Authors: Cecilia La France
Tags: #drugs, #high school, #meth, #iowa, #meth addiction, #iowa small towns, #abuse first love, #abuse child teen and adult, #drugs recovery family, #abused teen, #dropout, #drugs abuse, #drugs and violence, #methampethamine, #methamphetamine addiction
She knocked and stood back. Katelyn
twisted her tongue piercing as she waited. Nothing
happened.
Katelyn stepped forward and knocked harder.
She thought she heard a murmur in the male voice and then
felt the light vibration of feet walking toward the door. She
imagined someone looking out of the peephole. Katelyn looked
away from the door. In another moment, she heard the deadbolt
and then the door lock click. The door opened minimally.
A skinny guy, probably around 20 years old, looked out at
her. His head stuck out the door a little. He looked
like that scary creature in the Lord of the Rings movie, the pale
one with big eyes always after the ring. His skin was dark
under his eyes and he had some red bumps over his lip.
Katelyn tried not to stare or show her disgust.
“Yeah?” the guy said, annoyed and
suspicious.
“I’m looking for Tim.” She tried to sound
bossy, tried to add an element of tough to her voice, “Tim Felske?”
She didn’t mean for it to come out as a question.
The guy obviously didn’t find her much of a
threat because he loosened his grip on the door and it opened more.
He slid his head around on his neck a little, “Who wants ta
know?” He turned his attention back into the apartment.
“Tim? Is this your delivery?” It was clear they
were expecting someone to show up. Skinny Guy looked back at
her, but still threw his voice to inside the apartment. “You
didn’t tell me she was stacked.”
Katelyn felt her face burned with
embarrassment and anger.
“Get your ass in here,” Tim’s voice playfully
came from inside the room. Skinny Guy moved away and went
back in.
Katelyn only hesitated a moment before she
followed. She stopped just inside the door, which she left
open. Her eyes found Tim slouched in an old recliner, the
footstool extended and his head leaned far back. Tim flinched
forward as he saw her, slamming the footrest into the chair as he
sprang forward. “Damn.” He stopped himself before he
fully sprang to his feet. Instead he leaned forward with his
elbows on his knees and bent his head into his fists. If he
were in church, he would look like a tormented sinner asking for
penance.
“Tim,” Katelyn said.
Skinny Guy seemed to figure out Katelyn was
not who Tim had expected to show up. He stood back and clear
of Tim and seemed to watch him carefully to see what he’d do next.
“Tim,” Katelyn repeated. “Tim—“
“What the fuck are you doing here?” His
voice was even and forceful. Tim lifted his head to look at
her after he finished.
“Tim, I want to talk to you. I have to
talk to you.”
He sat frozen, his eyes somewhat concealed by
the dark room. The movie had been put on pause and the chase
scene froze on Angelina Joli with her hair whipping through the
air.
Tim stood up and walked around a coffee table
in paced steps. He stopped just in front of her. “How’d
you get here?” The voice wasn’t quite as strong, but held
anger and panic.
Katelyn searched Tim’s eyes. She
cringed and braced for anger, violence, or a greater fear that he
really didn’t want her anymore. She refused to believe any of
it. His dark hair was ruffled, and she longed to run her hand
through it to smooth it out. She tried to say everything with
her eyes.
“Tim, I want to talk to you. I have to
talk to you.” While she talked, his face softened. She grew
in her resolve. “Come with me. Let’s get out of here
right now. Angel’s—“
Behind her, she heard the building’s outer
door open. A girl’s voice quickly moved from the entry way to
the apartment as she pushed the door open all the way. A
draft of cold air followed her in. “Who the hell left my door
. . .What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?”
Mona, Katelyn guessed. She was tall, a
head taller than Katelyn and her dark hair pointed out around her
shoulders in thousands of angry spikes. Her wide face was out
of proportion to her narrow, tall legs wrapped tightly in ripped
fashion denim. Her eyes were etched in layers of black
eyeliner and mascara.
No one spoke. Mona looked between Tim
and Katelyn and repeated the motion. Her hand planted itself
on one hip as she figured out Katelyn’s identity. “What the
fuck are you doing in my place? Who do you think you are
coming over here?” Mona had moved a step closer, but stopped
and reached one hand to the bottom of her black handbag that she
took from off her shoulder. She brought her hand back out and
let the bag drop to the ground. Katelyn’s eyes quickly
focused in on the switch blade Mona now held. Mona whipped it
around with a turn of her wrist and now a blade pointed at Katelyn.
