm surprised that little spectacle you just pulled at dinner didn't get you punched."

"The night is still young."

My grandmother laughs and places a slice of pie onto a plate, then turns around and hands it to me. "I like her, Will. You better not screw this up. She's good for Caulder."

My grandmother's comment surprises me. "Really? I didn't think you liked her very much."

She continues slicing sections of the pie. "I know you think that, but I do like her. What I don't like is the way you're always all over her when you're around her. Some things are better left in private. And I'm referring to the
bedroom
, not the laundry room," she says as she whips her head around and frowns at me.

I didn't realize how publicly I flaunted my affection toward Lake. Now that my grandmother
and
Lake have both brought it up, it's kind of embarrassing. I guess the laundry room incident from earlier also didn't help to dissuade the opinion Lake thinks my grandmother has of her.

"Grandma?" I ask as I pick at my dessert. She never gave me a fork so I tear off a piece of the crust and pop it in my mouth.

“Hum?” She notices me eating with my hands so she reaches into the drawer, pulls out a fork and drops it on my plate.

"She’s still a virgin, you know."

My grandmother’s eyes grow wide and she turns back toward the pie to cut another slice. "Will, that's none of my business."

"I know," I say. "I just want you to know that about her. I don't want you thinking the opposite of her."

She turns and hands me two more plates of dessert, then grabs two of her own and nudges her head toward the kitchen door. "You have a good heart, Will. She'll come around. You just need to give her time."

***

Lake sits in the backseat with Kel on the way home and Caulder rides in front with me. The three of them talk the entire ride home. Kel and Caulder are droning on about everything they did with Grandpaul. I don't say a word. I tune them out and drive in silence.

After I pull into my driveway and we all get out of the car, I follow Lake and Kel as they make their way across the street. She heads inside without saying a word. I pop the hood on her jeep and reconnect the battery, then shut it and head back to my house.

It’s not even ten o’clock at night yet. I’m not tired at all. Caulder’s in bed and Reece is more than likely still out with Vaughn. I sit down on the couch and turn the T.V. on when someone knocks at the door.

Who would be coming over this late? Who would
knock
? I open the door and my stomach flips when I see Lake shivering on the patio. She doesn't look angry, which is a good sign. Her hands are pulling her jacket tightly around her neck. She's got her snow boots pulled on over her pajama bottoms. She looks ridiculous…and beautiful.

“Hey,” I say, a little too eagerly. “Here for another star?” I step aside and she walks in. “Why’d you knock?” I ask, shutting the door behind her.

I hate that she knocked on my door. She never knocks. That small gesture reveals some sort of change in our entire relationship that I can’t pinpoint, but I know I don't like it.

She just shrugs her shoulders. “Can I talk to you?”

“I wish you
would
talk to me,” I say. We both make our way to the couch. Normally, she would curl up next to me and sit on her feet. This time, she makes sure there’s plenty of space between us as she drops down on the opposite end of the couch. If I’ve learned anything at all this week, it’s the fact that I hate space. Space sucks.

She looks at me and attempts to muster a smile, but it doesn’t come off right. It looks more like she’s trying not to pity me.

“Promise me you'll hear me out without arguing first," she says. "I'd like to have a mature conversation with you."

"Lake, you can't sit there and say I don't hear you out. It's impossible to hear you out when you're carving pumpkins all the damn time!"

"See? Right there. Don't do that," she says.

I grab the throw pillow next to me and cover my face with it to muffle a frustrated groan. She's impossible. I bring the pillow back down and rest my elbow on it as I get comfortable and prepare for her lecture.

"I'm listening," I say.

"I don’t think you understand where I’m coming from at all. You have no clue why I'm having doubts, do you?”

She’s right, I don’t. “Enlighten me,” I say.

She takes her jacket off and throws it over the back of the couch and gets comfortable. I was wrong, she’s not here to lecture; I can tell by the way she’s speaking to me. She’s here to have a serious conversation, so I decide to respectfully hear her out.

“I know you love me, Will. I was wrong to say that earlier. I know you do. And I love you, too.”

It’s obvious this confession is merely just a preface to something else she’s about to say. Something I
don’t
want to hear.

“But after hearing the things Vaughn said to you, it made me look at our relationship in a different way." She pulls her legs up on the couch and sits Indian style, facing me. "Think about it. I started thinking back on that night at the slam last year, when I finally told you how I felt. What if I wouldn’t have shown up that night? What if I wouldn’t have come to you and told you how much I loved you? You would have never even read me your slam. You would have taken the job at the junior high and we probably wouldn’t even be together. So you can see where my doubt comes into play, right? It seems like you just wanted to sit back and let the chips fall where they may. You didn’t fight for me. You were just going to let me go. You
did
let me go.”

I did let her go, but not for the reasons she’s telling herself. She
knows
this. Why does she doubt it now? I do my best to be patient when I respond, but my emotions are all jumbled up. I’m frustrated, I’m pissed, I’m happy she’s here. It’s exhausting. I hate fighting.

“You know why I had to let you go, Lake. There were bigger things going on last year than just us. Your mother needed you. She didn’t know how much time she had. The way we felt about each other would have interfered with your time left with her, and you would have hated yourself for it later. That’s the only reason why I gave up, and you
know
that.”

She shakes her head in disagreement. “It's more than that, Will. We’ve both experienced more grief in the past couple of years than most people experience in a lifetime. Think about the effect that had on us. When we finally found each other, our grief is how we related. Then when we found out we couldn’t be together, it made it even worse. Especially since Kel and Caulder were best friends by then. We had to interact constantly which made it even harder to shut off our feelings. And then to top it all off, my mom ended up having cancer and I was about to become a guardian, just like you. That's how we related. There were all these external influences at play. Almost like life was forcing us together.”