Playing for the Other Team (15 page)

Holy fuck. My lips were dry, my stomach clenching painfully as I asked, “Did they…”

“I, um, started dry-heaving. Was all I could think of doing, so I just acted way drunk and kept retching, and they didn’t want me throwing up on them, so they let me stumble to the bathroom. I wanted to lock myself in, but there wasn’t a lock on the door, so I…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I climbed out the window. Walked away, barefoot and shirtless at four in the morning in November, knocking on doors until I found this old guy who let me use his phone. I called my parents and told them—well, the basics, and they came and picked me up.”

I hated that he had gone through that ordeal. This was the second of Jasper’s ex-boyfriends whom I wanted to punch solidly in the face for their horrible treatment of someone they should have cherished. In fact, I was starting to see Missy’s and Rayna’s protective streaks in a whole new light. Jasper deserved to be shielded from shit like that.

“Anyway,” Jasper said once again and twisted so that he could snuggle more closely against my chest. I loved that he let me hold him like this. Clearly I was in the process of developing my very own protective streak.

“Anyway?” I prompted.

“I didn’t talk to Jeremy after that. A small part of me still hoped that it was a misunderstanding or that he was just really drunk. I mean, I knew we were over, but…I thought he would at least check to make sure I was okay.” Jasper sighed. “I was such a colossal idiot back then.”

“Stop.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “Stop putting yourself down. You were not an idiot. You were innocent and inexperienced, and he was a horrible person to take advantage of that.”

“Sorry, sunshine. It’s tough to think back and…yeah. Well. When I found out I had an STD, I called Jeremy for the first time since that night. You know, to make sure he got tested. He didn’t even recognize my voice on the phone, and when I asked if he’d ever cheated on me, he
laughed
. Like that was such a ridiculous question. Asked me what did I think he’d been doing when he went out partying without me all those times.”

I wondered if Missy would agree to form an alliance in which she plotted the ultimate revenge on all of Jasper’s exes and I was her loyal henchman. It seemed as worthy a career goal as any other. I wished I had something to say that would cheer Jasper up a little, but at the moment my own thoughts were so dark that there was little chance of accomplishing that.

“And then…then there was Michael. He was the one after Jeremy, before Christopher.”

I’d almost forgotten there had been a third boyfriend. I hoped that maybe this one had been nice and boring and utterly forgettable, at least. Jasper’s next words dashed those hopes.

“He was an instructor at the art camp I went to the summer after sophomore year. Um…he was thirty-five. And I was sixteen.”

I was so baffled that it took me a moment to do the math. “Wait, he was
nineteen
years older than you?”

“Yeah, he was.” Jasper hid his face in my shoulder. “Now do you understand why I keep saying I was an idiot?”

“More like he was…” I squinted. “Wait, was that even legal?”

“I’m not sure,” Jasper admitted. “I’ve purposely avoided trying to find out. I’d rather not know. Nothing I can do about it now anyway.”

“Sure there is,” I said without actually knowing if it was true.

“I can’t even prove anything happened. We didn’t exactly flaunt it, with him being an instructor and me a student.”

“Did your parents—”

“I didn’t tell them about Michael.” Jasper’s lips grazed my shoulder as he bit down gently. “Don’t you dare bring it up to them, either. They had such a hard time with the thing with Jeremy, and they felt guilty they didn’t notice what Christopher was doing to me sooner than they did. Michael is… There’s nothing they could have done. It was my choice. My screw-up.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, at first. He was nice. Cute. Experienced and really, really charming. I wasn’t the only one there who had a crush on him, but I was the one he paid attention to. He was sweet, and we made out a lot, and then he started pushing for more, and I let him. And he just kept pushing. He…I…we did stuff I didn’t feel comfortable with. He just kept talking me into it, and he was so sweet about it, and he made me feel guilty for saying no to him. By the third week of camp, I was terrified of spending time with him, but I still did, because I felt like I had to. I was dating him; I didn’t want to lead him on, you know? He said that a lot, that I shouldn’t lead him on. That I shouldn’t keep teasing him. Thinking back to it now, it seems so clear that he was manipulating me, but at the time, I couldn’t see it. I kept thinking back to Jeremy and wondering if maybe he wouldn’t have slept with other guys if I’d been able to spend more time with him, done what he wanted, and I didn’t want to make that mistake again.”

