Playing With Fire (Sweet Secrets #3) (9 page)

Chapter 16

The bell dinged as I entered Neece’s diner. My gaze instantly fell on our usual table, landing on Shane and Carter as they sat there talking and sharing a huge plate of cheese fries. Shane looked handsome dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a fitted gray t-shirt. Just looking at him made me nervous. I didn’t know how he was going to react to seeing me here, or even if he was going to give me a chance to explain what happened.

I took a deep breath to prepare myself before I made my way over to the table. Carter was the first to look up. He gave me a sympathetic smile, and I forced one back. When Shane looked up at me, his expression was one of pure confusion. Then his features smoothed into a poker face.

“Hey, Ella,” Carter said, speaking first.

I waved. “Hey guys,” dropping my hand back to my side when Shane said nothing in response.

Carter slid out from the booth. “I have to go to the bathroom,” he lied, excusing himself.

I whispered a quiet thanks as he passed by. He looked at Shane, who was looking at everything but me, before he gave me a thumbs up.

Once he was gone, I returned my attention to Shane. Now he looked mildly annoyed, mixed with slightly angry. It was anything but a welcoming expression. I wasn’t going to let that stop me, though. I stood up straight, pushing my shoulders back and holding my chin high. “We need to talk.”

Shane shook his head. “There’s nothing to talk about. A relationship is built on trust, and you don’t trust me.”

I frowned and slid into the booth across from him. “That was before we were dating. I was just trying to protect myself from getting hurt.”

He rolled his eyes. “Either way you spin it, you still didn’t trust me. You lied to me about your virginity because you thought I would push you into doing something that you didn’t want to do. So you came up with a reason for why you didn’t want to sleep with me. Just saying that you weren’t ready was enough. There was no need to lie about it.” He reached for a fry and pulled it away from the plate. The cheese stretched until it broke and he popped it in his mouth, chewing slowly.

Sighing, I placed my elbow on the table and leaned my head on my hand. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you. I seriously was just nervous. I was wrong. I know that. I shouldn’t have judged you based on what I’ve heard about your past.”

Shane leaned on the table and frowned. “You should have trusted me because I never gave you a reason not to. You can’t go off of what other people say, because my relationships with them were completely different from what we have. Or at least what I thought we had.”

He reached for another fry, but I hurriedly grabbed his hand in mine. I placed our intertwined hands on the table and squeezed his. He didn’t squeeze mine back, but he didn’t move his hand either, so I took that as a good sign.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I truly was sorry, and I felt terrible about what I did. Lying to him wasn’t the best way to handle the situation at all. “I just didn’t know if I was a fling or not. I didn’t want to show it, but that thing with Karlie on Halloween really got to me. Then she didn’t make it any better when she talked to me either. I didn’t want to just be another conquest, you know?”

Shane shook his head and leaned forward. He stared directly into my eyes as he said, “Ella, I would never treat you like that. I swear. Karlie was just a fling. I want something more than that with you. How many times do I have to tell you before you realize that I’m serious?”

I didn’t know if that was a rhetorical question or not, so I just shrugged and waited.

“I don’t ask girls to be my girlfriend very often. I’ve only had one serious relationship with a girl, and even then I took it more seriously than she did. If I didn’t want to be with you, then I would have never asked you to be my girlfriend. That was a big step for me. I wouldn’t have spent months dating you if I just wanted to sleep with you. I did it because you make me happy, not because of anything else. I wanted you to be my girlfriend because I couldn’t imagine spending my time with any other girl, and the thought of another guy getting to take you out makes me so angry I can’t even think straight.”

I nodded my head. Now I knew why he took so long to ask me to be his girlfriend. A blush began to creep up my cheeks.

Shane sighed and shook his head slowly. He was silent for a second before he asked, “Do you think I would risk my balls pissing off Lena and ruining my friendship with Carter if I didn’t have feelings for you like I do?”

I was caught off guard by his question, but I shook my head no. It was basically the exact same thing Lena and Carter had both said to me already. “Do you think we can get through this?” I asked, looking down at the table. “Because I really am sorry, and I really do want to make this work.” I peeked up at him.

He ran his other hand through his hair and sighed again. “Do you promise not to listen to what anyone else says? If you have something you want to talk to me about, then just ask me. There’s no need to lie to me about anything. If this relationship is going to work, then we need to be honest with each other.”

I nodded. “I agree completely. From now on, if I have something I want to talk to you about, then I’ll say it. Same with you too.” I stared into his eyes as I asked, “So am I forgiven?”

Shane squinted his eyes at me, then searched my face for a moment and nodded. He squeezed my hand. “Yeah.”

I smiled softly, feeling a huge weight lift off my chest. For some reason I thought he wasn’t going to forgive me. He had been so distant, not answering any of my calls or messages, that I had just known inside that I’d ruined everything and we were over. I was thankful that wasn’t the case.

“I did
kind of
miss you,” he said after a second, looking away from me.

I smirked, thinking it was adorable how he was embarrassed to admit that he missed me. “I kind of missed you too.”

Chapter 17

“Do you like this?” Trinity asked, holding up a burgundy shirt with white Chinese symbols on it.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared at it, and then shook my head after a moment. “No. You don’t even know what it says.”

She shrugged. “So? I don’t have to know what it says to like it.”

“But what if it says something dumb?”

She groaned and turned the top around in her hand.

