Plays Unpleasant (33 page)

PRAED
[
approving
] Ah ! ! [
He sits down, much relieved
].

VIVIE
[
continuing
] – to the Opera –

PRAED
[
still more pleased
] Good!

VIVIE
. – and to a concert where the band played all the evening: Beethoven and Wagner and so on. I wouldnt go through that experience again for anything you could offer me. I held out for civility's sake until the third day; and then I said, plump out, that I couldnt stand any more of it, and went off to Chancery Lane. Now you know the sort of perfectly splendid modern young lady I am. How do you think I shall get on with my mother?

PRAED
[
startled
] Well, I hope – er –

VIVIE
. It's not so much what you hope as what you believe, that I want to know.

PRAED
. Well, frankly, I am afraid your mother will be a little disappointed. Not from any shortcoming on your part, you know: I dont mean that. But you are so different from her ideal.

VIVIE
. Her what?!

PRAED
. Her ideal.

VIVIE
. Do you mean her ideal of
ME
?

PRAED
. Yes.

VIVIE
. What on earth is it like?

PRAED
. Well, you must have observed, Miss Warren, that people who are dissatisfied with their own bringing-up generally think that the world would be all right if everybody were to be brought up quite differently. Now your mother's life has been – er – I suppose you know –

VIVIE
. Dont suppose anything, Mr Praed. I hardly know my mother. Since I was a child I have lived in England, at school or college, or with people paid to take charge of me. I have been boarded out all my life. My mother has lived in Brussels or Vienna and never let me go to her. I only see her when she visits England for a few days. I dont complain: it's been very pleasant; for people have been very good to me; and there has always been plenty of money to make things smooth. But dont imagine I know anything about my mother. I know far less than you do.

PRAED
[
very ill at ease
] In that case – [
He stops, quite at a loss. Then, with a forced attempt at gaiety
] But what nonsense we are talking! Of course you and your mother will get on capitally. [
He rises, and looks abroad at the view
]. What a charming little place you have here!

VIVIE
[
unmoved
] Rather a violent change of subject, Mr Praed. Why wont my mother's life bear being talked about?

PRAED
. Oh, you really mustnt say that. Isnt it natural that I should have a certain delicacy in talking to my old friend's daughter about her behind her back? You and she
will have plenty of opportunity of talking about it when she comes.

VIVIE
. No: she wont talk about it either. [
Rising
] However, I daresay you have good reasons for telling me nothing. Only, mind this, Mr Praed. I expect there will be a battle royal when my mother hears of my Chancery Lane project.

PRAED
[
ruefully
] I'm afraid there will.

VIVIE
. Well, I shall win, because I want nothing but my fare to London to start there to-morrow earning my own living by devilling for Honoria. Besides, I have no mysteries to keep up; and it seems she has. I shall use that advantage over her if necessary.

PRAED
[
greatly shocked
] Oh no! No, pray. Youd not do such a thing.

VIVIE
. Then tell me why not.

PRAED
. I really cannot. I appeal to your good feeling. [
She smiles at his sentimentality
]. Besides, you may be too bold. Your mother is not to be trifled with when she's angry.

VIVIE
. You cant frighten me, Mr Praed. In that month at Chancery Lane I had opportunities of taking the measure of one or two women very like my mother. You may back me to win. But if I hit harder in my ignorance than I need, remember that it is you who refuse to enlighten me. Now, let us drop the subject. [
She takes her chair and replaces it near the hammock with the same vigorous swing as before
].

PRAED
[
taking a desperate resolution
] One word, Miss Warren. I had better tell you. It's very difficult; but –

Mrs Warren and Sir George Crofts arrive at the gate. Mrs Warren is between 40 and 50, formerly pretty, showily dressed in a brilliant hat and a gay blouse fitting tightly over her bust and flanked by fashionable sleeves. Rather spoilt and domineering, and decidedly vulgar, but, on the whole, a genial and fairly presentable old blackguard of a woman
.

Crofts is a tall powerfully-built man of about 50, fashionably dressed in the style of a young man. Nasal voice, reedier than might be expected from his strong frame. Clean-shaven bulldog jaws,
large flat ears, and thick neck: gentlemanly combination of the most brutal types of city man, sporting man, and man about town
.

VIVIE
. Here they are. [
Coming to them as they enter the garden
] How do, mater? Mr Praed's been here this half hour waiting for you.

MRS WARREN
. Well, if youve been waiting, Praddy, it's your own fault: I thought youd have had the gumption to know I was coming by the 3.10 train. Vivie: put your hat on, dear: youll get sunburnt. Oh, I forgot to introduce you. Sir George Crofts: my little Vivie.

Crofts advances to Vivie with his most courtly manner. She nods, but makes no motion to shake hands
.

CROFTS
. May I shake hands with a young lady whom I have known by reputation very long as the daughter of one of my oldest friends?

VIVIE
[
who has been looking him up and down sharply
] If you like. [
She takes his tenderly proffered hand and gives it a squeeze that makes him open his eyes; then turns away and says to her mother
] Will you come in, or shall I get a couple more chairs? [
She goes into the porch for the chairs
].

MRS WARREN
. Well, George, what do you think of her?

CROFTS
[
ruefully
] She has a powerful fist. Did you shake hands with her, Praed?

PRAED
. Yes: it will pass off presently.

CROFTS
. I hope so. [
Vivie reappears with two more chairs. He hurries to her assistance
]. Allow me.

MRS WARREN
[
patronizingly
] Let Sir George help you with the chairs, dear.

VIVIE
[
pitching them into his arms
] Here you are. [
She dusts her hands and turns to Mrs Warren
]. Youd like some tea, wouldnt you?

