Persona - A Disturbing Psychological Thriller (41 page)

But only if Jenny told the police what he’d done in the woods.

If she did defy him, he would never give Ryan away once he was arrested, which would create public outrage, and Dave would end up labelled the country’s most-hated man. Far more distressing than that would be the fact Ryan would disown him.

And Zen would return.

That was, although the worst-case scenario, something he had to consider. To end the nightmare, Jenny had been prepared to commit suicide. The way things stood, there was a good chance that Zen had gone forever, and she’d not risk sacrificing that. She said she would go along with it.

The media presented more feasible threats. The story was terrifying and entertaining, and the public were closely following it. Zen was torturing a girl for two-timing him and had beaten the police. Thousands of people could have qualified as the victim. Progress reports were regular. The fact that Jenny’s family would decline further police assistance and then suddenly move away would prompt journalists to sniff for the truth. Jenny would have to remain hidden during all of this, and that would encourage them further. Ryan didn’t watch television or listen to the radio, but he did read the paper. If someone happened to notice Jenny it would appear in print, and if Ryan read about it the consequences were obvious. Dave would have to pay constant attention to any updates and then keep his friend from reading them.

The other threat was that Ryan’s surreal imagination would uncover the truth. Dave promptly concluded there was no chance of that – Zen had been so convinced Jenny had died that he’d faded away. Zen had been the strongest part of Ryan, and if he hadn’t suspected it was stage-managed then it wasn’t a threat. Additionally, Ryan had believed it too.

‘I can’t go yet,’ Ryan said.

Dave stared at him for a few moments. ‘Why not?’

‘Because I have a mine to neutralise.’

Dave felt stung. ‘Your mines
,
Ryan, are the lowest priority in your life right now. If you don’t get out of here now, you’ll never be able to defuse another one. Unless of course your mine requires you to be convicted of murder, in which case I recommend you stay where you are.’

Ryan spoke seriously. ‘It’s the final mine. It’s where I’m meant to be.’ He closed his eyes, exhaled deeply. ‘Finally, I’ve found my place, my vocation, and if you think I’m going to abandon it because I’m wanted for murder, you’re mistaken.’

Dave massaged his temples with his fingers. ‘And what mine is this that’s so incredibly important?’

‘Love.’

‘
What
?’

‘Fate requires me to be with Stacey.’

Dave’s jaw hung open. ‘Erm, d’you realise what happened the last time you were in love?’

‘Yeah, it caused me a lot of hassle.’

‘A lot of hassle? Ryan, it took over your life, ended another’s, and crippled two people!’

‘Exactly - a lot of fucking hassle.’

‘Not just for you!’

Ryan glanced at him. ‘Yeah, I know. I appreciate what you did.’

‘What if she sleeps with someone else?’

Ryan shrugged. ‘You tell me.’

‘You might embark on a blood hunt again!’

Ryan shook his head. ‘No.’

‘No?’

‘It’s my fate. I’ve been guided towards her.’

‘Ah, but weren’t you fated to be with Jenny forever, too?’

‘I was sick.’

Dave sighed.

‘At first, I didn’t know it was there. But it kept growing and growing. I thought it was impeding me, until it stared me in the face, and then I knew it was the truth. After all I’ve done, I know it’s ironic.’

‘Have you spoken to Stacey about this?’

‘I’ve not spoken to her since we were at her house.’

‘So you can’t be wrong?’ Dave asked. ‘I mean, you haven’t even tried it yet.’

‘It’s the process of elimination – it’s the only mine left.’

‘But what if none of them were meant for you? What if you weren’t meant to have a “place” and had to keep on floating?’

‘No. Love has been constant. I’ve tried my hardest to resist it, but it won’t go away. It’s meant for me, and I can’t run or hide, and I don’t want to. Stacey was created for me, and I have to respect that.’

‘I should think so!’ Dave piped. ‘I mean, how
reasonable
has God been?’

‘Don’t take the piss, Dave. My journey released you, too. You found out you were a closet.’

