Plagiarized (2 page)

The butterflies in my stomach were dancing as I got ready for my date. It wasn’t just any date; it was my very first date. At eighteen years of age, I had never been alone with a boy, so being allowed to date one would have been implausible. I was saving myself for marriage.

I had concocted a plan with my best friend Marissa; she was my cover for the evening. I was spending the night at her house and my date was going to pick me up there. Her parents and my mother had no clue whatsoever. I felt like I was living dangerously, teetering on the edge. In all reality, I was eighteen years old and experiencing something most of my peers had been allowed to experience years before.

The fact that I was breaking the rules I had been forced to follow since childhood had my stomach reeling. I didn’t know how I was going to break it to my date that I had never even kissed someone. How embarrassing! Eighteen years old and I’d never locked lips with another human being.

I had grown up the younger of two children. My sister and I were three years apart. My father had left us when I was four years old, never to be heard from again. My mother told us that he had been afraid of the responsibilities that came with having children and a wife, but as I got older, I found it hard to imagine someone was actually capable of walking away from his entire family and never looking back.

His absence had proven hard on the family. Mom worked hard to give us what we needed, but the lack of a second parent in the home made things difficult. Janet, my sister, found out she was pregnant when I was twelve—she was fifteen. That’s when my mom moved us in with my grandparents. I guess things had just gotten too much for her to handle on her own.

Being such a young age and watching my sister take on the responsibility of being a very young mother scared me from ever touching a boy. Even if it hadn’t scared me, my overly religious grandparents would have. It was their rule that I couldn’t date. I’m sure if it were up to them, I’d join a convent and go by the name Sister Sarah.

At eighteen years old, I was still told whom I could go out with or even what I could watch on TV—everything was closely monitored. I couldn’t have any friends who didn’t belong to the church or date any man who wasn’t deemed to have an acceptable one-on-one relationship with God.

I felt trapped and smothered by it all, and found that I was frantically looking for a way out. I didn’t even know who I was as a person. How could I? I had been told whom to be my entire life. I couldn’t even discern what my interests or hobbies were.

I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of their house and out of that godforsaken town.

My date that night was the key to the beginning of my freedom. Technically, I was eighteen years old and should have been able to make decisions for myself, but I wasn’t. I still had to fall in line and abide by the rules my grandparents had dictated. I never even questioned going against them, until then.

I had just graduated from high school and one of the teachers had given me his email address so we could stay in contact. We had hit it off intellectually and had many conversations during the spring semester after he had taken over my math class. Our original math teacher was pregnant and had been put on bed rest, so we got Mr. Champion. Turns out, we had many common interests. Actually, I didn’t really know how much we really had in common. I just agreed with everything he said.

Now, I was going to meet him, behind my grandmother’s back.             

I had dressed in a black skirt with small pink flowers on it, which hit me a couple inches above my knee. The skirt was held up with a safety pin because a couple of the buttons had fallen off. I had black opaque tights on that had a hole in the big toe. I had folded the flappy foot part over, so that my toe didn’t stick through. My black shoes were worn and I had used a black permanent marker to cover the scuffs. My top was a simple black top that was faded from multiple washes. I had no makeup to speak of, since that wasn’t allowed in our home. I don’t think I had ever seen my mom in makeup.

I walked out the front door and my little niece ran down the walk behind me. “Where are you going, Sarah?”

“I’m going to Marissa’s to spend the night. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, okay?” I smoothed her hair away from her face. She was five years old, and she looked to me like her hero. I had practically raised her after all. “Go back inside,” I said tenderly.

She kissed me and hugged me tightly, then obediently went back inside. I took a deep breath and went to Marissa’s car, where she was waiting for me by the curb. I hopped in and she greeted me with a hug. She was my best friend, ever since the seventh grade. I had never had a best friend before or after Marissa. She understood me more than anyone else ever tried to. Sometimes, I wondered if I liked the symbol of having a best friend more than the actual person. I liked being able to say “my best friend did this or that.” It made me feel like I kind of fit in and was somewhat of a normal person. I had deeply longed to be normal and fit in.

“Are you nervous?” Marissa asked me with a devilish grin. She was gutsier than I. She had already done it with her boyfriend when she was fifteen. I loved to talk about it with her because she would divulge all the details, allowing me to live vicariously through her, since I had never been allowed to have any experiences that even compared. The bravest thing I had done was ditch church youth group with my sister to get donuts.

“A little,” I downplayed the butterflies that were twirling and battering against my stomach wall. I actually felt like I could puke very easily, possibly at any moment.

“You liar!” she exclaimed. “You look green!” She laughed and I reluctantly joined in. Her comment wasn’t malicious. She was just being Marissa. “I know what we can do to ease that feeling!”

“I already told you that I’m not doing drugs. And yes, Marissa, smoking marijuana is considered doing drugs,” I answered her, knowing the direction the conversation was headed. We had been through this before as she was much worldlier than I was. And I was still scared to experience some of those things. Baby steps, I consoled myself.

“No, I have another idea. My parents went out, it is New Year’s Eve after all,” she reminded me with glee. “Plus, you are eighteen. One drink won’t hurt you, it will just provide you the courage you need.”

“Maybe,” I said, already acquiescing. “I definitely need something.” There was no way I could meet Mr. Champion in the state I was in. I would puke on his shoes if I didn’t have at least a little something to give me courage.

She pulled into her driveway. “Let’s go! He’ll be here in thirty minutes to pick you up!”

I grabbed my overnight bag and followed her timidly into the house. “I don’t know about this, Marissa.” The apprehensions of taking my first drink starting to outweigh the nervousness of my first date.

