Pieces of Us (24 page)

“No.”

As soon as I opened the door, I was wrapped in a huge hug, and I could hear Bonnie squealing.

“You’re leaving town?” she yelled.

Ryan released me from his grasp, and I saw Bonnie, Sarah, and Alex gathered on the doorstep. It was snowing lightly and the air was freezing, so I quickly ushered them into the house.

“Yes, I’m moving,” I told Bonnie. I wondered how she knew I was going, but Fairfield was a small town, and secrets didn’t stay hidden for long.

I led the girls into the dining room and found Ryan sitting with Dad, drinking a beer.

“Just wait till after New Years! You have to spend it with us!” Bonnie begged.

“Just a few more weeks,” Sarah agreed. “The baby is due in February, and I’d love for you to be here.”

I laughed. “If I listen to you two, there’ll always be a reason for me to stay. I’ll never go.”

“Exactly!” Bonnie cheered.

“I’m going. I have to figure out who Charlotte Barnes is.”

“That’s deep!” Ryan called from across the room, holding his beer bottle up in salute.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Promise you’ll come home when I have the baby?”

“Of course. New York City is less than two hours away.”

“Humph!” Bonnie groaned, folding her arms across her chest. “I
suppose
I could place a call to my head office and see if I can get you some work in the city.”

Alex smiled and angled his head toward the kitchen.

“You took my advice,” he said after I’d followed him out of the room.

I thought for a moment and frowned. “Well, it didn’t work very well. I listened to my heart like you said and chose to stay with Owen. Then he left me.”

“Owen wasn’t what your heart wanted.”

I looked at him quizzically. Slowly it dawned on me that my happiness wasn’t about anyone else, and I smiled. “I can’t depend on anyone else to make me happy. I have to learn how to do it myself.”

Alex nodded and gave me a hug. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

All this time, I’d thought I had to choose one of the men in my life. But it was me who wasn’t fitting, not them. I’d gone from being my parents’ daughter to Cameron’s wife to Owen’s fiancée without any time to get to know myself in between. Sure, I was single for two years between Cameron and Owen, but I was hurting so much that I didn’t take the time to really look at myself. How was I supposed to know what I wanted from life when I didn’t even know who I was? No wonder I was so conflicted.

I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy road, but I was motivated to start the journey. This was the first Christmas in six years that I hadn’t felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest. Wherever they were, I hoped Cameron and Owen were having a merry Christmas too.

***

I looked at the nearly empty bookcase and smiled. It was
mine
. I’d never really had anything that was mine before. The apartment I’d rented when I first moved to Boston had come fully furnished, and other than that, I’d always shared things with Cameron or Owen. But now, this whole apartment and everything in it was mine.

I was fortunate to have found a community college that could fit me into their mid-year enrollment, and I was excited about my education classes.

I’d also managed to find a studio apartment only a few blocks from campus. It was tiny, but it was clean, and Bonnie had pulled a few strings with her boss back in Fairfield and gotten me a part-time job with the head office of her accounting firm. Being a file clerk wasn’t exciting work, but they were being flexible with my hours so I could attend classes, and I needed the money. It was a fresh start, and I was in New York City: the city of possibilities.

I looked at the bookcase again and nodded in satisfaction. It held only the few textbooks I’d bought earlier in the day, but I promised myself I’d buy one book a week. By the end of the year I’d have a full bookcase.

A loud ringing made me jump, and it took me a second to realize it was my phone. I’d just had the line installed, and the only people who had my number were Dad and Bonnie. Dad had called about an hour ago to wish me Happy New Year before he headed to work.

“Hello, Bonnie,” I said with a smile.

“I have a surprise for you!” she squealed into the phone.

The door buzzer sounded, echoing around the apartment. “Are you here?”

I ran over and pressed the intercom with a huge smile on my face, but felt instantly disappointed when a male voice said, “Delivery from The Golden Palace.”

“Hang on a second, Bonnie. My Chinese food just arrived.” I pressed the button to open the door downstairs and got my purse.

