Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] (14 page)

Lucas wondered what he meant by that, but he was afraid to ask.

“Zach’s looking over here,” Donovan said. He reached down and adjusted himself.

“What are you doing? Don’t look at him. He’s gonna get pissed.”

“You worry too much. And speaking of getting pissed, come show me where the bathroom is.”

“It’s right over there, in the locker room.”

“Come with me.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Come on. I don’t wanna go wandering around the locker room by myself. People will think I’m being skeezy.”

“You
are
being skeezy.”

“Touché.” Donovan smirked. “Come on. Please?”

“You’re just going to the bathroom, right?”

“Yeah, come on.”

Against his better judgment, Lucas led Donovan toward the locker room. They were almost at the entrance when he heard someone wolf whistle. Without turning, he darted inside. His shoes squeaked on the damp floor as he entered the deserted changing area. As soon as he reached the door to the restroom, Donovan grabbed his waist and spun him around.

Lucas squealed. “What are you doing?”

Donovan kissed him firmly on the mouth and ground his hips against him.

Lucas pulled back. “Stop. Someone could walk in.”

“Fine. Come here.” Donovan pulled him toward a stall.

“No way. Is this what we came in here for?”

“Come on. I’m so fucking horny.”

Lucas frowned. “And why is that? Because I turn you on so much?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I just am.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be your consolation prize.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Come on, I’ll do you first if you want.”

“How do you think it makes me feel that you’ve been staring at some other guy for the past half hour, then want me to get you off?”

“Flattered?”

“You don’t even
like
me, do you?”

“Sure I do. I’m here with you, aren’t I?”

“Tell me one thing you like about me.”

Donovan hesitated.

Lucas felt his eyes well with tears as the silence ran on. “You can’t even think of
one
thing?” he asked with a shaky voice.

“You have a pretty cock,” he said. “Bring it over here.”

Lucas took a step back, his lip quivering. “You stay away from me.”

“What, now you’re crying? You’re such a fucking pussy, Lucas. I don’t know why I even waste my time on you. Good luck finding a better offer.”

Donovan walked out of the room, leaving Lucas alone.

He sat in one of the stalls for a while, trying to regain his composure. So that was it. The moment of truth. He finally had his answer. Donovan didn’t care about him at all. This whole time he’d fooled himself into believing their time together meant something, that he was worthy of someone’s love.

He didn’t want to go back out to the pool, but he’d left his backpack on the bleachers. Besides, practice would be over soon, and the boys would begin filing in here. He needed to get out of the locker room. Head down and eyes on the ground, he returned to his seat, where he drew his knees up and tucked his head in his arms. He knew Donovan was right; he wouldn’t find a better offer. No one liked him. Even gay guys didn’t like him.

After a while, Lucas felt the bleachers vibrate and heard someone plop down a few rows beneath him. He lifted his head to see Zach. He was looking at the pool but must have come over to say something. He was wearing a UMD sweatshirt, long shorts, and flip-flops. Lucas would’ve smiled at his cold-weather attire on any other day.

Zach had his bag next to him. Had he stopped by simply to torment Lucas?

Lucas braced himself for whatever was coming. Zach probably wanted to kick his ass. He’d probably tell him never to show his face at the pool again.

“You okay?” Zach said.

The words caught Lucas off guard. He didn’t answer. He’d been lured into safety by bullies before, and he’d learned by now it was best not to respond.

Zach arched an eyebrow. “You look like someone just ran over your dog.”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“Your boyfriend, then?”

And there it was. He braced himself for the punch line.

Zach smiled. “I’d be upset if someone ran over my boyfriend too.”

Lucas kept his eyes locked on Zach’s.

“Okay, that’s a lie.”

Lucas knew it. Now for the smart-ass comment.

“My last boyfriend was a jerk. I wouldn’t be upset about it at all.”

Lucas watched as he stood to leave.

“See you Monday,” Zach said.

Lucas sat in silence. He knew better than to believe it. Zach Teagan gay? No way. He was just another asshole, screwing with Lucas’s head.

T
O
SAY
the ride home with Mason was unpleasant would’ve been a gross understatement. Mason was pissed that Lucas had brought Donovan to the pool, and even more pissed that he’d taken him into the locker room. Lucas didn’t blame him for being angry. Donovan had no respect for the sport or for how hard the athletes worked. To him they were just eye candy. He’d done nothing but drool over the guys he thought were hot and make fun of those he didn’t. Not even the girls had been safe from his ridicule. Lucas knew he and Donovan had been a distraction.

When they got home, Mason went directly to his room and slammed his door.

“What’s gotten into him?” his mom said.

Lucas sighed. “He’s mad at me. I already apologized. He just needs to cool off.”

“You want to talk about it?” she said.

He didn’t want to talk about it, but he had to tell her something so she’d stop carrying on about how
lovely
Donovan was.

“Donovan and I had a fight at the pool.”

“At the pool? Oh, honey, you didn’t make a scene, did you?”

“No, not really. But we broke up.”

“Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“I don’t think so, Mom.”

“Don’t make any big decisions when you’re emotional. Once you’ve had time to think about it, you may feel different.”

He wouldn’t feel different. Being with Donovan only made him feel worse about himself. He’d rather be alone.

“When you care about someone, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and be the one to apologize,” she said. “Maybe you should call him and try to work things out.”

He wondered if her advice would be different if she knew about the porn and the dildo and the fact that the one and only thing Donovan liked about him was that he had a nice dick. He was tempted to tell her, just to see her reaction, but he remained silent.

“I just hate seeing you alone, sweetheart.”

“I know, Mom. I’m gonna go up to my room for a while.”

“Okay, sweetie. But think about what I said.”

