Pink & Patent Leather (22 page)

It was the smartest move on Amber
’s part since I didn’t really know how long I was going to be in Atlanta. We’d signed a one-year lease, but I hadn’t figured it all out. I didn’t know how long I was going to keep this news from my parents, didn’t know if I’d tell them before or after my baby was born, didn’t know if I’d ever go back to D.C.. But the great thing was that I had nothing but time to think about it.

While I didn
’t mind relaxing at home, after about a week, Amber decided that she had to get some kind of job. Not because we needed the money, but because, “I’ll go crazy sitting around looking at you,” she said.

So, while Amber went
out searching for work, and going on interviews, my days were really simple. I spent most of my time wandering through Midtown, visiting the neighborhood Starbucks and strolling through the shops. When I was more adventurous, I ventured into the city.

My
favorite destination by far, was Centennial Park. I’d spent many Sunday afternoons there with Xavier, hanging out, people watching. Before I’d met him, I’d hardly left the campus except for my beauty treatments. But during my Senior year, Xavier made me explore the city with him. I was thrilled when he’d taken me to Centennial Park for the Fountain of Rings show.

I
’d been in Atlanta for only a month, yet, I’d visited the park three times. I wasn’t quite sure why I kept going back there. Maybe it was because it reminded me of better days and a better time. When I was at the park, I didn’t feel quite so alone. Of course, Amber was in Atlanta with me and she was great, beyond anything that I could have expected. But even with Amber there, I felt like there was something missing. Not a man—after Malik, I didn’t know when I’d feel safe enough to be in a relationship. I did, though, feel like I was missing the safety and security...and love that I had with a friend like Xavier. So, I guess that was it. Being in the park helped me feel close to him and close to the good times we’d shared.

Today, as I waited for the Fountain of Rings show to begin, I clicked on the Bible icon on my phone. The Bible opened up to the scripture that I
’d been reading every day, over and over:
But you do not believe because you are not of My sheep. My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.

I
’d learned this scripture as a child, so I knew it by heart. But still I looked at the words, wondering if there was a message in there. My real question was how had I missed God? How could I have been so wrong?

The man of God has been chosen for you.

Even now, I would lay my hands on a stack of Bibles and tell anyone that God had spoken those words to me. So what happened?

I had to keep reading the Bible and praying so that I stayed close to God because the devil was telling me that I didn
’t know God’s voice, that I had never heard him. That I needed to give up on God altogether. And a part of me believed the devil. Because clearly, I’d been so wrong about Malik.

I lowered my head, closed my eyes and whispered, “
Lord, why didn’t I hear you?”

You heard Me.

My eyes snapped open. It had been awhile since I’d heard God like that, so clear, so deep in my heart. Exactly the way I’d heard him all those years ago. But I’d been wrong then, could I be wrong now? And if that was His voice, what did He mean?

You heard
Me.

Oh, my God! I was sure of it. I was hearing God
’s voice! So what was he telling me? Was I supposed to go back to D.C. and fight for Malik?

“
Sasha.”

The voice came from behind me, but I didn
’t want to turn around. Because the voice was so familiar. It was the voice that I wanted to hear. It wasn’t until he called my name again that I dared to look.

And there he was. Xavier.

“Oh, my God.” I pushed myself up from the bench where I’d been sitting. “What are you doing here?” I asked. Really, that wasn’t the first thing that I wanted to do. I didn’t want to stand there and talk. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and have Xavier hold me.

As if he read my mind, that
’s what Xavier did. With a few steps, he closed the space between us then pulled me into a hug.

“
What are you doing here?” I asked him again.

He motioned to the bench and we sat down together. When he held my hands and squeezed it, I had to blink fast to fight tears that were battling to be released.

“Don’t do that, Sasha. If you cry, the tears are going to freeze on your face,” he kidded. “It’s kind of cold out here for February.”

“
I’m not gonna cry,” I sniffed. “It’s just that I’m so glad to see you.”

“
I bet I’m more happy to see you. I’ve looked all over; I’m glad I found you here.”

“
But how did you know I’d be here? How did you know I was in Atlanta?”

“
I got one word for you—Amber.”

Amber? What did she have to do with this? Had she known the whole time that Xavier was in Atlanta? And if she
’d known, why hadn’t she told me?

“
Don’t try to answer all of those questions in your head,” he said, knowing me so well. “I spoke to Amber last night.”

“
She knew you were here? She didn’t even tell me.”

“
I don’t think she knew until yesterday,” he said. “She told me that she had hunted me down. Hired an investigator to find me and she was pissed when she found out I was living in Atlanta because she could have saved herself some money and found me herself.” He laughed, but I didn’t.

I was in shock. I couldn
’t believe what my friend had done for me. But then again, I could. She had uprooted her whole life to come to Atlanta. At this point I didn’t think there was anything that Amber wouldn’t do for me and that made me want to cry. But I wouldn’t.

“
I’m going to have to pay her back. I hope she didn’t spend a lot of money.”

He shrugged. You
’ll have to ask her, but it couldn’t have taken the guy too long to find me since I wasn’t hiding from anyone.”

“
But, I didn’t know where you were.”

“
Did you ever try to find me?”

