Plan B (25 page)

Warmth spread out from where he held my hand, traveling up my arm like an electric current. My pulse increased, and without conscious thought, I was leaning toward him. When our mouths pressed together, it was slow and hesitant, a test of how far I would let him go. It felt so good to feel his lips against mine, feel his breath against my flesh, in that moment that I would have let him go as deep and as far as he wanted, and I melted against him.

Lance moved his free hand to the back of my head, pulling me closer and deepening the kiss. I felt sparks across my tongue as his flavor filled my mouth, and I hummed. I pulled my hand free from his and clutched at the cotton covering his chest. I could feel the tight muscles flexing beneath my knuckles.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered against my mouth, licking and nipping at my bottom lip like it was a succulent dessert he couldn’t get enough of, searching for more flavor. “Never stopped.”

“I know.” But I couldn’t say any more because he was exploring my mouth again. Pressing close, he clenched his hand in my hair as if he wanted to crawl inside me. And oh, sweet Jesus, I wanted him there and I wanted to be within him. I wanted to wrap myself inside him. Make him my cocoon and hide from the past, the present, and the future. When he was kissing me, the world ceased to exist and everything seemed so easy, so right.

The kiss went on and on and on, neither of us wanting it to end. Even as my lungs screamed for air, I couldn’t stop. I had three years of missed kisses I was trying to make up for in one prolonged kiss. I roamed and massaged across his chest, over his shoulders, and down the sinew along his spine. He was so much bigger than I remembered, foreign and yet so familiar.

When we were finally forced apart, we both panted into each other’s mouth, our eyes locked. I pulled his sweet breath in to my lungs and fed him mine back.

Lance lifted me from the chair, encouraging me to hold on to him as he walked us over to the bed, placing soft kisses to my lips, cheeks, and jaw the entire way. He lowered me onto the bed and followed. I spread my legs wide, giving him the extra room his big frame needed as he covered my body with his.

All thoughts except the feel of Lance’s body against mine fled. He nuzzled my neck, searching for his spot, and when his lips found it, he began to suck. I cried out, my moans growing in intensity as he marked me and pressed his hard cock against mine. I was awash in sensation, humping and jerking. My body knew his intimately, and it responded without any conscious thought on my part. It was as if we had never been apart, our hands seeking out each sensitive spot on the other’s body as we reacquainted ourselves with each favorite area. A bony hip, the soft area below an armpit, small of a back, and all the while Lance continued to suck at my neck in his spot, leaving his mark of possession.

My mind had short-circuited, and everything narrowed down to the physical sensations surging through my body. It became pure animal instinct to hump against him, our cocks smashed together and throbbing. The smell, the feel of bulging and straining muscles, and I was so fucking ready. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone. Had it stayed an instinct, simply an animal’s need to rut, I have no doubt I would have ripped his clothes from his body and let him fuck me right then and there.

However, it wasn’t about carnal desires when he cupped my cheek, his thumb rubbing at the corner of my mouth. “Tell me you missed me too. That I wasn’t the only one who felt it.”

It was like a bucket of ice water was splashed on me. Where only seconds before I was pulling him to me, I was now shoving him away and scrambling out from under him.

“Danny, what is it? What did I say?” he asked, voice unsure.

I ran a hand through my hair and began to pace. “Yeah, I missed you, Lance. Nearly every fucking day.”

“Then I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“Because I don’t want to go back there again.”

Lance moved to the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, and hung his head in his hands. “You’ve moved on,” he said quietly.

“I had to!” The words came out harsh, panic making them crack. I had almost let myself fall right back into his arms, his charms, and I couldn’t—no, I
wouldn’t
go back to that ugly place I was three years ago.

“You say I don’t know what my leaving did to you? Well you don’t know the fucking hell I went through either. I dropped out of school. I lay in my parents’ spare room for a month, not interested in anything but staring at the ceiling or sleeping and trying not to cry my fucking eyes out. Trying not to love you!”

I froze and clamped my hand over my mouth. I hadn’t wanted to admit that, not to him. When Lance stood up and started to come toward me, I spun away and turned my back to him, my heart like a jackhammer in my chest.
Run! Get out of this room before you say another word. Run and don’t look back.
Go
!

Before I could get my feet to obey the little voice in my head, Lance wrapped his arms around me from behind and held me tight against him. He wasn’t going to let me run this time. “It didn’t go away, did it?”

Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I blinked them away, stubbornly refusing to let them spill. “No,” I whispered dejectedly.

“Thank God.” He squeezed me tighter. His mouth was only an inch from my ear when he said, “I never stopped loving you either.”

I struggled to pull free. I needed to get the hell away from him before I heard another word. Before my heart heard it and accepted it, because I knew it would be shattered all over again when I left. “Let me go.”

Lance hesitated.

“I mean it. Turn me loose, now!”

I felt his reluctance, but he finally released me and I stepped away. I didn’t turn to look at him. I didn’t dare. “Why are you thanking God?” I asked, but I didn’t take a step, afraid to move, afraid not to.

“I just found out that the man I’ve been in love with for three years loves me back. Why wouldn’t I be thankful?”

That got me moving, and I spun and glared at him. “Are you a fucking sadist?”

“Uh, no.”

“You must be! Knowing that we’re in love makes it worse.”

“I don’t—”

“Are you going to tell your teammates you’re in love with a guy?”

Lance’s gaze fell away from mine, and I knew the answer. It just fueled my rage. Not just at him, but at myself as well, at the whole fucked-up situation.

