Playing With Fire (Sweet Secrets #3) (2 page)

Chapter 2

I flattened my palms against the hood of Carter’s car, taking deep breaths in and out in an attempt to calm the spinning in my head. Logically I knew I couldn’t be mad at Shane for what just happened, but the more immature part of me wanted to be. I saw how he pushed the girl away, yet I wondered why she felt comfortable enough to approach him in that manner anyway. That, paired with his past, made me wonder if he was seeing her or she was just someone he had history with. Either way, witnessing that shook me up. I didn’t like seeing him kiss someone else. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I knew I had strong feelings for him, and seeing him with another girl really hurt me.

Most of the people at our school knew we were seeing each other, even though we hadn’t defined our relationship yet. Maybe that was the reason why he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Maybe he wanted to leave himself open for anyone else who came along, or maybe he was seeing other girls while he was seeing me. That thought alone made me feel sick.
Is this karma getting me back for what I did to Violet last year?

A soft tap on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts as I turned to face Carter. He offered me a sympathetic look, but it was obvious he didn’t know what to say. We were both at a loss for words. I knew how I was feeling, but I didn’t know if my feelings were even rational at this point.

My gaze shifted over Carter’s shoulder to Shane, who was approaching us. Carter unlocked the car and got inside as Shane stepped up to me.

“Ella,” he began, but I didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself.

“We can talk later when we’re alone,” I responded curtly, cutting him off. Then I turned away from him and climbed into the backseat of the car.

The ride home was awkward, to say the least. Carter didn’t help resolve the tension in the car at all. He didn’t even turn the radio on. Instead, we sat in silence with Carter focusing on the road ahead, and me trying to ignore Shane’s glances at me in the passenger side window. If only I would’ve sat behind Carter. Then it would’ve been more difficult for Shane to sneak peeks at me.

It was obvious that I was mad, but did I truly have a reason to be? The situation was complicated because Shane and I weren’t exclusive. We’d spent a hell of a lot of time together for the past two months, but maybe that meant more to me than it did to him. If it were up to me, we would be exclusive, and everyone would know that I was his girlfriend, and more importantly, that he was my boyfriend.

I knew when I first started hanging out with him that if anything happened between us, it would be complicated because of his past. Even Lena warned me on multiple occasions that he was a player. According to her, his definition in a dictionary would be,
Shane Quinn
(noun)
: notorious ladies’ man and serial dater.

I should’ve known something like this would happen. I should’ve been more prepared. Now I just felt stupid and naïve. Like there was something I was missing that everyone else was aware of.

Carter pulled into my grandparents’ driveway, coming to a stop behind my grandpa’s car. As soon as the car stopped moving, I unclicked my seatbelt and opened the door instantly. “Thanks for the ride, Carter,” I said as I hopped out.

“You’re welcome,” he said just before I shut the door. As I walked on the lawn, headed to the front door, I dug through my purse in search of my keys. I only stopped to turn around when I heard the sound of another car door opening. Shane stepped out of the car, shut the door behind him, and then leaned through the window to say something to Carter. Once he stood up to full height, Carter began backing out of the driveway.

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave Shane a dubious look. “What are you doing?”

Shane shrugged as he came to a stop in front of me. “You said we could talk later when we’re alone, so I told Carter I’d walk home. Now it’s later, and we’re alone.”

A heavy sigh escaped my parted lips. “Okay.”

“Do you want to sit down?” he questioned, gesturing to the porch steps that led up to the front door.

I shrugged, which he took as a yes. We both sat down, with me staring out over the front yard, and his gaze burning a hole into the side of my face. After a second of uncomfortable silence, he slid closer to me and tried to put his arm around my shoulders, but I shrugged him off.

“Who was that girl?” I asked, finally looking into his eyes. I was glad that it was too dark to see their color, because just staring into his eyes was hypnotic. They were seafoam green, and managed to catch the light wherever he was.

He sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees. Surprisingly, he kept looking me in the eye. I took that as a good sign. He was going to be completely honest with me. “Her name’s Karlie. Karlie Grey.”

I bit my lip, wanting to ask more. I really wanted to know why she just came up to him and kissed him like that, but I was struggling with whether I deserved to know or not. What if he thought I was pushing him too much, considering we weren’t even dating?

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

I shook my head no, even though it wasn’t true.

Shane sighed and slid closer to me. “Yes, there is. I can tell you’re not saying something. What is it?”

I glanced down at my hands as I asked, “Why did she feel comfortable enough to just come up to you and kiss you like that?” After I spoke, I looked back up at him.

Now it was his turn to look away. He scratched at his jaw uncomfortably. I could tell I wasn’t going to like what he was about to say. “We hooked up a few times at the start of summer.”

“Only then?” I questioned, feeling like a child for having to ask.

