Picturing Perfect (36 page)

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled my car into Jason's parking lot. My heart raced to my throat as I saw him unpacking his trunk. Stopping the car in front of his, not even bothering to pull into a parking spot, I killed the engine and took the baby from his car seat. I jogged to Jason who looked completely shocked to see us. He looked at me with earnest eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking excited, yet apprehensive. He was trying hard not to get too optimistic. And I hated that I did that to him. That I made him feel so uncertain about my feelings for him. Maybe Auden was right. Maybe I didn't deserve him.

"We were late to the signing. Traffic, poop, nap troubles…story of my life. I'm sorry."

"You got the book?" he asked, eyes wide. I nodded emphatically.

"It was beautiful, Jase."

"I'm glad you liked it. I'd been working on it for a while."

"You had?"

"Of course. It was going to be his birthday present. But, then when everything happened…I figured now was the right time."

"It was perfect."

"I was stuck on the ending…until Marty wrote it for me." Jason looked proud. Running my fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes and relaxed into my touch.

"There's one problem," I replied. Jason's eyes opened immediately and concern traveled across his face. I gave him a smile before continuing. "That was Marty's copy. I need one, too."

Jason sighed, shaking his head and looking at the blacktop. He rubbed his neck, before locking eyes with me. His emerald eyes were watering. He was fighting back tears with every ounce of strength he had.

I took his hands in mine. "You didn't deserve the things I said. None of them."

He pursed his lips and nodded, raising both eyebrows, urging me to continue. I guess I needed to grovel a little more.

"I just got scared…for me, for the baby, for you. I don't want to trap you. And, you didn't sign up for this. I know that."

"What are you talking about?" he scoffed. "I signed up for this a
long
time ago. I want you. I want Marty. I want
us
."

I nodded, looking up at the sky, unable to look into his gorgeous, pained eyes.

"We're a family, Haddie. Don't you see that?"

"I do now." I nodded, tears spilling from the corners of my eyes as I gripped his hands with all that I had.

Jason let out a sigh of relief before pulling Marty and me into his arms.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear. "I'm so, so sorry."

He sighed again into my hair as he gripped my back with his strong hands. I never wanted to leave his arms.

"Dada," Marty said, pulling away from me and practically diving into Jason's arms. Jason smiled the widest smile I'd ever seen before pulling Marty in for a hug.

"That's right, buddy," Jason said, rubbing his back. "Dada's here."

"Happy Birthday to you…" Everyone sang as Marty clapped his hands and giggled. The number 1 candle sat atop his little Grover smash cake. He clutched Gogo in his arms and looked at me like I was crazy when I showed him how to blow out the tiny orange flame. When the candle went out, everyone cheered. His giggle fit started all over again.

Jason removed the candle from his cake, made sure the bib was fastened and pushed it closer to Marty on the tray of his high chair. Marty carefully touched the blue frosting with his fingertips, hesitant to eat the bright blue depiction of his favorite friend from Sesame Street.

"It's nom nom, sweet pea." Gently, I scraped a small amount of frosting from the cake with my finger, and licked the sugary buttercream. Marty smiled and mirrored my actions as best he could. His eyes widened, as he tasted the sweetness of the frosting. Within seconds, he was digging in with both hands, clutching fistfuls of yellow cake and blue frosting.

Our friends and family watched as he covered himself completely in blue. His cheeks, his forehead, even his hair. I would've groaned, but laughter kept escaping my throat. A very pregnant Kate snapped picture after picture after picture of our messy boy while Jason laughed with Evan. Maya chased her toddler around the apartment as Mr. and Mrs. Kelly smiled at the little boy they adored.

Auden stood next to Marty, stroking his hair as she watched him cover his body with frosting. She gave him a quick peck on the head before winking at me. She would be leaving after the holidays, so we were trying to savor as much time together as possible. Only a few months left of seeing one another whenever we wished. Unofficial or not, she was Marty's aunt and I was determined to have him remember her. We'd Skype, show him pictures of Auntie Auden holding him, whatever it took to keep her present in his life.

Once everyone was served a piece of cake, I sat and chatted with my mom. She was as cheerful as I'd seen her in years, basking in the enjoyment of watching her grandson demolish his first birthday cake.

"He's starting to look like you, sweetheart," she said, staring at my boy.

"You're such a liar." I chuckled, shaking my head. Marty was still the spitting image of his father. And although he wasn't in attendance or participating, in any way, in his son's life, I'd always be grateful to Tucker for giving me this incredible little boy. Tucker's choices regarding his son frustrated the hell out of me all the time, and there were days that I dreaded ever having to discuss him with Marty. But, I had to take each day as it came. And Jason…well,
Jason
was his Dada. And an amazing one at that.

"So…how's Steven?" I asked my mom, curiosity all over my face.