T
HE
more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he should call Donovan to apologize. He didn’t want to be with him anymore, but he didn’t like the way they’d left things either. The last thing he needed was another enemy at school, and Donovan seemed like the worst possible kind of foe. He was mean enough as it was to the people he liked.

Lucas didn’t come down for dinner. He told his mom he wasn’t feeling well, and he went to bed early.

His dad stopped by later in the evening. “Your mom told me you had an argument with your friend. Are you okay?”

Lucas nodded. “I’m fine.”

“It’s not easy, putting your heart out there.”

Lucas felt his eyes sting. He’d done so well holding the tears at bay. Why did his dad have to go and say that? That pretty much summed it all up, didn’t it? He’d offered Donovan his heart, and Donovan had stomped all over it like it was nothing.

“I may not be the best person to give advice, but maybe you should just focus on school for a while. Save romance for later.”

Lucas wiped his eyes and nodded.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to have someone special in your life.” He paused. “It’s just that—well, boys your age just want one thing, and it’s only going to complicate your life.”

“I’m a boy,” Lucas said. “And I don’t want just that.”

“You know what I mean. You’ve always been different, Lucas. You’re special. And you deserve someone special. Don’t sell yourself short. This Donovan kid, he’s not right for you.”

“I know,” Lucas said with a shaky voice. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Come on, no tears. He’s not worth it.”

Lucas nodded. He knew his dad was right. He’d be better off going it alone.

Chapter Twelve
Lucky Charm

I
T
WAS
a mixture of guilt, embarrassment, and fear that kept Lucas away from the pool Monday afternoon. He’d done his best to avoid eye contact with Donovan and Zach during school as well. If he could keep that up for the next six months, maybe he’d survive the rest of the school year.

He knew, though, even before seeing the Facebook request, that it was only a matter of time before he’d have to face one of them. And now Zach was asking to be his friend.

Hi Lucas,

I’m sorry if I said something that upset you the other day. I was just trying to be funny. My sense of humor gets me in trouble sometimes. I noticed you weren’t at practice today. I hope it wasn’t because of me. Truth is, I missed seeing you there. I’ve come to think of you as my lucky charm.

Zach

Lucas read the message again. Then he laughed at the irony. When had anything about him ever been lucky? He wanted to believe the message was sincere, but he knew it was most likely another cruel prank. As he stared at the screen, another message came in.

Hi again,

Just wanted to clarify—I wasn’t joking about having a jerk-off for an ex-boyfriend, just about being glad if he got run over. I’m not a violent person.

Zach

He was online. Right now. And apparently fretting over his last message. Could he be telling the truth? Yet another message came in.

Oh no! I really should have picked a better word than “jerk-off.” It was meant to be an adjective, not a noun (or a verb). That was a terribly inappropriate slip. I am neither violent nor pervy, I swear! Can we replace that word with “asshole” and pretend this never happened?

Zach

Lucas had to go back and reread the previous message. He hadn’t picked up on the pun, but now that Zach pointed it out, he laughed. Cyber-Zach was funny.

OMG! “Asshole” doesn’t work any better, does it? In fact, it’s even worse! I am now utterly mortified. Please take pity on me and join me in starting a petition to demand that an “unsend” button be implemented on Facebook.

Zach

P.S. You could end this nightmare by accepting my friend request :-)

Lucas had to admit he was funny. And clever. And sorta charming. He clicked on the link to Zach’s Facebook page. None of his information was public, meaning Lucas would have to accept his friend request if he wanted to see more. Should he allow his heart to wander down that path?

He set his laptop aside and rummaged through his backpack for his English homework. He had to write another poem for class tomorrow. But English homework reminded him of Zach. Zach and his stupid poem. He had such an amazing way with words. At least in writing. Lucas hadn’t heard Zach speak much. He mostly kept to himself. He seemed friendly with his teammates at practice, but in school he didn’t hang around anyone particular.

Curiosity got the better of him, and Lucas accepted the friend request. Most of what he saw on Zach’s page was related to swimming. There weren’t many pictures, but the ones that were there showed him making goofy faces. Despite his best efforts to remain detached, Lucas couldn’t help laughing at the photos. He wasn’t used to seeing this playful side of Zach. He was so serious at school.

Lucas finished looking at the pictures and read the posts on his wall. There were no clues as to his sexual orientation. Lucas thought about Zach’s poem again. Zach had written about a girl, hadn’t he? He’d used the word
delicate
. Boys didn’t have delicate fingers. Lucas inspected his own hands. Well,
he
did, but that wasn’t the norm.
Did Zach like boys like him? Was he really gay? All signs pointed to yes, but Lucas was afraid to believe it.

“L
UCAS
,
oh my God!” Trish said, sneaking up on him as he closed his locker the next morning.

“Trish,” he said, trying to catch his breath. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“How do you know Zach?”

Lucas drew a sharp breath.

“I saw you’re friends on Facebook.”

Lucas frowned. “Are you cyberstalking me?”

“No, of course not, silly. I’m stalking Zach. You just happened to be there.”

Lucas laughed. She was ridiculous, but he found himself growing more and more fond of her all the time. “I don’t really know him,” he said.

“But you’re friends, right? Oh my God. I have, like, a million questions. What kind of music does he like? What sort of things does he like to do? Where does he hang out? Does he have a girlfriend? If not, is there someone he likes?”

“I think he likes
me,”
Lucas said, then regretted it instantly. He remembered the story Donovan had told him about Bobby what’s-his-name in the sixth grade. He held his breath, waiting for her reaction.

Trish stopped her rambling and her eyebrows shot up as she clapped her hand over her mouth, though she couldn’t contain herself for long. “You mean,
likes you
-likes you, or just likes you?”