He nodded. “Yeah, then she went on vacation or something and that was the first time I’ve seen her since the beginning of summer. We don’t have any classes together so it’s easy to avoid her at school. I would’ve broken it off with her anyway after we started hanging out, but I didn’t think I had to since I never saw her. I thought she knew we were over. We haven’t even talked.”

I frowned, but tried to hide my expression. I was mad, but I saw even more now that I truly didn’t have a reason to be. He hadn’t hooked up with her while we were seeing each other, but it still annoyed me that he never actually ended things with her. Therefore I couldn’t really be mad at her for not knowing. The whole situation was messed up.

Shane hesitantly placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me over until my head was resting on his chest. He still reeked of alcohol, but I didn’t move. I just rested my head on his bare chest and allowed him to hold me.

“If it makes you feel any better, our hookups meant nothing. I’m over that. I’m with you now.”

It didn’t make me feel any better. It just made me wonder if he took sex seriously at all. It also made me wonder something that I hadn’t truly cared about before. “How many girls have you slept with?”

I felt him shift slightly under me. He hesitated, and then sighed deeply. “I don’t know,” he answered after a while.

I sat up, raising an eyebrow at him. “You don’t know?”

He shook his head no.

“Really?” I widened my eyes. I was trying not to judge him, but it was hard not to after hearing that. “How could you possibly not know how many people you’ve slept with? That’s just ridiculous.”

“I don’t know. I’ve slept with girls when I was drunk, and I probably wouldn’t even be able to pick them out of a lineup. It’s nothing personal. They really don’t mean anything to me. It was just sex.”

“Just sex?” I repeated. I stood up, getting ready to go inside. I’d heard more than enough for tonight.

Shane reached out and grabbed my hand, looking me in the eyes as he said, “I really like you though, Ella. Seriously, I care about you a lot.”

Oh, yeah? Then why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend yet?

Instead of saying that though, I just pulled my hand out of his grasp and walked past him to the door. When I went inside, he was still sitting on the porch with his head in his hands.

Chapter 3

“Are you ready to have a good day at school?” Grandma asked as she took a seat at the kitchen table opposite me. Her white hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and her reading glasses were perched on her nose.

I groaned in response, earning a light laugh from her as she opened up the newspaper and began to read. She didn’t realize how much that one groan had summed up my feelings. Ever since the party a few nights ago, I’d tried my best to avoid Shane. At school I took alternate routes than I normally did, and stayed away from his classrooms during his class hours. I felt uncomfortable about his sexual past, which hadn’t truly bothered me until Karlie stumbled into his lap and kissed him like she was his girlfriend. Honestly, I hadn’t put any real thought into his player status until after that moment, and now I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

My phone buzzed on the table next to my bowl of Cheerios, and one glance at the screen made me groan again.

Grandma looked up from her paper and raised an eyebrow at me. “Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

I scowled, but nodded nonetheless. “It’s just one of those mornings,” I answered.

“Well, I’m sure your day will get better once you get to your classes and start learning something new.” She smiled so sweetly that I felt the urge to return the smile, but then my phone buzzed again and my scowl remained in place.

I took a bite of my cereal before I slid the phone open to read the messages from Shane. I felt bad because I had been ignoring his texts for a few days, but I just needed time to think. This was all new territory for me. I’ve never dated a guy who was notorious for sleeping around. Maybe I would have been okay with it if he at least knew how many people’s pants he’s been in, but he’d slept around so much that he’d lost count.

Shane: Are you ever going to stop being mad at me?

Shane: I know you’re reading my messages.

I clicked out of our message strand and turned my phone off. Lena would probably have some good advice to offer about this situation, but I didn’t want to tell her what happened because I knew what she’d say.
“I told you so,”
would probably be the first thing to come out of her mouth. After all, she did warn me about Shane. Now it was hard because I couldn’t even go to her when I had a problem that involved him.

Sighing, I took the final bite of my cereal before I stood up and put my dish in the sink. I grabbed my phone, tucking it into my pocket with one hand as I lifted my backpack off of the ground with the other.

“Bye Grandma, love you,” I called as I exited the kitchen.

“Love you too, dear. Have a good day.”

Normally in the morning, both my grandma and my mom would wish me a good day as I headed off to the bus, but today was the first day of my mom’s new job. She was a day receptionist at a local dentist’s office. It all worked out because her new office is near John’s office so they can carpool to work together since Mom doesn’t have a car yet.

I hiked my bag up onto my shoulder as I opened the front door. The first thing I saw as I stepped out onto the porch was Shane’s car; a gold Mustang. It’s one of those annoyingly flashy cars that you just can’t miss. Probably another way that he got girls. I had to admit it was a pretty nice car, but that just annoyed me more.

Shane and I made eye contact through the windshield as I walked down the sidewalk toward the driveway. There was no way for me to avoid him. Especially not after he pushed his car door open and climbed out. He smiled at me, flashing his straight white teeth as he walked around the car and opened the passenger door for me. I did my best not to check him out, but it was hard not to with the way his shirt hugged his torso and arms, showing off his muscles, and his jeans hung low on his hips.