Yeah, I was going to have to become a dentist. No doubt about it.

Because I’d long since run out of words to soothe him, I used my body to comfort Jasper. The fingers of my right hand kept stroking through his hair and massaging his scalp with slow, circular motions while my left stroked the skin of his back, and I tried just to be there for him.

“I never did say no to him.” Jasper’s voice had become subdued. “I tried, but he just…every time, I ended up agreeing, or else we wouldn’t even talk about it, and he would just go ahead. He started bringing guys in for threesomes. I didn’t really want to be with them, but I did it anyway.” Jasper swallowed hard. “And then camp was over, and I went home, and it all just felt like a bad dream. I never said a word about it until Christopher got the story out of me, like, a year after it happened. He was sympathetic at the time, but later, of course, he said it was proof I was a whore, that I wasn’t good enough for him and I was lucky he put up with me anyway.”

There was a long silence as I processed all of that.

“So, yeah,” Jasper continued as he extracted himself from my hold and rolled onto his back. “As I have now told you repeatedly, my track record with guys is shit. After things ended with Christopher, just before prom, my parents sat down with me, and we had a long talk about what happened, and we agreed it was best if I focused only on school until the end of senior year.”

A very small smile slipped onto my face. “And yet you still gave me a chance,” I said.

“You’re different, Bry.” Jasper blinked at the ceiling. “You’re very different.”

“Well, yeah. I’m not a douchebag, for one,” I pointed out, which made him chuckle. I counted that as a win, after all of the painful stuff he had just spilled.

“I used to think it was just me,” he admitted. “You know, that I had some kind of blinking neon billboard on my forehead that said
Take advantage of me
. Or that maybe I did something-”

“Like what, infect them all with douchebag-itis?”

“Is that sexually transmitted?” Jasper asked.

“We’ll find out when we have sex.” I tensed. “If! I mean if. I didn’t mean—”

Jasper laughed at me. I figured it could have gone worse.

Chapter Twelve

We All Win At Awkward

I woke to the sound of someone clearing their throat. Jasper, still half lying on me, jerked awake as well, and because I hadn’t the first clue what was going on, I decided to keep my eyes closed and let him do the talking.

“Who’s this?” a gentle female voice inquired. “What happened, and why aren’t you at school, darling?”

“Um, well, this is Bryson.” Jasper dragged out the words one at a time, obviously still trying to think of what to say. “Nothing happened, and I got suspended.”

“I thought he was supposed to come over for dinner with his family.” The voice, which most likely belonged to Jasper’s mom, turned a tinge puzzled. “If nothing happened, then why aren’t you wearing clothes? Why are you two even here? And why on God’s green earth did you get suspended?”

“I was just getting comfortable. I am
not
naked underneath the sheet, and neither is Bryson. He brought me home. Gonorrhea,” Jasper rattled off. He was starting to sound steadier now, probably encouraged by his mother’s unfailingly gentle tone. It was like she wasn’t upset at him at all for being mostly naked in bed with his boyfriend instead of at school.

This family was so freaking weird, but I had to admit, I kinda liked it.

“Gonorrhea?” Still only that slight, endearing puzzlement.

“Yes. Gonorrhea.”

“Again?”

“No.”

“Could you elaborate, dear?”

Jasper made a noise of affirmation. “Can I get dressed first, though?”

“Oh. Yes, of course. Why don’t you two come to the kitchen when you’re presentable, and I’ll make you a snack?”

“’Kay,” Jasper said agreeably. “Now why don’t you give us a minute so Bry can stop pretending to be asleep with his dignity intact.”

Blindly, I elbowed him. Screw dignity.

* * * *

Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the kitchen, surrounded by the scent of slowly simmering pork, listening to Jasper’s mom—Lisa, as she had asked me to call her—chopping herbs and quizzing Jasper on his suspension. She was a pretty and very slender woman, with luminous reddish-brown hair. She also was not especially tall, but the sharp tone her voice took on after Jasper reported Barron’s exact words still made me feel like cowering. The massive knife in her hand contributed to the effect.

