Perfectly Messy (17 page)

The cracking starts from my chest. I swallow, trying to keep everything under control. But they come. The tears show up, spilling down my cheeks.

Ian moves off of his bed, inching toward me across the carpet. “Come here,” he says and I do, crawling over into an awkward hug. For three days, we haven’t touched. Ian’s been nothing but a gentleman, even stepping outside when I shower. Most guys wouldn’t be that aware of privacy needs. I’ve decided he’s genuinely more respectful because he has so many siblings.

He pulls me to his chest. His clothing still smells like the coffee house, but more mocha-like. He pats my back. “I know it sucks. You’ll talk to him tomorrow. It’ll work out.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting.”

“No. Don’t apologize. Trust me, if I had to be away from my girlfriend for that long without saying goodbye, I’d be pissed.”

I pull out of his embrace, leaning back against my bed. He does the same to his. “So you have a girlfriend?” I ask.

He smiles crookedly. “I guess I should have emphasized the
if
a bit more.” He shakes his head. “No girlfriend.”

“Did you leave one back in St. Louis?”

“I had some girls I went out on dates with, but nothing serious.”

“Have you asked anyone out here yet?”

“Still working on meeting the right one to ask.”

“You’ll meet her. I’ll keep my eyes open at school. Introduce you to someone cool.”

“That’s okay. I’ll bump into her myself. I operate better that way.”

“I get that,” I say, zoning in on the weird floral pattern on the carpeted floor.

“He’s lucky,” Ian says softly, almost to himself.

“Justin?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He smiles at me, his blond hair still disheveled from his earlier trek to grab us lunch.

“Why?”

“He has you.”

I suppress my blush. I know he’s not talking about
me
, me. He’s talking about the type of relationship that Justin and I have. We are lucky. It’s true.

“You’ll find your girl someday, Ian. I’ve spent three days with you. You’re nothing short of awesome.”

Ian stands, then helps me off the floor. “Want to escape this place to find some dinner? No reason to stay in now that you don’t have to wait for his call anymore.”

My face heats. He knew I was waiting in here only for Justin’s call, and he indulged it with going on all the errands and food runs in the record snow and cold. All so I wouldn’t have to miss Justin’s call. Wow.

“You’re an awesome friend, you know that? Right?”

Ian laughs, pulling me close to wrap the emergency blanket around my shoulders. I’ll never leave home in the winter without a coat again.

“Whatever. That Chinese place opened up again. Sound good?”

“Yeah, that’ll be great.”

***

I scroll through my email, opening Justin’s goodbye one more time.

Dear Lucy,

I hate that I’m leaving you without saying goodbye. I wish I could hold you, whisper in your ear that I love you and you’re beautiful.

Please know that you are everything to me. For the first time in my life, I’m insanely jealous. I wish I was the one stuck in that motel room with you.

I can’t wait for New Years when I can hold you in my arms again. Warning, I’ll probably never let you go.

Skype me / text me / call me the moment you can.

I love you,

Justin.

One day until he’s back. I can make it.

I’ve forced the weeks to pass quickly, keeping every moment busy. Shopping with Jen and Laura. Snow-tubing with the group. Hanging out with Ian at the coffee house. Pretty sure not a day has passed where I haven’t had something planned as I wait for my bedtime Skype date. Staring at Justin’s gorgeous, tan face is the way to fall asleep. For sure.

On today’s distraction agenda? Picking up my Christmas gift.

I close the laptop and throw on some lip gloss, waiting at the door near the garage. It was a weird Christmas, having no gifts under the tree. They promised something was coming, but I’d have to wait until today.

“I’m ready!” I call out.

“We’re coming,” Mom says as she walks through the swinging kitchen door, a bulky old video camera in hand.

“Is this really a video-worthy gift?”

“Yes, definitely.”

I sidestep, making a mental note to freak out no matter what the gift is. Even if it’s an elephant ride. Though, that’d be pretty cool. Especially in winter. But really, whether it’s an elephant ride or a family field trip to learn about recycling, I’m going to pretend it’s awesome.

