Phoebe Finds Her Voice (6 page)

“As soon as you've finished eating, I want you to make a line of chairs in front of the stage.

“Remember,” she said, when we were all sitting down. “This is the song Sabine sings about all the ingredients she would need from the factory to mix her perfect dream. When you're up on the stage performing I really want to believe that you
are
Sabine – all alone without a friend in the world. I want you to make me cry!” She looked along the line. “Now who's brave enough to go first?”

Sam said she was, no surprises there, and ran round the back. She pulled the thick, metal cord and, inch by inch, almost in slow motion, the blue velvet curtains swung open and the stage stretched out behind her.

Nearly all the girls had a go even though it was obvious some of them were scared – maybe even as scared as me. I kept repeating to myself over and over, “I'll go next, Miss Howell, I'll go next, Miss Howell,” but each time someone finished their turn, the words got stuck in my throat and I couldn't get them out. I felt like I was on death row or something, waiting to be executed.

When Monty B got up for his turn, he pretended to be Sabine, prancing about the stage and singing in a really high-pitched girly voice.

“What on earth are you doing, Monty B?” Miss Howell called out. “I didn't mean make me cry with
laughter
!” He did a few more dainty turns on his tiptoes and then a sort of ballet leap across the stage, disappearing behind the curtain with a crash.

Next up was Catharine, and as soon as she started to sing everyone fell completely silent. Catharine is easily the prettiest
and
nicest girl in the whole group. She's in Year Eight, and not only is she totally gorgeous with these dark blue eyes and short pixie hair, but she's also got the most amazing voice. It seemed to fill the whole room and, sitting there listening to her, I knew there was no way I could get up and sing by myself.

I started to feel strange, like I was going to faint, or be sick. I tried to remember how well I'd sung round at Dad's but it was as if it had never happened. I tried to imagine standing on the stage with a great big
Razzle Dazzle Smile
on my face but it was hopeless. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to look miserable or smile? Miss Howell said
make me cry,
but I could literally
hear
Donny telling me to
stick a smile on my face
. How was I supposed to get up on that great big stage – by myself – and look sad
and
smile
and
sing when I couldn't even breathe properly?

Finally, everyone who wanted to sing by themselves had had their go, except for me. “Is there
anyone
else before we get on to the acting auditions?” Miss Howell called out from the front. She looked right at me.

“Phoebe?”

And that's when I did it. I couldn't stop myself. I opened my mouth, stretched back my lips and smiled. I showed
all
my teeth – every single one – just like Donny said. I thrust my head forward and stretched my lips even further until they were practically touching my ears.

Miss Howell lurched towards me. “What's the matter, Phoebe?” she cried. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes!” I shouted. “I'm fine. I just want to sing. I want to be Sabine. I've dreamed about being Sabine. I know I can do it; I've got a really good voice. Give me a chance, Miss Howell,
please
.”

But of course I didn't actually say anything at all – I just sat there smiling like a constipated giraffe. And suddenly I felt hot all over, which is how I always feel just before I'm about to cry.

While Miss Howell talked about the acting auditions I slipped out of the room and into the toilets. I couldn't believe I could be so stupid. I sat down on the floor, trying not to cry; it was icy cold but I didn't care. There was no way I was going back into the hall – not after that Oscar-winning performance!

A couple of minutes later, Ellie poked her head round.

“
Phoebs
! What are you doing down there? You'll get a numb bum! It's freezing!” She sat down next to me and cuddled up. “It doesn't matter, you know; you can sing by yourself in the next show. You'll be more used to it by then. And don't forget how many times Donny got turned down before he made it.”

“Don't talk to me about Donny whatever you do; I knew I should've joined karate instead of drama. You've just got no idea how much I wanted to be Sabine, Ellie. I practised that song day and night and I'm sure I must be as good as some of the others.”

“Course you are, Phoebs, you're easily as good. Come on, let's go in and do our scene. I'm sure
I'm
not going to get a huge part, but remember what Mandy said about joining Star Makers; it's being part of the group that really matters.”

Back in the hall Miss Howell looked over at me and smiled sympathetically, but she didn't say anything. Polly looked over and smiled as well, but it was one of her special
I'm really pleased you made an idiot of yourself
sort of smiles.

When it was time for us to do our scene, I dragged myself onto the stage. I just about managed to remember my lines – all three of them – but it was so hard with everyone else watching and I said most of my part staring down at the floor.

Sam was brilliant, of course, I knew she would be. And Ellie got the giggles halfway through, but at least she looked like she was enjoying herself. By the time it was over, my legs were like jelly and I was so relieved it was almost time to go home.

“Okay, guys,” Miss Howell said, starting to pack her things away. “Tidy up the hall and then come and sit back in a circle.”

I walked to the back of the room, picking up an empty water bottle and some sweet wrappers on the way. I thought about asking Miss Howell if I could sing to her after everyone had gone – I really wanted her to hear me – but I knew it was useless. I mean if I couldn't get up and sing in front of my own friends at drama, how would I ever do it in front of a load of people I'd never even met? Monty B – wearing a dress – probably had more chance of being Sabine than I did.

And then Polly came over to me.

“Oh dear, what happened, Phoebe?” she said, pretending to sound like she cared. Then she looked round at her friend, Kate, and they both burst out laughing.

I tried to think of something clever to say but my mind went totally blank. I thought about
clonking
her over the head with the empty water bottle I was holding, but my hand felt just as wobbly as my legs, so I walked past as quickly as I could, blinking hard to stop myself crying again.