“Hey, you asked for my opinion, so I gave it to you,” I said. I moved shirts along the rack as I looked through them. Unlike Trinity, nothing really caught my eye. We’d decided to hit the mall after school in search of new clothes, but for the first time ever, I couldn’t find anything I wanted to buy. We’d been at the mall for over an hour now, and the only thing I’d tried on was a pair of red heels that I didn’t end up buying because they were way out of my budget. Even though I was doing more window-shopping than actual shopping, it was nice to be out spending time with a friend.

“
Okay
,” Trinity said with a sigh, placing the shirt back on the rack. “I think I have enough stuff to try on now.” She looked down at her cart that was overflowing with clothes.

Laughing, I said, “You think?”

She poked her tongue out. “I haven’t been shopping in forever. I needed a wardrobe makeover.”

“Sure you did,” I mumbled, but I didn’t think she heard me. She was already preoccupied with finding the dressing rooms.

I followed her across the store to the dressing rooms where a woman in black slacks and an elegant, cream chiffon shirt counted Trinity’s items and ushered us into a dressing room. I took a seat as Trinity sorted through her clothes and hung them up on hooks according to upper body and lower body.

“So is everything back to normal with you and Shane? Or are things awkward now?” she asked as she slipped her shirt over her head. Her dark curls bounced around her head as she jumped around, tugging her jeans off of her legs.

“For the most part it is,” I answered after a moment. I thought about the past few days since Shane forgave me, and everything had returned to normal. If anything, I was the one who felt awkward, because I felt terrible for not trusting him initially. I shouldn’t have allowed everyone to get inside my head and manipulate my thoughts. Shane was such a sweet guy, and I was wrong for thinking otherwise.

Trinity pulled a blue pencil skirt up over her hips and paired it with a white top. “For the most part?” she questioned as she adjusted the skirt.

“Yeah, we aren’t exactly where we were before, but I think that’s a good thing. We’re better than we were before because we established an open line of communication, and we put everything behind us. We have a clean slate where we both can trust each other.”

“That’s good then. Being able to trust each other is really important.” She placed her hands on her hips and spun slowly. “Do you like this?”

I nodded in response. “You look hot.”

She laughed, thanked me, and then proceeded to try on something else. “So since you and Shane are in a better place now, with no lies, and more trust, does that mean that there’s sex in your future?”

I rolled my eyes at her question.

“What?” she asked with wide eyes. “I had to ask! Is there?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it, really. I really like him, and as cliché as it sounds, I don’t know if I want to ruin things by sleeping with him too soon.”

“Well, you do sound cliché,” Trinity pointed out. “But I can see where you’re coming from. Just don’t worry about how it’s going to change things, because sex always changes things. With Brandon and me, it changed our relationship for the better.”

“Did it really?”

She nodded. “We were both really shy around each other, and afterwards, we weren’t. We became more comfortable, and less timid.”

“Shane and I are already comfortable with each other. Believe me.”

Trinity batted some hair out of her eyes and tried on another shirt. “That’s great. Then you shouldn’t be worried about when’s a good time to do the deed. When you’re ready, it’ll happen.”

I sat quietly for a while, just thinking. She was right. I’ve been so hung up with whether or not I could trust Shane, and thinking about holding off on sleeping with him as long as possible, that I was trying to control everything. If there’s one thing I knew, it’s that life is uncontrollable. I had been scared that sleeping with Shane would be giving away something that I couldn’t get back, and that afterwards he wouldn’t be interested in me, but I knew that wasn’t true. We’d been dating for months now without going any further than kissing, and a guy who wasn’t interested in a relationship would have been long gone by now. Shane wasn’t. If I hadn’t been so paranoid, then maybe I would’ve realized that much sooner. I needed to stop trying to control everything and let the chips fall where they may.

Trinity held her arms out at her sides. “How about this?” she asked, pulling me out of my reverie.

I stared at the brightly colored shirt that seemed to hang from her form. Instantly I feigned a gag, and pointed toward her pile of clothes that she wasn’t going to buy. “That’s a definite no.”

She laughed and looked in the mirror. “You’re right. I liked it better on the hanger.”

“I’d like it better if it was in the trash,” I countered.

Trinity laughed so hard she snorted.

“Thanks, though,” I said after a moment.

Trinity frowned in confusion. Her brown eyes stared into mine as she asked, “For what?”

“For the talk,” I answered simply. “I needed that.” It was nice having girl talk, and I hadn’t really talked to anyone who was disconnected from Shane before. Trinity was unbiased when it came to him, and that was refreshing.

“Of course. Anytime,” she responded. “Glad I could be of service.”

I leaned back against the wall and smiled softly. “I really like him.”

“Trust me, I know you do,” Trinity said right away. “Is it a love-like?”

I bit my lip and shrugged. I truly wasn’t sure about the answer to that question. I really liked him, and I loved being around him. Love was just a really strong word, and I had to admit that it kind of scared me. “I don’t know. He just makes me really happy, and we click, you know?”

She nodded.

“I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. It’s just different.”

“Have you told him this?” she asked.

“I’m pretty sure he knows.”

Trinity raised an eyebrow at me. “Is Shane a mind reader now or something? You can’t just expect him to know. You have to tell him.”

“You’re right. I’ll tell him.”

She smirked and proceeded to try on another outfit. “Good. I better get a huge thank you card when you two get married.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I’ll keep that in mind.”