She backed up as Mona walked toward her.
“You don’t listen so good.” Mona’s
voice had a snarl under the words. Her eyes didn’t leave
Katelyn’s.
Katelyn stepped back again and again, the
door getting farther away, until she ran into a chair behind her.
She put it in front of her quickly, but had no more room to
back up. Katelyn stood as tall as she could against the wall.
She had been holding her breath and now could only take short
gasps. Katelyn dared to look away from Mona toward Tim.
She pleaded with fear. “Help me.” Katelyn could
barely get the words out. Tim seemed to be an audience to the
event. He simply looked at Mona to see what she would do.
“You don’t get it, do you, Bitch? Shit,
I don’t blame Tim for wanting something better. And now he’s
got it. Do you need some help getting that into your fat
fucking mind, Bitch?” Mona curved the knife in front of
Katelyn’s face. “Huh? You think he wants to help out a
whore like you?”
Katelyn couldn’t respond.
Angel’s calm voice startled everyone.
“Hey, people,” Angel stood just inside the door and acted
amused, “this looks like a bad fuckin’ trip.” Mona changed
position so she could see the new intruder. Mona still held
the knife pointed at Katelyn. “Whoa! Shit.” Angel
held out her arms in surrender. She lowered them as she
stepped in closer to Mona and Katelyn. “Hey, Tim,” she said
in a casual tone. Tim looked at her in puzzlement but didn’t
respond.
“Hey,” Angel said to Mona as she came closer.
“So, I thought maybe I could use your bathroom since Kate was
takin’ so long giving Tim his money and shit. But, hey, you
all might want to chill out so you don’t make a really bad Law and
Order episode.”
At the mention of money, Mona’s eyebrows
raised slightly and glanced at Tim. He still stood back
watching the drama, but his face didn’t give away Angel’s lie.
In fact, Tim looked down as he put one hand in his pocket.
Mona lowered the knife to her side and backed off a step.
Angel grabbed the chair Katelyn held and traded places with
it to put herself in between Katelyn and Mona. “So, hey,
sorry to crash your party. I think I’ll hold it till I get
home.” Angel crossed her legs in humor and turned to Katelyn.
“You ready?”
Katelyn had already taken slow steps to the
side, rounding her way toward the door. She took bigger steps
now as Angel followed her. Angel tried to divert their
attention as they passed and pointed to the screen. “Gone In
60 Seconds. Great movie! Damn, I wish I had cars like
those.”
Katelyn was at the door now and took one last
look at Tim. He looked away when she looked at his face.
Katelyn looked at all of him then. He looked thinner.
Why hadn’t she noticed earlier. Tim wore a black, baggy
t-shirt, so he easily looked pale, but his cheeks bones stood out
more. Her eyes traveled down his arms, which were slightly
bent. In the bent shadow of his arm, she saw the darkness of
bruises.
“Okay, see ya all later.” Angel pushed her
out the door and shut it behind her. Katelyn didn’t waste any
more time.
Angel gave her a blanket when they got back
to her cousin’s apartment. “Don’t even think about it.
Kate? Don’t even go there.” Angel turned on the
TV in front of her and stood pushing through the channels with the
remote until she landed on a Family Guy episode. “I know it
hurts, but you just got to let it go. Zone out and forget
about it.” She put the remote beside Katelyn on the couch and
went to the closet to grab a pillow. Angel threw it on the
couch beside Katelyn and then went to her bag. She was back
beside Katelyn with her little tin of pills. She opened it
and held out two little white pills. “Sleep, baby. Time
will heal all.”
Katelyn shook her head. She was
incredibly tired.
“You sure? It’s your favorite,
Vicodin.” Katelyn stared at them with disgust. She
stuffed the pillow under her head and curled up on the couch.
Angel put the pills away and threw open the blanket above
her. “Alright, just sleep.” The blanket settled around
Katelyn's form, and Katelyn's eyes closed.
Angel was about to walk to her bedroom, but
Katelyn’s cell phone was on the arm of the couch. After a
moment of indecision, Angel quietly picked it up and changed the
ring setting to silent. Katelyn stayed still on the
couch.