“Hey Ella,” he said, as I neared the door.

“Hey,” I responded in a near-mumble as I slipped my bag off and slid into the passenger seat. Once I was inside with my bag on the floor between my legs, he shut the door and came around to get back in the car. Then he turned toward me and stared at me with those sea green eyes that seemed to see into my soul.

“How are you?”

I shrugged and glanced at the keys in the ignition, wishing that he would back out so we could just head to school. The less time we spent in here, the less awkward it would be. “I’m good.”

“What have you been up to? You haven’t answered any of my texts and I haven’t seen you around school at all.”

“I’ve been busy,” I answered quickly. Really, I hadn’t been busy for the past few days at all, but he didn’t need to know that.

He looked skeptical as he raised an eyebrow at me. “You’ve been busy for five days straight?”

I nodded fervently.

“Too busy to answer a text message?”

I nodded again.

He still didn’t look convinced. “So you haven’t been mad at me? Not even the slightest?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I huffed lightly. Might as well tell the truth. What did I have to lose? “Okay, fine. I was mad at you.”

“I know you were. I’m not an idiot.” His eyes regarded my expression momentarily before he added, “You’re mad about Karlie, aren’t you?”

I nodded.

“Why? She didn’t know that I was sort of seeing you.”

Sort of?
“I know,” I answered. “It still bothered me, though.”

“So then why are you mad at
me
? I didn’t kiss her back. I pushed her away. You saw that.” He looked thoroughly confused as his eyebrows knitted together. He was trying to understand my logic, but even I was having trouble understanding it. I was just pissed that some other girl had kissed him, and then I was mad that we weren’t even officially dating, which gave me no ground to stand on for being mad at him.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I was just uncomfortable with what happened. I don’t know what to do to get that, and how many people you’ve been with out of my mind. It’s a little intimidating.”

Shane stared at me in silence for a second. I could practically see the gears turning in his head as he thought over what I’d just said. “So, are you saying that you don’t trust me?” He looked kind of hurt by that realization.

“Not in so many words.”

He widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t you trust me?”

I looked down at my lap, not wanting to see his expression as I answered. “I just don’t trust you not to hurt me.”

Shane was quiet for a while after I spoke, and eventually I looked up to see what he was doing. I was surprised to see that he was just staring at me, regarding me quietly. His face seemed calculating. He reached for my hands and held them in my lap. “Ella, I told you this the other night, and I’ll tell you again. I
really
like you. I don’t understand what part of that you don’t understand, but I’m completely serious.”

I bit my lip as he squeezed my hands in his.

“Now we have to leave or we’ll be late.”

I frowned at him. “Since when do you care about being late?”

Shane shrugged and looked embarrassed. “I actually don’t mind being at school.”

“Aw, that’s cute. Shane Quinn, one of the most popular guys in school, is also a secret nerd.”

He chuckled as he let go of my hands and proceeded to back out of the driveway. The ride to school was filled with short conversations and Shane changing the station multiple times. When we finally arrived, he pulled into the student parking lot and parked in the first spot he saw.

Once he cut the ignition, I leaned over the center console and turned his face toward mine. He was caught off guard by my action, but then his gaze lowered to my lips and he raised his hand to cup my cheek as our mouths connected. The kiss was rough and passionate, lasting for just a few seconds. I was the one who broke it, pulling away before it could deepen.

Shane didn’t drop his hand from my cheek as he asked, “What was that for?” He looked slightly amused.

“I wanted to be the last person you kissed,” I answered honestly.

He smiled, leaning in to give me a soft peck on the lips. “I really am sorry.”

“I know.”

“Okay, I was just making sure,” he replied as he opened his car door.

I opened my door and climbed out, ignoring the stares from my peers that filled the parking lot. When school had first started, it had been awkward to come in with Shane and have everyone staring at us, but now I was beginning to ignore it. Shane was so used to it that he just carried on with what he was doing. He was like a freaking celebrity at this place.

Shane came around the car and tossed his arm over my shoulder as we headed toward the school building. I spotted Carter standing near his car in a spot closer to the main entrance. He was surrounded by a group of friends, a lot of whom were girls who could undoubtedly double as supermodels. In Virginia girls would either go natural or wear makeup. Here, everything was different. There were girls my age who’d already had work done on their bodies. Appearance was everything. I still wasn’t used to all of the stunning girls that hung around Shane, and I had to admit that sometimes I wished they were a lot less attractive. It was easy to feel replaceable with all of them around constantly. Especially since Shane and I had yet to define our relationship.

I felt like an outsider as we approached Shane’s friend group, and only spoke to him and Carter. Finally, I excused myself and headed into the building, feeling like I was inadequate, even though I knew that I wasn’t. I just couldn’t help but wonder which of the girls in Shane’s friend group he had slept with. That thought alone made me groan audibly, causing people in the hallway to stare at me quizzically.

Man, this is going to be a long year.