Piecing Together Sydney (A Sydney West Novel Book 3) (13 page)

Despite what I wanted, I walked toward them and gave the bar a sad glance. “What’s up?”

“What’s Nikki like?” the other blonde gushed. She had overdone her eye makeup on her green eyes, making them seem like they were their own creature on her face.

“He’s cool…” I said, not knowing what they wanted me to say. That he was good in bed? He was kinky as fuck, but nothing compared to Jason.

“Are you part of his crew or…how do you know him?”

These girls were never going to leave me alone. I needed to escape them.

I took a few steps back. “We bumped into each other last summer. He hits the clubs a lot. If you’re lucky, he’ll see you and wanna hang if you seem cool enough. Gotta go. Bye.”

They exchanged looks and went back to staring at Nikki. Thank God they weren’t hounding me anymore.

I looked around the club and didn’t feel like I belonged. All I wanted was to go home. A shower and reading a good book in bed sounded like heaven. The bar was overrun with partygoers, trying to out-drink each other. It felt freeing to know I no longer wished to be with them.

As I made a beeline for the door, I glanced over my shoulder. The scent of cigarette smoke and sweat wrinkled my nose. The glimmer was officially gone. Perhaps I could enjoy the scene with some friends, but I lost my taste for partying alone with strangers. It was time to say good-bye.

Outside, I squinted down at my phone to call a cab. Across the street, I heard a laugh I’d come to love over the past year. I looked up and saw a familiar head with sunkissed hair. He had the shoulders of someone who spent most of his life in the ocean on a surfboard. He was standing next to a girl with long black hair. Her right hand was on his arm as she leaned in to whisper something in his ear.

He turned his head to look down the street. That guy was Jason. My fucking Jason!

I withheld my anger and took in the bitch with my man. A hammer struck me in the gut. She was Lizzie, Jason’s ex. She bumped into Jason earlier while we were picking out flowers for the wedding. Why were they alone together now? This was the
old friend
he ditched me for?

A dizzy spell took me over. My heart choked me. The music pouring out from the club deafened me. It was hard to breath. My vision grew hazy on the edges.

Could this be a heart attack, or maybe a panic attack?

I leaned against the wall. Next to me was a poster advertising some rock band performing next week.

Across the street, Lizzie, the whore, waved down a cab and ran her hand down Jason’s arm. He looked pained as if she was going to eat his liver later.

My brain hammered against my skull. My heart felt like an ice pick went through it, clean cut.

Did I give away my heart just to have it shattered a year later?

Could a summer boy really have the best of me and do what I was most afraid of…prove love was a myth, just a fairytale?

What were my options? Walk over there and demand answers? Just leave and drive myself insane, and perhaps rip out all my beautiful, long hair?

I needed to talk to Amelia. I needed someone to talk me down and through this shit. She was who kept me sane at times like this.

Jason and that bitch got into the cab and disappeared into the night.

This was
my
Jason I was talking about. The boy who took me to the fair and stole Scooby-Doo for me. He met my mom and was there for me when my father passed away. This was the same guy who transferred colleges because he couldn’t take months not seeing me. This was the fucking man who proposed to me in a room full of family, strangers, and butterflies.

It’s not like I did anything. I didn’t shut him out. I opened my heart to him. He saw my every scar. Hell, he was with me when I got my first and only tattoo!

I rubbed my temples with my palms. My eyes burned, and my body felt like it was shaking. A woman came up to me and placed a hand on my back.

“Hey sweetie, are you okay? You don’t look so good.” She gave me a sad smile. The wrinkles around her brown eyes and lips placed her in her late forties. Probably out having a girls’ night and not worrying about her life.

“I’m fine. Could you hail me a cab?” I rubbed my right eye. I took a cab here because I thought I’d need one home due to getting buzzed. Who knew it would be for heartache?

“Of course, sweetie.” She patted my shoulder and walked to the curb, waving down a yellow taxi.

How nice of her. I didn’t think there were people out there like this woman anymore.

“There you go, sweetie. Do you know where you’re going?”

I nodded. “Yes, I’m going home. Enjoy your evening. Thanks for your help.” I moved toward the car.

She grabbed my left hand and looked at my ring that felt more like a plastic bubblegum toy right now. “Boy trouble?”

I shrugged. “Can’t live with them or without.”

She touched my shoulder in a motherly way. “It gets better.”

“Thanks.” I opened the back door and turned around to see her go back to her group of friends waiting in line.