After the year I’ve given them, they deserve at least that much from me.

Mom climbs into the car, but I stop to trace the dent and small scrape in the bumper before I open my door. Amazing that’s all that happened. Score one for me. Okay, really for the soft snow, but still.

Dad and Eric join us. “You ready, Lucy?”

“I’m excited. Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He opens the garage door and pulls the car out a few feet before stopping. “And, we’re here.”

“Here?”

Dad snorts. “Yup.”

I climb out of the car, hesitantly.

“Go look beside the house, on the basketball court,” Mom explains.

Basketball court? Did they get me a new hoop in the middle of winter?

I peek around the side of the house. A red car with a small gold bow stuck on the hood is brilliant against the white snow.

“Are you kidding me?” A car? They got me a car! I run my hands over the perfect cherry paint job.

I peek in the windows. Leather interior. Spacious. CD player and iPhone nesting dock.

“Whoa,” I say, looking back in disbelief. Dad’s standing there with his arms crossed while Mom videos. “Is this really for me?”

“Yep,” Dad says, stepping up and opening the driver door for me. “It’s a Volvo S60. A little big, but you can fit all the stuff you want when you move away to college. And,” he points to the shifting thing. “All-wheel drive for the weather. Super safe.”

“Wow. I can’t even…I mean. Are you sure?”

Mom rests her hand on my shoulder. “Lucy, we’re very proud of you. You’ve worked hard on many things. You deserve this.”

“Climb in,” Dad instructs.

The leather seats are easy to slide into. My thumb looks for a button on the side. Score, they heat. I rest my hands on the wheel and my feet reach the pedals easily too. Dad must’ve adjusted this to Mom’s settings. Smart.

The passenger door opens and Dad joins me. He points to all the knobs and features and I appropriately ooo and ahhh.

“Dad, this thing is amazing! Thank you so much,” I lean over, giving him a hug.

“You’re welcome.”

“You know you didn’t have to do this. I know it’s a lot. And with college coming up...”

“Don’t worry; I bought it used. And Lucy, it was time for you to have your own car.”

“Sorry about landing yours in a ditch.”

“No, that’s not what this is about.” He takes a deep breath. “You’re in a more serious relationship now, right?”

I don’t move. Not acknowledging is safer than doing so.

“Well,” Dad taps the shifter. “If anything was to happen within that relationship that you’re not comfortable with, I don’t want you to be stuck there. You should have a way to drive home.”

I roll my lips in. Not comfortable with? Is this his version of the sex talk?

“Dad, Justin’s not like that.”

Dad coughs. “It doesn’t have to be
that
. It could just be a fight or being sick of a political conversation at one of his dad’s events.” He reaches inside and opens the glove compartment, clearly feeling a bit awkward about this too. “You deserve to have control over your transportation.”

“Does this mean Justin isn’t allowed to drive me anymore?”

“No, he can. The car gives you a bit more freedom though.”

I nod. “Thanks, Dad.”

He taps my knee. “Okay, now go thank your mom.”

I squeeze his arm before climbing out of the car. “I can’t believe you got me a freakin’ car,” I say as I hug Mom.

“You deserve it, Lucy. Merry Christmas.”

“Thank you.”

“Should we go for a drive?”

“Yes!” I squeal. “Climb in.”

“Pop the trunk.”

I do and Dad pulls out a new booster seat for Eric. He shrugs. “Figure you may as well have this to help us out from time to time.”

“Sure. I’d love to drive Eric around.” At this point, they could make me commit to biweekly Boy Scout meeting transportation and I’d be fine with it. They bought me a car!

Once the booster is installed, I push the ignition button. So weird. My key’s in the cup holder. “Where to?”

“Everywhere,” Dad says.

I pull out of the driveway and that’s exactly where we go. I’ve got a whole day to waste before I can see Justin. We have lunch in Stillwater, ride roller coasters at the Mall of America, and end the night ice skating at The Depot in Minneapolis.

Finally, it’s eleven o’clock and I throw on a cute t-shirt and pj pants. I crawl under my covers with my laptop. Three minutes later, Skype does its signature ding.

