Perfectly Messy (13 page)

He squeezes back. “We should probably talk about this stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“Will talking about this be weird for you? We’ve only been together a little over three months.”

My stomach flips. It’s only been three months? Wow. Zach and I were together for two. Time passes so quickly when you’re with someone you love. It’s a cruel joke, as I want all the time in the world with him.

“No, we can talk about it.” I pull my sweater closed as I remember his hand briefly touching my chest. “Is there much to talk about though? You told me this summer you want to wait to have sex until you’re married.”

He pauses for a long time, keeping my hand warm in his. “What do you want?”

“You…but,” the butterflies in my stomach crash violently together and I know I have to tell the truth, “not this soon.”

He nods. “Right.”

“So what do you want?”

“Lucy, I had no idea how hard it’d be around you. You just…kryptonite.” He brushes the bangs from my face.

“Wasn’t kryptonite bad for Superman?”

He smiles back. “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t want to be bad for you.”

“Lucy, you will never be bad for me. Ever.”

One of our phones buzzes in the front seat.

“So…what are you saying?” My chest vibrates, wondering if sex is back on the option list. It’d change every kiss and every intention we have when we’re alone together.

“You do crazy things to me, but we need to be smart about it.” He touches my cheek. “I love how confident you feel with me.”

I nod, ignoring another buzzing cell.

“Did you feel that way with Zach?”

The mere mention of his name makes the hairs on my arms stand up. Definitely not. “Zach was a creep. My body knew it.”

“I know, but wasn’t it scary wondering all the time how far he’d go?”

“Yeah,” I admit. There’s no use hiding anything from Justin.

“Okay. Well, I don’t want you to ever feel like that with me.”

“It’s different with you, Justin. I do feel safe.”

“I know. But I love you. And I don’t want to cause you any stress.” He sighs. “We’ll figure this out. But in the meantime, maybe I won’t be taking you to empty parking lots.”

“Justin, this was awesome. I loved it.”

“I know. But it’s me. I just…I don’t trust myself.”

A phone rings again.

“Who is that?”

Justin reaches forwards and grabs his phone. “It’s Jen.” He dials her number. Jen’s sobs pour out the phone. “We’ll be right over. Hang in there. We’ll see you soon.” Justin hangs up.

“What happened?”

“Trish dumped Jen this morning.”

My heart drops through the floor. How could it happen to them? They were perfect for each other. Trish seemed fine last night. If they can break up…

No. I won’t even go there. Today is about Jen.

Justin turns on the ignition.

Time to go be a real friend.

Justin

Lucy taps my arm. “Uh, Justin?” she says, nodding toward my speedometer.

Whoa, twenty miles over the speed limit. “Right, thanks.” I squeeze her hand back as I press the brake. Most guys would be pissed if their girlfriend pointed that out but I can’t handle a ticket on my conscience right now. Plus, she’s right. I’m going way too fast. How can I be upset about that?

“It’s okay. I know you want to get to Jen’s quickly.”

“Yeah, this sucks for her,” I say as I push away the real reason for my heavy foot. It’s not that I don’t want to get to Jen’s, I
do
. It’s that I can’t process what I just did. I wiggle, attempting to hide what’s left of the most amazing make out session ever. The evidence proves that even with a conviction to respect Lucy, I’m weak. Why can’t I keep my shit together? I almost made her say “No.” I pushed her into doubt. What type of guy does that to the girl he loves?

But she does something to me; my brain turns off with the way she pulls her hands through my hair, her tongue on my teeth, the curve of her hips under my palms.

Shit.

I readjust again.
Calm down.
We pass twenty-two trees.
Okay, there.
It’s down. I move one more time, feeling pretty awesome she didn’t notice what was going on.

“You okay? Worried about Jen?”

“Yeah.” She’s so sweet. Thinking I’m that good of a person. This makes my gut drop though. I should be worried about Jen. And I am. How could Trish do this to her? It totally sucks.

“Wedgie?” she asks with a cocked eyebrow.