Mom's cheeks turned pink. "You mean
Steven-from-work-Steven
?" She swallowed hard as she pushed frosting around her plate.

"You could've brought him, Mom."

"No, no. That would've been inappropriate." She shook her head as her lips formed a firm line.

"I'm just saying…I'd like to meet him."

"We're just…getting to know each other."

"Okay. When you're ready." Placing my hand on top of hers, she closed her eyes tight and smiled a relieved smile.

Steven had been pursuing Mom cautiously for several months. Turned out, he was part of the reason she started paying better attention to her appearance. She was still struggling with the guilt of moving on without my dad. But, I knew he'd want her to be happy. He'd want her to move on.

Her doctor had her on a much lower dose of medication and she seemed to be handling it fine, for the most part. Although occasionally, if I stopped over unannounced, I'd find her still in her pajamas at noon on a Sunday. Or a new picture of my dad would pop up on the bookshelf, usually one from their first days as a couple. And then, I knew she was having a rough time. But, Steven had been a good distraction for her. He gave me hope that one day she might be happy again.

"Are you excited to start back at Sunnyside?"

"Yes, very. It'll be weird, though."

"Marty will be just fine." She reassured me, tapping me lightly on the hand.

"Thanks again for doing this."

"It's my pleasure. I'm excited to spend two days a week with him. We'll have fun." Her smile was genuine, her enthusiasm obvious. It warmed my heart. All the concerns I had were diminishing when it came to my mom. She loved her grandson and she was able to show it. And I was comfortable with her having an active role in his life. It was good to feel that way. Good to let go of the worry, the shame and the concern that weighed on me for years.

When our guests had gone and Marty was down for the night, Jason and I cleaned up the sea of blue wrapping paper that covered the living room. Ironically, Marty's favorite gift was the empty box from his new tool bench set. He climbed in and out, in and out of that box as the guests shook their heads, each thinking about the real toy they brought that was being ignored for an empty cardboard container.

"Looks like we missed one," Jason said, pulling a small shirt-sized box from the coffee table. It was wrapped in simple navy blue wrapping paper. He handed the box to me with a look in his eye that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"No card," I said, flipping the box over and over, looking for some sign of who the gift was from.

"Just open it," Jason said with a soft smile as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He was nervous.

What is he up to?

Quickly, I tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. Two thick stacks of paper sat inside the box. Inspecting the first stack, I turned each page, looking for an answer. All I could see were pages and pages and pages of legal jargon. And on several pages, there was a signature.
Tucker Montgomery
. In the second stack, there were several more pages full of jargon, only I kept seeing Jason's signature next to another blank box, presumably for my own.

"I know this was presumptuous of me," Jason said.

"Oh my god, Jase. What are these?"

"Tucker…he's giving up his legal rights to Marty. But, only if that's what you want."

"You got him to do that?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Tucker had been completely uninvolved with his son, but for some reason, he'd always wanted to hang on to the option of coming back into our lives. I couldn't contain the relief in my heart. It poured out in the form of tears.

"Yes. I spoke my peace…and he got it." Jason adjusted his glasses, still looking unsure of himself.

"I'm in shock." I couldn't stop shaking my head from side to side in disbelief. I was stunned, I was shocked and I was
so
relieved.

"There's more. The second set of documents is from me. I want us to be a family. Officially."

"You want to…adopt Marty?"

"Yes, I do. But, if it's not what you want, we can tear the papers up right now. I don't want to pressure you. And if you still want Tucker in Marty's life—"

"No, no." I held my hand up in front of me, begging Jason to stop questioning himself. "
Of course
this is what I want," I said, choking on the words, wiping my soaked cheeks with my hand.

"Then, I need to ask you something." When I glanced up to look him in the eye, he was no longer sitting next to me. Instead, he was kneeling down, holding a ring box in his shaking hands. His plaid shirt was unbuttoned, revealing a navy blue t-shirt that read, "Marry Me, Haddie."

"Jase." I laughed and cried as I read his shirt over and over. Savoring it. Loving it. And understanding what it meant for me, for him, for us. I breathed in deeply before holding my breath, my teeth digging into my top lip as I awaited the question I've always dreamed of.

"My love," he said, clearing his throat, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? And will you give me the greatest honor of allowing Martin to be my son?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes," I said, rising to my feet, jumping up and down.

He placed the ring on my finger and my heart beat rapidly in my chest.

He stood, pulling me into him. I rested my head on his chest, knowing this was the happiest moment of my life.

"We're going to be a family," Jason said into my ear.

I pulled back and peered into Jason's misty green eyes. Gently, I grasped his chin and looked him dead in the eye.

"We're
already
a family. You know that."

He heaved a sigh of relief, running his fingers through my hair.

"Yes," he smiled, "yes, I do."