MRS WARREN
[
sitting in Praed's chair and fanning herself
] I'm dying for a drop to drink.

VIVIE
. I'll see about it. [
She goes into the cottage
].

Sir George has by this time managed to unfold a chair and plant it beside Mrs Warren, on her left. He throws the other on the
grass and sits down, looking dejected and rather foolish, with th handle of his stick in his mouth. Praed, still very uneasy, fidgets about the garden on their right
.

MRS WARREN
[
to Praed, looking at Crofts
] Just look at him, Praddy: he looks cheerful, dont he? He's been worrying my life out these three years to have that little girl of mine shewn to him; and now that Ive done it, he's quite out of countenance. [
Briskly
] Come! sit up, George; and take your stick out of your mouth. [
Crofts sulkily obeys
].

PRAED
. I think, you know – if you dont mind my saying so – that we had better get out of the habit of thinking of her as a little girl. You see she has really distinguished herself; and I'm not sure, from what I have seen of her, that she is not older than any of us.

MRS WARREN
[
greatly amused
] Only listen to him, George! Older than any of us! Well, she has been stuffing you nicely with her importance.

PRAED
. But young people are particularly sensitive about being treated in that way.

MRS WARREN
. Yes; and young people have to get all that nonsense taken out of them, and a good deal more besides. Dont you interfere, Praddy: I know how to treat my own child as well as you do. [
Praed, with a grave shake of his head, walks up the garden with his hands behind his back. Mrs Warren pretends to laugh, but looks after him with perceptible concern. Then she whispers to Crofts
] Whats the matter with him? What does he take it like that for?

CROFTS
[
morosely
] Youre afraid of Praed.

MRS WARREN
. What! Me! Afraid of dear old Praddy! Why, a fly wouldnt be afraid of him.

CROFTS
. Youre afraid of him.

MRS WARREN
[
angry
] I'll trouble you to mind your own business, and not try any of your sulks on me. I'm not afraid of you, anyhow. If you cant make yourself agreeable, youd better go home. [
She gets up, and, turning her back on him, finds herself face to face with Praed
]. Come, Praddy, I
know it was only your tender-heartedness. Youre afraid I'll bully her.

PRAED
. My dear Kitty: you think I'm offended. Dont imagine that: pray dont. But you know I often notice things that escape you; and though you never take my advice, you sometimes admit afterwards that you ought to have taken it.

MRS WARREN
. Well, what do you notice now?

PRAED
. Only that Vivie is a grown woman. Pray, Kitty, treat her with every respect.

MRS WARREN
[
with genuine amazement
] Respect! Treat my own daughter with respect! What next, pray!

VIVIE
[
appearing at the cottage door and calling to Mrs Warren
] Mother: will you come to my room before tea?

MRS WARREN
. Yes, dearie. [
She laughs indulgently at Praed's gravity, and pats him on the cheek as she passes him on her way to the porch
]. Dont be cross, Praddy. [
She follows Vivie in to the cottage
].

CROFTS
[
furtively
] I say, Praed.

PRAED
. Yes.

CROFTS
. I want to ask you a rather particular question.

PRAED
. Certainly. [
He takes Mrs Warren's chair and sits close to Crofts
].

CROFTS
. Thats right: they might hear us from the window. Look here: did Kitty ever tell you who that girl's father is?

PRAED
. Never.

CROFTS
. Have you any suspicion of who it might be?

PRAED
. None.

CROFTS
[
not believing him
] I know, of course, that you perhaps might feel bound not to tell if she had said anything to you. But it's very awkward to be uncertain about it now that we shall be meeting the girl every day. We wont exactly know how we ought to feel towards her.

PRAED
. What difference can that make? We take her on her own merits. What does it matter who her father was?

CROFTS
[
suspiciously
] Then you know who he was?

PRAED
[
with a touch of temper
] I said no just now. Did you not hear me?

CROFTS
. Look here, Praed. I ask you as a particular favor. If you do know [
movement of protest from Praed
] – I only say, if you know, you might at least set my mind at rest about her. The fact is, I feel attracted.

PRAED
[
sternly
] What do you mean?

CROFTS
. Oh, dont be alarmed: it's quite an innocent feeling. Thats what puzzles me about it. Why, for all I know
I
might be her father.

PRAED
. You! Impossible!

CROFTS
[
catching him up cunningly
] You know for certain that I'm not?

PRAED
. I know nothing about it, I tell you, any more than you. But really, Crofts – oh no, it's out of the question. Theres not the least resemblance.

CROFTS
. As to that, theres no resemblance between her and her mother that I can see. I suppose she's not your daughter, is she?

PRAED
[
rising indignantly
] Really, Crofts –!

CROFTS
. No offence, Praed. Quite allowable as between two men of the world.

PRAED
[
recovering himself with an effort and speaking gently and gravely
] Now listen to me, my dear Crofts. [
He sits down again
]. I have nothing to do with that side of Mrs Warren's life, and never had. She has never spoken to me about it; and of course I have never spoken to her about it. Your delicacy will tell you that a handsome woman needs some friends who are not – well, not on that footing with her. The effect of her own beauty would become a torment to her if she could not escape from it occasionally. You are probably on much more confidential terms with Kitty than I am. Surely you can ask her the question yourself.

CROFTS
. I have asked her, often enough. But she's so determined to keep the child all to herself that she would
deny that it ever had a father if she could. [
Rising
] I'm thoroughly uncomfortable about it, Praed.

PRAED
[
rising also
] Well, as you are, at all events, old enough to be her father, I dont mind agreeing that we both regard Miss Vivie in a parental way, as a young girl whom we are bound to protect and help. What do you say?