I shook my head, then lowered my
eyes. “The last time I saw you....” In the silence, he remembered that night, too. “I wanted to reach out to you, but then, I remembered what happened the last time we were together.”

He waited a moment. “
What I remember about the last time I saw you was that I prayed for you.”

His words and that memory made me want to cry again.

“Come on,” Xavier said, as he stood and took my hand. “Let’s go in there.” He pointed toward the CNN Center.

Just minutes later, we were sitting in the Food Court, although neither one of us wanted anything to eat. All I wanted to do was stare at Xavier. I didn
’t even want to blink for fear that I’d wake up and find that this was just a dream.

“
I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you,” I told him.

He smiled. “
I tried to tell you that I’m the wisest person you’ll ever know.”

I knew he was just trying to make this discussion lighter and I smiled with him. But, I was serious. “
Everything you told me about Malik.” I paused and shook my head. I couldn’t even look at Xavier when I said, “Everything you said was true.”

I waited for him to say something like I told you so, but he just kept his smile and stayed silent, leaving room for me to pour my heart out.

“I’m in trouble now, X,” I said.

He rested his hand on top of mine. “
Amber told me.”

I waited a beat before I asked, “
Everything?”

“
You’re pregnant,” he stated.

I nodded. I guess that was everything. At least everything that was important.

“So, you’re going to keep the baby?”

I knew my answer would probably change things forever with me and Xavier. He would never be able to look at me the same way and I was fine with that. As long as we could remain friends.

Again, I nodded. “I thought about it and once I realized that I loved my baby already...”

I stopped there and Xavier nodded, exactly the way Amber had when I told her the same thing. But I was sure that unlike Amber, X understood.

Needing to relieve the pressure of this subject, I asked, “So, why did you leave Greater Tabernacle? Why did you move back to Atlanta?”

He let a couple of seconds go by as if he was trying to decide exactly what he would say. “
I got into it with Pastor. I confronted him about you. He denied it, of course. Denied ever being with you.”

“
Really?” I was more hurt than surprised. It had been more than six weeks since Malik had made his denials to me. But now that I knew who he really was, I was sure that he would deny even knowing me if that would benefit him.

Malik said, “
I told him that I knew the truth about the two of you and that I was going to expose him. He fired me and said that if I ever said a word, he’d destroy me.”

“
That’s exactly what he said to me!”

Malik nodded. “
I’m not surprised.”

“
So, that’s why you left.” I wasn’t asking him a question.

But he answered. “
No. I wasn’t afraid of Malik. He’s a predator and a coward, he’s not dumb. He talked a good game, but he didn’t want to get in a fight with me.”

I frowned. “
So then, why?”

Not even a second passed before he said, “
I left because of you.”

My heart skipped a couple of beats.

He continued, “I had loved you for so long, but there was nothing I could do to convince you of that. You couldn’t see it. And there was no way that I was going to stay and watch what Malik was going to do to you.» He shrugged. «I knew it would end exactly this way.»

His words made me feel so bad and so sad. I must have looked like such a fool to Xavier. And all the while, he loved me. Of course, I knew that he did. Not only had he told me, he showed me. And, if I
had to admit it, I really did love him, too. But my eyes had been on Malik, and now, whatever had been possible with Xavier was now impossible because I was carrying another man’s child.

“
I’m so sorry, Xavier,” I said, holding back my emotions. No matter what, I wasn’t going to let another tear fall from my eyes. What would crying do anyway? I’d made this bed and ruined my life.

“
Sorry about what?” he asked. “Sorry about what happened with Pastor, or sorry that I said that I loved you?”

“
I’m sorry about all of it. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and didn’t see what was in front of me.”

He nodded. “
Sometimes, we have to be knocked upside the head in order for the scales to fall from our eyes.”

“
I believe that,” I said. “Because trust me, I see everything so clearly now.”

He leaned forward and covered my hands with his. “
Really, Sasha? Are you seeing it all clearly?”

Now, I was the one who waited a couple of seconds before I spoke. “
If you’re asking me about Malik, I can see very clearly now. I can see him for who he is.”

Xavier nodded, then, he frowned when I added, “
But, I will never understand what happened with God.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
I wasn’t making this up, X. I know you and everyone else think this was just an infatuation, that I just got it in my head and went after Malik. But it wasn’t like that at all. I know what God said to me.”

Although I had told Xavier that I had heard from God, I had never told him the whole story. So now, I filled him in
—from the purity ceremony to how I had prayed about me and Malik every day. “Even this morning, right before you came over to me, I asked God how had I messed it up, why hadn’t I heard Him clearly. And God told me
again
that I
had
heard Him.

“
So, yeah, I know being with Malik was an epic fail, but I don’t get this other part about God. I’m telling you X, God clearly said to me that the man of God had been chosen for me.”

Slowly, Xavier moved his hands away from mine and in that instant my heart broke. Clearly, my words weren
’t the one he wanted to hear, but I had to be truthful about this.

“
So,” he began, “the man of God had been chosen for you. That’s what you think God said to you.”

“
That’s what I know. I’m just confused because I don’t know why Malik didn’t hear it, too.”

He peered at me.
“Because he wasn’t the chosen man. He couldn’t have been.”