A group of five older ladies partying. That was good to see. At least they didn’t shy away from having fun. I wonder if I’d be like them. Have a career, husband, kids and still come to the club to feel young and dumb again. Just to feel like I could still have fun and do whatever I wanted.

I sat down and closed the door. The driver was a man with a thick mustache and a habit of chewing on toothpicks. I told him my address and fell back into my dark, sinister thoughts.

Jason was with another woman right now. He was shady on the phone. This wasn’t the kind of surprise Amelia nor I were thinking he could be planning.

Could I be losing the man I thought was the one who was to be my partner in life? The only guy I let into
my
bed. The only man I envisioned myself having kids with.

My heart couldn’t take it. It ached. Every single piece hurt. I bit my lip to keep from crying in front of the driver. Malibu was too far away for my liking. My best friend was too far away. I shouldn’t have come out. No, Jason shouldn’t have blown me off like that.

What the fuck was going on? I was getting angry now. No one fucked with my heart and got away with it. If he was cheating on me, so help me God, I was going to…

Wow. I need to keep a check on my anger.

I pulled out my cell phone. What would he say if I texted him right now?

Me: Hey baby, what r u up 2?

I looked out the window, watching the gray clouds move across the face of the moon.

Ten minutes passed with no reply. I opened my purse and tossed my phone inside. It finally buzzed. My heart felt like mush, and my mouth tasted of blood from biting my bottom lip too hard.

Jason: Just drinking with my old friend. Heading to Ravenheart now since she likes the drinks better there. Miss you. See you soon. Love you.

So he admits he’s with a girl yet I shouldn’t worry? What the hell?
I wanted to punch him in the face and cry at the same time.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Numbness started in my heart and spread across my body. My soul curled into a cold, dark hole. I’d survive this, but not fully. I didn’t want to become a bitter bitch, but maybe that was who I was meant to be.

Who knew?

I needed to get to my best friend, and the driver was slower than a turtle.

Now was the time I’d think of a good quote and feel smart and shit, but nothing came. My brain was blank. All I felt was emptiness.

When I got home all the lights were off. Amelia was fast asleep and I didn’t want to wake her up with my asinine problems. I drank to the bottom of my bottle of whiskey and went to bed drunk and pissed. At least Jack could never cheat on me.

***

I woke up to Amelia sitting by me braiding my hair. I rubbed my eyes and gave her a grim smile.

“What’s wrong, Syd?” Her happiness hit the floor and shattered. I knew I looked like a drunken mess with blood shot eyes and I probably also looked puffy from crying.

“Where’s Hunter? I don’t want him to hear—”

She brushed away a tear that escaped my hold. “He went for a jog.”

I nodded. “Last night I saw Jason and that old friend…was Lizzie…”

“Hold on. What happened?” Amelia moved to lay next to me and placed a pillow on her stomach.

I got out of the bed and paced in front of her, going back and forth. All I could do was replay Jason and that bimbo getting into that car together in my head. I yanked on my hair. The pain was a dull annoyance now. “Jason was across the street. His ex was with him, the one we ran into at the flower shop. I just couldn’t—”

“You didn’t confront them, did you?” She turned her head.

My stomach twisted itself as if trying to fit into a small imagery box.

I used to stand up for myself and get into people’s faces. Hell, last summer I made a fool of myself thinking Jason had moved on with another girl, and she was his cousin! Now this summer, I see him with Lizzie, and I wanted to ball up and disappear.

“No. Do you think I’m going mad? Maybe I’m suffering from dissociative identity disorder. I had to read some research on split per—”

Amelia got to her feet and tossed the pillow behind her. “That’s enough! You’re going to infect me with your crazy.”

I hung my head. “I want to go find him and kill him and that bimbo. He said he was staying the night in a motel. That has to mean—”

Amelia held up her hands, wishing for me to stop. “Sydney, wait. We don’t know the whole story…”

I kicked the carpet. “It’s between the lines. He cheated on me. That or I’m going crazy. Maybe I’m more broken than I was before…”

She closed the distance between us and grabbed my upper arms. “No, you’re not broken. You’re more adult now than ever. You don’t have meltdowns in public anymore or one-night stands. People usually don’t make scenes in public. They don’t want to embarrass themselves. You’re human, Syd, and we’re going to get to the bottom of this. Okay?” Her hands moved to my back, pressing me into her for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her, and we stood there like sad weirdos for a few minutes.

Look what love does. It turns you into a weak and pathetic girl. It’s not real! You were better off being an ice cold bitch.