‘Yeah, thanks for that. Have you thought how Stacey will react to this sudden burst of humanity? You subjected her to a heartless ordeal, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted nothing more to do with you.’

‘All of it was necessary. It was the path I’d been given to find the answer. It makes it more difficult, but it’s meant to be, and I simply have to persevere to make it happen.’

‘You’re asking a lot of her. What if she doesn’t want to play?’

‘Are you deaf?’ Ryan asked, annoyed. ‘We’re meant to be together. She knew this and tried her best to enlighten me, but I kept ignoring her. Now I know she was right, and she’s always known that understanding would come. She reads me like a book. She knew I was blocking out the truth, and each time I felt it, I cursed myself and willed it away, but it wouldn’t go for good, because it was genuine. And now it consumes me.’

Dave closed his eyes. ‘You’re not just asking her to forgive you for what you did to her, but also to forgive you for Zen, too.’

Ryan stared at him.

‘She’ll know, Ryan. She knows you’re capable of it - you’ve already shown her a different persona, an indifference to love, and a taste for violence. She knows how physically robust you are, and with all the coverage and photos she’d have to be very dense not to figure it out.’

‘It’s an obstacle, but it won’t hold.’

‘I hope you’re right, because if you’re not she’ll…turn…you…in…’

Ryan shook his head.

‘Shit, Ryan! There’s been no contact between you two since you murdered Nathan Edmunds… Oh my God!’

‘Chill out. There’s no threat. She’s my lover, not a prosecution witness.’

Dave could hardly breathe. ‘Pack your stuff, Ryan,
now
! I’m gonna do the same. We have to get the fuck out of here!’

49

Dave made his way to Stacey’s. Right now she’d be battling with her conscience, debating whether or not to call the police.

It was obvious that she was very fond of Ryan. When he was about have sex with Fay, she had urged him not to, clearly prepared to forgive him even at that stage. And she had gone down on Dave at Ryan’s request. But, after that night, would she still feel as obsessed with him? The last thing she’d said to Ryan was that he and Fay deserved each other, which suggested that she had come to her senses. Dave hoped she hadn’t. If she still wanted Ryan, then he was safe.

Thirty minutes later he knocked on her door. She took over a minute to answer and asked who it was before opening it. Dave identified himself and the door creaked open.

‘Friend’s plea?’ she asked him.

‘Yes,’ he replied. She looked terrible. Her skin was pasty and her eyes tired. At midday, she still wore a pink nightdress. ‘Heavy night?’

She looked at him without amusement. ‘Heavy few days.’

‘I need to talk to you.’

‘I know.’ Stacey invited him in.

‘How did you know?’ he asked, sitting in an armchair opposite her.

‘I watch the news.’

‘Have you kept it to yourself?’

She let the question hover agonisingly before answering it. ‘Yes.’

Dave felt enormous relief and didn’t know what to say.

‘So far,’ she added.

He stared fearfully at her. ‘Why would you give him up?’

‘
Why
? Have you lost your mind?’

‘Maybe.’ Dave slumped back against the seat.

‘I knew something had happened,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I knew it couldn’t be his parents alone. He was so scared, so vulnerable, and I wanted to help him, but he pretended he didn’t care. It didn’t surprise me much when I heard.’

‘He’s in a lot of trouble.’

‘He brought it on himself,’ she snapped.

‘No he didn’t. Jenny cheated on him. It broke his heart.’

‘I know that. So now he must do it to everyone else.’

‘No, just to her, Jenny.’

‘So where do I fit in? Why have
I
been punished?’

Dave leaned towards her. ‘You haven’t been, really. He punished himself. He didn’t fancy Fay. It’s not what he wanted - he was just lost.’

‘Lost?’

‘Yes, lost. He’s been searching for happiness for a long time. I know that sounds absurd - how could happiness be found in voyeurism? It just shows how desperate he was. He had to try everything to know what felt right, because nothing in particular appealed to him; he had no idea where peace would be. But now he knows.’