“Come on,” she urged. “You won’t even taste the alcohol. You love diet coke, try a little of that along with my friend Jack.” She handed me a glass she had just finished concocting. I looked at her dubiously and then took a small sip.

She was right. I could hardly taste it, so it must not include much alcohol, right? Plus, after four or five sips, it was already relaxing me. I was starting to feel great.

While we sipped on our drinks, she helped me get ready—as in change my clothes and put on makeup. She had a closet full of clothes that were tight and short enough to give my grandma a heart attack. I felt foolish wearing them, but Marissa explained that I at least needed to look as if I had been on a date before. Once the glass was empty, I no longer cared about the black that lined my eyes or the shirt that revealed the top of my bra.

The doorbell rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. My nerves began to kick back in as my heart pumped faster and I started to giggle.

“Pull yourself together!” Marissa ordered. “You only had one drink, so you aren’t drunk. Go use some of my mouthwash so you don’t smell like booze.” Both of Marissa’s parents were self-proclaimed alcoholics, so she knew all the tricks of the trade. They would never even notice if any of their alcohol were missing. They would probably come home super toasted later.

I ran to the bathroom and my heart was pounding so loudly in my chest I thought for sure he could hear it all the way to the front door. I quickly swished the Listerine, round and round, and then spat it out in the sink. It burned the inside of my mouth and I winced until the sting dissipated. I smoothed my skirt, one last time, ensuring that my ass wasn’t hanging out of the back. I took a deep breath and then opened the door and walked to the living room.

“You look beautiful, Sarah,” Mr. Champion complimented and I blushed. His eyes moved from the borrowed heels on my feet to the curled hair on my head, slowly scanning every inch of me. It made me feel as if every cell in my body had been lit on fire, torched.

People always told me how gorgeous I was and went on and on about my porcelain skin, big brown eyes, and thick wavy hair. But I didn’t believe it. I knew they only complimented me because they felt sorry for me. My family had always been poor and I could not remember one time when I had a new outfit from a store. I always received second-hand items or went thrift store shopping, which made it feel even more awkward to have been wearing Marissa’s designer clothes.

“Nice to see you, Mr. Champion,” I said shyly and looked down. He was impeccably dressed in a pullover sweater. It was beautiful and looked so soft I instantly wanted to cuddle up to him. Under the sweater, I could see a dress shirt and tie peeking out. He looked regally handsome.

“Please, call me Ben, since we’re out of school now,” he commanded with his deep, soothing voice.

I looked at him with big eyes and nodded. He was allowing me to call him Ben! I felt giddy!

“Shall we?” He gestured to the door.

“Be good, you two!” Marissa exclaimed with a devilish look as she hugged me goodbye.

I was so excited, this was my first date ever and it was New Year’s Eve! New Year’s Eve?! Why didn’t I think of that before? He would be expecting a kiss. I tried to put that fact to the back of my mind because the possibility of kissing him made me feel like fainting.

He held the car door open for me and I nearly swooned. It made me feel so adult that a guy actually held the door of his car open for me.

“I’m taking you to a restaurant that’s a favorite of mine, I hope you don’t mind that I took the liberty of picking something for us?” He raised his eyebrows and I blushed again.

I stared at him, unable to speak. Fear invaded my entire body and kept me prisoner.

“Are you okay?” Ben looked at me in horror.

I tried to nod, but ended up shaking my head instead. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Champion, but I don’t know if I can do this.” I started to feel around for the door handle but was stopped the second I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Sarah? Talk to me, please. Did I do something?”

Our eyes locked in the dark car, illuminated by the lights on his dash. Something in them soothed me enough to turn in my seat until I was facing him again. “Mr. Champion—”

“Ben. My name is Ben,” he corrected, again.

“Sorry… Ben, I don’t think it’s such a wise idea to be seen in public. At least not yet.”

“I don’t understand. You’re eighteen and I am no longer your teacher.”

“I know, but my family wouldn’t understand if I were to be seen with you just yet. They are very strict when it comes to me. I’m the baby.” I knew I was babbling, but I was trying to keep him from knowing just how sheltered my life had truly been.

He reached his hand across the console and touched my leg. The warmth of his palm traveled up my thigh and reached places I had never felt burn before. My breathing grew erratic, and the harder I tried to calm down, the worse it became.

“Where would you like to go? I’ll take you anywhere.”

That was all I needed to hear in order to relax. Just like that, he soothed every nerve in my body.

He took me to his apartment and remained a true gentleman. We played monopoly while sitting across the coffee table from each other. Aside from stolen glances, it was a very calm and relaxing atmosphere.

Once the game was over, Ben took me to the small lake behind his apartment complex. “It’s almost midnight.” He grinned at me and I thought I would die.

I had again forgotten that it was New Year’s Eve… And what happens on New Year’s Eve at midnight. He would definitely be expecting me to kiss him. There was no way out of this one.

We sat down on a stone bench and he pulled out his phone. On the screen, I noticed a countdown ticker and there was five minutes left. I assumed he had set some sort of timer for midnight. It made me nervous of what he was expecting to happen when the time ran up. Then I thought about how much of a gentleman he was while we were only feet from his bedroom. If he wanted to make a move, it would have been inside, behind closed doors, not in front of a lake outside.

I gazed anxiously at Ben and then back to the screen on his phone. What was I going to do? I had never kissed anyone and hadn’t even had time to practice. I don’t know what I would have done to practice, but there had to have been something.

I would just have to pretend I knew what I was doing and go full throttle in to the kiss. If I took control, there was no way he would know that I had never been kissed.