Her words bust my train of thought off rail. I burst out laughing. “Who says wedgie anymore?”

With her hair now up in a bun, her neck is exposed. A quarter-sized red mark grabs my eye. Holy hell. That’s a hickey. I don’t even remember doing that.

“Is that it, then?” she teases.

“No,” I cough.

“Uh-huh.”

I flip down her mirror, trying to suppress my smile. I should feel horrible about this too. But, in truth, it’s the first hickey I’ve given a girl. I’m kinda proud.

“Take a look at your neck.”

Lucy’s gasp is followed by a swat to my arm. “Justin!”

“Sorry.” I start pulling my hands through my hair, but stop midway. It’s such an odd nervous tick. It needs to stop. She’s examining the mark in the mirror. Crap, it’s huge. And it’s just going to get redder, right? Purple too?

I reach over, touching her arm. “Does it hurt?”

“Nah.” She shuts the mirror. “I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out. Don’t worry about it.”

“You have a game on Monday. How are you going to hide that?”

She smiles. “I was friends with Marissa for a long time. I’ve gotten many How-To-Hide-Hickey makeup tutorials. No biggie.”

Many
tutorials? How many hickeys has she had?

She gets a cockeyed expression on her face, then bursts out in laughter again. “Zach and I kissed, but no hickeys. Don’t worry. This is my first,” she says with a wink.

Her first?
I frickin’ rock!

“I stopped Zach before we got that far,” Lucy clarifies. “With you, I was lost in it all.”

I rub my jaw. “Ditto.”

She doesn’t say anything, just reaches over so we can hold hands again.

“Do you think Jen will be okay?”

I pause, thinking about how strong I know Jen is. Plus, back when we “dated” we spent tons of time alone at the picnic table during her lifeguard breaks, pretending to have “couple time” when really we were just checking out girls. Trish was her first girlfriend. There would be more.

“Long term, Jen will be fine. But right now? I don’t know.” I’ve never seen the fresh side of a breakup before.

“I can’t believe Trish dumped her,” Lucy says through a light breath.

“It’s so out of the blue. They always seemed so cool together.”

Lucy shakes her head. “Jen told me last week she thought Trish may break up with her. That she was pulling away.”

I bite my tongue. Jen should have told me this on the way to class. She used to tell me everything. What’s changed with her?… Or is it me? Maybe when Jen bolted from the car a few weeks ago all pissed off about how little time I was spending with Lucy, she was really talking about herself.

Shit. I did tell Jen I’d see her more after the campaign, but that ended a few weeks ago. I shouldn’t have made her wait. I should have made time for her. No matter how hard I try lately, something slips through the cracks. There never used to be cracks before Dad’s run for governor. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to hold everything together. Jackson could’ve pulled it off. I wish he was here to tell me how. Dad used to be a good example, but he’s taken on too much slime on the political front. He’s missing family dinners and mingling with people he used to have no respect for. I guess their open pocketbooks helped gain his respect again. He better calm down a bit and find himself. If he’s around Paul, he’s a man I don’t know.

I pull up Jen’s driveway and take a deep breath. “You ready?”

“Absolutely.”

***

Jen chokes back another wad of crud. Lucy hands her a Kleenex and whispers, “It’s going to be okay,” while stroking her hair.

“Not ready for a commitment? But we were together…dating! Isn’t that a commitment already?” Jen blows into the tissue as I shift in the chair across from her. I hold my tongue, thankful I’m wiser than Alex would be if he was here and not commenting on the superfluous amount of snot involved in a girl breakdown.

“I know,” Lucy says like a mother.

I reach out and squeeze Jen’s hand. Seriously, I suck at this. I take a deep breath before I throw myself out there. “There will be other girls, Jen,” I offer. More fish. More ice-cream flavors. That sort of thing. Lucy’s eyes pop wide. Uh oh, wrong thing to say. Jen’s chest heaves, followed with a sob of such depth that her ribs rattle.

Crap.

“Trish is it. I don’t want someone else,” she says through her snot-filled sob.

