Perfectly Messy (31 page)

“To say I’m stupid.”

“Yeah, you are,” I spit back. The tears start. He
is
stupid!

“I should’ve never let you go. Take me back.”

“Why? Why would I ever do that?” I scoot farther away on the branch, but he’s there, climbing with me.

“Because you were right and I was wrong. I wanted everything to be perfect for you. But here’s the truth, Lucy: I’m not perfect… I’m a mess. I can’t promise perfection and I was a fool to believe I could keep things like that. Turns out, I don’t
want
perfection. I want a
real
relationship.” He reaches out, touching my cheek. “I want to know when you cry, so I can dry your tears and share your pain. I never want you to hold back how you feel because you’re afraid it’ll stress me out. I can handle it now, because I’m a mess. Because I know it’s okay. It’s life.”

His words are like hydrogen peroxide to my wounds.

“You weren’t happy with me. It got hard. Really hard,” I say between shaky breaths. Crap, I don’t even know what I’m saying. With Justin so close and his smell all around me, it’s impossible to know what I want. My head’s gone and my emotional pendulum is swinging on turbo mode.

“It’s not always going to be easy. Look at your parents, look at your friendships. Not easy. That honeymoon stage was awesome, but we’d be foolish to think it lasts like that always. Heck, I don’t want it to. Challenges are coming. I want to meet life’s challenges
with
you. The best part will be growing together, changing. It’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I want it. All of it.” He leans down toward me, his mouth hovering only a few inches from my own. “All the kisses. All the fights. All the tears.” I blink as his finger gently wipes away the tears that somehow made it onto my cheek. “Be with me,” he says with bated breath.

I gaze at him as my heart plays wrecking ball inside the cage where I shoved it when he left me. “You can’t show up and apologize for breaking my heart and expect everything to be fine.” My adrenaline kicks in, fighting back against his ability to make me swoon. Words need to be said, right now.

He laughs wildly then, his hair crazy and his shirt soaking wet. “Believe it or not, I don’t want everything to always be fine. I lived like that for a long time and it sucked. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is I want to tackle it with you.” He reaches again for my arm. “Lucy, you’re the love of my life. I need you in it, if you’ll have me.”

My pulse throbs in my ears. I reach out, wanting to shake some sense into him. Why is he doing this to me? It hurts so much. But just as my hand reaches his chest, he shifts positions and suddenly, he’s falling forward out of the tree.

Oh no!
My heart stops as I watch the fall and only beats again as he lands on his feet. Thank God he’s so athletic. He turns around and glares up at me, his face all screwed up. Whoa. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Justin pissed off before.

The rain picks up strength. He shields his face as he looks up toward me. “Don’t you dare end things like that,” he yells up to me. “I’m here, loving every part of you. Take it.”

“It’s not that easy!” I shout back over the now downpour.

“It can be though. How else do you take a risk? Sometimes you’ve just got to leap.”

I cling to the tree. If I jump, will he think I’m all in? Because…oh God. Yes, I am. But, no…this is such a mess still!

“Get your butt down here and let’s finish this conversation. For better or worse.” His pissed off look does something then that I never expected. It proves he’s not just perfect, he’s human. Somehow, being pissed at me is one of the best things he’s ever done.

I swing my legs, antagonizing him. “It’s not going to end well.”

“I don’t care. Either come down or I’m coming back up.”

I jump then, bracing my ankles to take the impact of the landing. Suddenly, he steps in front of my landing spot, catching me at the hip. He holds me above him, pressing me against his chest as he slowly lowers me to his eye level.

I push against him. “Put me down!” How dare he hold me right now.

“Is that what you really want?” His voice is husky, the intensity sends warmth up my spine. “Me to let you go?”

I hesitate, feeling the thump of his heart against my own. Our hearts reach out for one another, mingling in rhythm and song. This, this is… whoa.
Whoa.
Every cell in my body aligns, finally feeling right where I belong.

“I thought so,” he says after I don’t answer him. He still holds me as the skies open and sheets of rain fall. “I’ll never let you go, Lucy. Unless you want me to. But, please,” he says, “don’t ever ask me to do that.”