“Are you going to tell your parents you’re gay? Your friends?” I clenched my hands into fists and screamed, “Are you going to give up football, your home, everything, and move to New York to be with me?”

He hung his head and stumbled back, sitting hard on the bed.

“I like my life in New York, and I have no plans to leave. I like that all my friends, the people I work with, the chick at the coffee shop on the corner, and the goddamn kid at McDonald’s all knew I was gay because my ex-boyfriend wasn’t afraid to hold my hand in public. Would you be that brave?”

Silence.

“You still thanking God there, Lance? Does knowing I’m in love with you, knowing how much this is fucking killing me, how much it’s going to hurt you when I walk away again, make you feel better?”

I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears that were pooling in my eyes much longer. I grabbed my boots, moved to the door, and opened it. Just like the last time, I was leaving him all alone in a small hotel room, running away before my tears could roll down my face. The only difference was this time, he knew I was leaving.

I stepped out the door, stopping at the last minute to say, “I don’t thank God. I’m cursing him.”

B
O
AND
Katie said their vows before their families and a few close friends in the backyard of her parents’ home. The July day was warm, the azure-blue sky cloudless, and the sun shone down on Katie’s bare shoulders, her simple white dress glistening in the bright rays. However, it was the glow from within that truly made her shine. It was the same kind of radiance that emitted from Bo when he slipped a simple gold band on her left hand. I had never seen him so happy.

The yard had been decorated with white bows tied to the ends of each row of chairs, and a white paper walkway strewn with tiny purple flowers that matched the bouquet in Katie’s hands. From all appearances, it was the traditional summer wedding with only two exceptions. Katie had chosen Lance to stand with her—no bridesmaids or maid of honor, just her best friend and twin. The other exception was Bo had a best man who looked like a cartoon sidekick, but I sacrificed the makeup, and I still rocked the black tux. There was a third exception, but the tension arcing between the best man and the man of honor was well hidden. I doubted anyone except for Lance and me knew how hard it was for the two of us to be standing there, less than ten feet apart.

After I had left Lance’s room the night before, I crawled into bed with Bo. He stunk of the alcohol he’d consumed, but I didn’t notice, just as he didn’t notice my tears. I was surprised that I had been able to sleep. Maybe it was that my brain just shut down from the overload, and I woke up feeling raw. My eyes felt like the inside of my lids had been scrubbed with sandpaper and they were swollen and puffy. I still looked better than Bo had.

He’d stumbled out of bed and I heard him groan when he saw his reflection in the mirror. Large, dark bags hung under his eyes, his complexion pale, and he was visibly shaking. “This is your fault!” he called out from the bathroom.

I pulled myself out of bed and leaned against the doorjamb to the bathroom. “Actually the drinking was your fault, but I’ll take credit for the hickey on your ass.”

“What!”

I laughed when Bo twisted and went up on tiptoes trying to see his ass in the mirror.

“I’m just kidding. Get your ass in the shower, you stink.”

“Fucker. I’m supposed to be getting married today, and thanks to you I’m going to be puking and passing out at the altar.”

“You’ll be fine. A little coffee, a little breakfast, and you’ll be good as new.”

He stepped into the shower and looked at me skeptically, but I had been right. I drove him to the church in my rental car, Lance following in Bo’s car—a small blessing—and had him dressed and ready to say his vows with time to spare. No puking or passing out was involved, just lots of water and a handful of aspirin beforehand.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Bo pulled Katie into his arms and kissed her to the cheers and applause of the crowd.

It was tense following Bo and Katie back down the aisle with Lance walking next to me, but we made it. I’d be heading back to my life in less than twenty-four hours. The only thing left to endure was a small lunch, a couple of toasts. Two hours max, since the newlyweds had a flight to catch, and I could spend the rest of the evening licking my wounds and packing for my trip back home.

My stomach was so knotted up that I couldn’t eat much, so I sat there playing with my food with a fake smile on my face while family and friends walked by the table congratulating the happy couple. I snuck a glance in Lance’s direction, and he wasn’t hiding it as well as I was. He looked as miserable as I felt.

With lunch finished, I stood, grabbed my champagne glass, and cleared my throat. “Everyone, if I could get your attention. I’d like to say a few words.

“For those of you who may not know me, my name is Danny, and I have the great fortune of being Bo’s best friend since we were thirteen. As you can imagine, we are as different as night and day. When we were younger, I was the one prancing around pretending I was Fred Astaire, and he had his nose in a book. But no matter our differences, we were always there for each other. In fact, together we survived the teenage years, went to university together, and were dormmates. Throughout our lives, most of our firsts were experienced together. First day of high school, first heartbreak, first detention.” I looked over at Bo’s mom and smiled. “Don’t ask.”

She just shook her head and laughed.

“In fact, due to a little payback I owed Bo for attending a ballet, I was with him when he asked Katie out for the first time. I’m going to miss being there for the rest of the
firsts
in your life, but I’m glad you have Katie to experience them with you. Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without.”

I raised my glass to Bo and Katie. “My friend has found that person.”

I took a sip of my champagne and accepted hugs from Bo and Katie as everyone clapped, and then slumped back in my chair.

One more speech.

Lance stood and picked up his glass. “When Katie asked me to stand up with her, I thought it was a little odd since I don’t look like your typical maid of honor. But the more I thought about it, it made perfect sense. Being twins, we started life together, so it’s only natural that I be standing next to her when she starts her new life. It’s crazy. It seems like just yesterday she was pestering me to borrow my bike, complaining about me leaving my smelly equipment laying around the house, and I was threatening my teammates if they went anywhere near her.