“I know,” Lucy says over and over again, patting her arm. “This sucks. I’m sorry this hurts so much.” Her words are like a blanket. I lean back, letting Lucy be the leader here. I’m out of my element. She nods to the place next to me, where Jen’s legs rest.

Right. I can do that.

I slide onto the couch, lifting Jen’s legs on my lap. I put my hands on her calves and Jen’s full-body sobs seem to lessen with my touch. Okay, this I’m used to. My hands know Jen. Not like sexually, but in a “hold me, protect me” way. I can do that.

Jen’s voice cracks. “She didn’t want to go with me to the winter formal. I told her we didn’t have to go. We didn’t have to come out together in that way. But finally she confessed it wasn’t that.” She takes a deep breath. “She loves me, but I’m just not her type.”

“Not her type? What the hell is wrong with her? Jen, you’re a total babe. Funny, smart, and killer hot.” The words fly out of my mouth. My hand flies over it, realizing that that confession may not be totally cool with Lucy.

But Lucy smiles at me and mouths, “Keep going.”

Okay. I take a deep breath. “Everything about you is awesome, Jen. Trish is crazy.”

Jen wipes the tears from her eyes. “You’re just saying that.”

“No,” I cough, remembering the first time I saw her from across the cafeteria. “I’m telling the truth.” I squeeze her calf lightly. “You know that. Come on, I followed you around like a puppy our freshman year, remember? Begging you to date me.”

She cracks a smile and my gut relaxes. “It took me a full year to say yes.”

Okay. This is working. I look to Lucy. How much does she want me to share?

Lucy nods for me to continue.

Okay then…

“You were gorgeous, kind, and composed. Still are. You’re one of the smartest girls I know, but you never shove it in anyone’s face.”

“I am?” She cocks her head to look at me.

“You know you are.”

“But you’re a guy.”

As if that totally discredits my ability to tell if she’s beautiful?

“I look at girls all the time. I know what I’m talking about.” Lucy tosses me a look. Okay, that might’ve been too far.

She turns Jen’s head up towards her, taking over. “Don’t worry. You’re totally hot to girls too. The most beautiful girl in school, no doubt. I’d be lining up to date you if, well…”

“You didn’t like dicks so much.” Jen forces out a laugh.

Lucy tosses her hand over her mouth as she chortles. “Right. That’s it.”

“Sorry, I’m all vag,” Jen says back with a slight shrug.

“Whoa!” I say. “You guys talk like
that
?”

Jen ignores me, instead swinging her legs off my lap and sitting up. “Okay. I can handle this.”

That’s all it took? A funny joke? I was expecting this to take hours. That wasn’t so bad.

“I can do this,” Jen says with that intense look of concentration she has before an exam. Her eyebrows are slightly turned in as she bites the corner of her lip. “Right. First thing on the list. Return the winter formal dress.” Jen storms from the room, getting right to her agenda.

How did she just swing from heartbreak to moving on so quickly?

“That was easier than I thought,” I whispered to Lucy.

“
This
is only beginning. Hold up.”

“No, really. I know Jen, I think she’s fine. Once she’s concentrated on a to-do list, she’s set.”

She shakes her head, tracing a circle on my palm. “I know heartbreak. We’ve only hit the surface here. Trust me.”

“You know heartbreak?” Did she love Zach?

“It was a different type of heartbreak. Leaving basketball destroyed me.”

I squeeze her hand. We don’t talk about what happens on the court much. I’ve rarely seen her play. And when I do? My brain launches into must-make-out mode the moment she steps off the court.

And here I thought I was an in-tune boyfriend. I’m failing in every aspect.

“Are you glad you’re playing again?”

“Yup. Every time I’m back on the court, I feel like I’m flying. I’m very happy there.”

“How’s everything with Coach T?”

“He’s still a total jerk.” Of course. Why would that suddenly change?

Jen walks in then, dragging a big purple bag. “Here we go. Ready for the mall?”

Lucy folds her hands in her lap, just waiting. This is girl code for something. I hold my breath, not daring to move.