New message from Tim: “LYING BITCH.”
New voice message from Mom: “Katelyn, where
are you? That’s enough of your games. Get home now.
You have school tomorrow and you’re going. Expect to be
grounded for spring break if you don’t.”
New message from Tim: “Come on back.
Dare ya”
New message from Tim: “Who do u think u r
better than now! Cunt"
New voice message from Mom: “Katelyn,
you’re in enough trouble for leaving the kids with Brianna all
night. Your dad didn’t come home and she had to watch them by
herself. (silent pause). McDonalds called. I know you
lied to them. Don’t make matters any worse. You need to
call and let me know where you’re at and get home. Now.”
New message from Tim: “He's calling my name
now”
New message from Tim: “Never loved u.
Aint ever had it this good.”
New message from Tim: “Fat bitch, fat
whore, fat fat fat fat”
Missed call from Mom
Missed call from Mom
Missed call from Mom
New voice message from Mom: “Katelyn, I need
to know you’re okay. You can’t miss any more school.”
New voice message from Tim: “Hey, uh. I
was pretty fucked up last night and don’t remember it all, but I
think Mona got a hold of my phone. Uh, well, thought you
should know.”
New voice message from Mom: “The school
called. You didn’t show up. I’m calling the cops if I
don’t hear from you within one hour.”
On her way out the door, Angel shook Katelyn
awake. “Hey, Kate. Katelyn.”
Katelyn woke slowly and pushed herself up.
After a look around, she recalled coming to Angel’s place,
the sharp point of Mona’s blade in her face, and Tim’s rejection.
“Hey, I’ve gotta be at the Academy by 1:00
today, but I can take you home first if we leave now. You can
just crash here all day, too. My cousin won’t be around till
after 5. I don’t have to work tonight and you can go over to
Dave house with me. Hands off, though, he just might be my
Romeo,” Angel laughed, but then saw the poor timing of her joke.
“Sorry.”
On the ride back to Northrup, Katelyn read
her messages and listened to her calls. Angel stayed silent
as Katelyn reread each aloud. When Katelyn finished and sat
in her own silence, Angel said, “Time, give it time, girl. None of
this matters tomorrow anyway. Not really.”
They pulled up to her house. Angel
stifled a laugh. “What the hell’s all over your yard?
Did your basement flood or something?”
Katelyn shook her head in embarrassment.
Tools and construction supplies littered the yard, leftovers
from her dad’s yard sale attempt. “Don’t ask.” Angel
gave her a sympathetic look as Katelyn pulled herself from the car.
She waved at Angel as she backed out of the drive.
Too late, Katelyn realized she failed to do a
car check to see who was home. A construction truck was
parked in the street. That meant her dad was home, riding
with someone on a crew.
Angel’s car was already pulling away.
Katelyn considered walking away, but didn’t have time.
“Get your ass in here!” Her mom had one foot
out on the step and the other still in the house. Her red
face reached out past the open screen door. Her blonde hair,
the same as Katelyn’s original color, scrambled together in a
restless mess.
Katelyn didn’t dare run. Early on in
her childhood, the primal urge to escape lost out to the fear of
what would happen if she did run. Out of obedient fear, she
followed her mom back into the house. Defeat weighed down
each of her footsteps.
Inside, Katelyn quickly figured out where
everyone was in the house. Kayla and Jacob were in the living
room watching the TV. She couldn’t tell if her dad was in the
bedroom or downstairs. Most likely he was downstairs.
Her mom didn’t censor herself anymore or try
to control her yelling. There were no deep inhales or silent
counting measures to keep calm. Katelyn wondered if her mom
would ever go back to the “no yelling” agreement someday.
The lecture went from one of Katelyn’s wrongs
to another. Sometimes her mom backtracked to hit the last one
again, several times. “Irresponsible . . .” and “selfish . .
.” and “failing . . .” and “count on you . . .” and “your future .
. .” and “trouble behavior” made appearances amid a slew of her
mom’s favorite curses.
Even though the yelling hadn’t been aimed at
her for a few years, Katelyn automatically slipped into a silent
slouch against the counter. She kept her eyes on the floor in
front of her except for a brief glance up in response to “You look
at me when I’m talking to you.” Katelyn knew not to
interrupt. Her mom had a long fuse when lit, but eventually
she would burn out.