Maybe that was true. This ache in my chest was what I feared all my life. It was why in high school I never dated and instead turned to flings. One-night stands were easy and fun. I got to feel the warmth of a body next to mine, but didn’t have to worry about things like cheating and heartbreak. By the time the sun was up, I was gone, just another roll in the sheets.

I was better than that though. I deserved to be cared for and worried about. I liked knowing someone was waiting for me when class ended and I had someone to talk about my day with. Plus, Jason was a perfect pillow.

He could’ve been her pillow last night…

I was my own worst enemy.

“So what’s the plan then?” I broke the hug and pushed back the voices in my head.

“I’m in need of some new clothes, so I say retail therapy is in order.” She walked around me and grabbed her purse off the coffee table.

“Wait, what?” I furrowed my brow.
My boyfriend’s hanging with his crazy ex and Amelia wants to hit the mall?

“You need to trust Jason. When he comes home, ask him about it. If he cheated then we’ll beat the hell out of him. Until we know the real story there’s nothing we can do. You’re going to burn yourself out worrying about things you’re making up.”

“Fine.” I grabbed my purse from the rocking chair and slipped on a pair of flip-flops. “Let’s go to the mall then.”

***

Amelia went from store to store like a bee in a field of wildflowers. I thought she’d be the one to want to sit and rest, but that person was me.

“When can we get a shake or something?”

“Ugh, Syd. You’re acting like you’re the one carrying around a baby. I need to get some stuff for myself before walking around becomes a chore. Plus, I’m also your wedding planner. Today is Amelia day.”

“And does Amelia want a shake?” I lifted my eyebrow and glanced toward the food court. It was only a few yards away. The smell of orange chicken drifted through the air.

She tapped her shoe and sighed. “Fine. We can get shakes and then hit the baby store around the corner.”

My throat was as dry as the Arizona desert. I wanted to jump out of my skin, but remained calm as we walked over to Shakeland. Thankfully, there wasn’t a line, just a couple ordering some shakes before us.

The man at the register nodded at me. “What will it be?”

“I’d like a medium vanilla shake with Oreo bits.”

He punched the machine. “Okay, anything else?”

“No.”

The guy told me my total, and I gave him my debit card. I moved down to the counter where the shakes were given after they were made. Amelia ordered a small strawberry shake and came over to wait with me.

“You know fries would be perfect with our shakes.” I eyed the burger place next door.

“Ugh.” Amelia stuck her tongue out. “Not for me. I’ll be happy keeping this shake down. Just wait until I get the weird cravings. Then we can go out eating.”

I laughed, hitting her arm lightly. “I don’t know about that. I’d be worried you’d eat my food too.”

She gave me a death glare. Never in my life have I feared my best friend, but that look sent a shiver down my spine.

“Syd—”

I lifted up my hands. “I’m sorry. Bad joke.”

“Orders for Sydney and Amelia,” a girl said, putting our shakes on the counter. I grabbed mine and a straw. Talk about good timing. I handed Amelia a straw. She took it, and we walked down to the baby store in silence.

All my worries melted away when I took my first sip. They knew how to make shakes taste like heaven; thick, yet not so thick it doesn’t go up the straw with the best vanilla, as if made fresh from the beans. I closed my eyes. “Mmm.”

“Should you wait out here while I go in?” She gave me a pointed look, as if she caught me watching porn.

“Whatever. It’s fucking good, okay?” I licked my lips and entered the store.

“Language,” Amelia muttered under her breath, side-eyeing a mother with two kids nearby.

“Sorry,
Mom
.”

She huffed and shook her head, following behind me.

I touched a rocking chair. Actually, it was a glider. “This chair is awesome.”

“You furniture shopping now?”

I sneered. “Can’t I admire the stuff in here? Geez.”

She chuckled and walked over to a crib. At the sight of the price her eyes bulged. “I’m going to need like three jobs with this baby. How do people do this?”

“You’re asking the wrong girl.” I felt my heart twist at the sight of the price of a stroller. Seriously, how long would a child use some of these things? “Wanna look at clothes? They are cuter and cheaper.”

“Sure.”

We moved to the center of the store. Amelia picked up a purple dress and held it to her stomach. “I hope the baby is a girl. I’d love to dress her up in pretty things.”

I turned around and froze. A huge section of the wall was dedicated to
The Lion King
. Not only that, but baby Simba and Nala were everywhere. It was cute overload. I ran over there and picked up a blanket softer than any blanket I’ve ever touched. “I so know what I’m buying her for the baby shower,” I said to myself.