“Hey, Lady.” Justin’s face pops up on the screen. His golden tan reminds me of his shirtless summer painting and my stomach heats. It’s not fair how easily he makes me melt.

“Hi, you’re all dressed up.”

He shrugs. “Yeah.”

“You look nice. Can I see?”

He rolls his eyes, standing up and backing away from his screen. His white linen pants and light blue dress shirt make my palms sweat. He tugs on the pants. “I didn’t know I was supposed to bring business wear, so Tonya dragged me out a few hours ago and we snagged these.”

“I like them,” I say, trying to suppress my blush. Seriously, he’s so hot.

“You do?” He turns around, pretending to model them. “Well, maybe I’ll keep them then.”

“Yum. Please do.”

That makes him laugh as he returns to the computer, pulling his hand through his hair. I smile, remembering how I used to think he did that because he thought he was hot, when actually it’s a nervous tick.

“Something bothering you?”

“I can’t talk long. We’re leaving for dinner soon. It’s
amazing
that a random political dinner is happening tonight, here in Hawaii, where Dad can meet and greet.”

“So, this wasn’t a birthday trip?”

“It was. I mean, we’ve done tons of awesome stuff. Climbing that volcano was incredible and surfing, I think I’m addicted. Mom made an itinerary that didn’t include any dinners… until Paul showed up. Now Dad’s dragging us to this thing tonight.”

“Paul? He showed up on your birthday trip? Isn’t that a bit weird?”

“Yup.” Justin rolls in his lips, obviously pissed.

“What did he want?”

“He wants me to do the reality show next fall.”

“What? Why?” My eyes pop. I thought Justin was far past that.

“Tonya thinks he’s probably invested in the show, but I’m not about to ask him.”

“Well, what did you say when he asked again?”

“Hell no, of course.”

I tap the keyboard, trying to piece everything together. “Why would your Dad need to meet people in Hawaii anyway? That’s about as far away from Minnesota as you can get.”

“I dunno.” He squeezes the bridge of his nose.

“Justin?” He’s totally holding something back. “What is it?”

“Pretty sure he’s gearing up for a presidential race, even though he always promised our family he never wanted to be president.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Paul says it’s standard practice, just in case he wants to make the leap in the future. Create and maintain connections, you know?”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I wouldn’t put anything past Paul.”

Justin looks up from the laptop, answering someone in the other room with a wave. He rolls his lips in as he turns back to the screen. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”

“I’ll definitely see you tomorrow night at Watson’s, right?”

“Yes. My flight gets in around ten-ish. I’ll meet you at the party. There’s nothing in this world that will steal away our New Year’s kiss.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me too.” He looks over the screen. “Coming,” he says to them. “Okay, I’ve really got to go. Our car’s here. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lady.” He adds a wink and my heart kerplunks. I love it when he calls me that.

“Sounds good. I love you.”

“Love you too. And, by the way,” he leans into the screen and drops his voice to a whisper, “you look beautiful.” He waves goodbye quickly as he ends the Skype call and the box on my screen fades to black.

I get up and fling my pillow across the room. My heart aches as the photo of Justin teases me from my desk. Twenty hours until he can hold me and this terrible ache in my gut goes away. I take a deep breath, pulling my hands through my hair and yanking it the way Justin does with his own.

Is it bad that I hate this?

My computer dings—an iMessage from Ian.

Ian: Up for another virtual battle to the death?

Me: Sure.

Ian: Pick your poison.

Me: Let’s mix it up tonight. How about Scrabble?

Ian: Are you sure you want to go there? Think of all the tournaments I’ve won.

Me: Hell yes. I’m going to kick your home-schooled ass.

He sends me the link and I toss up my first word—Alone.

Ding

Ian: Lonely?

I bite my lip, not knowing how to respond. Before I can come up with something clever his word pops up on the Scrabble board—Present.

My heart sinks. Here’s this guy posting the word that I wish my own boyfriend could claim.

That he’s present.

One more day.