After I’d paid for the food and closed the door, I returned to the phone and sat on my new couch.

“Tell me you’re not sitting home by yourself tonight,” Bonnie said.

“Okay, I’m not,” I said with a laugh.

“Liar.”

“I have Chinese food, and I’m going to watch the ball drop on television. I’ll be fine,” I promised. “So what’s my surprise?”

“Alex and I are coming to New York in three weeks for a concert!”

“That’s great!”

I’d wondered if it would be hard for me to remain friends with Cameron’s family, but it felt really natural. Bonnie and I had a silent understanding that neither of us would bring him up, and it worked. It didn’t stop me from thinking about him every single day, but it helped.

“Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you, and try out your new phone number, and wish you a Happy New Year,” she said, sounding a bit sad. “Oh, how is your new apartment?”

“I really love it,” I said with a smile as I looked around.

“You’ve only been there two days! You can’t
love
it already!”

“Well, I do.” I couldn’t explain it, but I knew my new life was going to be wonderful.

“Oh — Alex is ready to go. We’re going to a party. Have a good night, and we’ll see you soon. Happy New Year!” Bonnie said before hanging up.

I placed the handset on the coffee table and picked up some chopsticks. I ate a heap of honey-soy noodles and flicked through the television channels until I found the live broadcast from Times Square. It was exciting to know what I was watching on television was happening only a few dozen blocks away. I’d considered going to watch the ball drop live, but decided I really wanted to spend the night at home. I was optimistic I’d do it next year with a big group of new friends.

I ate as much food as I could and carried the leftovers to the kitchen to put away in the fridge. Even though I was alone, this was the best New Years Eve I could remember. I cheered as I watched the ball drop over Times Square and marveled at the amazing new city that was now my home.

***

I’d just started settling into a routine — going to class for a few weeks and finding a coffee shop I liked, even making a few new acquaintances — when I awoke one night in my new apartment, my heart pounding wildly. There was a noise coming from somewhere, and I sat bolt upright in bed, looking around for what had woken me. My phone. I stumbled out of bed to answer it as I looked at the clock on the wall. It was three in the morning.

“I hate you,” I said groggily.

“You have to come home right now!” Bonnie blurted into the phone.

I was instantly wide awake. Something terrible had happened. I tucked the cordless phone against my shoulder and started running around my room, grabbing clothes to change into.

“What is it?” I asked, praying nothing had happened to my Dad or any of the Harpers.

“Sarah’s been in labor for a few hours. She’s at the hospital right now. Mom said not to call you until the morning, but I thought you’d want to know.”

I could hear banging in the background. She was obviously rushing around as well. “Okay, I’m leaving right now. See you there.”

Throwing the phone down, I pulled my jeans on and ran a comb through my hair. I ran down the stairs and out onto the busy street where my car was parked. I’d been thrilled yesterday to get a parking space on the same block as my building. I knew it wouldn’t be vacant when I got back home. I pulled out and headed uptown, toward Fairfield.

Just under two hours later I drove down Fairfield’s main street and straight to hospital. I smiled when I saw David’s and Bonnie’s cars in the parking lot. I pulled in next to them and ran inside.

“Charlotte!” Alex called when he saw me.

“Did I miss it?” I asked, breathing heavily.

“No, we’re all still waiting. I’m actually going on a coffee run. Would you like to join me?”

“I should probably let everyone know I’m here.”

“Okay, can I get you something?”

“Just a coffee — the strongest one they have, if you don’t mind.” He nodded on his way out the door.

I navigated my way through the hospital to the maternity ward and laughed when I heard Bonnie’s excited voice floating down the hall. When I entered the waiting room, all the heads spun to me and smiles bloomed on their faces.

“Well, if it isn’t the big city girl,” David laughed, standing up to hug me.

“Hi, David,” I said, hugging him back.

“It’s so wonderful that you could be here,” Ellen said.

“I wouldn’t miss the first of the next generation of Harpers coming into the world.”

The sun was just starting to come through the windows, and I was shocked that it was dawn. “How long has she been in there?”