Amelia walked over with a pink shirt that said, “I love my auntie.” I gave her a puzzled look. “You need to buy this. You’re my baby’s aunt, after all. And then I’ll do the same for you.”

“Aw, okay. Sounds good,
Sis
.” Amelia had no idea what that meant to me. Being an only child, I could never be anyone’s aunt. Well, maybe I could be if Kylie had a baby, but still. It meant so much to me.

She hung the shirt on a rack and eyed the blanket I was clenching. “You in love with that?”

I looked down and tossed it at her. “Feel it.”

“Wow, babies always get super soft stuff.”

I motioned toward the wall of amazing Simba and Nala stuff. “Look at all this! I want it all.”

“For you or your future baby?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I should say baby, but I just want it…”

“Well, good to know.”

I ran my hand down a blue onesie with a baby Simba on the side looking at a butterfly. “For you though. All this will be gone when I have a baby.”

Amelia smiled at me and hooked her arm through mine. “Look at you, thinking about babies and such. Last year you were thinking about what party you’d hit next.”

“Yeah, super great.” I shrugged her off. “Thanks for bringing up my past…”

Part of me wanted to escape the party girl, but it was hard when she was tossed in my face at random times.

“Sorry. I’m proud of you though.”

“Thanks. Do you wanna go?”

She laughed. “Yeah, need to leave before you buy everything with Simba on it.”

I looked at the wall again. I wished she was kidding, but she wasn’t. I did want it all.

We finished our shakes and tossed them in a trash can. I saw a maternity store and nodded in its direction. “Let’s go in here.”

“Why? I got a new bra that should hold me for a while. I don’t need any maternity clothes yet. I’m just an extra size larger right now.”

“Come on. You need to look at what you’re going to be buying soon.” I walked inside and waved for her to follow. It was strange how I didn’t feel weird going into the store that sold clothes solely for pregnant women. I used to walk by these stores quickly in the past.

She pouted. “Syd—”

“They have fake tummies. We can put one on you and see what you will look like in a couple of months.”

“Fine. Don’t really want to know how big I’ll be, but if it will make you happy.” Amelia dragged herself behind me as we walked back to the dressing room.

A saleswoman in a black blouse with pressed onyx pants walked toward us with a huge smile painted on her face. Her hair was dyed the color of milk chocolate, and her skin was a few shades lighter. “Hello, ladies. Which of you is the lucky mother-to-be?” Her eyes flicked from Amelia to me.

“She is.” I pushed my best friend forward.

“Congratulations, my dear.” The woman gave Amelia a full thousand-watt smile. She was about fifty-years-old; each wrinkle on her face told a story. According to the name plate on her left breast, her name was Monica.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

“Let’s go try some clothes on, shall we?” Monica pointed to the back of the store. She grabbed a round, tan-colored thing. It looked like a foam bowl with white straps.

“Turn around, honey. You don’t have to take off your jeans. We’ll try on a dress first.” Monica made a spinning around motion with her hand while she spoke.

Amelia took her shirt off and threw it at me.

Monica strapped that hideous, dirty thing on her. After looking Amelia over, she pointed my best friend toward a rack with dresses. She walked over and grabbed a peach-colored spring dress. She handed the dress to Monica, who took it off the hanger. The dress was carefully placed over Amelia’s head. Monica smoothed out the wrinkles and walked Amelia to the three-way mirror.

I bit my lip to hide my shock. She looked huge, like she swallowed a damn beach ball. I’ve seen pregnant women before, but to see the girl who’s practically my sister with a baby belly was scary. It freaked me out. I felt pressure building in my chest, and my heart rate sped up.

“You look sweet.” Monica smiled.

“Take it off,” Amelia was breathing heavily, as if she was about to have a panic attack.

“Okay…” Monica helped her take the dress off and then moved to undo the fake belly.

“Now!” Amelia screamed.

I jumped into action and grabbed her upper arms, standing in front of the mirror to block her reflection. “Hey, shh. It’s okay. Breathe with me.” I took a deep breath in through my nose and out my mouth, and she mirrored me. Monica got the belly off. It fell to the floor. Amelia was in tears as the fake tummy slipped off. She grabbed her shirt I slung over my shoulder and put it back on.

Amelia dug her nails into my arm and dragged me out of the store, leaving behind a confused Monica. We left the mall abruptly. I started the car and looked over at Amelia. She broke completely and was bawling next to me. I put on the air and turned down the music. “Hey, what’s wrong?”