Playing With Seduction (21 page)

“So you’re going to be a part-time father, then?”

Fuck no. That was too cold and uncaring, too close to what he’d experienced as a child. His parents had been married, but for the most part, Jase had been an afterthought, and he never wanted a kid of his to ever feel that they were an inconvenience. That’s exactly what it would be like with a shared custody agreement, and that thought made him feel sick to his stomach.

“Kendall made it very clear that she’s going to raise the baby on her own, and that she doesn’t need anything from me.” He braced both elbows on the bar top and ran all ten fingers though his hair in frustration. “I was so fucking shocked by the announcement I couldn’t think straight, let alone come up with a reply…and then she was gone. She had
days
to come to terms with the fact that she was pregnant, and I had five goddamn minutes.”

“Yeah, not cool, man,” Sawyer agreed. “But I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to tell you, either.”

“I know.” He’d seen the pained look in Kendall’s eyes, having to tell him something he’d already made clear he didn’t want at this point in his life. Jase released a heavy sigh. “This pregnancy wasn’t something I was expecting at all. Hell, we broke up because she wanted to start a family, and I wasn’t ready to give her that kind of commitment.”

Sawyer waited for Jase to look at him before he asked, “And now that you have a kid on the way?”

“I’m scared as shit about being a father right now.”

Sawyer smirked. “It’s not like you can stop the kid from coming.”

“You know what I mean,” Jase said, glaring at him for his sarcasm. “It’s complicated. Kendall had issues about us that went beyond bad timing. Kendall was married for ten years, and her husband led her to believe that they’d start a family once he was out of med school, finished with his internships, and all their debt was paid off. For ten years she supported him and worked two jobs to pay off their outrageous school loans, and six months later, he leaves her for a younger woman who is pregnant with his baby.”

“What an asshole,” Sawyer said.

“Yeah. The thing is, she thinks our age difference is an issue. That one day I’ll realize I want someone closer to my own age.”

“That’s just fucking ridiculous. Although now I get why you went after Adam the way you did.”

Jase nodded. “Yeah. He hit a sore spot. Kendall is thirty-five and at the point in her life where she wants to be married and starting a family. And after what her ex put her through, she deserves that. But I’m twenty-seven, just out of the military, and I’m starting to build a career, which in turn will enable me to support a family…someday.”

“Hate to break it to you, buddy. That someday is now.”

“Would you cut it with the sarcasm already?” Jase muttered. “I’ve always envisioned being firmly established in every aspect of my life before doing any of those things, and I’m not there yet. So we broke up.”

Sawyer frowned at him. “Jesus, you can’t always
plan
everything. Life is going to throw you unexpected curves, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow and not because it’s all part of some step-by-step outline you’ve been following for years.”

“Yeah, I got that now,” Jase said to his friend. “I pretty much came to the same conclusion while tossing and turning in bed the pasts few nights.”

The two of them were quiet for a few minutes, then Sawyer asked, “Do you love her?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. He already knew that he’d fucked up. Badly. And he was afraid that he was too late in telling Kendall how he truly felt about her. She’d think he was stepping up because of the baby…and he couldn’t deny that had been the impetus for him to think with his heart and not his head.

But he knew now he couldn’t live without her. Baby or no baby, he wanted her in his life. Even if she weren’t pregnant, he’d come to realize he’d give her the family she wanted sooner than he planned because a future without her would devastate him. He wanted the same things she did, with her. And only with her. To hell with his damned timeline and plans.

“You know, I almost lost Paige after what her sister did to the two of us,” Sawyer said quietly. “And for that year and a half that we spent apart, I had so many regrets. But I was lucky that things worked out for us, that I had a second chance to tell her all the things I hadn’t said before I left for the military. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t look back and regret the choice you made. Make the right choice, right now.”

“My choice is Kendall, and the baby,” he said, and knew it was true from the moment she’d said she was pregnant with his baby. He shouldn’t have let her walk out on him at the cafe, but dammit, he was entitled to thinking time, too. He glanced at Sawyer. “I’m just not sure
her
choice is me.”

“If you want her badly enough, then fight for her,” Sawyer said, speaking from experience.

“Oh, I plan to.” Somehow he’d convince Kendall that it was their time apart that had shown him the error of his thinking, that he loved her for her, that the baby was an early bonus, not the obligation that had brought him back into her life.

For the first time in three days, Jase felt like he had a purpose…that he wasn’t deviating from the plan he’d had for his life but was creating a new blueprint for happiness, one that made more sense. And would make him happier than he’d ever imagined being. Now he just had to convince Kendall to give him the chance to prove what she, and this baby, meant to him.

T
he brisk knock
on her door startled Kendall. She’d just sat down with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and crackers, and she wasn’t expecting anyone. She’d come home from work later than normal and exhausted, and she knew she was probably going to have to hire another photographer, on top of a front-end girl, to help her get through the next few months.

She’d taken a warm shower, changed into a pair of old, comfy sweats, and washed off her makeup and put her hair up in a ponytail. After dinner, she’d planned on heading to bed and maybe read for a bit until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer—which usually happened pretty quickly these days.

Another quick knock and Kendall scooted away from her small kitchen table and headed to the door. She looked through the peephole, and her heart picked up its beat when she saw Jase standing on the other side of the threshold.