Sitting back in a circle, Miss Howell told us that she'd give out the parts next week and that we were all superstars.

I was just wondering whether there might be a small part in the show for a non-singing, non-dancing, big-toothed giraffe when the man who rents us the hall came bursting through the door.

His name is Arthur McDermott or “
The Mad McDermott”
, as Sam calls him, and he runs his own theatre company called The Players. He's got this bushy beard that covers half his face and he wears a weird sort of black cape wrapped around his shoulders – like he's Dracula or something.

“Greetings, future stars of the stage,” he said, bowing down to the ground.

“Oh, hello, Arthur,” said Mandy. “How are you today?”

“Just dandy, Mandy – top of the world. And so kind of you to ask. Now the reason I've popped in is to give you a little advance warning about next week.” He pulled on his beard, dislodging a few old cornflakes. “You see, I've had to arrange for some redecorating and essential maintenance work to take place in the hall, so there might be some workmen here and some…er, ladders and things. Don't worry, my dear, it won't be anything too drastic…” He trailed off, backing towards the door.

“Well, thanks for telling me, Arthur,” Miss Howell said, “but are you sure it won't be dangerous? I mean, I am working with children.”

“
Dangerous?
No, no, it won't be dangerous. And anyway, you know what I always say about danger?”

“I don't actually, Arthur,” muttered Miss Howell, looking pained. “But I'm sure you're going to tell me.”

“I always say,
Danger? Pah! I laugh in the face of danger
.”

He threw back his head like a horse and snorted with laughter, spraying toast crumbs all over the floor. Everyone started to giggle, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his beard – it was so disgusting. I swear if he got stranded on a desert island with nothing to eat he'd be able to feed himself for weeks.

“The thing is Mandy, it might just be a bit, well, you know… Anyway my fellow thespians, I'm sure I can hear the telephone ringing in the office – always in demand – so I'll love you and leave you if I may.”

And before Miss Howell could say anything else he spun round and escaped through the door, his black cape billowing out behind him.

“Well done for today, guys,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at Arthur's back as he disappeared down the corridor. “You were all stars. And don't worry if you didn't sing this time, there'll be tons more opportunities in the future.”

I knew she was talking about me, and I knew she was being kind, but it just made me feel worse.

“Can you hand your scripts in. I'll give them back next week with your name and character written on the front. And bring a folder in with you, especially you, Ellie Matthews. I don't want to end up photocopying heaps more scripts because you've lost them, or the cat's weed on them! Now, are there any questions before we finish?”

“Have you decided
any
of the parts yet, Mandy?” Monty B asked. “Because I honestly don't think I can wait until next week. I mean, just imagine if I was struck down by some deadly, tropical disease and I never got to find out who I was. Oh, and Mandy, what does thespian mean?”

“It means actor, Monty,” said Miss Howell, grinning. “And now it's time to say adieu, and in case you were wondering, that means goodbye.”

In the car, I stared out of the window watching drips of rain run down the glass. I tried to trace them with my finger as they went from the top of the window to the bottom. Mum looked at me in the mirror.

“You're quiet, Phoebs. How did the audition go?”

“Oh, it was great. I got up and sang and I was so good Miss Howell fainted in a heap on the floor. Okay?”

“There's no need to be sarcastic, I was only asking.”

“How do you know I
was
being sarcastic?” I said. “Anyway, I don't want to talk about it – I'm too busy.”

Sara poked me in the side. “How can you actually be busy sitting in the back of a car?”

“I just am. I'm busy thinking. Do you have a problem with that?”

“
Ooooh touchy!
Don't get your knickers in a knot round your big, fat bum!”

“Oh, Mum, tell her to shut up, can't you?”

“Stop bickering, both of you,” Mum said. “I'm sick of you taking things out on Sara, Phoebe. It's not her fault if the audition didn't go well.” She sounded tired and fed up. She always did these days.

“Anyway, you can always try again next time, can't you? It's not the end of the world. Now what do you want for lunch? It's fish fingers or sausages.”

Fish fingers?
How could she talk to me about fish fingers when I'd just suffered the biggest humiliation of my life? Didn't she realize that it
was
the end of the world? Didn't she realize that my dream to be Sabine was in tatters and that I was never going to convince Miss Howell in a million years that I was the right person for the part? The next time
she
got really upset about something I'd just go on and on about lamb chops or tomato soup or something and see how she liked it.

“By the way, Phoebs, your dad said to tell you the reason he couldn't pick you up was—”

“I know, I know, he had something really important on at the centre, but what was it anyway? He never actually said when he dropped me off this morning.”

“Oh, you know, just some nonsense to do with changing his name.”

“To do with
what
? No wonder he never said. What's he changing it to? I bet it's something really stupid.”

“I know what he's changing it to,” said Sara, in her irritating, sing-song voice. “And you're right it is really stupid.”

“Come on, Mum,” I said. “What is it?”

“Well I think he wanted to tell you himself, Phoebs, but I don't suppose it matters if I tell you, since I've already told Sara. He's changing it to Eagle Dust, and before you ask, he did try to explain to me why but I'm afraid I stopped listening halfway through.”

“Mum, you are joking, aren't you? You're not being serious. No one would change their name from something ordinary like Robert to something so…so…I can't even think of a word. I'm sorry but no one would change their name to
Eagle Dust
.”