“He said
what
?”

“That I would need to get a doctor’s note,” Jasper repeated obediently.

Wham
. The knife came down with twice the necessary amount of force.

“Did you tell him that this happened three years ago? Did you—”

“Yes, Mom.” Jasper was looking down at the table, playing idly with a fork. “He knows. He just didn’t care.”

“He was more worried about the parents who complained,” I added, trying to be helpful.

“I’ll give him a complaining parent to worry about,” Lisa promised darkly. “That rat-faced moron won’t know what hit him. Suspending you instead of actually doing something to help. That’s just like him. I’m going to have. His. Head!”

Herbs had never been chopped with such fury. As I nibbled on a slice of something rolled up, salty, and pleasantly spicy, it occurred to me that this explained a lot about the phenomenon that was Missy.

“I’ll call your doctor, just in case,” Lisa continued, “and we’ll have him write something up, but I am not going to take this lying down.” She raised her knife and pointed it at Jasper. “First thing Monday morning, we are going to go talk to him. You, me, Dad, and probably Missy too.”

“Because she’ll threaten him with gruesome violence?” Jasper asked, a tentative note of hope evident in his voice. He had taken to unrolling his neatly rolled slice of whatever it was Lisa had made us, and was busy licking out the filling. Watching the movement of his tongue probably shouldn’t have made me heat up inside as much as it did.

“Because she won’t talk to any of us for a week if we leave her out, and I really don’t have the patience for that right now.” Lisa finally laid the knife aside and took a deep breath. “I’ve had enough of that school, Jasper. They’ve stifled your creativity, they won’t let your sister into the advanced classes she is perfectly qualified to take, and worst of all, last time we went to parent-teacher conferences,
three
of your teachers confirmed they’d seen Christopher get rough with you and reported it to the administration, and
nothing
was done. Nothing! There should have been major consequences, and at the very least we should have been told about it. We might have been able to put an end to that horror much sooner.”

Jasper lowered his gaze and slid down in his chair, flushing all the way to the tips of his ears. He looked pointedly away from me, as though he didn’t want to observe my reaction. Despite the renewed urge to punch Christopher and sell his kidneys on the black market that rose up in me, I only put my hand on Jasper’s forearm and stroked it soothingly. With time, I hoped, he would stop blaming himself, but until then, all I knew to do was stick with him and treat him with the respect he deserved.

“Thanks, sunshine,” he said, sounding subdued.

“Don’t mention it,” I muttered.

“So,” Lisa interrupted our moment. She had come to join us at the table. “Bryson.”

I jolted. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Lisa.” She threw me a glance that was all silent scolding. “Your mom’s not doing so well with your coming out?”

“You could say that.” I lowered my gaze to the spot where my hand was touching Jasper.

“I’m happy to talk to her about it. My husband, Jeronimo, too. But since you know her, I’m wondering if you can tell me the best way to get started.”

“Maybe.” I mulled it over for some time. “I guess…probably a big part of the reason why she is so upset is my uncle. He lived with us for a long time, and he was just toxic. And he ran our lives. She let him decide everything, and she never disputed any of the racist, sexist, homophobic crap he heaped on us.”

“That sounds straight-up awful.” Lisa actually shuddered, presumably in empathy. “I’m sorry you had to be in that environment.”

“It was okay.” I shrugged. “Well, not
okay
, but I learned to cope. I’d sneak into my sister’s room at night, or she into mine, and we’d talk for hours about how the stuff he said was crap. Made it far easier to bite my tongue around him, just telling myself that I could call him ten kinds of jackass with Brina later and he’d never know.”

“Underground resistance.” Jasper nodded. “Good idea.”

“Yeah, but we never thought about Mom. We just…she was the adult, you know? And we had to learn to cope with all of that crap, but we figured she was fine.”

“You two couldn’t have been expected to know any better,” Lisa said. “How old were you?”

“Fourteen when he passed.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Lisa reached out and took my free hand, the one that wasn’t busy clinging to Jasper’s arm for dear life. “It is not your fault. You were all in a bad situation, it sounds like, but you’re right. Your mom was the adult. Nobody would have expected you to take over for her.”