She closed her eyes, pressed her head against the door, and exhaled a deep breath. After the way she’d run out on Jase at the cafe, she’d been expecting this confrontation. She just wasn’t sure she was prepared to deal with the emotional aspect of their conversation, the very painful discussion of how this baby would probably be raised by two separate people in a shared custody agreement, instead of being raised in the kind of stable, loving, two-parent home she’d always hoped for and dreamed of.

She opened the door, wishing she didn’t look so frumpy when he looked so damned gorgeous. A pang of longing struck her as she stared into his warm brown eyes. She’d missed him so much over these past weeks. God, was she really going to be able to get through the next seven months and beyond without him in her life on a daily basis?

The thought of what she’d be dealing with all by herself suddenly seemed so overwhelming and daunting, but then again, she’d faced other devastating adversities and had survived. She’d get through this, too, and have a beautiful baby at the end to make it all worthwhile.

“Can I come in?” Jase asked since her mind had gone off on a tangent and she hadn’t said a word to him yet.

“Yes, of course.” Her tone was polite as she moved aside to let him enter.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call first.” He stepped into the adjoining kitchen, then turned around to face her. “I was afraid that if I gave you too much time to think, you wouldn’t let me in the door.” The half smile he gave her helped to ease her nerves.

“You’re always welcome here,” she said, and meant it. As difficult as it would be to see him on a regular basis, she wouldn’t ever shut him out. They were now connected forever by this child she was carrying,
their child
, and she wasn’t going to make anything difficult for him—no matter how painful it was for
her
to make an arrangement with him work.

His gaze slid over to the dining table with her soup and crackers. “Did I interrupt your dinner?”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” And not knowing why he was here was adding to the queasy sensation in her stomach.

“Are you feeling okay?” He looked at her face, a concerned frown furrowing his brows. “Is everything okay with the baby?”

His genuine concern, for both her and the baby, made a huge lump form in her throat. “We’re both fine,” she managed to say, and knowing she wasn’t going to last long without crying—because this entire situation sucked and her hormones were all out of whack—she jumped right to the point. “Jase, can we just talk about what you came here for and get it over with? I’m really tired and—”

“I came here for you,” he interrupted her. “And our baby.”

For a moment, a silly hope surged through her, until logic intervened and made her more cautious. “What do you mean?” she asked, eyeing him warily.

“It means, I’m here because I want you, and this baby, in my life.”

She shook her head in confusion. “I already told you this baby would be in your life, in any way you want. That hasn’t changed.”

“That’s good to know, because I plan to be a hands-on dad,” he said, right before his eyes went dark and serious. “What about you, Kendall? Will you be in my life, in any way I want?”

She blinked at him. “Are you…propositioning me?”

He laughed, the sound husky and low. “I guess I am, because I
need
you in my life, so damn much that I’m lost without you in it.”

As she tried to process his words, he reached out and brushed a stray stand of hair off her cheek that had escaped her ponytail, the touch so tender and affectionate her heart squeezed tight.

“Jase…I don’t understand.” Her voice shook.

“Let’s go sit down in the other room and I’ll explain.”

He extended his hand toward her and waited for her to make the next move and trust him, which was so easy to do. Had been from the very beginning. She placed her fingers in his palm and let him lead her into the living room, where they both sat on the couch.

“I have to say, you shocked the hell out of me when you told me you were pregnant,” he said, his tone a bit gruff. “And you never gave me a fair chance to digest the news. You just assumed you knew how I’d react, and you pushed me away before I even had time to realize that
we
were having a baby together.”

She could feel her face flush and glanced away, knowing she’d put him at an unfair disadvantage that day. “I know. And I’m sorry. The way I handled things was wrong. I was just so scared and afraid…”

He touched his fingers to her chin to turn her face back toward him. “Don’t you think I feel the exact same way? Having a baby right now isn’t at all what I had planned, but I’m not willing to let you go, and I’m going to be a full-time father to this baby.”

The last thing she wanted was for him to feel morally bound to take care of her and the child. “You don’t need to feel obligated to either one of us.”

“Obligation has nothing to do with it. Love does.” His gaze softened with the emotion. “I love you, Kendall Shaw.”

The truth of his declaration was etched on his features. Elation was like an adrenaline rush through her system, and it stole her ability to speak.

He went on determinedly. “The moment you walked out of my house, I knew letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made. I was fucking miserable without you, but I was convinced that it was for the best, that I’d never be able to give you what you wanted and needed. And then, when I found out you were pregnant, it literally shook up everything I’d planned since I was eighteen, and it took me a few days to wrap my mind around that huge, life-altering change that went against everything I swore I would do, until I knew for certain that I was ready for a family and all the responsibilities that went with it.”

She managed a nod but let him continue, sensing he had more to say.

“I told you about my parents and how I grew up feeling like I was in the way and I never had my parents’ attention in any way that mattered. They were much older, and spending time with a child who had been an unwanted accident wasn’t a priority for them, and I swore I wouldn’t make that same mistake with my kids. That I’d be at a point in my life where I was stable and financially secure, so I could make sure that my wife and kids were a priority.”

He took her face in his hands, his thumbs gliding softly over her cheeks as he stared deeply into her eyes. “But this baby made me realize that there isn’t always a perfect time to get married and have a family. That I’m not giving up anything, or straying from my ideals, but that my timeline has just moved up by a few years and I’m honestly happy about that, because it means I get to spend the rest of my life loving you and all those kids we’re going to have.”