Pink & Patent Leather (19 page)

My world was falling apart and there was nothing that I could do about it.

I took deep breaths. I closed my eyes and continued to inhale and exhale. And a peace that I didn’t understand came over me. With that peace, came clarity. There was no need for me to be upset. Malik had only done this because he didn’t know about me. He didn’t know that he was about to be the father of
my
child. Once he heard my news, there was no way he’d go through with having a baby with her.

That I knew for sure.

Turning back toward the sanctuary, I paused. Even though I realized the truth now, I still couldn’t go back in there. Not with the way the members were still giving praise for this catastrophe. But I had to stay; I had to speak to Malik.

With surer steps, I moved through the hall toward his office and I felt better already. I had to remember who I was. I was Sasha Simone J
ansen and things always, always worked out in my favor.

God always made sure of that.

I felt like I had
nothing but time as I sat and waited in Malik’s office. I didn’t think about the last time I’d been in here, just weeks before when Malik had pulled me in, pressed me against the door, and then kissed me with such force that I could hardly breathe. I didn’t think about the first time we’d been together in here, when I’d taken him and made him melt with nothing more than my mouth.

All I could think about right now was what Malik had said this morning. His wife was pregnant. And he acted like he was thrilled about it.

I could have easily watched the rest of the services on the fifty-inch monitor that hung on the wall behind Malik’s desk. Every couple of seconds, I would take in the image of Malik as he strutted up and down the aisles of the church like a plucked peacock. But, I couldn’t keep my eyes on him for too long. I was too hurt, too furious to look at him. I just didn’t know if I was angry at him or at God.

As I sat in his chair, the calm I
’d felt earlier had faded away and my emotions teetered between anger, hurt, frustration. But by the time the last song was sung in the sanctuary, I felt nothing but rage.

Now, I kept my eyes on the screen as I watched Malik open the doors of the church. Today, like every other Sunday, more than twenty people flooded the altar ready to give their lives to Christ, Grace Tabernacle, and Pastor Stroman.

Then, Malik gave the benediction, dismissed the church, and though the doors that led to the exit were in the back, women flooded the front, rushing up to Malik and Sister Stroman. They crowded around the two and before I knew it more tears fell from my eyes. Their celebration was supposed to be mine.

I lowered my head to wipe my tears, and when I glanced back up, Sister Stroman stood at the altar alone. That meant that Malik was on his way to his office, he was on his way to me.

Jumping up from the chair, I wondered what was I going to say? What was I going to do? But I couldn’t get my thoughts together because I felt so shattered by his happiness.

That
’s what I was thinking when his office door opened. Before he even stepped over the threshold, I picked up the picture of him and Sister Stroman from his desk, and tossed the heavy frame across the room, praying that it hit him in the head.

I missed.

“What the hell?” Malik froze for a moment, took in the scene, then slammed the door behind him.

The photo may have miss
ed my target, but I wasn’t finished. I grabbed a handful of pencils and pens from the holder and threw them across the room, one by one, as if I was shooting bullets through a machine gun. “You bastard!” Those were my first words to the father of my child.

Malik ducked and dodged as he moved, until he stood in front of me. He grabbed me, then pulled me to his chest.

And that’s when the floodgates opened up. I cried as if my life depended on it.

“
Sister Pink,“ Malik spoke to me through clenched teeth, “get yourself together.”

Sister Pink? Really?
“How could you?” I cried.

“
How could I what?” he asked as if he had no idea what I was talking about. Was he kidding me?

He added, “
You shouldn’t be in here.”

I pushed myself away from his hold and backed up. “
How can you do this to me?”

“
Do what?” he asked. Then before I could answer him, he answered me. “Are you talking about my wife? Are you talking about the fact that she and I are going to have a baby?”

“
Yes!” I shouted. “How could you do this? What about me?”

He looked at me as if I
’d lost my mind. “Sister Pink, she’s my wife,” he repeated as if I didn’t understand. And then, he broke it down further for me. “I love her. I have always loved her.”

I took several steps back needing to get away from his words. “
How...how...I thought you loved me.”

Now, he stared at me as if he felt sorry for me. “
Sister Pink,” he said softly. He shook his head. “Before you, I had never cheated on my wife. Before you, I had been a faithful man of God.”

“
Well, something happened,” I said. “Because you were far from faithful when you were in my bed, when you were making love to me.”

He nodded, as if he agreed. “
I fell into temptation. And I prayed to God to deliver me from that, to deliver me from you. And he has. He’s blessed me, Sister Pink. He’s blessed me with a baby.”

I wiped my face with the back of my hands, knowing for sure that I looked a hot mess, and knowing for sure that I didn
’t care. “Well, then,“ I sobbed, „He blessed you twice.”

I could see the wheels of understanding spinning in Malik
’s head. At first, his eyes narrowed as if he were trying to figure out if he’d heard me correctly. Next came the widening of his eyes, when he realized that he had.

This time, he was the one who st
umbled backward, as if he were trying to get away from my words.

I didn
’t wait for him to ask me to repeat what I’d said. I figured he needed to hear it again. “Yeah, you heard me. I’m pregnant; we’re going to have a baby, you and I.”

Malik began shaking
his head, slowly at first. Then, he whipped his head from side to side in total denial. The screen in his peripheral vision caught his attention and for a moment, Malik paused and stared at the monitor, where the camera was still set on the altar, where his wife stood, still holding court.