His lips find my jawline. So soft against my skin. A sigh of longing follows. “I love everything about you. Please, let me back into your life. I want you. All of you. Always.”

As I try to breathe through the power of his kiss, my eyes catch the silhouette of my parents in the window. They’re putting away dishes, still clueless I’m out here. The image of them together makes everything click. My parents only made it through Mom’s depression because they fought for one another, worked hard, and believed in love. They had no idea they’d be handling that when they started dating. Life isn’t an exclusively lovely road. It’d be naive of me to think that’s what love is. Hell, I don’t want a love that shallow. I want a love that will last a lifetime, like theirs.

“Please, be with me?” Justin asks one more time. His voice melts my steely resolve. My hands find his hair, my lips scorch against his. I wrap my legs around him as I abandon the idea of
perfect
love, instead, embracing real love. A love that’s shaking me to my bones.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

I lean into him once more, answering with my lips again. Our bodies tremble together as we explore one another in an intensity we’ve never experienced before. “I love you,” I say.

Real, raw, terrifying love.

A complete mess. Perfect.

My breath stills as I lean back, delighting in the early summer warmth on my cheek. God, it feels so good to be back at the pool. I shift on the bench, enjoying another deep breath. The pool gate creaks back and forth as I eavesdrop on people talking about their plans for Watson’s Kick-Off Summer party tonight.

I can’t help but laugh, remembering what happened a year ago on this exact bench. I was weak, lost, and pissed off. So incredibly pissed off at the guy who thought he was wise and knew how I should be living my life.

Suddenly, a hand rests on my shoulder and, instead of jumping, my muscles relax.

“Hey, Lady,” he whispers before his lips press into my cheek, that five o’clock stubble tickling me. “What are you thinking about?” He takes my hand as he crosses to the front of the bench, sliding next to me and smiling.

That strong jaw and always there five o’clock shadow still makes my heart trip. I lean in, kissing it lightly before I tell him everything.

The End

First, I must thank my readers for loving
Effortless With You
enough to give me the opportunity to share more of Justin and Lucy’s story in
Perfectly Messy.
Every word of praise and encouragement has meant the world to me. Thank you.

To my husband, Greg, thank you for fighting daily to have a real relationship with me. You’re my warrior and I love you.

To Evelyn, Penelope, and Owen, thank you for making me a better and stronger person. Being your mother is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I look at you and know I can do it, because I do it for you. It’s always for you.

Also, thank you to my parents and siblings for their love and support. A special shout out to David Wirt for lending a guy’
s perspective and picking out a great pair of basketball shoes.

To my first readers, Rebecca Froehle and Rose Froehle, your enthusiasm for
Primer
gave me the courage to step out there and take a chance on my dream. Thank you.

To Elissa Lucier, thank you for dealing with me frantically throwing plot twists at you over the phone. Your insight as a youth pastor was invaluable! Katie Stano, thank you for watching my children so this book could actually make it into readers’ hands.

To my wonderful critique partners, Fiona McLaren, Katrina Sincek, Cassie Mae, Rebecca Yarros and Nikki Urang, thank you for diving in and helping me bring the next step of Justin and Lucy’s relationship to life. To my supportive author groups, The Off Beats and Beta Book Peeps, thank you for your endless encouragement and love.

This book also wouldn’t exist without the support of my amazing agent, Dr. Jamie Bodnar Drowley. Thank you for being a woman of great character.

Thank you to Mandy Schoen, my incredible editor, for “getting” me and dealing with my create-a-word vocabulary. More than anyone, you’ve always understood the heart of each story. Working with you is a joy.

Thank you also to Georgia McBride and the team at Swoon Romance for all they have done to help this series become a reality.

Lizzy Charles lives in the Twin Cities and is a graduate of the University of Minnesota. When she isn’t raising her three children or caring for premature and sick babies as a neonatal intensive care nurse, she’s seeking refuge with her laptop, sparkling water, and dark chocolate. She married her high school sweetheart, a swoon-worthy musician, so it’s no surprise she’s fallen in love with writing contemporary YA romance novels.

Visit
www.myswoonromance.com