“Just over five hours. But it could be a while yet,” Bonnie said.

I sat down next to Bonnie and picked up one of the magazines on the table when someone else walked into the room, also breathing heavily. I looked up and my whole body froze. Cameron.

“Mom, Dad, is the baby here yet?” he asked frantically, looking as stressed as I’d felt a few minutes before.

“No, just have a seat,” David replied. “How was your trip?”

“It felt like it took forever, but I’m here so that’s all that matters,” Cameron said with a smile. He turned to say hello to his sister and did a double-take when he saw me.

“Charlotte,” he said.

“Hi, Cam.”

“Do I get a hello?” Bonnie said.

Cameron smiled and walked over to hug her. “Hello, Bonnie Lynette Harper,” he laughed.

“That’s better!” Bonnie said, smiling as she sat back down.

Cameron sat over next to his mother, but we kept glancing at one another across the room.

Before long, Alex returned with the coffee, and as we woke up, we started chatting. Cameron didn’t contribute much to the conversation. He just kept watching me with a smile on his face.

Mid-morning, Ellen and David went to get us all some food, and I decided to go for a walk to stretch my legs.

“Call me if the baby comes,” I told Bonnie.

“Will do,” she said without looking up from her magazine.

I left the waiting room and walked down the hallway, which was lined with posters of babies and breastfeeding mothers. If my marriage hadn’t fallen apart, would I have had a child by now?

“How are you?” Cameron’s voice came from behind me, and I turned to find him following me down the hall.

“I’m good. How are you? How’s San Diego?” I folded my arms over my chest without realizing it, but I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. The last time I saw Cameron had been extremely emotional, and I was a little embarrassed.

“San Diego is good — sunny,” he said with a smile.

“How cliché.” I laughed nervously. “Lucky you.”

“Bonnie told me about you and Owen.”

I shuffled my feet and started worrying a hangnail on my left thumb.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte. Are you okay?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Oh, of course. Maybe we should get back, I’m sure Mom and Dad will be here with the food soon,” he suggested.

“I was going to go for a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Oh, okay. Do you want some company?” he asked tentatively, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.

“Um…”

“I’m a daddy!” Ryan yelled from the other room.

Cameron and I practically ran back to the waiting room. When we got there, Ryan was wearing an ear-splitting grin and hugging Bonnie tightly. Cameron put his arms around both of them in a Harper group hug as Alex and I stood off to the side.

“Did we miss it?” Ellen asked as she walked back into the room with a large paper bag.

“Nope, it just happened,” I told her, taking the bag so she could hug her children.

All the Harpers disappeared into Sarah’s room to have a look at the newest member of their family. Alex followed them and looked back over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

“In a minute.” As much as I wanted to see the baby, I didn’t feel right invading their family moment. I was happy to wait until they’d all had a chance to meet and hold the tiny new Harper. I’d just sat down and opened the paper bag to see what food Ellen had brought when David came back to the waiting room.

“Why aren’t you in there?” he asked, hooking his thumb over his shoulder.

“I thought I’d let you have a family moment first.”

“Charlotte, you
are
part of this family. Now come on.”

I smiled and followed him. Sarah sat in her hospital bed holding the baby, and everyone was cooing and gushing.

“Would you like to hold your niece?” Sarah asked as she held the baby out to me.

“Are you sure? Has everyone else held her?” I asked, looking around.

They all nodded, so I held my arms out.

“Charlotte, this is Jessica Penelope Harper. Jessie, this is your Aunty Charlotte. She’s going to take you shopping on
Fifth Avenue when you get older,” Sarah said, handing me the baby.

She felt so small and delicate in my arms that I was terrified to look away from her for fear I’d drop her or squeeze her too hard. After a few moments, I managed to look up and saw Cameron watching me closely. Our eyes met, and I knew we were thinking the same thing — would this have been us?

“Speaking of Fifth Avenue, how are you liking New York?” David asked.

“It’s great. I love my apartment, and school is going well. I love my new life.”

“Me again!” Bonnie said eagerly, holding her arms out. With some relief I handed her Jessie.