He didn
’t even face me when he said, “Sister Pink, we’re not having a baby.”

“
I’m not lying, Malik,” I shouted. “I’m pregnant. I can show you the tests to prove it.”

Now, he looked at me. “
Oh, I believe that you’re having a baby. What I said was that
we’re
not having a baby...you are.”

My eyes narrowed. “
What do you mean by that?”

“
Exactly what I said,” he stated in a tone that was as defiant as mine. “You’re pregnant, and that has nothing to do with me.”

It was a reflex
of rage when I pulled back, and with as much force as I could muster, I slapped him so hard, my hand stung and began to throb. But my pain wasn’t going to stop me from doing that again. This time when I reared back, though, Malik grabbed my hand in midair.

“
Owwww,” I yelled as he twisted my hand.

“
Don’t you ever put your hands on me again,” he growled.

“
Let go of me,” I cried.

“
I just want to make sure that you got my message.” He gave me just a little more of twist, inflicting more pain, before he released me from his grasp.

“
Now,” he began as he straightened out his jacket. “As I was saying. That baby you’re carrying is not mine.” He spoke so calmly. “If you’re looking for someone to be the father, maybe you should called Minister Xavier. You still have his number, right?”

I was trembling with hurt and with anger and at that moment, I truly could have choked the life out of him. But there was the part of me that loved him, still loved him. The part of me that had loved him since I was sixteen.

“Malik,” I began, thinking that there had to be some way to reason with him. So, I calmed my voice, too. “You are my baby’s father. I was a virgin when we got together, you know that. And, I haven’t been with anyone since. You’re the father and you need to take responsibility for our child.”

If I thought my words were going to move Malik in any way, I was so wrong.

He stepped right to me and pointed his finger in my face. “I am not your baby’s daddy,” he said in a tone that sounded like he hated me. “And if you walk out of this office and tell that lie to anyone, and I mean, anyone, I will destroy you and your mother and your father the same way I destroyed Xavier.”

I began to tremble once again, but this time it was with fear.

He must’ve seen my weakness when he said, “And if you don’t believe that I will do it, you better think again. I will set it up so that your parents will lose everything. I’ve done it to people before, and I have no qualms with doing it to you.” He stepped away from me, walked around to his desk, and looked down at some papers as if he hadn’t just had this discussion with me. “Now, Sister Pink, if you would get out of my office, I would greatly appreciate it.”

His words were polite, his tone was not.

In an instant, I relived every moment I’d ever experienced with Malik. From the moment he slipped that ring on my finger until now. This made no sense. But then, it made a lot of sense.

I didn
’t wait for Malik to ask me to leave again. I held my head down as I walked into the hallway, praying that I wouldn’t see anyone.

But two steps into the hall, I bumped right into Sister Stroman.

“Sister Pink,” she said in a sugary-sweet voice. “Were you looking for me?”

I shook my head.

“Oh, I thought you’d come back here to congratulate me and my husband.”

There was a time, a few months back, when Sister Stroman and I had stood in this exact same place outside of Malik
’s office. Back then, I’d worn the veil of victory. Today, was totally different. Without saying a word to her, I walked away, this time with my head dipped low in defeat.

I felt like I was
comatose all the way home. The way my eyes stared straight ahead, hardly blinking, it was a wonder I could see through the tears that blinded me. I could have easily ended up in a crash, on the street dead. And right now, dead sounded pretty good to me.

The moment I entered my condo, I let the tears really flow. My prayer was that Malik would call me and beg for my forgiveness. But even though I sat in my bed, with the cell phone in my hand, i
t never rang.

And that made me cry even more. I cried so much, eventually, I had to go to sleep.

But I was up before the sun on Monday, still clutching my cell, still praying for that call. Still nothing. There was no way that I could go into work; I didn’t even have the fortitude to call in. I didn’t have the courage to answer when, at 9:30 my cell rang and
Power Play
showed up on the screen.

All I wanted to do was speak to Malik and though I thought about calling him, the only thing I had left was a lit
tle bit of pride. I was pregnant. He was wrong. He needed to come back to me. But, he didn’t. 

There was one call I had to take, though. When my mother
’s picture scrolled across my screen, I so badly wanted to let it go to my voicemail, but that move would have made my mother drive right over to my condo.

So, I answered, “
Hi, Mother. Are you and Daddy back?”

“
Yes, sweetheart. We wanted to stay longer, but your father had to get back for a meeting this afternoon. We’ll be heading back there next weekend.”

“
How is Ms. Valerie?” I asked.

Then, I tuned out of the conversation as my mother went on about the damage the attack had done to her Soror
’s heart and that the prognosis was not good. And then, my mother shocked me with, “We did hear the wonderful news about Pastor and Sister Stroman. I have at least fifty texts from people from the church, isn’t that exciting?”

I used the little bit of strength I had left to give an Academy Award winning performance. “
Yes, it’s great,” I said.

My mother was fishing, I knew
that. She was looking for any cracks in my armor, any sign that I still thought I was in love with Malik. So, she asked, “Why didn’t you text me?”

“
Mother, you weren’t in Richmond for a vacation. I didn’t want to bother you; I thought that news could wait.”