‘Well, I’m so glad he’s finally found it.’ She stared to the left, unable to look at him.

‘Now he realises he’s punished himself, because by having sex with Fay, he’s compromised what he knows he truly needs…Love.’

She looked at him again. ‘He loves me
now?’

‘Yes.’

‘I knew it would happen,’ she said quietly.

‘Aren’t you happy?’ Dave asked, and then cringed at his lack of empathy. ‘Well, at least it should make you feel a little better.’

‘Not really. I expected it.’

‘So it doesn’t change anything?’ he asked, exasperated.

She locked onto his eyes. ‘Do you have
any
idea what he’s put me through?’

‘He’s done the same to me.’

‘No he hasn’t. He’s treated me with complete disrespect. I’m a decent, self-respecting person, and the things he made me do, the things he subjected me to… I didn’t deserve that, I
didn’t
!’ She started to cry.

Dave closed his eyes. ‘It wasn’t going to be a fairytale.’

‘Oh, you don’t say!’

‘But he loves you, Stacey, and he’s certain you’ll be together.’

‘So, if I don’t give him what he wants, should I expect to be tortured, too?’ she cried.

‘No, you’ve done nothing wrong.’

‘I know I haven’t! So why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be in that pub? Why did he have to approach
me
?’

Dave sighed. ‘Because he was lucky enough to find the girl he wanted.’

‘The girl he wanted to ridicule, more like, to hurt, and whose self-esteem he wanted to destroy.’

Dave ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t helping matters. She felt disgusted with herself and he couldn’t see an opening. He began to tremble. Who knows what she might do while she was so unstable? What could he do? Nothing he’d said had comforted her, and, in all honesty, could he blame her? It was a tall order to expect someone to forgive and forget after what Ryan had done.

It was, however, encouraging that she was more preoccupied with Ryan’s behaviour towards her than his antics as Zen. It was clear that she wasn’t horrified by the revelations.

‘All I can say to you is that when Ryan’s your friend, he’s loyal and dependable. Life is never boring.’

‘You’ve convinced me. I want him back!’

‘At least let him talk to you before you do anything. You
can
make him normal again. He knows you can, you’re a lifeline he’s hanging onto. If you won’t do it for him, or me, then do it for everyone. If he can’t settle down with you, God knows what he’ll do.’

‘Don’t threaten me, David. If you’re that scared of him, forget about him. That’s what I’ve done. And if he’s that dangerous, he should be inside. Maybe I should call the police and tell them what I know.’

Dave was about to beg her to change her mind, when the doorbell rang. Stacey stood up and walked to the door…

Moments later, Ryan walked into the lounge and stared at Dave in surprise. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

‘Erm…talking to Stacey.’

‘Yeah, trying to fuck things up again. Mind your own business and fuck off.’

Dave knew better than to argue. ‘We need to get out of here ASAP,’ he said, and then scurried out of the house.

Stacey sat down and stared at the television. ‘Say what you have to, then leave.’

Ryan watched her speak the vacant words, sighed, and then sat down beside her. He took a deep breath...

‘I’ve had a life full of pain, despair and need. That was all I had as a boy and it’s all I’ve had as a man. I thought Jenny would save me, and put all my hope into sharing a future with her. Then she sucked my mate’s cock while I was in the shower.’ His eyes glazed over and he spoke as if in a dream. ‘I found out when she kissed me - I could taste his semen. That’s how I learnt that she’d been unfaithful to me. It broke my heart, and I used anything I could to prevent it from happening again. I’d never fall in love and would never be hurt or taken advantage of ever again. And that’s who you had known.’ He turned to her. ‘But you looked deeper and discovered the truth. It was a
false persona
. I’d always known that, but couldn’t accept it. I sought comfort in all manner of obscene things, convincing myself only something unpleasant could release me. I was wrong. I’d never have believed that I needed love, and it took experimentation to make me realise. That was the only way I could learn. I removed the bad and it left the good. It left
you
…’ He saw a tear roll from her eye and continued.